I See You

Chapter 2

Amanda sank down in her desk chair and sighed. She was getting bigger by the day, or so it seemed and felt like to her, and her back was taking most of the strain. Two weeks had passed since her boss had seen her at her most vulnerable state. Nothing had been said about it, they had just carried on as usual, cases, interrogations, paperwork and questionings. Keeping things normal and strictly professional helped Amanda cope and feel less embarrassed about her minor breakdown. She didn't want anything to change, even though she knew that everything already had. Carrying on as usual and not amitting to change or saying it out loud made it not real and tolerable. Just get through the day and prepare for the next.

Olivia knew Rollins defense mechanism and it was obvious to her that Amanda was not fine and, in fact, not coping at all. Bringing it up in a conversation would only result in Amanda shutting down and completely deny it. It was a tough situation and Liv found herself unsure of how to handle it and how to proceed. She was usually good in most emotional situations but when it comes to a coworker and someone you see and talk to everyday made it frustratingly annoying and difficult. Olivia didn't even know who the father of Amanda's baby was and she doubted that anyone else knew.

Benson watched from her office window how the blonde tiredly rubbed her hand across her big belly and shifted in her chair to get comfortable. She had to break the news to Amanda about strictly going on desk duty and knew that the blonde would not be happy about it. If there was anyone in Olivia's squad that hated paperwork the most, it was Amanda. The blonde liked to be out and about, being active, going places and a very hands on kind of girl. Being stuck in front of a desk for hours on end was something that Olivia knew she would absolutely despise. Even so, she had to think about what would be best for Amanda and the baby and also go by the book. Amanda was in no fit state to be running after perps along the busy streets of Manhattan.

It felt like she was preparing for battle. Knowing the blonde would lash out and try every little trick she had up her sleeves to defend herself and avoid desk duty, Liv was determined not to back down. She stood up, crossed the room and popped her head out. "Rollins, my office please." her voice was calm and professional.

As the blonde slowly stood up she threw Fin a glance, raising her eyebrows in a questioning manner. Her partner frowned and shrugged his shoulders, telling her that he hadn't a clue what Liv wanted to talk about.

As she entered her sergeant's office her hands began to sweat and shake. She quickly placed her thumbs into the belt loops of her maternity jeans to stop them from trembling. "What's up, sarge?" she asked in a strong voice that even surprised herself.

Liv unconsciously placed a hand on Amanda's lowed back and guided her towards her desk. "Why don't you sit down. You've been on your feet way too long."

When Liv wasn't looking Amanda frowned thinking why Olivia cared all of a sudden. Why would she care about how many hours she spent on her feet? Sitting down was not a good idea in Amanda's head. Sitting down usually ment a delicate subject was about to reveal itself and sitting down also ment that it would take you longer to flee the room if you had to. The blonde stayed close to the door, pacing slightly. "I'm fine sarge. I rather stand. So what can I... do for you, sargeant?"

Already Liv could tell this was going to be difficult. Not getting Amanda to sit down was a bad start and she thought that bringing her in to her office was all a mistake but she knew that this could not wait until later. Just get it over and done with.

"Actually Amanda, I'd prefer if you sit down, please." she spoke softly, sat down on her own chair and gestured for the blonde to take the seat across the desk. Reluctant and almost feeling sick to her stomach from nerves she had no choice but to plunk herself down onto the uncomfortable chair, eye contact desperately kept to a bare minimum. "How are you feeling, Amanda?" Liv asked.

It was a simple question that held so many answers. How did she feel? What was she suppose to feel? Did it matter? What was this all about? Her stomach clenched tightly and her heart began to beat profusely. "I... I'm fine sarge. May I ask what this is about?"

Smiling comfortingly Liv leaned back against the backrest. "Of course. Um, first I want to point out that you're a great addition to the team and you have been ever since you started. You're a hard worker and you're always very proffesional. There's no denying that you're getting bigger and the physical strain that comes with this job sometimes is not good for anyone in your condition. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to put you on desk duty." before the blonde got a chance to speak, Olivia continued, "its of course only temporary. After the baby is born and, when you're ready, you can of course go back to... kick bad guy's asses." she tried to lighten the mood a bit knowing Amanda was about to lose the plot.

To Olivia's surprise the young blonde didn't object, in fact, she seemed to appear very calm and collected about it. The brunette raised her eyebrows in confusion, the corner of her mouth drawing a smile. "You seem to take it better than I expected. As I said, it's just temporary and I want and need you back on the field when you're ready."

