I Own Nothing
All Rights Reserved
My heart and prayers go out to Texas and Louisiana, and all others whose lives have been impacted by Hurricane Harvey
To the guest reviewer from chapter 29, thank you for your kind words, and fear not! One way or another, this story is going to get finished. All I ask is a little patience. I delayed posting this chapter a little because I was unsatisfied with it and had some trouble finding time to make the revisions. This chapter should answer some of your other question as well.
Chapter 30
The Twin's Dilemmas
Thanks to several fistfights and squabbles about random and useless information, the Thorsten Twins and Chicken did not return to Berk until nearly 2 days after Viggo had sacked it. By that time several ships in Viggo's fleet, including his own, had already departed. The first impulse the Twins had was to swoop in and blast every ship that remained and rescue everyone. Cooler second thoughts prevailed, for like those who had escaped before them, they realized they were badly outnumbered and had little hope of any substantial success. Again like those who had escaped before them, they realized they were going to need some help. But Tuffnut had a different idea about where to get help from.
"No, we are not going to Gruffnut!" His sister shouted.
"He's the obvious choice! He's family, he's smart, he's tough, and he's got friends in high places that can help!" Tuffnut insisted.
"Who told you he's got friends in high places?" Ruffnut demanded.
"He did!"
"Right, because everything Gruffnut says is the truth."
"Well have you got any better ideas?" Demanded her brother, "Who else can we turn to?"
"How about Camicazi?"
Tuffnut snorted. "What could she do? She can't hold a candle to Gruffnut!"
In the end they flipped a coin. Tuffnut got his way, but Ruffnut made no secret about disliking it.
It should have been a three day flight to the port where Gruffnut lived, but the Twins took four and did not arrive until late at night. It was probably just as well for Barf n' Belch. This was one of those islands that still allowed the dragon trade to continue—for a hefty fee. So they left their Zippleback and Chicken in the woods, and made their way through the streets looking for 'Nifty Norton's Tavern of Happiness', where Gruffnut had said he was working.
The walkways were muddy and the buildings were rundown. It was as if nobody had ever rebuilt a single house, even during the dragon wars. The air was dank and smelled foul. The night was cold and a fog had settled in, so that the buildings on the other side of the road were mere phantoms. The visible lighted windows looked uninviting, as if saying they would rather the doors of their residence stay shut all night. Even the tavern they eventually found looked less welcoming than one would expect a tavern to look. It was a squalid looking place that looked ready to fall over at any moment. A miserable and creaking roof was held up by walls covered in so much grim the original wood was practically invisible. They could hear loud drunken shouts and oaths coming from inside.
"He lives here?" Ruffnut said in disgust.
"He lives anywhere he pleases. He's just working to get some money," Tuffnut assured her.
"Everybody works to get some money!" she snapped.
"Well they can't all live in palaces!" he retorted before heading inside. The interior was no more impressive than the exterior was, but thanks to a lit and very grimy fireplace, at least it was a bit warmer. Still, the place looked like it had not been properly cleaned in years. There was a game of dice going on at one center table, with quite a crowd around it. The clinking of money and ale mugs rang through the air like music set to an irregular rhythm.
A man spotted them and stormed over. "Gruffnut! What are you doing out here? I told you to go clean the backroom! And who is this? Whoever she is, get rid of her until you're shift is done!"
"I think there's been a mistake," Ruffnut said loudly, "We're Gruffnut's cousins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut."
The man's rough and bearish manner at once vanished. "Good evening, my friends! My sincerest apologies! Well if you're looking for a place to stay, look no further than Nifty Norton's Tavern of Happiness, where every day is a feast day and every night is a ton of fun! Nowhere north of Norway will you find a nicer nest or nourishment!" He grinned at them. "Of course, we will expect a slight compensation for such niceness. It's only fair, after all!"
"We'd like to see our cousin first," Tuffnut said.
"Of course, sir, of course. GRUFFNUT!" he roared, "GIT YOUR SORRY BUTT OUT HERE!"
Gruffnut Thorsten emerged and nearly dropped the tray he was carrying. "Tuff! Ruff! What are you two doing here?"
"Hi Gruff!" the male Twin said happily, "Sorry to come like this, but we need your help,"
"My help? Well, err…this is not really the best time, coz, but…" Gruffnut looked around nervously.
