Aftermath, Chapter 21 – The Mountain Doesn't Care

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Arizona immediately trusted Malia to belay her. This was a good thing considering she had never climbed outside, in natural conditions, and without a predetermined route before. This new challenge (or project as many skilled climbers would call it) went far beyond anything Arizona had attempted as a novice. Combining inexperience with fine sand, loose pebbles and plant-life adorning every small ridge, crevice, and ledge was a perfect recipe for an ultimate climber's high. Within twenty minutes of her arrival, Arizona was eight feet off the ground.

As the sweat poured down her face and back, she took a moment to consider the position she was in. She could feel the warmth of the sun and smell the fresh country air. She could feel the harness fitting snugly around her thighs and waist and knew that even if she were to fall, no harm would follow. Malia would insure this. It wasn't the fact that Malia's arms and shoulders were tattooed with apexes festooned by mountain goats sporting horns shaped like the symbol of the zodiac sign for Aries that convinced Arizona of her safety, it was Malia's grounded energy and focused attention. It was if Malia herself was a mountain, albeit a tall, thin, and extremely fit mountain. As a belayer, Malia was strong and unmoving; fervent and keen; solid and intensely passionate about her role. And as one might expect, the thought of Malia on the other end of the rope brought great comfort to Arizona's mind. The only problem was, her body wasn't buying it. Not for a second! Once she hit the ten-foot mark, Arizona's body wanted nothing more than to hold on and not let go.

Arizona intimately understood the importance of listening to her body and honoring its request. She took a moment to rest and placed her forehead against the cool stone wall before her. She was mindful of the fact that her feet were planted soundly and one hand was firmly gripping a fissure. With her free hand, she ran her fingertips lightly across a sharp schism just above her head. The depth of the crevice made her think of a book she had recently read entitled Broken Open. The author, Elizabeth Lesser, in one the weakest moments of her life, made a mistake that caused harm to someone she loved, similar to the harm Arizona caused Callie. Like Lesser, Arizona believed that the process of losing everything broke her open so profoundly that she was able to heal in the most monumental of ways. That the wounds she carried were ancient and deep and set the course for the dissolution of her marriage. They prevented her from loving Callie fully, just as they had prevented her from loving herself. Only by losing everything that ever meant anything did she find the source of her suffering.

In typical Arizona fashion, she made a decision and followed through. "I'm not stuck," she told herself. I've honored my body's request for rest, and now it's time to climb. She smiled, not to herself, but to the wall before her. The smile she gave was unmistakably her own. She hoped her grin, seductive as it was, would have the same affect on the wall as it did on her lovers. She had no other choice but to bank on it and begin again. As she reached above her, she found something secure to grasp onto and pulled herself a few inches higher. As she did, a newly found strength filled her body, mind and spirit. That was the thing about climbing; the rush, the intoxicating reward with each successful move, all made her feel invincible and integrated.

As Arizona rose higher and higher, she became acutely aware of the fact that she was touching a piece of Mother Earth that in all probability had never been touched by a human before. How long have you held court over this valley?" she whispered. "How long have you brushed aside gentle breezes and raging winds?" she added. Suddenly a passage from an Antje Duvakat song sounded in her mind. What she did with it surprised her. Free from restraint or fear of embarrassment she yelled out, "You can ask the mountain, but the mountain doesn't care!"

From the ground Malia heard Arizona's words and instantly recognized them. Playfully, and with a twinkle in her eye, she offered up Antje's next lines, "And it's a long way to Delaware and back. And it's a long way. Yes it's a long way, the clouds upon our backs."

Hearing Malia's response made Arizona's heart swell. She leaned away from the bluff as far as she could, made eye contact and joined Malia in the rest of the chorus. In unison, two souls tied together by a rope and a song sang out, "And it's a long, long, long, long way. It's a long way on the worn out heels of Kerouac. And it's a long, long, long, long way."

After their shared moment of joy was over, Arizona refocused on the task at hand. She reached up to find a ledge that was smaller than she would have liked. Unfortunately, it was the only option available to her. She considered lowering herself and finding a new route; then thought better of it. Climbing is about extending limits, pushing boundaries, and reaching goals. That her fingertips would have to support and lift her entire body weight was a limit she was willing to test. She gave it her all. At first, she thought she could pull herself up high enough to find new footing, but sadly she was wrong. Gravity was on her side, however, and instead of falling away from the cliff, she slid down it. Instinctually, she reached for anything she could find and came upon the same sharp fissure she had caressed moments earlier. Relieved, though conscious of the jagged edge, she used her foot to find a place secure enough to support her weight. Once her foot was wedged in properly, she used the strength of her hips and thighs to steady then stretched her entire body to the right and found a ledge wide enough to grasp onto. She pulled herself to a new location and was safe and secure.

"Nice save, Arizona! You got this! "Malia yelled from the ground.