Amanda knew this conversation was bound to happen, she was just a little surprised at how long Liv had waited to bring it up and finally address it. The blonde had never been good with one on one conversations with higher authority members and started to feel trapped, small and anxious, like she had to get out really quick and escape the situation and the feeling. She just simply nodded and placed her hands on the armrests to push herself up but stopped. "Is that all, sargeant?" Amanda asked in a monotone voice, still not making eye contact.

Olivia could see how uncomfortable the blonde was and decided not to keep her any longer than necessary. "That's all." the brunette stated softly. "Thanks for coming in and, Amanda..." she waited until the blonde detective looked her in the eye, even though it was only for a second, before she decided to add to her sentence, "let me know if there's anything you need, okay?"

Amanda pushed herself off the chair, gave Liv a barely noticeable nod and almost ran out the door as if she was running from the plague. Left in the office was a very confused and slightly concerned Olivia. Things had turned out easy, almost too easy. So easy that it worried the high ranking detective. Something was definitely up with Amanda, she just didn't know what and knew that the blonde herself would never bring it up or talk about it out of own free will.

Leaning back in her office chair she placed her hands at the back of her head and stretched, her mind racing and houghts tumbling as to why Amanda's sudden change in mood and why accepting something without a fight that previously would've been unacceptable. Liv was indeed confused.

A new case came in, taking up all the time the detective's had on their hands. A woman, raped and beaten by her boyfriend Josh, who was still on the run, was now missing. The only suspect was Josh and by finding him they would hopefully find Emily too or vice versa. Fin, Carisi and Dodds were out interviewing family and friends, following leads and trying to locate his whereabouts. Rollins, however, was stuck behind her desk, filing paperwork, making phone calls to the DA's office and going through DD5's.

Her head popped up, startled when a take away cup was placed in front of her on her desk. "I got you a cup of chamomile tea, it's good." Olivia had her own paper cup in her left hand, probably containing delicious coffee that Amanda tried to stay away from during her pregnancy. Her blue eyes met brown with a cautious stare and an unsure look on her face.

"Um, thanks." the blonde slowly placed her hands around the cup feeling the warmth penetrate her fingers and palms heating up her cold hands. She was surprised and somewhat suspicious of her sergeant's suddenly change in behavior towards her. Never had Olivia gotten her a cup of anything before, unless she got coffee for everybody else as well, but never for just Amanda alone.

Liv took a sip of her hot liquid. "So, how are you feeling these days?" the brunette asked gently, trying to ease Amanda in to open up to her a little bit.

The blonde rolled the cup back and forth between her palms, desperately needing something to focus on and to avoid eye contact. "Big." she finally said with a small chuckle.

Liv smiled and tilted her head to the side. "Yeah well, that's to be expected." there was a slight pause. "Do you know the sex of the baby?"

Amanda was extremely uncomfortable. She didn't understand why her boss was suddenly so interested in her well-being or her baby. Was she trying to make friends? Make up for past mistakes or make a mence for her previously unwelcoming manners or maybe she just felt sorry for the blonde? Amanda hoped it wasn't the later one. She wanted no pity, needed no pity or felt pity for herself. Pity would get you nowhere.

"No... um, I don't. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it's healthy right?" she tried to make conversation but found it really hard when all she could think about was why her boss was acting so... weird and friendly.

Giving Amanda a huge smile she placed her right hand on the blonde's shoulder and gave it a firm tug. "Absolutely." Liv said and let go of the physical contact. "Don't work too hard. Go easy on yourself Amanda." and with that she stood up and headed towards her office.

Amanda frowned and watched as her boss closed her office door. A strange feeling of confusion mixed with appreciation and curiosity washed over her. She did appreciate Liv's effort by bying her a cup of tea and trying to make her more at ease by offering small talk and kind gestures, but to Amanda it didn't sit quite right and it made her fidgety and stressed.

Amanda leaned back and sipped her hot beverage, while trying to sort out her thoughts. She almost jumped out of her seat when her phone rang. "Rollins." she was quick answering. She listened and kept quiet for a few seconds before making a decision which she knew was gonna get her in trouble. "I'm on my way." she grabbed her jacket, phone and keys hoping that she was quick enough to get out before Liv could stop her.