I See You

Chapter 8

Olivia exited her car, grabbed the brown paper bag of Chinese take away and headed towards Amanda's room. It was dark and chilly in the air. The ground was wet, her feet making splashing noises as Liv picked up her speed trying to get away from the cold.

She made her way down the corridor, flashed a few smiles to nurses and doctors she had met numerous times before, unfortunately during horrible circumstances. Reaching the blonde's room she knocked on the door, that was already slightly open, and stepped inside.

Her heart stopped for a fraction of a second as she saw rhe empty bed in front of her, a nurse getting ready to set up the heart monitor for the next patient. "Excuse me?!" Liv said with chock and concern on her face. "Where's Amanda Rollins?" the nurse looked confused. "The blonde pregnant woman who was staying in this room? Where is she?" she demanded.

The nurse shrugged. "Her doctor discharged her a few hours ago. Well... I think she kind of discharged herself AMA. Seemed very adamant to get out of here."

Liv barely heard to the last words that were spoken as she turned and almost ran back outside and into her car. "Damn Amanda. Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

She found herself stepping on the accelerator more than usual and almost broke several speed limits before she finally came to her senses. Amanda was probably fine. Why was she so worried about the blonde? She was an adult after all and allowed to make her own decisions. Still, there was something that didn't feel right to the brunette and the urge to get to her friend was almost overwhelming.

At last she pulled up in front of Amanda's apartment building and quickly got out, food in hand. It was raining slighty but enough to get Olivia's hair and coat damp. She didn't bother to wait for the elevator and instead took the stairs to the forth floor and rang the doorbell as she tried to shake off the excess water. She could hear shuffling from behind the door before it fully opened. A confused and tired looking blonde stood in her pyjamas and robe looking at her boss like she had three heads.

"Liv! What... um, what are you doing here?" she asked and winched at the pain in her side. Her shoulder was sore but bearable thanks to the pain killers she was given. Too bad they didn't have the same affect on her side but she was greatful that it at least took the edge off.

"I went to the hospital and you weren't there. They said you discharged yourself against medical advice. I got worried and wanted to make sure you're okay." she said in a rush, still slightly breathless from all the stairs she just climbed. she held the bag out, "I brought dinner!"

Amanda instantly felt guilty for worrying Olivia and for having her driving all the way to her place. "You didn't have to do that. Shouldn't do that." she corrected, "I'm fine... really."

"Amanda," Liv said softly and gently pushed her way inside, not wanting to hear any excuses or lies. "You're not fine. You can barely walk straight and I can see that you're in pain. You should be at the hospital where they can keep an eye on you and give you the care that you need. Why did you leave?" Olivia wasn't mad, she just wanted some answers as to why she left so abruptly without telling anyone.

Sighing, Amanda stepped aside and let Liv fully in to her apartment, not wanting to be rude. "I don't need to be in a hospital. Its just a dislocated shoulder and a flesh wound, nothing serious. I've had worse." she bagan walking towards the sittingroom and sat down on a high stool since the sofa was too low down for her to get up and down on.

"Still," Liv chipped in, "I'd prefer if you had stayed where there are people to look after you. What about the baby? You say you're fine but what if the baby isn't?"

Amanda watched Liv's worried face as she took a step closer to where she was sitting. "The baby is fine, sarge. You were there yourself when they examined me. There's nothing to worry about so neither should you."

Olivia sighed. She didn't know what to say or do to talk some sense into the blonde but she knew she would be waisting her breath. Holding the paper bag out for Amanda to see, she raised her eyebrows, "Dinner?"

The chinese was consumed in thirty minutes with some light conversation and a few laughs. They had never spent time together outside of the precinct before. It was always business and strictly professional between the two but they were both pleasantly surprised by how well they got along. Amanda was relieved and greatful that her boss was so outspoken and comfortable enough to talk a bit about her private life and things that had happened in her past, so she didn't have to. Amanda however shared very little about herself and only answering questions when asked.

