shout out to loveinthebattlefield who has loyally reviewed.
Thanks to all my betas who contributed in different ways: lovingyouisbest, JD Bell; Joy Booth and Fredrica.
Again, if anyone is interested in helping beta, PM me.
Final tweaking is my own.
Post Hunsford
Darcy spent the next 24 hours in angst and contemplation. Reviewing conversations over and over had the benefit of certain awareness. He knew there was more than one person in his life to whom he had to answer. Although one had passed into the next world, he knew She would have her own thoughts on the matter of his proposal and expected Her to somehow convey them, but she didn't. He was left all too alone, despite his meditations and offerings. With the scene set, air pregnant with copal, and studio arranged just so, Darcy put his thoughts to paper, deciding that Elizabeth needed to know certain things. It was well into the lunch hour the next day when he finished.
Darcy distractedly met with the jury to select winning submissions. Everyone had their favorite. He had immediately fallen in love with a particular mixed media piece, and as the selection process was blind, Darcy was left to guess its creator. Justifying that he couldn't be sure of its origins, he chose it as the best of the lot while other jurors made their own selections. The meeting was long, and the group ordered dinner in, finally completing the process after much debate. Darcy left the meeting exhausted, hoping that she could still be found within the department.
What kind of progression are we on? First the theatre, now here- we find ourselves in these dramas wherever we go, Darcy wondered inwardly as he searched for Elizabeth.
PPPxoxNMxoxPPP
Out of all metalwork techniques, Lizzy loved the feel of forging the best. It was as if the energy she put out reverberated back into her. She sat astride the anvil, focusing her movements into perfecting their shapes with every strike.
Ting! Ting! Ting! The sound of hammer and metal repeated angrily, giving voice to Lizzy's inner dialogue.
Ting! That's for you, William, and your 'let me be your mentor' routine!
Ting! That's for you, Wickham. Thanks for being such an ass!
Ting! That's for you William! Who do you think you are, acting like you could take over my life? If you think I'm so untalented why bother!?
Ting! That's for you, mom. Why are you such a loon?
Ting! That's for you, William, I hate that I can't resist you!
Ting! Ting! Ting!
Perspiration clung to her body in an aura as she worked, her curls growing wilder as the hours grew later. Lizzy was in such flow that she did not notice someone watching her.
Darcy stood barely in view of the doorway for several moments, not being able to take his eyes from her. Here was the fire woman in her element. You're to blame Darcy said in self chastisement.
He lurked in the dark hallway intent with his thoughts, not realizing that Lizzy was no longer at the anvil. After annealing the work hardened metal and setting them into the pickling solution, she set out to get herself a soda from the downstairs machine, promptly running into a daydreaming Darcy.
Lizzy stood planted, her body against his, her posture tense and eyes confronting. Darcy only barely heard what she growled through clenched teeth. "What?"
His head swam from being in such proximity to down at her, Darcy felt left without awareness. Wordless thoughts grasped at all the shoulds- he should have an answer for her, she should just listen to him, his body shouldn't be reacting in this way..I. He sputtered, searching for words, his eyes glimmering in anguish.
Backing away, Darcy was about to turn and flee, but recalled the letter in his breast pocket. Fumbling, he handed it to her, "Here" he mumbled. The moment they touched seemed to last forever and Darcy was caught with flashes before his eyes, tears now stinging them from their enticements that would now never come to pass. She looked at him oddly. He tried unsuccessfully to assume an unaffected expression, turned and left.
Lizzy put the letter in her pocket, and channeled all her emotion into continuing her to work. Then, another uninvited Netherfield artist arrived in the studio, invading Lizzy's thoughts as she worked, as she observed Caroline working.
Good Enough
There she was again. Lizzy couldn't believe her luck. Perfect Caroline, again in one of her white flowy ensembles, stood there at a bench, enameling copper with a painterly precision.
Meanwhile, Lizzy straddled a stool in worn out, torn out jeans, the special ones covered in women's rights patches and splattered in layers of paint and other colors. Those artistic splotches bore evidence of her newest activity. She looked like a robot had attacked her person; metal shavings and particles were evenly distributed, not just on her jeans, but on her ratty Patti Smith tee, (now she wished she'd worn her black Siouxie tee instead), and on her old jump boots, her face, curls, and hands. Every inch.
How could she be such a magnet?
It was so karmically wrong.
Everything felt a struggle today. Her parking place sucked and she had to lug her supplies a good quarter mile to the studio. _ didn't show for the fitting and rescheduled for tonight so she'd be at the university late.
She forgot her lunch and her purse and, without time for anything else, had to scrounge change for a roach coach food and overdone costume shop coffee that was too strong to begin with. She didn't know if the feeling in her gut was from the coffee and burrito or from a certain green eyed entity poking her insides.
PPPxoxNMxoxPPP
Lizzy wondered at the existential meaning of her envy. Why was she in this position? Caroline somehow weaseled her way into guest lecturing at the Theatre and Art departments over the weeks, having garnered studio space as a visiting artist, AND was going to have a special interdepartmental show before Christmas featuring her performance art and her multimedia work. She was an omnipresent petty tyrant. Thank g-d Lizzy wasn't taking that performance art class for fall semester. Maya told her stories of their guest lecturer with mixed awe and terror.
