Aftermath, Chapter 7 – All in a Day
I do not own all of these characters. Dr. Eden is mine, but the rest belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.
Arizona arrived for work no later or earlier than usual. She was slightly nervous about Lauren being back. As far as she knew, Alex hadn't told anyone about the affair, nor did Callie, but the fact that she and Callie were separated was common knowledge and the way Callie vehemently argued against Lauren's return might have been enough for Meredith, Derrick, Cristina, and Jackson to connect the dots.
Before making rounds, Arizona decided to touch base with Callie. She wanted to start the day off on a positive note, if possible. She checked the board and saw that Callie had two back-to-back surgeries scheduled. If she were going to speak with her, she'd need to catch her before she scrubbed in. She quickly changed and headed to Ortho.
Arizona was glad to find Callie at the main desk and disappointed to see her abruptly make an exit the moment their eyes met. She considered going after her, then thought better of it. The last things she wanted was to have a heated discussion before her day even began. "Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that Callie didn't want to talk," she told herself, then made her way back to Peds.
Lauren arrived at Grey Sloan Memorial a few minutes before her meeting with Dr. Avery. She had just enough time to pick up a coffee from the vender where she and Arizona met and quickly go over her notes involving the Bryson baby. She'd seen one Treacher Collins Syndrome case in her career. It was an extremely complicated reconstructive surgery, but nothing near the level Dr. Avery presented. She worried that even with the correct placement of synthetics; the likelihood of the infant's skull increasing in size over the next several years was great. If the new bones weren't sized correctly, severe complications would likely occur. The prudent approach would be to hold off on the surgery.
Dr. Avery was genuinely happy to see Dr. Boswell. He'd learned a great deal from her about craniofacial repairs during her last visit and hoped he would have the chance to learn even more in the future. He'd strategized a way for her to be more actively involved with Grey Sloan Memorial and planned on scheduling a meeting to inquire about her availability over the next six months. If she were interested and available, he'd make a formal proposal to the board.
"Hey there, Dr. Avery," Lauren said from the entryway of his office.
"Hey, Dr. Boswell. It's great to see you again. Come in. How was your flight?"
"Great, thanks. I'm happy to be back," Lauren said as she let her bag drop from her shoulder and slid into an open seat.
"We're happy to have you back," Dr. Avery said smiling.
Lauren liked hearing the "we" in his sentence, though she wondered how true a statement it actually was. Surely Dr. Torres was not happy to have her back. She'd thought a lot about how she might feel and was prepared for whatever came her way. She promised herself that should Dr. Torres confront her, she would remain calm, and if the opportunity presented, she would apologize for her part in what happened. Noticing her distraction, Lauren put thoughts of Dr. Torres aside and focused. "So, Treacher Collins?"
"Yeah, can you believe it?"
"Barely; it's amazing, considering only 1 in 50,000 children are born affected."
"And you've seen one already?"
"Yeah, a few years ago. I wasn't the lead surgeon, but I was along every second of the way and helped make the calculations."
"We've got a top of the line program to simulate bone growth, and I'm fairly confident it will be accurate, but you just never know, right? I'm so glad you're willing to help. There's no way I would even consider it on my own."
Lauren smiled. She liked Dr. Avery. She could tell he was going to do great things with his career. He wasn't egotistical or afraid to reach out. "How about we start by going over the scans and then run a few preliminary calculations?"
"Absolutely," Dr. Avery said, revealing genuine excitement. For a second time since they met, he felt in awe. Dr. Boswell reminded him of Dr. Sloan. Like Mark, she was an exceptional surgeon, extremely driven, willing to share information and very likable.
Arizona finished morning rounds and checked the clock. She had just enough time to visit with Sofia before meeting with the mom of a teenage girl who had a badly damaged spleen. She looked forward to gathering Sofia into her arms and playing building blocks. She set out in search of her daughter. When she didn't find her in the playroom, she wondered if she was down for a nap. She crept into the resting area and when she didn't find her there, felt instantly concerned. She consulted staff and learned Sofia had not been brought in that day. A mixture of confusion and fear coursed through her veins. She couldn't make sense of why Callie was at the hospital and not Sofia? Without a second's hesitation, she went in search of her daughter's other mother.
