A formal warning: This story will contain abuse, non-con/rape, death, dark themes, it will not contain graphic descriptions of such.
*****And I don't own HP, or the excerpts you see below*****
So, this is 1997- apparently, "Muggle" pregnancy tests(according to me mum anyway) were literally, Pee in a cup- dip a strip- wait(here's a list of ten things that can give you a false positive!) so I'm gonna bash "Muggle 90s" items for a split second in this chapter.
Tonks rushed upstairs after she left the other potion ingredients in the kitchen, heading for the bathroom in her room, opening the cupboard. She pulled out the small box that held the potions, opening it. There were two extra, just as she thought.
July's had been missed because it slipped her mind, between Dumbledore's death and funeral, she simply forgot.
August's had been missed because again, she simply forgot.
She didn't even think to take a contraceptive potion after what had happened in July, the idea had never crossed her mind. Would it be too late to take it now? What if she was pregnant?
If she had married Remus one week before the Death Eater meeting, she could be just over a month along- would taking one of these potions now cause a miscarriage, or was it all just a coincidence, maybe she wasn't pregnant at all?
She pulled out the potion she had bought from the shop, a small box that held two vials, pulling out the tiny piece of parchment that contained the instructions. She read quickly, her heart pounding.
This potion detects a pregnancy as soon as a witch has conceived! Simply add a drop of blood, and wait! Potion will remain clear if negative, or turn purple if positive!
Tonks had to admit, at times like these, it was good magic could detect illnesses and similar a lot easier and quicker than Muggles could. She stowed the box of her usual potions back in the cupboard, pulling out a vial of the clear potion. She dug through drawers until she found a pin, uncorking the vial and pricking the tip of a finger. She let a drop fall into the vial, and waited.
How long could it take?
"You were gone nearly three hours, you know." Sirius said, appearing at the door. "I was about to come after you."
"Shut it, Remus is still sleeping." Tonks demanded, still staring at the vial. How long until she knew it was negative?
"You know he's a heavy sleeper after a full moon, he's going to be asleep for a few more hours." Sirius said. "What are you doing anyway?"
"I'm just-" She broke off as the liquid began to shift colour, and her heart skipped a beat when it changed to purple. "Oh, shit. Sirius, do you know what this is?"
"Uh, no."
"It's- it's a pregnancy potion." Tonks said. "And, as it turns out, I'm apparently pregnant." She finished quietly.
"Dora, that's not a terrible thing."
"Sirius, Remus and I were careful." Tonks said slowly. "We were very careful."
"Well, perhaps you-"
"The only time I can think of that perhaps protection wasn't used was..." She sighed. "Sirius, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think it's Remus' baby."
"Rodolphus?" Sirius asked, and Tonks nodded after a moment. "I think a few of us figured out what he did to you. But, Dora, maybe it's not so bad-"
"It is bad, Sirius! I'm pregnant, and it might not be my husband's!"
"We can go to St Mungo's, lie about your name, get a Healer to confirm how far along you are-"
"The problem with that, Sirius, is that the last time Remus and I... well, it was the morning before I went to Malfoy Manor-"
''When did you two have time?" Sirius asked automatically. "We were all together all day after the meeting, and the meeting was here-"
"We were late to the meeting, Sirius."
Realisation dawned on Sirius' face. "Huh." He said. "Now I can see you being late because of that, but Remus is usually always on time, I'm surprised you convinced him to arrive late-"
"That doesn't matter, Sirius!" Tonks snapped. "What matters is I'm pregnant, and I don't know what to do. I can't have another man's child, how would Remus feel?"
Sirius was quiet for a minute. "You need to tell Remus. He can help you, you two can talk about your options, and you know he'll support you no matter what. And you should talk to Kingsley-''
"No."
"Dora, if you go through with this, and have this baby, how will you explain it if one day- say, twenty years from now- suddenly there's a child that looks like Rodolph-"
"Don't say it." She said. "I can't tell him- he knows I was raped, but- I can't tell anyone, Sirius, I just- oh, God, I'm pregnant."
She buried her head in her hands, sitting on the edge of the tub. He knelt in front of her, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"It's fine, Dora. We'll figure this out." He said.
"I stopped at the bookshop before coming home. I got a book about- about pregnancy. It has a lot of information about all of this- there's a spell to terminate, a potion to test paternity, but it only works when the baby is already born." Tonks said quietly. "Maybe it's a faulty potion?"
"I'll admit I have no knowledge of these things, so I can't offer my opinion." Sirius said. "Why not wait another week or so, and try the other one? I don't know much about- well, all of this..." He gestured casually at her. "I don't know how accurate these types of potions are."
"It said it was the most accurate one."
"So, either test that second one now, or wait a few weeks? I know Lily got pretty sick...?"