"But we need your help, coz!" Tuffnut said earnestly, "Berk's just fallen to Dragon Hunters and we need somebody who can help us take it back! We've spent days flying here to ask you to get us to see some of those big connections you've got!"
"Where are these big connections of yours, anyway?" Ruffnut asked scornfully, "I sure hope they don't live in a place like this."
Gruffnut suddenly looked interested. "You say you flew here? Where's your dragon?"
"Somewhere safe," Ruffnut said firmly.
Their cousin now looked like his usual self. "Well, just come with me! We'll have some dinner and talk this over!"
"Now hold on a minute!" Nifty Norton exclaimed, "You've still got work to do! Nobody slacks off in my tavern! Excuse me, my friends, but your cousin is very busy. But he'll be free in a little bit. Meantime, please enjoy the comforts of my happy tavern." He said as he pulled Gruffnut through the doors that led to the backroom. They could hear Gruffnut saying "But Norton—I can pay you back this—!"
Few playing the dice games had paid the slightest attention to the Thorstens. They were all engrossed in their games, their winnings, and their drinks. The Twins moved to a corner and waited.
"I don't like this," Ruffnut muttered to her brother. "Everything about this place just feels wrong."
"I'm not too impressed either," Tuffnut admitted, "But now that we're here, we might as well put up with it. All we need is for Gruffnut to get us in touch with someone rich and powerful, someone who can give us military support, than we go after Viggo and make him release everybody. We'll be out of here in no time!"
This was not all that bad of a plan, but it depended entirely upon Gruffnut's help and it was some time before he came out to discuss that. When he did come out he ushered them to a table in a corner.
"So what's going on? Tell me everything."
They, or more correctly Tuffnut, filled him in on all that had happened ever since they had last seen him, as well as they could. Gruffnut listened with rapt attention, his eyes widening as he smelled opportunities.
"So you see why we need help," Tuffnut concluded. "Gruffnut, we've gotta do something! If we can't save Berk, we'll have to go live somewhere else, somewhere where explosions aren't allowed, where they eat chickens, and where there'll be no Loki Discipleship! And then we'll have to go to work! We need your help!"
Gruffnut bristled at the word 'work', but said genially, "And you shall have it, my cousin," and patted Tuffnut on the back like a father reassuring a son, "I'll send messages out at once. Unfortunately, it might take a while. We don't use Terrible Terrors for mail around here. You'll have to stay here in the meantime."
"What?" Ruffnut exclaimed.
"It's the only way,"
"You could just come with us right now and we can fly wherever you want," she hinted.
Gruffnut looked surprised at her words. "Why that's—and so we shall! Yes, we shall do that—except for one thing. We should warn them that we're coming first. I'm a pretty important man to all my friends, but they hate getting unexpected visits, you know. Doesn't everyone? So here's what I suggest. You guys can hang out here for a week—all right, five days—and then we'll all go off together. Now, I'd say ya couldn't get a handsomer deal than that!"
"But what are we supposed to do for five days?" Tuffnut asked.
"You could help me clean the tables," their cousin hinted.
"Is that your job?" Ruffnut asked pointedly.
"For the moment. See, Nifty Norton is a really nice guy and he's shorthanded, so I offered to help him out until he gets some new faces. And my jousting wound needs to recover." He began massaging his leg.
Ruffnut snorted. "Clearing tables helps an injured leg?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact."
"So where can we stay?" Tuffnut asked, "and what about Chicken and Barf n' Belch? They're probably freezing cold!"
"Well, I'll see if I can persuade Norton to put the dragon in the stables."
That proved to be no problem. The stables, it turned out, were seldom used to house horses, or anything else for that matter. Even getting their dragon safely to the stables proved to be easy. To their surprise, nobody seemed concerned about having a dragon in the vicinity.
Gruffnut reassured them about this oddity. "Clearly Hiccup's ideas of living with dragons are reaching further than he ever imagined! This place used to indulge in the dragon trade, but I assure you both, those days are all but over. I might have had something to do with it myself, by the way. So the sight of a dragon won't displease anyone here in the slightest."
"Good!" Tuffnut said happily. Ruffnut was not reassured. In her opinion, the people who had seen the Zippleback gazed at him as cats gaze at the mice they are stalking. So she decided to sleep in the stables with their dragon. She supposed they would be just as comfortable as any other place in this port. This actually worked for the better, as Gruffnut's room could not fit 3 people easily and they would not have to pay for a room of their own. Norton was being very nice and generous to them, which was good because they had little money to spare. Gruffnut assured them he had enough if needed, and encouraged them to join in the dice games if they needed more.