Dr. Avery and Lauren had spent the entire morning pouring over x-rays and making calculations. There was still much to analyze before a decision could be made. They opted to work through lunch. The more they discussed, the more apprehension Lauren had. "Calculations were helpful in many settings, but the human body is far from predictable," she said.
Dr. Avery nodded in agreement. He sensed Dr. Boswell's hesitation.
"Why don't you go over the calculations one more time and I'll take another look at the scans and we can meet back at your office in a little while," Lauren offered. She wanted to give him time to think. Great teachers recognize when it is better for the student to think they came up with the answer on their own.
Callie's first surgery went off without a hitch. Her second, however, looked much more complicated. She decided to run another set of scans before scrubbing in. Something just didn't feel right, though she wasn't sure what it was. She remembered a similar case from earlier that year and went to her office to review past records. She would compare the new scans with the previous and look for similarities. She was in her office less than a minute when Arizona burst in.
"Where is Sofia?" she demanded.
Here we go, Callie thought to herself. She was prepared for the conversation and knew exactly how she would answer. "I took her to the daycare on Spring Street. She likes it there and made friends with a little girl named Graciela. She and Sofia are the same age and I think it's good for them to be around each other."
"So you just decided to switch daycare without talking it over with me first?" Arizona replied in a tone packed with anger.
Callie held eye contact and said nothing.
Arizona searched Callie's fierce dark pools for an answer. What she found ignited a menacing pain that spread throughout her chest; one that was made worse by a vociferous heartbeat sounding off in her head. She was moments away from a full-fledged panic attack, and knew it. She'd had two since the crash and both had started the exact same way. She felt helpless and trapped and needed to leave the situation, immediately. Without a word, she stormed out of Callie's office and made her way to the nearest stairwell. She stepped in and pressed her back against the heavy steel door. It felt good to have something solid between her and Callie. She focused on her breathing and surrendered to the tears.
Callie watched Arizona bolt. She sighed and immediately felt horrible about their exchange. She thought about going after her, but didn't know what she would say. If she'd learned anything from couple's therapy it was that since the plane crash she and Arizona had no idea how to communicate their true feelings. She felt sadness overcome her and sighed. She didn't have time to be upset, she needed to go over the scans and get to surgery.
Lauren stared at the images on the screen. She'd spent the entire morning analyzing the approach from Dr. Avery's vantage point, now she was going to examine it from her own. Dr. Avery's position made sense, though it was based purely on calculations and did not factor in human nature. She'd been around long enough now to know that no matter how well established a pattern, or high-tech the equipment, the human body was unpredictable. She was about to leave and inform Dr. Avery of her decision when Callie walked in.
Neither woman said anything at first. They just stood there, frozen, staring at one another. The tension in the room was palpable.
Callie finally cut through it with a harsh tone that sounded as intense as intended. "Are you going to be much longer?"
"I'm done actually," Lauren replied and shut down the screen.
Callie walked toward her and placed a thumb-drive in an external slot.
Lauren made room and took a deep breath. She hoped that what she was about to say would make things better, not worse. "Dr. Torres, I'm sorry for what happened…"
"No!" Callie said brusquely cutting her off mid-sentence. "Here's the thing, you don't get to come back here, lay on your Southern charm, and make everything okay with an apology. What you did was wrong, on so many levels. You disrespect me and took advantage of Arizona's vulnerability."
"What?" Lauren said absolutely appalled. "You can't be serious! I took advantage of no one!"
"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, but it will never be true." Callie said staring Lauren down. "You'll always be the person who saw a weakness and moved in without giving a shit about who you hurt and what you destroyed!"
Lauren felt anger rise from her core. She told herself to stay calm, but couldn't stop herself from saying, "You know what, Dr. Torres? There's a huge difference between you and I. You see Arizona as vulnerable and I do not."
"How can you say that? You don't even know her!" Callie said, voice cracking as she did. "Arizona survived a near death plane crash and is clearly suffering PTSD. You don't think that makes her vulnerable?" she demanded.