"Despite the jokes and pranks and your general attitude, you're actually good at this kind of stuff." Tonks said. "Thank you, Sirius. Seems to me like you've had similar talk before."
"No, I just make things up as I go."
"This is apparently the most accurate potion out there, so..." Tonks said. "I'll try that second one too. And if it's- if it's positive, I'll talk to Remus."
Sirius stood, nodding. She stood too, feeling a little shaky.
"Sirius, what if I'm a bad mother? What if I do something wrong?" Tonks asked. "Or, if Bellatrix finds us and hurts the baby? Hurts me?"
"You're not even sure you're actually pregnant, and already worried about the baby. I'd say that's a good sign."
She uncorked the second vial, picking up the pin. She pricked her finger, letting one drop fall into the vial. It was much quicker this time, turning purple within a few seconds.
"Well, congratulations, Mum." Sirius said quietly.
"I'm- uh, I'll need to talk to Remus, I suppose." She said.
"I'm going to get started on making dinner, I just came up here to make sure you weren't delayed by Death Eaters. Are you planning to talk to Remus now?"
"I don't know, I might let him sleep a little longer." She said. "We'll be down for dinner, though."
Sirius nodded, leaving the bathroom, and she heard the bedroom door close quietly a moment later. She walked out of the bathroom, staring in the direction of the bed. Remus was fast asleep, one arm over his eyes, one tucked beneath the pillow.
She remove her cloak finally, draping it over the dresser, sitting on the edge of the bed. She traced a finger gently along one of the scars on his chest, and he groaned slightly.
"Why do you find my scars so worthy of attention, love?" He asked quietly, lowering his arm from his eyes.
"I find you worthy of attention, not your scars." Tonks said. "How are you feeling?"
"If you'll forgive a terribly overused saying- better now that you're here."
"I can let it slide." Tonks said. "Remus, we need to talk."
He sat up, leaning on his elbows. "That's never a good start to a conversation." He said. "What about?"
"Well, uh, I- I don't know." She said, dropping her head in her hands.
She felt him sit up all the way. "Dora, what's wrong?" Remus asked.
Just say it, blurt it out, let him panic as much as you are.
Tonks took a deep breath, dropping her hands. "Remus, I'm pregnant."
She could see him frowning slightly.
"I used a silly potion from that shop owned by the Witch Weekly editor. It's apparently the most accurate, I tried it twice." Tonks said. "I'd only be-"
"A month at most?" Remus asked. "Dora, we were..."
She nodded. "Yes, we were careful." Tonks said. "That's the thing, Remus, you and I were careful. There's a chance we- I'm hoping, anyway- that we missed a single time, but I do know of at least one incident that didn't- that there was no... preventative measures taken."
Remus exhaled sharply. "Oh, God. Oh, Dora. We should have made sure you took something, I saw the bruises, and I just- it slipped my mind, I didn't want to think about it-"
She shook her head. "Remus, I should have remembered, but- I don't have to go through with it- there's a spell, I can cast it on myself and it'll terminate the-"
"Dora... Please don't go casting random spells on yourself."
''-but I don't know if I should, because it could be yours but what if I go through this and find out later, it's not?"
"No matter what, this baby will be mine." Remus said. "If you decide to go through with it, your child is my child."
She stared at the floor, wiping tears from her face, she wasn't even sure when she had started crying.
"Dora, whatever you decide to do, I'm going to support you." Remus said. "But if you decide to... use the spell, don't cast it on yourself, if you were to ever hurt yourself because of this..." He took a deep breath. "If you decide, Dora, to terminate it- I won't argue- but please don't cast it on yourself. St Mungo's might have a Healer or two that can do it for you. And if you decide you can't do that, and decide to keep it, do you honestly think I'd go anywhere?"
"I'm really scared, Remus." She said. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't."
"It's alright, we'll get through this, Dora." Remus said, taking her hand gently. "And, if you want, we'll never mention Rodolphus from this point on."
"Really?" Tonks asked.
"Dora, I don't want you being upset, I can't imagine it's good for our baby."
"Our baby..." Tonks said quietly. "I think I like the idea of that, Remus."
"Do you want to talk to Kingsley yet?"
She shook her head. "I think, until I actually decide, it's better that no one else knows." She said. "Sirius knows, he's the one who told me to talk to you about it, but I doubt he'll say anything."
"Are you feeling alright? So far?"
She nodded. "It may be too early for the morning sickness, I think."
"So how did you know to do a test?" Remus asked.
"I missed my period, and then realised I haven't taken my potion since June. I was kind of hoping that by testing with those potions, it'd be negative, and I'd put my mind at ease, but..." She shrugged. "I bought a book that explains everything. It explains the spell, if I choose to use it. It explains every about pregnancy. If I go through with this, maybe you should read it too?"
He nodded. "Of course."
She was quiet for a moment. "I want to know what you want, Remus. I don't know if I want to make this decision alone."