"In fact, I think I'll go play a few rounds myself," he said to them, "All right, so Tuff, my room's up the stairs, third door on the left. I'd say please don't touch anything, but there's nothing really to touch." He looked a little glum for a moment. "All the same, please don't touch anything!"
Gruffnut's room was little more than a large closet. It would suffice for two people to sleep in, but that was about it. From the tiny window Tuffnut could see the tops of the stables directly in front and below. There was nothing else worth seeing. The rest of the view was decaying structures covered in dirty snow.
Downstairs Gruffnut only managed to place one bet before Norton dragged him away from the table. "But I finished my shift!"
"I know that, but I'm not having you rack up any more debts in my place! How do you think it looks when my own hired hands can't pay me back?"
"Ouch! Stop pulling on me or you'll reopen my jousting wound!" He clutched his leg as if it pained him.
"Jousting wound my pants. You're no more wounded than the sun is. Now, are you sure sending this message will land me a fortune?"
Gruffnut smiled winningly. "Of course I'm sure. Ruff and Tuff are friends of Hiccup the Useless. Hiccup the Useless has a price on his head. So anyone who's willing to pay for that will also be willing to pay for those two and the dragon."
"You'd better be right about this." Norton growled.
"Relax, old man, you'll get your reward and my debts will be repaid with interest."
"And it doesn't bother you that you're selling out your own kindred?"
Gruffnut waved a hand dismissively, "Oh I'm sure their capture will only be temporary. They'll probably escape with ease later."
"Well, that's your affair, not mine," Norton replied, "All right, I'll play this game. But I'm warning you, Gruffnut: if this doesn't work out, I'm throwing you in prison for the rest of yer sorry life."
"It'll work, it'll work. Don't worry. We just have to keep them here and unsuspecting until the time comes."
"You just leave that to me," Norton grinned nastily.
"Right. Well, have fun with that. I'm going to just go to bed and perhaps watch the—"
Norton grabbed him again. "Oh no you don't! You aren't going anywhere near those tables while you owe me money!"
"Oh my jousting wound!"
On Bog Burglar Island, and completely unaware of what was going on with the Twins, or any other Berkian for that matter, Fishlegs sat nervously in front of Big Boobied Bertha, waiting anxiously for her decision. Camicazi was sitting next to her mother, also looking anxious. Aside from two women standing guard at the door and a third patrolling the hall's perimeter they were alone.
Bertha shook her head. "I'm sorry, Fishlegs, but at the moment I just cannot see how I can help you."
Fishlegs had been preparing for the worst, but he was still disappointed, though he tried to keep his chin up. Camicazi, however, let out a loud groan of exasperation. "Come on, mother, we can take 'em!"
"Camicazi, if I make a move against Viggo right now, what's to stop him from doing to us what he just did to Berk?" her mother demanded.
"We'll fight 'em off! Have everyone wear dragon nip or something! There's gotta be a way! We can't just sit around doing nothing—and don't you dare even think about siding with that man!"
"I'm wondering right now who's the Chief here, you or I," Bertha retorted. "Fishlegs, I am very sorry, but I cannot help you right now, though you're entitled to know why. You know Stoick always says…said, 'A Chief protects his own.' In this case I need to protect my own first."
"But you were willing to join us against Drago last year!" Fishlegs interrupted.
"Yes, and we lost many warriors in that battle who have yet to be replaced."
"You have dragons now!"
"Our dragons against men who've spent their lives hunting them? That hardly evens the odds, I think. Besides, what do you want me to do? What plan do you have for dealing with Viggo Grimborn?"
"Well—I—normally Hiccup or Astrid would come up with this, but—well, I want to save my family and friends!"
"Who else is on your side?"
"Nobody. I came to you first."
"From what I have heard, several tribes, including the Meatheads, have joined with Viggo—no doubt hoping to cash in on his success and avoid the fate Berk has suffered. Others, like the Owl Guts and us, are saying neither 'yes' nor 'no' to Grimborn. We're waiting."
"For what?" her daughter demanded. "What are we waiting for?"