"I think PTSD can have an impact on how a person reacts to the world around them, but I do not think that what happened between Arizona and I was the result of plane-crash trauma, if anything our connection was a reprieve from all that." Lauren said decisively, knowing she was dangerously close to the line.
Callie felt beside herself with rage. She knew that there was a grain of truth in what was just said, but her anger overruled her ability to accept it as fact. She needed to get as far away from the woman who had no qualms about sleeping with someone else's wife as possible. She turned on her heels, slammed the door open wide with both hands and stormed out.
Lauren stood motionless. She closed her eyes and felt guilt wash over her entire being. She thought she'd already worked through the self-doubt, but seeing Dr. Torres brought it all back. She imagined what it was like for her to lose Arizona and felt genuine empathy.
Arizona had taken a seat on the top stair. She liked the feeling of a high ceiling above her and appreciated the sturdiness of the thick concrete below. She self-regulated and felt calm. She decided she would discuss daycare arrangements with Callie, but not today. She would wait until she felt stronger. She also made a decision to hire an attorney who specialized in same-gender divorce and child custody.
After a few more minutes of mindful breathing, Arizona pulled herself up to a standing position and stepped back into the hallway. The instant she did, she saw Callie burst out of X-Ray. She wasn't ready to face her again and stepped back just in time to not be seen. She walked down one flight of stairs and took the long way to Peds.
Lauren made her way back to Dr. Avery's office. With every step, she cleared her head of what had just happened. Once seated, she explained why she wasn't going to perform the surgery. She was pleasantly surprised by how well he understood her perspective. She decided she really like working with him and let him know that he could consult with her at anytime in the future.
Dr. Avery thanked Lauren and asked about her availability over the next six months. Pleased with her answer, he invited her to a follow up meeting in the morning to discuss options. She agreed and packed her things to go. She considered stopping by Peds to see if Arizona was free, but decided not to. She was still pretty shaken by her interaction with Dr. Torres and wasn't willing to take a chance on seeing her again. She decided she would text Arizona later that afternoon.
After a long emotional meeting with her spleen patient's mother, Arizona went back to her office, shut the door, and closed her eyes. She knew Callie was exercising her power and needed to be prepared for similar scenarios in the future. She sighed loudly and realized she just didn't have it in her to make afternoon rounds. She called Alex and asked him to come in early.
Once back at her hotel, Lauren changed into her running clothes. She wanted to feel her feet hit the ground and hoped to push her body to the point of exhaustions. She checked the time and the sky. It was middle afternoon and Arizona would likely work a few hours more; the sky, however was quickly filling with rain clouds. She knew if she were going to run outdoors, she'd need to leave, as soon as possible.
Arizona left the hospital, but had no desire to go home. She'd hoped Dr. Avery would have invited her into his meeting with Lauren and was disappointed he hadn't. She'd called just before she left and learned that Lauren had already gone for the day. Even though she and Lauren hadn't made formal plans to see each other again before she left, she knew in her bones that they would. She sent a text inviting her to dinner. As she did, she heard Dr. Eden's voice surface in her mind. "You're recovering from an extremely traumatic experience, Arizona. It's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by your feelings, nor is it realistic that you can stop them once they arise. It takes far less energy to simply acknowledge them and give them a place in this world."
Arizona considered the interaction she had with Callie earlier and what kind of affect it had. She didn't want to bring any negative energy into an evening with Lauren and decided to go to a nearby park to clear her head. She'd wait for Lauren's returned text there.
Less than a mile in, Lauren began to feel better. Running helped integrate her body and mind, enabling her to think more clearly. She took in the many gorgeous views and decided she liked Seattle. It was minus the sunshine and warmth of the South, but it had a certain charm. She chose to run toward the Bay and hoped to stay ahead of the pending storm.
Arizona sat in the park for nearly an hour. She thought over her day and how difficult it was. She gave herself credit for how well she handled the panic attack and felt like she was getting in touch with her inner feelings. The past few years of suppressing them hadn't worked. She knew this now. She thought about how easy it was with Lauren and how from day one, Lauren was clear about what she wanted and how she felt. She really liked that about her. She wanted to tell her as much and wondered why she hadn't returned her text. Suddenly, insecurity surfaced. She countered it with romantic notions. Rather than fighting the impulse to drop by Lauren's hotel, she surrendered to it.