Arizona knew Malia was right. It was a nice save and she did indeed have it. At the same time, she felt what she could only describe as a form of electricity running through her hands and arms. The Dr. in her knew it was caused by adrenaline and the climber in her knew she was experiencing a full-blown climber's high. It was a feeling she had only felt mildly in the gym and one she wasn't used to. She decided that a high of this magnitude would be best experienced on solid ground. She turned her body and made eye contact with Malia before signaling she was about to descend. She pushed off and let herself free fall, enjoying every second of the descent. She felt empowered rather than defeated. Sure, everyone hopes to make it to the top, but knowing when to play it safe is a skill not all climbers possess.

Once free from her harness, Arizona accepted the bottle of cold water and took pride in the way Malia looked at her. When they met, it occurred to her that Malia didn't know she was an amputee. Something about the look on Malia's face when she saw Arizona's prosthetic caused her to pause. She couldn't imagine that Lauren wouldn't have mentioned it, but that was the thing about Lauren that she absolutely adored. Their relationship had nothing to do with the crash or the events that led up to the amputation. So, it was possible that Lauren never thought to bring it up. It was just as possible that out of respect for her lover's privacy, Lauren left the disclosure up to Arizona. The latter was the most likely the case.

Arizona and Malia sat quietly on the tailgate of Malia's truck. Both stared at the bluff before them, barely moving, and in full awe of what was just accomplished. It was only when a large Boat-tailed Grackle landed between them and the bluff that Arizona spoke. "That was Ah-mazing!"

Malia nodded her head and smiled. "Girl, that was beyond amazing, that was incredible!"

Arizona felt a sudden twinge of bittersweet. Part of her wished Lauren was there to bask in the aftermath of her first outdoor climb.

"Ready to go again?" Malia asked enthusiastically.

Arizona liked Malia's energy. She was aware of how few female outdoor climbers there were, in general, and learned on the drive that Malia was considered one of the best. Initially, Arizona was afraid she would feel intimidated by Malia, but the instant they met, her fear disappeared. She considered Malia's question and decided she wasn't quite ready. Adrenaline was still coursing through her veins and she knew she wouldn't be able to hold her weight. She was about to offer to belay Malia when she noticed a car swiftly approaching. As it closed in, Arizona could see that the driver was a gorgeous silver haired woman who looked exactly like Lauren might in thirty-years. The resemblance between mother and daughter was uncanny. Arizona felt waves of nervousness wash over her. She did not want to be rosy cheeked, flushed, wearing climbing clothes and glistening with perspiration when she met Lauren's mother for the first time.

"Hello dear, I'm Caroline, the tall agile woman said rushing toward her. You must be Arizona?"

"Yes." Arizona said extending her hand and fighting the urge to say "Ma'am." She was taken back by how quickly the woman had parked her car and sprung herself from the vehicle.

"It is so nice to meet you," Caroline said making eye contact with Arizona then nodding hello to Malia. "I'm so sorry to have to skip the pleasantries, but this is terribly important. Is my daughter with you?"

"No, I'm sorry, she's not. She's on a run," Arizona said turning her body toward the West. "She should be here any minute though."

"Forgive my assertiveness, but have you girls listened to the news over the past hour?"

Both Arizona and Malia shook their head indicating they had not.

Caroline spoke softly and clearly, "There's no easy way to say this, so I'm going to start with the heart of it, if that' all right with you both?" She waited for consent before continuing. "There was a mass shooting at the middle school an hour ago. The gunman is still in the building and they're unable to get the kids out as of yet. It's impossible to know how many are injured. There are reports of at least thirty to forty shots fired."

Caroline paused and allowed Arizona and Malia time to process what they had just heard. It was an approach Arizona recognized and one she often used herself with the loved ones of patients who were receiving difficult news. After a few moments, she continued, "The ER called the house trying to reach Lauren. They would like her to be a First Responder."

"She left her keys in the ignition, Arizona said taking a few steps toward the Lauren's car. "I can go get her. Also, I'm a Peds Surgeon and I can help, if extra hands are needed."

Caroline shook her head politely. "That would be wonderful, dear. Thank you. I'm going in myself and I'm sure they could use additional docs on the scene. I know Lauren's route so why don't you jump in with me and we'll find her together."

Arizona turned to Malia and noticed she looked visibly shaken. "Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"I have a niece in the middle school," Malia said her voice giving away her fear of the worst.

Caroline stepped forward and touched Malia's arm. They're asking that everyone stay away from the school, at this point. They've set up an electronic message board on the City of Asheville Facebook page for updates."

Malia nodded then ran to her truck to retrieve her phone from the dash. As she started to dial, she looked up at Arizona and said, "I'll be fine, you go ahead. If I need anything, I'll text Lauren's number.

"We'll do whatever we can," Arizona said before turning to go.

Within minutes Arizona and Caroline caught up with Lauren who looked taken aback as they approached. As Caroline spoke, Lauren quickly wrapped her mind around the situation, jumped in the back seat, and was ready to assist.

To be continued….