"We are waiting to see what will happen when this shock wears off." Bertha retorted, "Now listen, you two: Berk fell within minutes. I will not risk the same fate happening to us, and it will happen if I stand alone against Grimborn. He's gaining strength and we aren't. We are no match for him without help. No tribe is at this rate. I must play for time and discover who else will side against him." She shook her head again. "Fishlegs, the sad truth is that you have nothing to offer anyone. Your story is sympathetic, but you have no riches to offer, you cannot offer protection or aid, and you have no one else on your side that can. Now for me, I care not about Berk giving rewards for our aid, but other tribes will. So…" she stood up, "Come back when you have a plan and the people who can put into action. Until then, I'm sorry, but I must look after my own island first."
"Yes ma'am," Fishlegs said miserably.
"You probably should leave as soon as possible. If Viggo learns I've let you come here it might go badly, and I'm sure you have things to do." She placed a hand on his shoulder before leaving, but it was not much comfort to Fishlegs.
Camicazi at once leaned closer. "Have you heard anything from Hiccup?"
"Not a word,"
"I imagine a lot of tribes are waiting for him to give a signal. They would rally around him if they had the chance. If you somehow find him or Astrid, I know I could convince my mother to join you."
Fishlegs sighed helplessly. "So nobody here will help unless I find Hiccup or another ally?"
"I guess so," Cami said bitterly. "You might persuade Gort and one or two others, but I think most Viking Chiefs would just laugh at you."
"But this can't be a lost cause already! We can't just give up now! Who's gonna help us if Vikings won't?" He suddenly slapped himself in the head. "Of course! King Sweyn of Denmark! We did him a favor last year; he owes us! And Viggo can't possibly take over an entire country with a nest of Speed Stingers! Yes, I go to Sweyn and the other Kingdoms nearby! They've got big armies and the money, they can deal with him! I'll do better this time; I'll get the help we need!" He was so happy he kissed Camicazi on the cheek without realizing it and ran out the door.
For once in her life Camicazi had been surprised by someone. Then she shook her head. "Nah, he's not really my type."
Meatlug was talking to Midnight, Camicazi's Snow Demon and their friend Persephone. While they had not spent much time on Berk, they had been close friends of Hiccup's and were horrified by what they were hearing.
"They took it over with just a nest of Speed Stingers?"
"So it seems." Meatlug said bitterly.
"Now why did we not try that against Drago?" Persephone had to wonder.
"Where are they taking everybody? Wherever it is, we'll fly out and save them!" Midnight was always ready to take action. But at this point Fishlegs reached them.
"Meatlug, we've gotta go! We're making for Denmark!"
"Denmark! What's that going to do for us?"
"Is that where this Grimborn man is hiding?" Persephone asked.
"Is that where we're going to fight him?" said Midnight. "Let's get going then!"
"No." Fishlegs said, "Grimborn's got a castle on the coast of Norway. We know that much at least. It was Hiccup's idea, but he had me carry it out." He was rather proud of the fact. "But Bertha's not going to help us unless we've got more muscle on our side so, Meatlug, we're going to Denmark to get that muscle."
Midnight and Persephone were rather disappointed there would not be a fight yet, but Fishlegs assured them that would be coming sooner or later.
Midnight said grimly, "We'll be ready."
Viggo Grimborn sat on his chair looking through a ledger. Eret stood in front of him, impatiently waiting to be told what Viggo wanted, yet too nervous around the man to press him. The weather was rough and the ship rocked badly, but Viggo did not seem to notice.
Finally Viggo set down his reading and looked at the hunter. "I've been going over the inventory, and I have found something unusual. Several key Dragon Riders are not included in it. Would you care to explain this?"
Eret shrugged. "I don't know. They probably weren't at Berk when you captured it." He could have said 'when we captured it' but he refused to associate himself with the sack of Berk.
"Quite so," Viggo replied, "Unfortunately, that could mean trouble for us later. These free Dragon Riders will go around and ask for help. If enough people join them, it might be problematic for us all."
Eret inclined his head.
"Where the boy Fishlegs Ingerman has gone I have yet to decide. Astrid Haddock I know went with Hiccup. His cousin Snotlout I have no news on ever since Heather and Hognose went after him. I trust they will bring him back, possibly with the Haddocks and their dragons."
"And the Dragon King's mother escaped," Eret added.
"Yes, but she will return, I do not doubt. That just leaves the Thorsten Twins. Now, I feel assured the Thorsten Twins and their Zippleback will have gone to their cousin."
"What makes you think so?"