Lauren picked up speed as the sky above her turned dark. She was still a few miles from the hotel when the rain came down in earnest. The pellets were cold, but had a soothing effect on her skin. She imagined being washed clean of her day.
Arizona made it to the hotel just before the downpour. The lobby was filled with people waiting for cabs. She called the hospital and asked to speak with the administrative staff who arranged travel for guest surgeons. She learned that the hospital had two rooms booked at this point and that both were on the fourth floor. She took the elevator and knocked on the door registered to Dr. Lauren Boswell. No answer. She decided to wait and relaxed her tired body into an oversized chair at the end of the hall.
By the time Lauren made it back, she was soaking wet, from head to toe. Seeing a large number of people standing about, she opted for the stairs. The first thing she saw when she reached her floor was Arizona. She felt her stomach drop and couldn't stop herself from smiling. She adored the way Arizona took initiative and showed up unannounced.
Arizona returned Lauren's smile and lifted her weary frame. "Hi," she said softly. I hope its okay that I came by. I texted you, but you didn't reply. I mean why would you, right? Obviously, you went for a run, and, clearly you don't have a place for a phone." She knew she was rambling and felt her face flush. She took a deep breath and said, "Anyway, I hope it's okay and not too forward of me."
Lauren loved the way Arizona rambled on when she was nervous. "I'm glad you're here," she said softly and touched her arm, emphasizing her words. "I was hoping we would see each other tonight. Come on in." she said throatily and led the way. After swiping the keycard, she opened the door and stepped back, letting Arizona enter first. Before following her, she stepped out of her wet shoes and peeled off her anklets.
Arizona leaned against the back of the couch and said, "It's nice to see you."
It's nice to see you too, Lauren said smiling. She took in the view of the gorgeous woman before her. Everything about Arizona appealed to her senses. A voice in her warned her of two things: Arizona's request to take things slow and how easy it would be to fall head-over-heels in love with her.
"How did it go with Dr. Avery?" Arizona asked.
Lauren was about to respond, but felt a chill. She hooked her fingers in the hem of her cold wet running shirt and lifted it over her head, leaving her in nothing but a pair of running shorts and a sports bra.
Arizona's breath hitched at the site of Lauren's well defined stomach, shoulders and arms.
Lauren caught the way Arizona looked at her and couldn't help but tease, "Hey, you can't devour me with your eyes like that and expect me uphold my end of the bargain to take things slowly."
Arizona felt blood rush to her face. "I'm sorry. It's just that. I mean, you're so beautiful and you have such an amazing body, and to be honest, this taking things slow is proving to be harder than I thought."
Lauren was deeply moved by Arizona's confession. She felt heat rise throughout her body and said in a low husky voice, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I appreciate the honesty, though. It's good to know I'm not the only one having a difficult time."
Arizona nodded slowly, acknowledging the shared experience.
Lauren had to work hard to tear herself away from the intimacy of the moment. Reluctantly she said, "I'm going to grab a shower and then we can make a plan for later, okay?"
"Uh hmm," Arizona rasped, making a point of not staring at Lauren's backside as she walked into the bedroom. She did not permit herself the fantasy of following behind her. Nor did she imagine kissing her gorgeous mouth, neck, collar bones, breasts, and stomach. Instead, she busied herself with the hotel TO GO menu. She knew she was taking liberties by making a dinner decision and planned to use the excuse that Lauren would need to refuel from her run, sooner rather than later. She wanted to spend quality time with Lauren before she left and didn't like the idea of outside interference from wait staff and bartenders, ticket takers and cab drivers. She ended up choosing a nearby Thai Restaurant and ordered a variety of foods she hoped Lauren would enjoy. She also called down to the concierge and ordered a bottle of wine from the hotel bar.
Lauren felt the hot water warm her skin. She was physically affected by the way Arizona had hungrily moved her gorgeous blue eyes over her body and knew her id would demand release. If she were alone, she would have touched herself and recalled the sensation of Arizona's soft skin pressed against her own. She wasn't alone, however, and drove her id into submission by dropping the water temperature to cool.
