Hello everyone. So very sorry for the over 3 week delay. We got a darling puppy and have been quite consumed, and then the holidays hit, and a certain movie beckoned. You know how it is.
This is just an impromptu intermission of sorts, headjumping into ODB.
It is completely unbetaed.
I am attempting here to answer (or just add to questions about) the last post.
People were confused about what happened so I am getting into Darcy's head here, the day after, to explain what he was up to.
I hope it makes sense.
Now that we are getting puppy on a routine, I imagine I will be able to post at least 1-2 more times in the next 6 days.
Hope that helps!
Without further ado:
Cloudbusting
His head hurt like hell. No, it wasn't the party last night. It wasn't even the fight,or the stress of a night spent preparing to go to Santa Fe in a rush, waiting by the phone for the Bennets to call and say they are ready, only to be texted in the mid morning to be told it was called off.
Sure that was a pain, but not even that was enough to cause the terrible pain. No.
He was getting one of those migraines. He hated them.
The pain was nothing. It was the vision that accompanied them. Not the auras. The nonsensical visions. Or worse, the visions that made too much sense and filled him with dread. He didn't like knowing things. Even good things. It was like the Zen koan made famous by that movie. Just because the event appeared to be 'good', it didn't mean the larger picture was.
Like that time he had a vision of his brother telling him he was in love. He was so excited for his brother, until he found out with whom, and the heartbreak, loss and recovery that followed.
So when he saw the vision of his Beloved and himself embraced at Rosings Spa, well, as the Zen koan goes: We'll see.
When she texted him that the trip was called off, she also told him she needed to stay at home all weekend. He was diappointed but he understood. They were probably trying to figure out what to do with Lydon. He could relate to the guilt of being too far away during production, only to be met with some family emergency or other after opening night.
Sure, he had hoped they could have lunch today, and talk about the future. He had plans. Big plans. She'd love it. But they could wait.
They waited the evening, when he was trying to save everyone but himself. Save every Bennet but his own. He knew she'd love the surprise, and that when she found out all about it, she would probably kick herself for being so short tempered last night.
He wasn't ignoring her. G-ds it was all he could do not to pull her upstairs and shove that Hedy Lamar dress up her thighs and pound her until they were both senseless. He was disappointed when she misunderstood his lack of attention to her, but it was no matter. He made sure she understood that he was just concerned for her family. He could tell how abashed she was after she realized what he had done. He told her parents about Lydon's drug use and kept the nosy journalists out of the forbidden spaces of his and Charles's studios, thus preventing some photograph to go out of either Bennet sister's portrait. That had meant a lot of running around, hobnobbing with patrons, pretentious wanabes, true visionaries and everything in between while keeping one eye on the studios and another on Lizzy.
Dammit.
How had it all gone wrong? Why did he care so much?
He was still worried. What were the Bennets going to do about Lydon? He knew that Wickham already had his claws in. The rodeo king had turned into Jack Sparrow crossed with Dr Franekfurter last night after he smoked that spice. He had no problems with gender fluidity. It was the substance involved. And the waaay older men who used hard drugs. Well, if the Bennets didn't want his help, so be it. He wouldn't sit by and watch this happen again. He would keep his distance until the time was right, and then offer his help, yet again. He knew it wasn't any good to try any more. It would only alienate the lot of them. Probably even his Lizzy.
And then there was the matter of how insupportable her family's treatment was of Lizzy, and even Jane. He would not abide it. Couldn't. He had planned to have a get together - Catalina, Anna, Jorge, Richard and his parents meeting the Bennet clan. But, after last night? No. It was settled. He'd take Lizzy to New York. She needed to get away. Needed nurturing.
All this rumination was exhausting. He hadn't slept well last night and so uncharacteristically, Darcy unearthed his sleeping mask and crawled into bed, mid day. He was crashed out until about noon the next morning.
He dreamed of thundering skies, the heavens resounding with the crash of rams' horns and the fluttering down of golden fleece into his palms only to dissipate into a caterpillar that tickled his fingers before scurrying away. He heard his mother's voice saying "The butterfly goes where she is meant to go. Her transformation is before you. All will be well. "
He awoke refreshed and re energized with his mission for his Beloved. He knew this was the sign he needed.
He spent the rest of the afternoon preparing for the week. Darcy highly anticipated seeing Her again and telling her the news. He texted her and was a little worried she didn't respond but had said as much in the initial text- that she would likely be incommunicado all weekend. Well, he wanted to send a clear sign from the moment she set eyes on him. He would wear Her lovely, ratty old Mission tee shirt to propose to her. It communicated his affection, symbolized that night they spent entwined without doing anything more. The perfect icing on the cake. He would go see her first thing in the morning before classes started.
He had no idea this would be only his first mistake of several.
He meant well enough.
He had been so certain of his vision.
Well, We'll see.
Tada!
or not.
Depending on whether that stands up or is just thoroughly confusing.
Anyhoo,
here is the you tube link to just a portion of the Zen Koan. I believe Thomas Moore tells it much better, but this movie made it famous, from what I hear.
www dot youtube dot com /watch?v=Tbsx_vZTcNI