A formal warning: This story will contain abuse, non-con/rape, death, dark themes, it will not contain graphic descriptions of such.
*****And I don't own HP, or the excerpts you see below*****
Remus hadn't slept all night, and felt restless. He couldn't explain it, but something was bothering him. Possibly the news from the day before that the Ministry wanted to arrest Tonks, or the fact Harry had found a Horcrux but had no idea how to destroy it...
He heard her groan, and rolled over just in time to see her get out of bed and sprint to the bathroom. He got up, following her into the bathroom. She was hunched over the toilet, holding her hair away from her face.
He dampened a washcloth, pressing it to her forehead gently.
"Oh, this is terrible." She groaned, leaning back. "For a while, I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad."
Remus dropped the washcloth in the sink, helping her stand. He flushed the toilet while she leaned over the sink, rinsing her mouth. "How are you feeling otherwise?" Remus asked as they walked back into the bedroom.
Tonks just shook her head, crawling back into bed and burrowing beneath the covers with a heavy sigh. Remus climbed into bed next to her.
"You know what I'm going to say, Dora-"
"I'll punch you if you say it." She said, her voice muffled by her pillow. "I don't need anything, go back to sleep."
Remus managed to fall asleep this time, and woke up a few hours later. After he showered, while he was shaving, Tonks entered the bathroom and sat on the toilet lid, watching him for a few minutes.
"We need to tell Kingsley." She said finally.
"I suppose we do, yes."
"I don't know how to tell him." Tonks said. "And then we have to tell everyone else as well. Maybe not all today, but eventually."
"Tell Kingsley how you told me."
"Wake him up while he's trying to sleep and blurt it out?" Tonks asked. "No, I think I'll be nicer. I think I can get away with not telling the Order for a while, because we're not having meetings anyway. As for Harry, Ron and Hermione, I doubt they'd even notice considering we barely see them unless they need advice about a plan or something."
"They may notice in about six months, Dora." Remus said, rinsing the leftover shaving cream from his face and drying his face on a towel. "And Hermione's very observant. She might figure it out and simply not say a word."
"I'm trying to be excited about the idea, Remus."
"But you're finding it difficult."
Tonks nodded. "Very much so. I mean, I think I'm excited, but then I'm scared and later I'm nervous and I'm inexplicably sad and angry and-"
"I think we can safely assume some of that may be hormones."
"Oh, fuck, this is going to be fun, then." Tonks said, and Remus laughed lightly. "At least I don't feel all of this at once. The feelings just show up at weird times-"
"Well, how do you feel right now?" Remus asked.
"Nervous, because I have to tell Kingsley."
Remus nodded. "That makes sense. Do you want me with you, or do you want to talk to him alone?"
Tonks frowned slightly, like she was thinking. "What do you think? Do you think you should be with me when I tell him?"
"I think this has to be your decision."
"I want your opinion."
Remus sighed quietly. "Well, I think perhaps we should tell him together, because you know he might ask something you don't want to hear."
"I know he's going to mention Rodolphus, Remus." Tonks said, just as someone knocked on their bedroom door.
"We're in here!" Remus called, and the bedroom door opened and Sirius appeared in the bathroom doorway.
"You guys are just... sitting in the bathroom?" Sirius asked.
"We were having a conversation." Tonks said.
"Uh-huh..." Sirius said slowly. "Anyway, we have an idea about the Horcrux, we just want an Auror's opinion."
"Well, where's Kingsley?" Tonks asked, standing.
Sirius shrugged. "He's been gone for a while, didn't say where he was going."
Tonks and Remus followed Sirius out of their room. "How long have you been awake?" Remus asked.
"Since before dawn, we've all been looking at the books Hermione brought."
"No."
It was the only thing Tonks had said after they had all sat in silence for a few moments following the explanation of their (hopeful) plan.
"No?" Sirius asked, leaning forward.. "Dora, there are six of us here-"
"Still..." Tonks said. "Fiendfyre is way too difficult to control. Even lighting it in the fireplace is too risky."
"It destroys Horcruxes though, it says right here." Sirius said.
"Yeah, but here's the thing- it's extremely difficult to control, and I'd rather you didn't burn my house down." Tonks responded. "So, I'm going to say no, you can't use Fiendfyre in my fireplace. However, if you'd like to find a Death Eater's house and burn that down, feel free."
"Is there any way to contain it to one area?" Harry asked.
"Probably, but it's also really Dark Magic." Tonks said. "Like I said, find a Death Eater's house, have at it, but I kind of like this house. What are the other ways to destroy a Horcrux?"
"Well..." Hermione said slowly. "Harry destroyed one once, without Fiendfyre."
"How?" Remus asked.
"A Basilisk fang." Hermione said.
"Are you telling me you have a Basilisk fang?" Harry asked, but Hermione shook her head.
"It doesn't necessarily have to be a Basilisk fang. Just something so destructive that it can't repair itself." Hermione said. "Which would be Fiendfyre, a Basilisk fang, just something really destructive-"
"A Killing Curse?" Tonks offered.
"Well, it's not alive, is it? So I doubt that'd work." Sirius replied.
"So, we've got a Horcrux and no way to destroy it." Tonks said. "Other than the option that would risk this house."