"When danger strikes, it is typical for people to go where they feel safe and find people they feel they can trust it—namely, family members and close friends. Since Gruffnut Thorsten is their only family member in these parts who remains free, and I have learned from Hognose that the Thorsten male idolizes him, surely it is not unreasonable to suppose they have gone to him for protection?"
Eret agreed it was a possibility.
"A possibility I want confirmed. We have two ships without cargo in this fleet. You and a group of hunters will take one and sail to—" he checked a map and gave a name. "Find these Thorsten Twins and their Zippleback and take them. If it turns out they are not there, take Gruffnut Thorsten as a hostage. I can tell you have a question."
"Wouldn't it be more likely they've all taken refuge in the same place? That Ingerman and the Haddocks and Thorstens are all together?"
"If we had struck while they were all together, certainly. But they were not. The Haddocks had left some time before, and I know Ingerman and the Thorstens went in different directions to search for Snotlout. Mildew told me while he was still alive. They were all scattered when we took Berk. When we struck I imagine the fugitives became disorganized and confused, and went wherever they deemed best."
"Unless they have an emergency place to meet at," Eret observed, wondering why he was bothering to tell Viggo any of this at all, "there was that island called the Sanctuary, after all,"
"That was destroyed." Viggo replied shortly, "You may leave now." He did not wish to reveal to Eret that if the Riders had a place for emergencies it was unknown to him, nor did he know the location of the Sanctuary. Ever since that island had been destroyed and abandoned, nobody had bothered to search for it anymore. It occurred to him that Adoncia had known the location, but she had never told him, for reasons he had never learned.
"Oh it does not matter," He assured himself after Eret had left, "I am confident there is no such place for emergencies and that the escaped Riders are in a chaotic, isolated, and disorderly state."
Several days later Viggo received Gruffnut Thorsten's letter, which confirmed his suspicions and greatly pleased him. Since Eret had sailed prior to the letter's arrival, he would probably capture the Thorstens and their dragon within a day or two. Of course, he had no intention of paying anybody for this.
To pass the time the Twins helped Gruffnut with his work in the tavern. Neither of them like it, but Gruffnut insisted that since he was being so considerate to them they ought to pitch in and help him in his time of difficulty, especially as his jousting wound made it harder for him to do physical labor.
"Jousting wound my foot," Ruffnut muttered as she turned in for the night, some five days after arriving, "if he's got a jousting wound I'm a rooster."
Chicken eyed her curiously.
Ruffnut went on, "I just can't understand what that dummy of a brother of mine sees in him!" She sat down next to their Zippleback and started praying to Loki. It had not been her custom to do this nightly, but these days she figured it could not hurt.
After finishing work, Gruffnut went to the docks because Norton would not let him near the gambling tables any more. He sat on a barrel watching the traffic, and eventually a man came up to him.
"You Gruffnut Thorsten?"
"Yeah?"
"I was sent by a mutual friend named Viggo Grimborn."
Gruffnut at once looked attentive. "Already? Well, that's just fine! Right, well, let's talk about our terms and prices—"
The man pointed a knife at Gruffnut's throat. "The price is this: we get your cousins and their dragons, you get a bag of gold. Deal? Good. Now take us to them. And if there are any tricks, we're holding you responsible. Got it? Right." He called over his shoulder, "Eret! We've got a lead!"
Eret nodded. "Let's get on with it." He and a dozen men joined them. "Now look, we want to do this quickly and painlessly. Don't forget, they've got a dragon. We'll capture one and use them as a hostage to make the rest surrender, or we got it?" He pointed to Gruffnut, "you, who's gonna be the easier one to capture?"
"Tuffnut's in my room and he'll be alone." Gruffnut said, resentful they were talking to him so rudely. "But just to warn you, it's a very small room."
Eret shrugged. "Then I'll go in myself, while the rest of you block the exits."
Up in his room, Tuff was trying on some of Gruffnut's clothes. He thought it would be a great prank if the two of them wore the same outfits and confuse everybody. And when he had the clothes on and fixed up his hair a little, he did indeed look like the spitting image of Gruffnut.
"Oh, Ruff is gonna love this!" he grinned.
At that instant the door flew opened and Eret, Son of Eret came charging towards him. Tuffnut shrieked and leapt onto the bed. Eret grabbed his leg. Tuff kicked him in the face with his free leg. Eret inadvertently released him and Tuff flopped onto the floor. He was up in an instant.