Olivia thought that if she opened up, then Amanda would feel more at ease and maybe share something about herself but she had been wrong and it made her sad and worried at the same time. Trust was obviously not Amanda's thing.

It was getting late and Liv reluctantly began to get her things together. Lucy, her babysitter, was once again working overtime. "I've got to get home to Noah." she stated as she slid her now dry coat on. "I know that you're not gonna like this idea but I'm gonna throw it out there anyways," Amanda frowned as Liv continued, "you're more than welcome to stay at my place until you feel better. Just until you can move around more easily."

She was right. Amanda immediately shook her head but managed to smile weakly. "You're right, I don't like it." she said, trying to make a joke out of it, brushing the seriousness away as a defense mechanism.

Liv pursed her lips and thought for a second. "Will you at least think about it?" she finally asked, hopefull.

"I'll let you know in a couple of days." the blonde answered with a grin.

Now it was Olivia's turn to frown. "But... in a couple of days you'll feel better anyway?" it was more of a statement than a question.

"Exactly." Amanda mused, proud of getting herself out of the situation.

Liv wouldn't leave until Amanda promised to call if she needed anything, no matter what time it was. She had stiffened up when Liv surprisingly pulled her in for a gentle but awkward hug, due to her injuries. Now, it was like her body was frozen in place as she still could feel those arms around her even though Liv was gone. Her heart had rapidly picked up speed when those strong arms had encircled her. Her smell lingered in the air and Amanda found herself with her eyes closed and a faint smile on her lips as she inhaled the brunette's shampoo deeply. It was a comforting and soothing smell. A smell of fruit or flowers mixed with vanilla and something that Amanda couldn't put her finger on but it didn't matter, the scent was still intoxicating and vibrant, almost like a drug that she craved.

Amanda struggled to keep herself busy. It was hard doing the simplest of tasks with only one hand and a sore side. She knew that Olivia had been right about staying at her place for a while but the thought of giving in to that weakness and dependency was incredibly off-putting. She would never admit to her sargeant that she needed help. Her thoughts were confusing her. One minute she wanted to be next to the brunette, just to feel her presence, and the next minute the thought of Olivia being near her, helping her, seeing how pitiful she really was, scared her.

When situatuons like these occured the blonde would usually take to alcohol. A drink or two would always numb her senses, feelings and emotions. Being pregnant restricted her from doing just that and she didn't know how to cope or keep her mind distracted. It was infuriating, frustrating and at the same time she wanted Olivia here, in her apartment, next to her, feeling those strong arms around her again.

Angrily she kicked her laundry basket and rubbed her good hand over her face, still flinching from the pain that was a constant reminder of what she had done. What had she been thinking? Throwing herself in front of a bullet while being seven months pregnant! Who would do that? What mother would do that to their own child? Who would purposely put their children in harms way?

"God, I'm so stupid!" she whispered to herself, feeling her tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "I can't do this. What was I thinking? I'm not fit to be a mother! What am I doing?" Amanda continued to ramble the same sentences over and over again until she felt herself getting dizzy. Okay, she thought, calm down. You're gonna make yourself pass out. Breath! Just breathe! Closing her eyes she tried to focus on her breathing and found herself calming down slightly. After a few minutes the dizziness passed and she gulped down a glass of cool water, trying to wash away the lump of emotions that had been forming in her throat.

She turned the tv on, hoping to find something interesting to watch to keep her mind of things. To her relief a documentary about tigers was playing on the discovery channel. She had always been facinated and drawn to big cats and especially tigers. She got as comfortable as she could, wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and rubbed her growing belly before turning her full attention towards the tv.

Half an hour later her eyes began to droop. She was just about to turn the tv off when the doorbell rang. Sighing, she slowly got up and looked through the peep hole. It was Fin. Before opening the door she had a quick look in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, her complexion pale and her whole posture looked sumped. She straightened herself up and wiped at her face, making her appearance more presentable.

She swung the door open and plastred a faint smile on her lips. "Fin, what are you doing here?"