I See You
Chapter 17
It had been over an hour. One excruciatingly painful hour of not knowing what was going on. Amanda had cried herself into a drowsy state and could barely keep her red rimmed eyes open. Her body had stopped shaking but she was still cold to the touch so Liv decided to keep the blankets tightly wrapped around her. Fin was determined to stay until Liv said otherwise. He wanted to be there for his partner and Liv understood that and would not tell him to leave unless they got a case. Finally the doctor came through the double doors, looking tired and defeated. They all feared the worst. Liv felt Amanda tense up in her arms and she brought her closer to her own warmth.
"You have a very lucky baby girl, Ms Rollins. She had developed a clot in her left lung which compromised her oxygen levels. It can happen very quickly. She'll be out shortly so you can see her. She's still sedated but should come out of it within the hour."
Everybody let out a sigh of relief. Amanda closed her eyes and felt her body begin to shake once again but not from shock or cold this time. She was experiencing extreme relief and gratitude. Her baby was still alive and fighting. She started to cry once more even though she thought she had no tears left in her.
"There's more good news." the doctor said and offered them all a smile. "Her oxygen level has actually improved. She's still breathing with the help of the machine but hopefully it can be removed sooner rather than later."
Amanda knew she would have collapsed onto the floor if she wasn't already sitting down. Her body just went limp and she could barely keep herself upright, her face went pale and her eyes rolled back. Liv was quick to support her by placing an arm around her shoulders and her hand underneath her chin to keep her head up. Seconds later the blonde vomited down the front of her shirt. The stress finally leaving her body after the traumatic ordeal.
Liv withdrew her hand and placed it on Amanda's forehead instead, gasping at the heat that radiated from her skin. "She's burning up." she quickly stated ad looked at the doctor with concern.
He stepped forward and checked the temperature himself. "It's probably her body reacting to the stress. It's quite common. Its her body's way of handing and coping with the trauma. I'll get her a pair of scrubs she can wear and some Tylenol for the fever. Take her home after that, make sure she eats something and plenty of rest."
Fin had already found a dink dispenser and brought her a cup of cool water. Liv helped her sip it slowly. "I'm... I'm not going... home." Amanda managed to rasp out between small swallows. "I need... to be... here."
Olivia lovingly brushed blond tresses away from her sticky face. "Not a chance, Rollins. I'm taking you home to my place, end of discussion." Amanda was too tired to argue and simply closed her eyes as another wave of nausea hit her. More bile ended up on her shirt and she whimpered in response. "Shhh," Liv soothed and stroked her face, not bothered by the smell or the sight. "You're gonna be okay, sweetheart. Just relax and breath."
The doctor came back with a set of pale blue scrubs and two tablets which Amanda swallowed with the left over water. "There's a bathroom just down the hall where she can change. Bring her in if she gets worse, altough I doubt it."
They thanked him and by the help of the brunette and Fin they managed to support the blonde all the way to the toilet. Fin waited outside as Liv gently pushed Amanda down onto the toilet seat. "I need you to raise your arms for me, honey." normally Amanda would protest and be embarrassed in a situation like this but she was too out of it to care. Liv eased the vomit soaked shirt over her head and tossed it in the bin. "I'll get you a new shirt, okay." she said softly and draped the scrub top over her head and pulled it down. Amanda's stomach was still visibly swollen and she couldn't help but to look at the red fresh scar on her lower belly from the incision.
She felt so sorry for her friend. Her pregnancy had been painful, the delivery had been painful and now she had to deal with the aftermath of the stress and her baby being so sick. How much can a person take? Was this ever going to end? "There's no vomit on your pants so we'll leave them on, okay. Place you arms around my neck and I'll help you up."
Weakly, Amanda reached up and encircled her shaking arms around the older woman's neck and felt herself being lifted. As she got to her feet she tightened the hold and hid her face in Olivia's chest, letting out a shaky breath. Olivia rubbed her back soothingly. "You're gonna be okay, baby. Just let me worry about things." she whispered in a nearby ear, "just let me take care of you." she kissed the blonde head tucked under her chin before pulling away. "Come on, Fin will help us to get to my car."
It took them a few extra minutes to get to Olivia's car because Amanda was so weak. When she was seated she turned towards a worried Fin. "Thanks for everything. Would you mind telling Dodds to hold down the fort for a couple of days? I need to make sure she's okay."
Fin enveloped his boss in a strong hug. "Take as long as you need. Just take care of her and tell her we're all here for her."