"How'd you find me?" he demanded, trying to play for time. He jumped for the door but Eret blocked it.
"Your cousin told us about you." Eret said dully, looking for an opening.
"What?"
"Your family doesn't have much loyalty."
"That's a lie!" Tuffnut yelled, "You're trying to get me to turn against him!" Eret reached for him, but Tuffnut ducked out of the way. Eret tried again and grabbed his wrist, so Tuffnut bit him in the arm.
"Lots of muscle," he commented as Eret inspected the bite.
"Why you little—what are you, some kind of cannibal?" Eret yelled in disgust.
"Can a cannibal can a bull like a canner cans a can?" Tuffnut grinned. Eret punched him in the nose and Tuff went down on the floor. It seems he wanted that to happen, because he grabbed his mace from under the bed, leapt to his feet, and slammed it into Eret's head.
"Didn't see that one coming did ya?" Tuffnut grinned. "LOKIED!" He grabbed Eret by the shoulders, steered him towards the window and pushed as hard as he could. Eret went right through the glass and landed on the stable roof. And because the roof was so rotten he went right through that too and flopped into a pile of old hay in the stables. He looked up to see Ruffnut's delighted face. His pulse quickened and his face fell.
"Oh no,"
"My prayers have been answered!" she cheered. "Oh, hold me, humungous hunter of my heart! Ignite the ends of my hair!" she tried to climb onto him and kiss him while he tried to get away from her. "Don't deny that this is meant to be! Take me to Valhalla! Touch my lips and I am yours for eternity!" He pushed her mouth away and tried to crawl through the hay, with her reaching for his legs. "I meant touch them with your own lips, not your hand! Oh, but what does it matter? Soon we shall be locked together forever in—"
He picked her up and threw her into a haystack.
"Oh, you are so strong! I've always longed strongly for a strong man! It's clear we are meant to—hey, where are you going?"
Eret had given her the slip and was fleeing for the door. He would happily fight a Red Death rather than deal with a besotted Ruffnut Thorsten.
"Come back, future father of my children!" She threw some hay at Barf n' Belch and Chicken. "Why didn't you muttonheads do anything to stop him?"
They just looked at her, amusement in their eyes.
"Oh, think this is funny do you? Well if I don't get my Eret back right now, I'll show you just how funny—and I honestly can't think of what to threaten you with, so let's just get going! We've got a man to catch!"
Meanwhile, Gruffnut had rushed upstairs when he had heard the crashes, only to run into Tuffnut running downstairs.
"Where's Eret?"
"I hit him in the head with my mace and threw him out the—wait a minute!" Tuffnut looked like he had taken a mace to the head. "What did you just say?"
Gruffnut froze. Nobody there would have asked about Eret unless they had been in on this. "Oh, my jousting wound," he said feebly.
Tuffnut roared and rammed into his cousin. They both tumbled down the staircase and landed in a heap in front of the hunters, Norton, and some amused guests.
"Fight, fight, fight!" the guests cheered.
"Get him!" one hunter shouted. But the others paused.
"Which one's Tuffnut?" Indeed, both Thorsten males looked identical to them.
"He's the one you want!" One of the Thorsten men shouted, "He's Tuffnut!"
"Am not! He's Tuffnut! Only Tuffnut has that mole on his ear!"
"No he doesn't! I'm Gruffnut!"
"No I'm Gruffnut!"
"I'm Gruffnut! Guys, I was telling you about how small my room was, remember!"
"No, I was telling them that! You liar, you were obviously eavesdropping on us!"
"He's got a point," one hunter remarked.
"He's the one you want! I'll prove it to you! Look, an explosion!"
The other Thorsten did not move. "Big deal."
His accuser froze. The hunters were looking at him suspiciously. "Well…obviously the real Tuffnut is smart enough not to fall for something like that."
The other one suddenly pointed, "Look, a bag of gold!"
Literally everyone else in the room turned their heads and cried "Where?"
The Thorsten male who had spoken look incredulous. "Seriously?"
"Look, guys, I swear, he's the real Tuffnut, not me!"
"Ah shut up, we'll take 'em both!" one hunter announced. "Where's Eret?"
As if on cue Eret burst into the tavern. "She's after me! Quick! Hey—after him!" For the true Tuffnut had used the distraction to dash into the back room. There was a dirty window in the back and he flung it opened and shouted "Hey, Ruff! Over here!"
