Chapter Summary
Connor wants to make up for his bad behavior at the cabin so he gets everyone together for dinner but more is on the menu besides drinks and laughter.Chapter Notes
Chapter 10 is TRASH...This is your last warning...April felt like a high school girl with the world's most attentive boyfriend. They weren't having actual penetrative sex but the past few weeks they had been working their way up to it. Most days were heavy petting sessions where Connor would stop ever so often to ask if she was "okay" or if she wanted to "try something else". She always was and she always did, April knew somewhere in the back of her mind that the one reason the therapy was seemingly working was because it wasn't Will.
Will; who even now when he passed by her the hair on her forearms would stand at attention and she could barely catch her breath. Most of the time she chalked it up to the awkwardness of all the unspoken that still brewed around them. He still had a dizzying effect on her even through his mood swings. April had noticed that too; a sort of light had left him as of late. Periodically she would steal looks at him in the ED. She'd witnessed a sort of quiet death; it had taken over him placing a look in his eyes that wasn't even rivaled to his rejection from Natalie. She wondered if something was going on but she usually talked herself out of the reality; that his heart, although patched up by Natalie, was still very much broken and by her nonetheless. She couldn't deal with it or ask about it so she chalked it up to stress and work and went on believing what she always believed. He was with Natalie, she was with Connor and everyone was moving on.
...
April tried to have Connor over at least once a week for exposure therapy. But tonight would be the night they finally attempted to have sex. They had scheduled it before their double date with Natalie and Will, it wasn't April's idea but Connor wanted to make up for his surly mood at the cabin and he'd convinced her that they would work up an appetite. He was too cute to resist so they made the plan for the following day.
Connor was at the hospital giving a consult for a patient Dr. Choi was for sure needed surgery, his exact language in the page was "It's a doozy." When Connor came down the steps a few residents were patching up two screaming women and a man who stood between them with a knife plunged into his chest. Strangely enough the man was talking and trying to reason with the two ladies while Dr. Choi was trying to get him to sit down. He turned and saw Connor.
"What in the world is going on?" Connor asked with an excited curiosity.
"A stabby soap opera story," Dr. Choi answered shaking his head.
Connor ordered a scan to see where the knife had hit before determining that surgery was definitely needed. He performed it and everything went smoothly but when he got out of the OR he realized he had no family or friends to update so he found Ethan to see where the two screaming women had gotten off to.
"Jail," Ethan said with another deprecating smile at the situation.
"What? Really? Okay what's the story? I have to hear this," Connor said smiling.
"So this guy has been sleeping with the two women that you saw yelling earlier but only one of them doesn't know and she got home and caught them on the kitchen table, hence the quick action with the knife," Ethan said with a wonder at the situation.
"She was lucky she didn't kill him she missed his aorta by less than three centimeters," Connor remarked with a judgment, "There are literally two million people in this city I wonder how two people could end up with the same man and by choice nonetheless," Connor remarked about to walk away until Ethan said,
"It happens all the time, even in a city of two million, like with you and April and her and Wi-,"
Ethan stopped his sentence when Connor's eyes looked confused.
"Never mind," Ethan said walking away, "I'll find the next of kin-," he began until Connor stopped him.
"-No, wait April and who?" Connor asked pulling himself closer to Ethan.
"Nothing man," Ethan said trying to get out of the conversation and get back to work but Connor was a dog with a bone; his eyes pressed him.
"Well her and Will," Ethan finally said.
"They weren't together-wait why do you think that?" Connor asked folding his arms.
He was intrigued his tone mildly playful.
"Well there's the obvious, they lived together and the fact that he took care of her when she was out after getting hurt last spring but it was their behavior one day at lunch that made me think that something finally happened," Ethan said trying his best to not ruffle any feathers but he had stirred the pot.
"Like," Connor pressed on but the seriousness had flooded his words the playful tone was gone.
"They both literally clammed up the moment I joined them at lunch like whatever they were talking about I could not be privy to and the way they were rubbing at their muscles like they were sore, it was where they were rubbing, it was suspect. I mean it was just a sense, a feeling from the situation."
"Okay Detective Choi don't quit your day job," Connor said rolling his eyes until Ethan said.
"When I noticed how sore they both appeared I asked if they had done a lot of moving,because she was moving out, and April choked on her water and Will blushed like a strawberry. I'd say 'okay nothing to see here' but she hired movers; neither of them had lifted a thing…at least not any boxes," Ethan raised both hands and slid back dropping the metaphorical bomb into Connor's lap, "But hey, it was just a feeling."
Connor still felt like it was conjecture at best, but on his way out of the hospital the words started to water a familiar weed that really had never been plucked from his garden of suspicion. He'd never really shook the strange feeling he got from them when he interrupted whatever they were doing before he got to April's apartment. Then there was the weird exchange at dinner that was supposedly only weird because of Will's pressure on April to go to counseling, but April was already in counseling so why were they still estranged? Then there was the obvious connection a world almost impenetrable to him and Nat that he witnessed at the bar during trivia. He was all the way up to April's apartment with these obsessive thoughts rattling in his head when he knocked on her door.