"I will, thanks again." she repeated and stepped out of the embrace.
"Oh, and by the way," Fin said, "I'm happy for both of you."
Olivia knew what he meant and just smiled and nodded. "Thanks, Fin. I'll keep you updated."
Amanda rested her burning forehead against the cool glass of the car window. It felt good and comforting. The journey to Liv's place wasn't long but feeling so sick it felt ten time longer. Carefully Olivia helped Amanda out of the car, up the stairs and into her apartment. She was instantly greeted with a big grin from her son and she felt her heart swell with pride at the sight. Lucy came into sight and she also smiled at the toddler's mother. She was just about to ask Olivia about her day when she saw the blonde sickly woman beside her. "What happened?" she asked wearily.
Liv got Amanda to sit down on the couch and explained everything to her babysitter. Amanda would usually object in a scenario like this. She hated when people talked about her in front of her but she was drifting in and out of sleep and didn't really see or hear anything around her. She was emotionally drained.
"As much as it breaks my heart I need you to pack a bag for Noah and take him to uncle Fin down at the precinct for a couple of days. I know he won't mind. He's been bugging me about seeing him for ages. I know I have asked a lot of you the past few days and I promise I'll make it up to you. I just have to make sure Amanda is okay and I don't want Noah to see her like this. It would probably be too upsetting for him."
Lucy was eager to please. "Sure, of course, and don't worry about me." she insisted, "take care of your friend, she obviously means a lot to you." the young woman could tell that the poor blonde was special to Olivia and found herself feeling happy for her. "Why don't you play with Noah while I pack a bag. Your friend is sound asleep anyway and she'll be fine on the sofa for a few minutes."
Olivia sat down on the floor next to her son who was happily playing with his cars and trucks, making noises that made his spit fly everywhere. "Hey there baby boy." Liv pulled him into her lap and nuzled her nose in his brown locks, feeling the need to smell his soothing baby scent to calm herself own. "Guess what? You're gonna go stay with uncle Fin for a couple of days and you're gonna have so much fun. Would you like that baby?" she spoke quietly to not wake the sleeping woman. Noah squealed in delight when he heard Fin's name being mentioned. "Yeah! Uncle Fin!" Olivia repeated, glad and relieved that her son took the news so well.
Lucy came back with an oversized bag, not wanting to forget anything. "All done. If there's anything else you need just let me know. I mean it." she stated seriously.
Liv kissed her son on his pudgy cheek before handing him over to Lucy. "Thank you so much for doing this. It means a lot and I also ment what I said about making it up to you, I promise."
"Don't worry about me, Olivia. I'll have my phone on me at all times if you ever need me." she gave the detective a quick hug before heading out the door.
Sighing, she turned towards the couch and saw Amanda's eyes open and close several times. She had to get her into bed where she would be more comfortable. She had no guestroom, just a nursery, so they would have to share the bed. Luckily it was king size so space wouldn't be a problem. With a lot of effort she got the blonde to drink a glass of water, get her into a set of pyjamas and seated on the bed. The brunette helped to ease her down and covered her up with the thick duvet and a blanket.
"Just sleep, baby. I'll be right here." she whispered and stroked the flushed face. Tears welled up in her eyes as she thought about what hell Amanda must have gone through all alone. She didn't understand how someone could be so stubbornly independent and strong? And look how things turned out. Maybe things would be different if Amanda could've let go of her pride and ask for help. She didn't blame the blonde for ending up in this situation but she couldn't help but to think if there was anything she could've done differently? Maybe if she had opened her eyes sooner she would've seen Amanda struggle and step in and help? Why and how did things turn out this way?
The blonde moaned softly and turned her head from side to side. "Shh! You're okay, sweetie. Just go to sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up. Let me help you and take care of you." she hushed. When Amanda calmed down she swiftly changed into her own pyjamas, slid in next to the sleeping form and propped herself up, resting on her elbow. "I'm right here, sweetheart. I'll be right here if you need me." she began to softly stroke Amanda's arm and smoothed her hair back from her burning face.
She was slightly taken aback when the blonde suddenly spoke, "you won't leave?"
To Olivia the question sounded so vulnerable and fearful and it broke her heart that Amanda had such a hard time trusting people and letting people help when she needed it. "No, my love. I won't leave. I'll never leave, I promise." she gently kissed the face beneath her, stroking her hair and spoke words of love and comfort until she was certain that Amanda had fully drifted off to a deep slumber. Not until then she felt comfortable enough to relax, let go and slowly joined her friend in a much needed sleep.