Instead of going through the door the Zippleback went right through the rotting wall. Unbidden, Barf curiously examined a barrel of ale, then picked it up in his teeth and playfully threw it at the door, causing it to break. Belch followed his example and they began throwing barrels at the doorway, making a great big puddle of ale and an even bigger pile of splintered wood, which the hunters where trying to remove while the tavern customers were trying to save the spilled ale by any means possible.
Tuffnut spotted a pair of crossbows lying around, probably for protection against thieves and drunkards, and he seized them and fired one as a warning shot. "I warn you, I've got two crossbows here!" He looked down at his weapons. "I know one isn't loaded now…but the other is! And I've still got a Chicken over here, so be nice and I'll kill you quickly! Or at least one of you…or maybe…you know what, sister, let's just go!"
"Ah, but first, brother of mine, we must catch Eret and then make a spectacular exit! And not necessarily in that order!" Ruffnut grinned. She pulled a firework from her bag.
"Where'd you get that?"
"Hiccup's wedding. We didn't shoot off all of them. I saved this one so I could study it and figure out how we could make our own."
"Oh, that would be so cool!"
"Sadly, alas, we'll have to use it here and beg Hiccup for some more. Say, maybe when Eret and I get married he'll let you shoot some off!"
"Whoa, whoa, who said anything—oh never mind! Shoot it off and let's go!" he made to get on his side of the Zippleback but Ruffnut pushed him down. "OW! What was that for?"
Ruffnut's grin turned diabolical. "Say it!"
"Oh come on!"
"C'mon, say it!"
He scowled at her. "Fine. You were right and I was wrong. Happy?"
"Good boy. Now, care to do the honors?"
"Sure, not-so-awesome sister of mine." He climbed onto Belch and held the firework close to the dragon's mouth. Belch clicked his jaws and a spark hit the fuse. As it did so the hunters had cleared enough space for them to climb over the barrel remains.
"What is that thing?" one of them yelled. "Looks like a tube with a—"
That was when the firework went off. It slammed into the opposite wall and exploded with so much force the whole building shook. And then some sparks fell into the ale puddle and flames almost literally leapt off the floor.
"Whoohoohoo!" the Twins cheered. "LOKIED!" And Chicken clucked loudly.
"Now let's get going!" Tuffnut yelled. But instead of flying away, Ruffnut directed her half to head towards the hunters.
"Ruff, what are you doing?"
"Getting my knight in not-so-shining armor!"
"Getting your—you have gotta be kidding me!"
"Nope! Get him, Barf!"
Eret had already entered the room when the explosion had occurred, and that had thrown him into a group of barrels. In his dazed state he hardly noticed the Zippleback pick him up in his mouth, blast a hole through the roof, and carry him away.
"So what about Gruffnut?" Ruffnut asked once they were airborn.
Tuffnut swallowed and said hoarsely, "He sold us out. He betrayed us—he betrayed me, his own cousin: the guy who worshiped him when nobody else did! He…he has no place with us now."
Ruffnut hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder. It felt so weird to both of them she quickly removed it.
"So, to the Bog Burglars?" Tuffnut asked, trying to sound casual. His sister nodded. Chicken hopped onto Eret's head and started examining his hair, debating if it was a good spot for roosting.
Gruffnut would have pleaded for their forgiveness. He would have begged them to take him with them rather than stand amidst the wreck of the tavern's storage room and face a very shaken but enraged employer.
"So…" Nifty Norton said, deliberately keeping his voice soft, like the calm before the hurricane. He looked more dangerous than a Screaming Death.
Gruffnut grinned sheepishly. "I'm….Tuffnut actually? Yeah, my sister grabbed the wrong person! See, I'm Tuffnut! I like Chickens!" The dumbest person alive would not have believed the bluff.
Norton advanced, probably intending to club him into next week. Gruffnut began spouting anything that might calm him down. "But it wasn't my fault! Those hunter morons messed it up! Hey, we can still make a deal! Look, they wrecked the place; they should be the ones to fix it up!" Norton grabbed him by the neck and started throttling him while shouting a string of profanities loudly enough to wake the dead. "Help! Oh my jousting wound hurts! But at least you've still got part of a roof and some walls, right?"
At that moment one of the walls fell down. It had been inevitable for over a decade. And once that happened, the rest of the roof collapsed, causing the remaining walls to fall over. Norton was so stunned he inadvertently let go of Gruffnut.
"The Governor's never gonna believe this..."