The only thing that didn't ruin it all was that time a few weeks ago when Caroline was banned from the Costume Shop. Maeve, in her characteristic adamant personality, said "that woman is a conniving bitch and if she makes one more last minute high maintenance request, I am going right up to _'s office and telling him I AM QUITTING!" Lizzy looked up through her lashes, smirking with suppressed satisfaction that at least Maeve didn't worship that woman. Truly, its memory was the only thing saving her today.
Lizzy figured out Caroline must be about Darcy's age after she 'casually' mentioned being in art school with Darcy. Maybe her imaginings were fueled by Darcy's proposition, but she didn't examine them closely.
What a treat that must have been. Banging all the art school teachers and visiting artists or at least having a social status to network with them and further her coareer… the money to buy the best materials and enale her to focus 100 % on her work…. The ability to hire someone else to do the PR and hire any mentor her heart desired…yes, I'd be talented too with all of those resources.
She couldn't help it. Lizzy found herself perfectly jealous of this artist who mingled with the uber hip crowd. She probably even knew Banksy's secret identity, Lizzy grumbled to herself. Not that Lizzy was particularly passionate about the artist's work more than an artistic appreciation (so why should she care, right?) Not that someone like Banksy would mix with someone who was so class conscious, but, there had to be some kind of point where the elite of any area just blur into a mass that was impregnable to all others no matter how talented, intelligent, degreed one was.
And yet, some deep part of herself prodded: you may enjoy sex with men you've loved, but you aren't into casual sex like she is; you may not have access to the scene or lessons, but you have unique talent that is widely recognized; besides, you wouldn't be interested in the kind of life she so clearly leads- pretentious, proprietary, superficial and status conscious for all its beauty. You do NOT want what she has!
But I do! The petulant part pouted. Her envy was not about to be talked out of a good sulk, and so continued in a similar vein. Nor did she realize what emotion her thoughts had revealed about a certain person. She was far too occupied with inadequacy.
PPPxoxNMxoxPPP
Caroline also had this way of turning up with all the things Lizzy coveted.
Bespoke boots? Check.
Custom made corset? Check.
High end independent designer 'casual' wear? Check.
Exquisitely crafted accoutrements? Check.
Art supplies out of the best raw materials? Check
How could Lizzy really feel Darcy was serious for more than a fling with herself? Caroline was already in his world. How is it that Darcy had expressed an interest in herself?
Ironic to be so interested in his preferences, after trying to avoid him so many times, only to fail miserably. It certainly had not helped that first he insulted her, then pursued her until he was banging her silly- well at least a few times. How could I have become so attached to him?
It didn't help that Caro was a frenemy of sorts. Elizabeth didn't have it in her to openly disdain Caro. Her art was honestly too good, and, although the woman clearly had privilege, she also had talent that was optimized with opportunity. Even though she chafed to make conversation with Caro, Lizzy gave her best effort to be nice. At least most of the time.
It wouldn't do to burn that bridge. Their paths could cross in unexpected ways. Or, at least just the expected one, being that their siblings were attached at the hip. Lizzy's gut wrenched at the idea of a holiday spent with one of the most insipid women on the planet. How could she so deftly avoid real communication, while managing to articulate in depth on the subjects of art, clothes and lifestyle? Quite frankly her status talk was intimidating.
Although always polite, Caro did things to one-up her. Lizzy just knew she did. Like talking around her when they were in a group, walking ahead of her and ignoring her input in group conversations...
Other times, when it was just the 2 of them, Caro dispensed helpful tidbits, for example., and they'd had some admittedly delightful conversations about her experiences. Caro may be shallow, but she could tell a good story. Were she merely my blood enemy, life would be much simpler, Lizzy sighed.
PPPxoxNMxoxPPP
Just then, a janitor started his buffing machine in the hallway, alerting Lizzy to the time. It was certainly past regular school hours now, as they only cleaned after 10. Musing about her feelings so long accomplished very little in the way of her own work, a series of fold-formed pieces. All the research she'd done for That Play inspired her to base this project on Classical mythological goddesses and heroines. The mixed media book would combine a handmade leather binding and metal work detailing her beloved found objects with framed plates, hand rendered with a quill in India ink.
Caro also took the janitors movements as a cue to pack up. Finishing, she admired Lizzy's work in progress which was still strewn about the work area. While Caro's face bore an expression of admiration (Lizzy thought) she (again) withheld anything that would resemble verbal recognition, instead commenting: "Classical mythology? You know there is a fabulous workshop that my dear friend Catalina is putting on this summer in Sedona? You'd like it." She pulled out a pamphlet with a NeoPreraphaelite paintings on it.
A De Burgh?
"Yes, of course. It's a little workshop that she puts on from time to time. You really must go; I could see where it would be of great help."
There she is again with her restrained tone mixed with admiration and condescension. Out loud however, Lizzy responded that the workshop indeed sounded like it had great potential. Taking the brochure, she mentally noted the workshop's date was in the middle of summer internship. Not that it would matter- she couldn't afford it anyway.
I know you may be waiting for the letter but Lizzy was fuming and she had to have her say!
Patience and reviews
are appreciated :)