"I'll support any decision you make."
"But that's just it, Remus. I don't know if it should be my decision. I think it should be ours."
Remus nodded again. "Do you want to discuss it now?"
"Are you still tired?" She asked, but he shook his head. "Then, maybe we should."
"Then, we will." Remus said. "Now, what do you think the biggest con would be?"
"That there's a chance it's not yours."
"However, I'm going to say something that might upset you." He said. "That could be a good thing."
"Excuse me?"
"Hear me out for one moment, Dora, before you plan my murder." Remus said quickly. "There aren't many records of humans and werewolves having children- off the top of my head, I can't think of a single one I've ever heard about, and I've spent a long time around fellow werewolves. I'd be concerned the child could be a werewolf, and I don't know what would happen to you in that case, or if the child can even physically transform before it's born."
"So an infected child is another con." She said. "However, you being the father is a big reason why I'm unsure of doing the spell, which is apparently very unpleasant."
"And like I said, whether or not I physically fathered this child, I'll still be its father." Remus said.
"What I'm going to say next is going to sound extremely vain." Tonks said. "I'm not excited about the whole weight gain thing, or being useless for the Order. However, bigger breasts... that might be a positive thing for you."
Remus laughed. "You know I don't love you just for your appearance, love." He said. "And I don't think you'll be completely useless for the Order. You're good at potions, you're good at healing spells and formulating plans. There'd be no need to cut you from the war efforts completely- you could still help from behind a ton of protective enchantments."
"That's another thing, I don't know if I'd want to be trapped in a house for months on end."
"So we expand the enchantments, you can go out into the garden." Remus said. "And I didn't mean you'd be stuck here the entire time, you could come and go to wherever we hold the Order meetings."
"How would we get everything we need for the baby? Or for myself?"
"We can figure that out." Remus said. "If you're only a few weeks along right now, we may not have to worry for a while."
She was quiet for a moment. "I think we may have talked ourselves into keeping the baby, Remus."
Remus nodded slowly. "I was beginning to think the same."
"I wish I could be sure about how far along I am." Tonks said. "At a maximum, it's only a week difference, but at a minimum-"
"A few hours." Remus finished. "I don't think there's going to be any way to guess- before its born, I mean- about who the father is. However, even with the week's difference, I'd say you'd be due around March or April."
"Just like our parents, we'll have a spring baby, then." Tonks said, and then she felt the small smile fade from her face. "What if Bellatrix finds us?"
"She won't." Remus said. "We'll make sure of it."
The rest of August passed quietly, with only a few words shared between various Order members. No meetings had been planned, because they still all held the same concern of being found. Until they could ensure they had a meeting place that was completely secure, patronuses were the only thing that passed messages.
On the first of September, Ginny returned to school. Sirius, Remus and Tonks woke up to find the trio had disappeared as well, leaving only a note on their dining room table, saying they'd be back within a few days at most.
Kingsley was, as he was every day, at the Ministry. He still stubbornly maintained that he'd be able to find out where Alastor was being held, and Tonks just left him to it. She busied herself for most of the day by brewing potions, to make sure the entire Order was well stocked of the ones she believed would be necessary as time passed.
Remus was helping her by multiplying the small collection of glass vials they had, so she was able to fill them and store them. She didn't want to risk sending half of them to Order members right now, in case the owls got intercepted on the way- Kingsley had apparently made sure Order members knew their location.
Kingsley returned around noon, but not alone. He was supporting Ron, who was covered in blood, Harry and Hermione following them.
"What happened?" Sirius demanded, as Kingsley helped Ron to the couch.
"Ron Splinched! We were at the Ministry and-" Hermione began, her voice trembling.
"You were at the Ministry? Today?" Remus asked.
"We got the locket, but our Polyjuice started wearing off." Harry said. "Kingsley got to us just as Yaxley did, and Yaxley grabbed Hermione, who was trying to Apparate with Ron-"
"Where's Yaxley?" Tonks asked.
"Gone." Kingsley said. "I brought Harry here, outside of the boundaries. Hermione brought Ron and Yaxley. I Obliviated Yaxley and took him back to London. When I came back, I realised Ron was injured. Hermione healed him with Dittany."
"You can't go back there, Kingsley." Tonks said. "They must have seen you grab Harry-"
"I won't go back." Kingsley said. "I've learned all I could. Alastor is alive, but he's not being held in Azkaban. They also keep trying to find out if I'm hiding you. They want you arrested for abandoning your job."
"Technically, you are hiding me. However, they can try to arrest me all they want. All they have is a fake address." Tonks said. "But what happens now? We know Ron will be alright, but what are you going to do with the locket?"
"We need to destroy it somehow." Harry said.
"You don't know how to destroy them?" Sirius asked.
"I have that book about Horcruxes, I'm sure it says something." Hermione said. "But at least we have one."