Within minutes, the wine arrived. Arizona paid in cash, tipped handsomely, and looked around for glasses. She felt assertive in her decision to order take-out and decided she liked this side of herself.
Lauren emerged from the bedroom wearing casual, loose fitting clothing. She figured she could change into something nicer, if need be. She was pleasantly surprised when Arizona handed her a glass of wine and said, "I made an executive decision and ordered dinner in. I hope you don't mind."
"I don't mind at all," Lauren answered truthfully. The last thing she wanted was to share Arizona with others. She thought over Arizona's choice of words. Arizona was an executive, and by all rights could make executive decisions.
The storm let up and it was nice enough to dine on the balcony. The food, wine and conversation were amazing. Arizona did endure a slight preoccupation of thoughts, however. She considered telling Lauren about what happened with Sofia, but didn't want to introduce an emotional heaviness to their evening.
Lauren knew she needed to tell Arizona about her run in with Dr. Torres. She waited for the right moment and quietly said, "I had a brief, but intense conversation with Callie today."
"You did?" Arizona said, her face showing obvious concern. She remembered seeing Callie storm out of X-ray and wondered whether that was after the conversation took place.
"Unfortunately, it didn't go well." Lauren said softly.
"No?" Arizona said searching her features for more information.
"No. I mean, I feel like I said what I wanted to say, but she's incredibly angry, and rightfully so." Lauren thought long and hard before adding, "She accused me of taking advantage of you."
"Advantage! Advantage, how!" Arizona demanded.
Lauren shook her head from side to side and said, "It really doesn't matter. You and I both know the truth."
Arizona felt her chest constrict. "No, not now!" She told herself. "Not now."
Lauren noticed the color rush from Arizona's face. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked gently.
Arizona couldn't look at Lauren. She nodded, feigning she was okay, but she wasn't. For the second time that day, she felt like she was on the brink of a full-fledged panic attack.
Lauren lightly ran her thumb over the top of Arizona's hand and gave her time. She sensed Arizona was upset about something other than her conversation with Dr. Torres.
Arizona felt tears roll down her face. She gently pulled her hand from Lauren's and brought her palms to her eyes. Feeling the chest pain increase, she pulled her thigh to her breasts, wrapped her arms around her calve, and rested her head on her knee.
Lauren wasn't sure what to do. She'd never seen Arizona like this. She wanted to reach out and hold her, but wasn't sure physical touch was appropriate in the moment. She placed her hand on the edge of Arizona's chair and whispered, "I'm here if you need me."
Arizona let several minutes go by. She focused on her breath and told herself she was safe, and knew she was.
Lauren didn't move. She just sat there and consciously focused her thoughts on Arizona and what she might need to feel better.
Arizona felt deeply grateful for Lauren's comforting presence. Without hesitation she got to her feet, extended her hand, and led the way to the couch. She motioned for Lauren to sit then poured herself into her arms.
Lauren immediately stroked Arizona's hair with one hand and lightly massaged her shoulder with the other. She wished she could do more to ease the pain and whispered, "Is there anything I can do?"
Arizona heard the words and felt relief surge through her entire being. She looked into Lauren's eyes and made a conscious decision to let go. "I'm worried Callie is going to take Sofia away from me. I'm so worried that I'm experiencing incredible panic."
The doctor in Lauren was immediately concerned, while the woman in her recognized the fear in Arizona's voice. "Come here," she said and pulled Arizona to her chest and kissed the top of her head. She held her there for a very long time, caressing the side of her face, and running her fingers though her hair. She contemplated the many things she could say and settled on, "I'm so sorry you're going through this. You deserve better. It will take time, but things will get easier. Panic attacks are often a way for the body to process and release fear. They're not always a bad thing."
Arizona contemplated Lauren's words. She let them resound in her head, over and over. A flicker of hope surfaced within her and she knew confiding in Lauren was the right thing to do.
The two women held each other for hours and watched through the balcony glass as the city fell asleep around them. After a time, Arizona's leg began to ache and she shifted in search of relief.
Lauren detected Arizona's discomfort and whispered, "Let's go to bed."