The thoughts flew away as quickly as they arrived when he saw April. She was dressed in a matching red lace bra and underwear set that she bought for the occasion. She pulled him in by the collar and they immediately began kissing. The trail of Connor's clothes were like breadcrumbs to her room. The two of them naked under her blankets as Connor lay on top of her still asking for permission every two seconds until April yelled,
"Connor! Jesus just put it in! I'm fine," April had to laugh.
"Okay, okay, sheesh," he laughed back kissing her and pushing himself in at the same time.
It had been too long, for both of them, he moved slowly at first as they stared at each other; Connor taking cues from her at how fast or slow he should go.
"You still good? How do you feel?" He said slowing his grinding down.
The pace was a bit excruciating but in the best way possible for April her eyes were closed and she was speaking Portanglish a name Connor made up when she made no sense in English, Spanish, or Portuguese.
"God que se siente tan bien Connor," April moaned not really paying him any attention.
Connor sped up pushing himself closer but her words had a strange effect on him. He continued at that pace barely able to focus on her as the feeling engulfed him before finally he came undone. Coming inside of her should have been the highlight of his year but there was an asterisk there. He couldn't get what she said out of his head.
"Se siente tan bien" The words played like a song with no title. Where had he heard them before and from whom? They got dressed and went down the street walking to the restaurant but he couldn't stop the words in his head from repeating:
"Se siente tan bien"
They walked in and Natalie and Will were just arriving as well. Everyone said hello but he was preoccupied with trying to figure out why the phrase stuck out.
"Connor," April interrupted his thoughts, "Natalie asked how the knife-guy's surgery went," she asked looking at him with a slight concern.
"Oh sorry, it went well, he's going to pull through," Connor answered.
"Se siente tan bien-"
"-Connor, are you ready to order?" April asked still wondering where he was. The dinner was his idea yet he seemed completely checked out.
"Uh yeah- come back to me," Connor answered foggily.
They went around the table and ordered; he picked something quickly not really having looked at the menu, his mind had turned obsessive and the Will shaped weed was nourished and almost ready to harvest.
Where had he heard it before? Dammit Choi he had gotten into his head and then he thought to himself…Choi…Choi se siente tan bien.
The past conversations whirling around in his head as he plucked the pieces and started putting it together.
"Ethan noticed it first."
"I don't know if you noticed or if I'm just seeing things but is there something going on between Will and April?"
"Months ago, unplanned, I slept with someone."
"So that's it?"
"Well what else would there be?"
"Mmm try this it's good," April said holding out her fork to Connor.
He gave her a face at the fork and shook his head no.
"Yeah actually you're right that is really good. Will said smiling, a small chuckle at his surprise at the dish.
It was finally coming together it was the pneumonia patient he came down to give a consult with for Dr. Choi and he overheard Will asking a question.
Suddenly the blood left Connor's face and a white-hot anger flushed through him that he'd never experienced before. He looked to Will smiling at April and then to Natalie as April offered small bites of her meal.
"It was you," Connor said; his volume barely registering at the table, a heat growing in his words.
"Se siente tan bien, remember that Will?" Connor asked with a contained hostility he never knew.
His voice was louder now so everyone could hear. Will looked at him confused.
"What? What are you saying?" as he looked over to April to interpret but she looked thrown off.
"That day at the hospital you asked Rosa what that meant 'Se siente tan bien' and I translated it. What were you asking her that for?" Connor asked as the rage filled his face and his jaws clenched.
Immediately Will's cheeks flushed a shade of strawberry as the memory came back to him; nothing about that time was forgotten or lost to him. He adjusted his posture in his chair.
"I couldn't tell you that man I don't really remember," he said lying and looking to his wine glass as he brought it up to his mouth.
"See that's so hard for me to believe because it feels really good with her," Connor said through his teeth, "She isn't forgettable, I would know."
"Connor?!" April blurted out; embarrassed, but her outburst was giving validity to Connor's cryptic statements.
Will half shook his head still looking away with a shrug. He hoped the lie would end the topic but he could feel Connor's glare burning a hole into his face.
"Will?" Natalie finally piped up looking to him, "What's he talking about?" Natalie looked around the table then to April but she quickly avoided her eyes.
Will and Connor were now locked in a fierce stare.
"Oh so I guess I'm not the only one out of the loop here," Connor said finally blinking and slowly looking at Natalie.
Natalie was absorbing the seriousness in his eyes.
"April?...Will? Someone please say something!" Natalie commanded, as she was now sitting up and visibly angry as well.
"Yes please someone finally SAY IT!" Connor said loudly pounding his fist on the table.
April and Will both flinched at the command.
The entire restaurant went quiet as all eyes were on the table of four friends sealed into a moment no one wanted to be in. Connor brought his gaze back to Will and then over to April.
He shook his head in anger when a cold smile unfurled across his face. Natalie looked angry but more than that confused. The seconds ticked by; the silence and confusion at the table was increasing Connor's fury, finally he broke the quiet.
"Did you sleep with him?" he seethed through his teeth trying once again to contain his anger.
Will and Connor were still locked in eye contact but the question was toward April; she'd already lied to him once so he wanted to see Will's expression when he asked. The truth was finally forcing itself up and out and the guilt was all over Will's face. Connor asked again frustrated in the silence but this time to Will.
"Did you sleep with April?" the anguish in his voice was starting to match the anger.
Natalie's eyes widened and her mouth dropped as she looked to April and Will.
"What?! When?! Natalie asked astonished; still allowing the words to sink in, "Oh my god," she said putting her head to her forehead.
Will looked over at her.
"It was a while ago it didn't mean anything," Will answered still looking at Connor but replying to Natalie.
He ignored April's eyes because if he'd seen them then he might have felt some regret in his choice of words. Connor shook his head not believing Will's answer or its depth.
April got up and threw her napkin on the table practically running out. Connor swiftly followed chasing after her.
The murmurs in the restaurant were beginning to fill the silence that Connor's outburst had occupied.
"April!" Connor ran her down half a block. He grabbed her arm to stop her.
"How could you do that?!" April turned to Connor screaming at him.
"How could I?! April you lied to me! I asked you if anything happened between you two and you said no!" Connor yelled back.
"You asked if we dated I said we didn't because we didn't, I was too messed up to be in a relationship at the time," April said with the same intensity but her voice was lower the crowd around them was starting to stare.
"Really, semantics, you knew what I meant!" Connor yelled not caring about the bystanders until another piece of the puzzle knocked the wind out of him, "Oh my god... you were too messed up to be in a relationship with him, that's why you two stopped talking."
He paced around her in small steps gathering his senses and allowing all the strings and pieces to pull and put themselves together in light of the confession. His phone pinged and he realized it was his patient from earlier, he had to leave. A heavy sigh left his chest and he stormed away not saying goodbye he had to try and focus on work now.
Natalie slumped back down in her chair the air was thick but cold between her and Will.
"You guys didn't….while we've been dating did you?" Natalie asked cutting through it.
"No." Will answered quietly.
"Was it when she lived with you?" Natalie questioned, finally looking at Will.
"The first time, yes," Will answered again quietly but now looking at Natalie with a bit of shame and regret.
Natalie's eye widened momentarily, "The first time!? Oh...okay...I guess you didn't have any problem rising to the occasion for her," Natalie stated her words laced with anger.
Will sighed in frustration looking down and away from her again. He paid the rest of the bill and got up to follow Natalie out.
"I think that I want to go home, but alone tonight," Natalie stated her voice was more disappointed now than angry.
Will nodded and shut the door to her car. The night had turned into a nightmare and they all still had to face each other at work.
…
April went back to Connor's apartment to wait for him to finish work. She had hoped to repair things, but even internally she was conflicted, confused, and incredibly ashamed at the outcome of the situation. When the door opened he saw her but he looked annoyed at her presence.
"Connor," April started as she walked toward him.
He stepped back walking away and past her before twirling around pointing and saying,
"It was him, wasn't it? He was the one you slept with, the one that caused the panic attacks," he put another piece of it together before coming to another conclusion, "Do you love him?" he asked narrowing his eyes.
The question stunned April; it wasn't anything she'd admitted out loud to anyone.
"Oh god… see that should be the easy one 'we were bored, drunk, lonely,'" Connor said listing them with his fingers, "Those would be acceptable responses but that silence," he said shaking his head in disbelief before yelling, "Get out!"
"Connor please...," April pleaded grabbing his arm.
He pulled it away and looked at her before saying,
"You don't get it April, I don't trust you. I don't know what you consider a big enough detail of your life to tell me. Not our son, not your rape, and definitely not our friend YOU FUCKED!" He yelled; his tone making her flinch. He took a deep breath in before saying,
"Why couldn't you have told me the truth? Why do I always have to beg you talk to me, to tell me things….to love me?" Connor's voice cracked at the end.
The rage began to melt away as April saw how her lies had affected Connor.
"You don't, I do love you," April said looking down and away from Connor. "I just…I don't know,"
"I do," Connor said regretfully his blues eye full of a manic sadness and rage that threatened the fallacious world April thought her feelings for Will resided in.
He stepped closer to her and lifted her chin making her look at him; his blue eyes brimming with tears. She could've been swallowed up by those eyes their sorrow their heartbreak.
"Because I'm not Will," he dropped his hand let out a sigh walking away leaving her standing there alone.
April would've cried but the responsibility was on her, she didn't feel like she deserved to cry, not in Connor's house, not when she had hurt him so badly. She opened the front door and closed it not realizing that it would be the last time they would speak.