miss me?

warning- Hunsford is upon us

As always, any offers to do further betaing will be considered.

hope things are making sense!

Thanks to all my betas who contributed in different ways: lovingyouisbest, JD Bell; Joy Booth and Fredrica.

Final tweaking is my own.

The Means To An End

After the lecture, Darcy took his time gathering notes and slides, hoping Lizzy still planned to have coffee as arranged. His stomach lurched as he saw her hastily depart, not looking back. He worried at the implications of so many events that had transpired in the past days… His success at opening day, his failure at opening night; meeting Mr Bennet unexpectedly while wearing Lizzy's shirt, being unable to tell Lizzy about his unexpected stint in the Art Department, and then to have her give him the cold shoulder. Having her in his arms seemed a need equal to breathing or eating.

So many questions raged within. What was the next step in their relationship now that he was the teacher and she, the student? He knew colleagues who shagged as many coeds as they could but ethics would not allow him to take such a step. Darcy asked himself how he failed to realize he would likely encounter Lizzy in the Art Department as that was in fact her second major.

What kind of man did Lizzy think he was? In order to stay near Lizzy, he had taken this position at the last minute when it had been offered and it had inadvertently put an obstacle in the way. Darcy groaned at the fantasy now impinging on his consciousness involving one of those student desks, Lizzy, and himself. Great, now he was one of those guys.

If that weren't enough, Darcy had to defend his decision to teach. Aunt Catalina called yet again to wheedle him into doing another workshop this fall at Rosings Spa in Sedona*. He wasn't going to bow to her this time. For once, he was putting his own needs first.

Putting unpleasant thoughts out of his mind, Darcy spent the rest of the day consulting with faculty and others who were selected to jury the show, then prepared for the next lecture. All the while, he steeled himself to see her. He kept expecting her around the next corner, in an odd studio, but she had vanished.

Holed up in a guest office for hours, feeling mightily one of his dark moods, he grew more and more desperate for her. He didn't care what he'd have to endure. Darcy was determined to address the herd of elephants in their symbolic room and came up with a strategy to do so.

He found her in their previously agreed upon meeting spot, the Hunsford Coffee Bar in Old Mesilla*. Darcy approached cautiously. "Uh, I came to have coffee with you like we had agreed."

"Yeah, just like we agreed." She growled.

"I'm here because I want to be with you. I want to be together." His head bent down towards hers, speaking in a gentle tone.

Her look was venomous. "How can you possibly think we can be together when we perpetually find ourselves in these compromising situations?"

"I don't mind compromising situations at all," Darcy couldn't help from replying, a devilish expression on his face.

"Of course you don't mind because you're the one with all the power and I'm left with disadvantage." She crossed her arms protectively.

"Well I have a solution. This struggle is too much, it won't do; I love you too much to allow it." When Darcy put his hand on the back of her chair she glared until he removed it.

"Allow it?" It was all she could do to not yell this question.

"I'll quit my substitute position- Bingley will be happy to take it. You don't have to live at home anymore or move back and forth between friends. I'll buy a house in town by the university and we can live there. You can ignore your family all you want when you need to study.

I'll pay off your school loans and you don't have to answer to your parents anymore for help, and you certainly don't need to let your mother blackmail you into being her personal stitcher. With all that spare time not spent on 4-H, I'm sure we will find other things to do."

Elizabeth was left with no need to guess what he meant with the gleam in his eye. She became slightly claustrophobic at his planning.

He didn't see the telling expression and plowed on, "You can let your family do whatever it is they want to do with Lydon's drug problem and I promise to stay out of it, no matter how dysfunctional it is. Even though I'll never like Wickham. You can't expect me to spend time with them when he's around. But, as long as you don't get too messed up in their drama, I'll let you spend time with them."

She sputtered, "Let me?" She hadn't even begun to let loose about his Lydon comment.

Darcy, unhearing, had built momentum."If you don't watch out, you'll get stuck here in this town doing nothing but being a so called working artist and be lucky to sell a blouse at the farmer's market between waitressing shifts or some other job that's beneath you.

With Jane gone, you won't have someone taking care of you anymore. I will do whatever it takes to support your work- find real teachers instead of the makeshift degree you've got. You can do what you want with financial independence- you can quit school and pursue a business or apprentiship. We can move to New York or Paris for you to work your way up in a House if you want. Wherever we go, we can spend lots of time together, away from everyone, making art, making love…. I know you'd love that."

"How lovely." He missed her sarcastic tone and continued.

"Of course, we'll have to spend time with my family. My aunts will think you're adorable. They'll introduce you to all their friends who will want you to make them things. I expect the connections will also further your career, even if there critics have a problem about the way you got your start- you know- unknown country girl meets established artist, gets famous.

I'm sure my family would be willing to put up with the gossip about our family. Lord knows we've suffered worse from Wickham spreading rumors. Besides, having the Darcy connection will put you on the same footing with the artists your age who are already in house or were educated at FIT or RISD*. It'll be easier for you in the long run, as you won't have to spend a single day trying to decide between buying art supplies or food. Eventually, critics and patrons will like your work on its own merit. Marrying me just makes the way clear, plus there is the advantage of my exquisite talent of pleasing you." He looked at her with an expectant smirk.