"What if we try it outside?" Ron asked.
"Fiendfyre is still going to spread like, well, fire. No matter where you are." Tonks said. "So, why don't we find out when and where the next Death Eater meeting is, and use Fiendfyre to destroy it there? Takes care of more than one problem, yeah?"
Remus sighed. "Dora..."
"Given the chance, I'm sure they'd do the same." Tonks said, and she saw Hermione nod slightly.
"Let's keep researching." Hermione said, picking up the book and walking into the kitchen. Ron and Harry followed, as the door opened and Kingsley entered.
"Kingsley Shacklebolt, attended Hogwarts starting in 1959- three years above Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks, who later named me and my partner godparents to their newborn daughter, for reasons I will never understand, considering we barely spoke a single word to each other-"
"Well, I love you too." Tonks said.
"Alastor's at the Malfoys." Kingsley said, and Tonks' eyes widened.
"You know where he is? And you know, for sure, that he's alive?"
"Yes, and yes." Kingsley said. "Dawlish overheard talk about Malfoy Manor, and he overhead something about Alastor. He told me. Apparently, there are a few people being held there-"
"Well, what do we do?" Sirius asked.
"I want to try to get him out of there. The others too." Kingsley said. "Maybe if we can get the rest of the Order involved-"
"Kingsley, that's a suicide mission." Remus said slowly. "Malfoy Manor seems to be the Death Eater's main meeting point. To go in there,-"
"It's impossible anyway. None of us have a Dark Mark." Tonks said. "And to get through the gate-"
"You don't have a Dark Mark, yet you got through the gate." Kingsley said.
"I was passing through at the same moment as Snape, I can assume that's the only reason I could pass- and besides, a lot of good that did me, I nearly died!" Tonks snapped, standing. She couldn't exactly tell whether she was genuinely annoyed, or if she was simply lashing out because she had been refraining from doing so over the last few weeks.
"This is for a good reason, we don't know how much longer Alastor will have-"
"He's probably telling them enough information to keep himself alive, you must know how he operates by now." Tonks said. "Kingsley, he wouldn't want us to risk the entire Order- or even ourselves- on a mission that has no chance of going in our favour."
Kingsley sighed. "If we had known how to pass the gate, you know we both would have come for you. Wouldn't you want to do the same for us?"
"That's not fair." Tonks said, tears stinging her eyes. "Kingsley, I am so sorry, but I can't risk my life like this. You and Alastor are the only parents I've ever known, my only family is here with you two and Sirius and Remus, and I would do anything in my power if it meant I didn't have to lose any of you- but I can't- I have someone else to think of now."
"You mean Remus?" Kingsley asked.
She shook her head. "No, not Remus." She said. "Kingsley, I'm pregnant."
Kingsley stared at her. "Pregnant...?"
"As in, I'm going to have a baby."
"When were you going to tell me?" Kingsley asked.
"I technically just did." Tonks said quietly. "I found out a couple of weeks ago."
Kingsley closed the distance between them, hugging her. It caught her off guard at first, but she returned the hug. "When?" Kingsley asked. "When are you due?"
"Well..." She said, as he stepped back. "We're not entirely sure. Late March, maybe? April? I don't know."
"You don't know?" Kingsley asked, frowning slightly.
"Well, we can guess, but it may not be accurate- I was married to Remus for about a week before I went to that meeting, and we haven't- been together since, and then there's-"
"Rodolphus." Kingsley said quietly, and she nodded.
"It's possibly only a week more or less, I can only guess based on that." She said. "I can still help the Order, I can brew potions and-"
"The fumes can't be good for you." Kingsley said immediately.
"I have a stupid book about this stuff, it doesn't say I need to avoid fumes from potions. I just need to avoid taking certain ones." Tonks said. "Kingsley, we'll find a way to get Alastor back, but you know-"
"I know, he's probably telling them enough information to keep himself alive without putting any of us in real danger." Kingsley said. "And I agree, while we wouldn't have hesitated to do something recklessly dangerous to get you back if we had known exactly where you were, he'd be infuriated if you or I did something recklessly dangerous to get him back."
"Right." She said. "However, there's probably nothing stopping us from- oh, I don't know- capturing some of them in return? If they're willing to capture and torture, or capture and kill, us... why aren't we doing the same to them?"
"We're not murderers." Remus said.
"It's not murder. It's survival. Isn't that what this is about?" Tonks asked. "We need to survive, we need to defeat You-Know-Who, and Harry has an idea on how to do that, but if we're getting captured and tortured and killed and beaten and raped and all the worst things- without even trying to at least take out some of their side, what is the bloody point of the Order?"
"The point of the Order is to end this war." Kingsley said patiently. "We can't sink to their level-"
"How are we going to end a war when we are going to be forever outnumbered unless we start treating them like they treat us?" Tonks asked. "Most of the Order is hiding. Those of us who aren't, are lying and saying they're not part of the Order. We are terribly outnumbered, and people are too afraid to join the fight because they know it too."
"You know, I hate to say it, but maybe she's right." Sirius said. "Maybe it's time to think about holding more meetings, and trying to find a way to stop Death Eater activity wherever we can. If we can stop some of their activity, we may be able to save some lives."