Chapter Summary
Will is falling apart. We join him after the events from the cabin to answer the question; "Why is he so angry?"Chapter Notes
Things are going to get crazy in the next couple of chapters and I wrote kind of an intense trash scene between April and Will not unlike chapter eleven of Study Buddies...so there's that. Once again to the 3 people reading this bear with me down my angst rabbit hole.When Will woke up the next morning Natalie was still asleep. He went for a quick run hoping to clear out the nauseating pit that had taken residence inside of him. He got in and took a shower, when he finished Natalie was out of bed and downstairs in the kitchen. She was packing up groceries and a few small items that she brought to the cabin.
"Good morning," he said smiling as he made his way over to her to give her a kiss.
"Morning," she responded returning his kiss with a smile to match.
"Do you need any help?" Will asked looking around the kitchen.
"Nope, this is it. I figured we'd just eat a throwaway breakfast and then stop for lunch?"
"Sounds good," Will nodded.
Natalie called a cleaning service and typed in a temporary alarm code before they got in her jeep.
"April and Connor left pretty early," Natalie remarked.
"Yeah Rhodes had a surgery this afternoon so he had to get back for it," Will answered looking through his phone's music list.
"I don't know about those two….sometimes I think they are this amazing couple but other times…I don't know," Natalie said.
She wasn't trying to make a point just a casual observation but her topic of conversation was irritating to Will.
"Well she made her choice," he grumbled.
"What do you mean by that?" Natalie asked looking away from the road to him.
"Nothing," Will answered curtly.
"Hey," Natalie said putting her hand on his, "Are you okay?"
The sick feeling Will had in stomach grew and he dug down deep to respond.
"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired….someone kept me up last night," he looked over to her and smiled squeezing her hand back.
Natalie blushed and looked back at the road thinking to the pill bottle she found in Will's luggage. He turned on some music and they casually listened; enjoying the drive until they hit the city.
She dropped him off without coming in because she needed to get home to her parents who were watching Owen. They were visiting for the rest of the week. He gave her a kiss and they made plans for her to come over in a few days after her parents left.
When Will got upstairs he immediately began unpacking. If he didn't do it now he wouldn't later. He emptied the contents into his hamper and dispensed his toiletries taking care to place his pills in his sock drawer. When he was putting away his bag he threw it to the top of his closet but instead the action toppled a box of summer clothes and smaller box of personal paperwork and certificates he'd received over the years. He sighed, bending down to pick them up, securing everything large before moving to the paperwork. A picture slipped out, it was the same one April kept on the sofa table at her house; a shot of them being silly and making a face at the camera. He peeled back the rest unveiling the other three shots; a "serious one," a happy one, and one where they almost missed the flash because they were trying to decide what face to make. The picture caught Will's adoration for her and her for him, a fleeting moment neither realized was captured on camera just a few weeks before the night of the storm. He stared at the photo longer than he wanted to before crushing it in his hands and throwing it across the room. The nauseous feeling was back and it brought it's friend; anger.
Will had done a pretty good job of keeping his temper in line but things had gotten out of his control when he ran into Connor at Molly's and they came to head when the pair played another pick-up game against the dentists.
"How's it going?" Will asked causally as they walked out to the court.
"Good, very good since April's therapist suggested exposure therapy that only I get to dispense to her!" Connor answered; his smile bright and his mood much more elevated than the last time they spoke.
Will could hardly contain his hurt but it shifted into the stone-rage growing inside him every day. He smiled a closed lip smile but his eyes were a tangled mess. The rage exploded on the court when he elbowed Marty the dentist;bloodying his lip. The game stopped as the two doctors attended to him and Marty's partner Jake told a story about how his front tooth was a fake because something similar happened to him resulting in his career choice. Will felt terrible about it, vowing to hold it together, but days later he saw Connor and April. Connor was pulling her face in for a kiss before he descended back upstairs after one of her therapy sessions it soured his mood for the rest of the evening; an evening that was supposed to be spent with Natalie.
"I don't think I've ever seen this one," he said.
Will plopped on the couch next to Natalie with a bowl of popcorn as the movie started.
He didn't find it particularly interesting but he didn't hate it either, Natalie had picked The Family Stone to watch after they'd gone out to have dinner. Neither had too much energy to do much else after a full day at work so this date was perfect.
"So I ran into Connor earlier today," Natalie stated.
Will looked over at her; his energy to hold it together volatile. "Oh yeah? What was he up to?"
Will didn't want to know in the least.
"Oh not much he wanted to invite us to dinner to make up for the whole cabin trip weekend, I guess he still feels pretty badly," Natalie said with forgiveness in her eyes.
"I don't know, he bought me a beer the other day…I mean, I don't know," Will said looking back at the television to avoid her eyes.
"You don't want to go?" Natalie said almost shocked and confused, "Will they're our friends."
"They fight all the time I don't even know why they're together," he said frustrated.
"He seems to be in great spirits lately, her too, I think things have been getting real good between them," Natalie said almost laughing.
The harsh reminder of their sex life caused the delicate energy he put toward Natalie to go off kilter; his eyes filled with hurt and then with rage.
"I'm sure," He all but hissed.
Natalie was taken aback by his tone, "What-are you okay?"
He took a deep breath and blew out the air trying to dispel his anger, "Yeah," he answered plastering on a smile that barely made it to his eyes, "I think that I'm just done talking about them when I'd rather be doing this."
Will moved the popcorn out of the way and kissed Natalie; almost immediately moving his tongue to her mouth. He was making use of the pill he'd swallowed earlier. Natalie was caught off guard but welcomed the kiss, when he pulled his shirt off and then began unbuttoning hers she barely had time to register the change in his mood. They stumbled upstairs, Will rapaciously unbuttoning his pants, and kissing Natalie's neck and her shoulders as he sprinkled her clothes throughout his bedroom getting her to his bed. He quickly buried himself inside of her, each quick thrust taking him away from the conversation; away from thoughts of April. Natalie couldn't help but notice the speed he was going; it wasn't like the first time. His lips were working furiously away on her neck and then her mouth like she was something to eat that he couldn't get enough of, it felt great but she couldn't stay in any particular feeling for too long before he was moving his face to another part of her body.
"Will, ah, Will, ah- look at me," Natalie moaned between breaths.
He was somewhere else.
"Will," Natalie used her hands to grab his face and turn it to her, "Look at me," Natalie's eyes were concerned.
He honored the command but when she looked at him his expression was void. He tried to keep going but he softened and let out a long sigh before rolling to his back.
"What's going on Will?" Natalie asked turning to her side to look at him.
"I've just been really tired and stressed out lately," Will said.
"Are you sure that's it?" Natalie asked pressing further.
"What else would it be?" Will said looking from the ceiling to her.
"I don't know… it's just you kind of seem down, kind of like you were when we first started dating, but now maybe a bit angry," Natalie said moving her hand to his chest before continuing.
"You know sometimes depression manifests as anger and it causes other problems too…sexual ones," Natalie said.
Will's face was embarrassed but also annoyed that she had found out about his pills; he turned to her scrunching his face at her discovery.
"I didn't mean to find them I was looking for a razor in your bag," Natalie said sitting up as he was too.
"I mean I'm not a psychiatrist but-," Natalie started.
"-You're right Natalie you're not," he said bending to grab his pants from the floor.
"Okay," she said softly while getting up, "I should go, I have to relieve the sitter."
He rubbed the back of his neck before getting up and saying, "Nat, I'm sorry you didn't deserve that, I know you're just trying to help."
He kissed the top of her forehead and then her lips twice. She gave him a defeated smile as she looked for her clothes tossed around his room. Will was going to the bathroom when she spotted her pants near the door. She picked them up but grabbed something extra in the dark corner. It was balled up and she would've thrown it away but the familiarity of the paper made her open it. The glossy feel was that of photo paper, a picture, four of them in total all of Will and April. She smiled at the first three but her eyes lingered on the last as she tried to make out the expressions through the crinkles. Before she had a chance to really absorb the image she heard Will coming down the hall and she stuffed the photo in her pocket.
"I found your shirt," Will said with a smile.
Natalie gave him a half smile and snatched the shirt out of his hand. Will walked her to the door and gave her another kiss.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you," Will said regretfully, "Are we good?"
Natalie nodded giving him another kiss to seal her forgiveness.
Will went upstairs and laid down on his bed. He wanted peace, he wanted rest, but eventually the events of the night led him to the inevitable thoughts and to the world he knew only as April. The questions were beginning to plague him more than they ever had. Why had she pushed him away? Why was Connor good enough to be the boyfriend she could be with through this but not him? Some nights he just felt used, the way she left him in bed after their first time, the way she discarded him so easily after the second time only to introduce Connor back into her life. The man who cheated on her was still a better option than him.
"Why was I good enough to live with, have sex with, and to talk to, but not good enough to love? Maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe I'm who they date when their Prince Charming doesn't work out?"
Rage was now the lullaby and it cradled Will to sleep. It was easier than spending nights crying so he let it in and it consumed him.
When Natalie arrived home Owen would not go down she was preoccupied with him until he finally fell asleep against her chest in her bed. She thought a moment to the night and to the picture in her pocket. She tried to recollect the photo not willing to move the sleeping babe from her to study it. In the morning she got up and tossed the jeans in her hamper and put the thought away, stowed in the same place she let all of her peevish thoughts of Will and April go because after all they were only friends and had only been friends.