PPPxoxNM

She gaped. "Surely you can't be serious. You realize that scenario is just a fantasy of yours?"

"I've seen how passionate you can be about your work and me. That's real. Your ridiculous negativity is what keeps from doing what you really want to do: sew and be with me. Admit it, you want to be with me." He moved closer and closer.

Elizabeth up to this point tried very hard to put his critique into perspective, but was incensed by his last words. He was sure she'd accept! The nerve! She answered, pointing a finger to his chest: "Really, you think I'm the ridiculous one?"

"Of course. You're the one making yourself unhappy about this when the solution is clear."

Elizabeth was eager to respond: "If you've misunderstood me before, let me be clear now. I'm completely unimpressed by your offer, your connections, or you, Fitzwilliam Darcy. So, we're both passionate with each other- in bed. So, we were thrown together for one project. That's all.

But what about when passion dies? Will you respect me then? Because you are clearly not respecting me now. You plan to 'graciously' drop everything for me and plan my life, just so I can have a convenient place to do my work and look better to your circle while I fuck you on the side. Did I once say that I wanted that? If I took your offer and we didn't work out, I'd have nothing left of a career you built, I'd owe you. How can you think I'd want that?

You may think you love me, and you may be trying to prove it in your own warped way. But, to me, love and respect means knowing the classes I'm taking so that you don't make a stupid decision to substitute a class to be near me." He looked at her as if stung. "If you really wanted to 'be there' for me, you'd be here cheer me on, not treat me like a project. You're not nearly as enlightened as you believe. Just because you can paint a pretty picture does not mean you're the Dalai Lama.

Oh, and by the way, as noble as you think it was, I don't appreciate your arranging my life at Opening Night and then expecting me to just follow you around was presuming and degrading to me and my family. You really think I'd rather go fuck you than to be there for my family and that I was actually supposed to be GRATEFUL?

And when did I EVER say that I wanted to leave this town? Who are you to dictate where I live, what I do? You presume WAY too much about our relationship. If I ever thought I had feelings for you, the past few days have shown me you are the last man in the world I'd love, let alone marry." She wiped angry tears from her eyes.

It was his turn to gape. "This is what you think of me? After all that time working together? After what we've shared?"

She was eager to disabuse him of the idea. "I admit your work is brilliant. And yes, working with you has been rewarding, but what good is it when the person behind it is such a pompous ass who believes himself and his work so far above those not in the same artistic sphere as he?

To some elitists I may be a 'hack who has no hope of a career', I may have 'teachers who delude me about my talent.' I may be 'from a school of no consequence, one that will have little to no credibility to any reasonable gallery or graduate school to which I may apply' but I have something more important: my own credibility. Why didn't you tell me you hated my art when you saw it last night- or every single day at dress rehearsal, for example, or before that would be better- like before they were sewn!? Now I know the real reason for why you always rejected my work. How could you fuck me if you thought I was so untalented?"

PPPxoxNM

Darcy leaned back in his chair. "You really don't know me at all. I can't believe you would imagine I'd think that of you. I admit, like you, I am proud of my career and proud of where I come from. I see nothing wrong with that. I can't help that my family is well known.

It's justified that I should be concerned about how our marriage would affect your career, my career, and my family. Critics can be very cruel- they have the power to blackball the most talented artist and make them nothing. My family has been abused by scandal more than once and I don't want it to happen again. Your own family has been unfeeling towards what you do, wasting your time and talents on small town pageants and fairs, surely you see."

Her eyes blazing, no longer held tears." You just don't get it, do you? You think your family above anyone else's. Is that what your family taught you? To be inconsiderate of others' cultures and relationships? I KNOW my family doesn't make it any easier. I KNOW I will have to go without a lot of things in order for my work to succeed, even more so because I don't come from one of 'those schools' or 'those families'.

But must you really be so unkind as to remind me of all this? How dare you devalue my efforts OR my family? And how dare you keep me in the dark about Wickham? Did you have something to hide that was more important than the mystery of your prior acquaintance? I'm beginning to think that there really are 2 sides to the story. Maybe he's right- you're as messed up as he is."

Darcy pursed his lips, "You have said quite enough. I understand it all. Those desires which you once seemed to enjoy have become reprehensible to you. You're clearly convinced to see things your own way despite my attempts to make you see reason. Since we won't have any other relationship,(it was her turn to look up, stung) I plan to honor my obligations here. I will treat you hereafter with the characteristic impartiality that I do toward all pupils. If you have any reason to doubt this treatment, I'm sure Bingley will be happy to take over. On this count you can at least think enough of me to know I have my character as a professional to consider."

"I will always hope for the best for you Elizabeth, for your career, you life, and that of your family." He choked out the last sentence before escaping from the scene as if propelled by some great force. Lizzy was not long to follow.

*Sedona- previously referenced- Arizona red rock resort kooky hippie spa town- until it got taken over by developers

*Mesilla- small old town Spanish mission historic district on the southwest edge of Dona Maria

*RISD – Rhode Island School of Design

reviews? comments? You know what to do: