a little more ODC2 and then back to Lizzy.

I forgot to mention: I have references to various cultures in this story which are part of New Mexico culture- specifically the varieties of Hispanic cultures represented. I used the Spanglish that I know- all with a hint of New Mexico quirkiness. Gas Food Lodging is a perfect representation of what it was like to grow up in Southern NM in the 80s.

If anyone sees a misuse of the Spanish/Spanglish or feels I am representing anything in a way that is disrespectful, stereotypical or otherwise inaccurate, let me know. I will respond, and depending on the dialogue/feedback may change it.

I grew up with these cultures and love them. To me, being New Mexican is being immersed in farming/ranching culture, the arts, as well as the many Native/Indian (many prefer to be called Indian), Spanish, Mexican American, and Mexican (among so many others)! And this is one of the things I seek to convey and represent in my P and P fanfics.

Thanks to all my betas who contributed in different ways: lovingyouisbest, JD Bell; Joy Booth and Fredrica.

Final tweaking is my own.

Mr November

In the midst of continuing her course work, Jane and Charles were able to come to an agreement about their cohabitation. Charles showed her his statements where the house was part of his business investment, being that a portion of it was gallery space and another portion of it was his studio. After seeing how he had payed down his investment and taking a look at her own income from sales of 'their' work, she calculated living expenses and college costs with the help of her Uncle Gardiner.

Even after paying rent to Charles, Jane had a good portion of money left over to start paying off student loans. She liked her work study job and continued to use that income for spending money. Jane felt good to be making these practical decisions and at least one good thing came of her 'outing'.

The couple had also made a few other decisions: First, they would not make any more pictures of Jane until she was done with her degree, or in the event that Jane somehow used it to further her degree.

Second, the spare bedroom was made up and Jane would decide each night where she would sleep. More often than not, the spare bedroom remained unused. Jane had bouts where she would need alone time but generally would return to 'their' room to sleep. Charles had been left shell shocked and it took him several weeks to initiate anything sexual. Jane's propensities relegated this need to an occurrence of a few times a week, far less than when they had previously cohabited.

Tension was running high and he even looked forward to his morning 'alone time' when Jane went off to school and he was left to paint or do whatever else he needed to do. Had he known Jane's own desires, Charles would have taken matters into his hands differently and sooner.

As it was, mundane conflicts challenged them. Decisions remained to be made. Who decides to do what for their date night? Which acquaintances were to be pursued to friendship? Which friendships were now best left to the past? (mostly relating to Charles's circle as he had more attachments in the area than did Jane). How much and what was said about their relationship to whom in their families?

Both tired of working through these matters and it showed. Jane was unsurprisingly more discreet about their relationship than Charles and became proportionately upset if others were invading their space. On one such occasion, Caroline, who still had keys to her brother's place, let herself in. Jane, already shocked to find Caroline in their kitchen, became lived after a blasé comment about Jane's 'just had sex' hair.

Thus started yet another 'episode', as Charles started calling them. Caroline had guessed more than Charles told but he had was in trouble nonetheless. It took considerable effort and explanation before Jane was at any semblance of peace about the matter. Yet another person about whom the couple shared considerable conflict was Darcy. Jane held conflicting emotions about him; he had hurt Elizabeth. But Elizabeth had hurt him, Charles argued.

Darcy had known about the artists coming over and hadn't said anything to Charles or to Jane, at least Jane had thought. Charles clarified the mistake was that of Caro's boyfriend Mike_, who had stupidly let the photographer into his locked studio.

Then Charles explained more fully the considerable effort Darcy had spent trying to redirect people at Opening Night, at no little expense to Darcy's own relationship with Lizzy, apparently from Charles's second hand telling of it. He also had explained Darcy's reserve toward Jane in the beginning. Darcy had warned Charles to have her sign a contract before things got too far and Darcy was afraid of how things would turn out.

This reserve did not signify to Jane; however, she really in the end could not fault Charles's friend, realizing that she was also reserved and discreet. How many things had she warned Lizzy of regarding Darcy himself, and didn't these things cause Jane to be reserved around a man who hurt, and was hurt by, her own sister?

As exhausting as their conflicts were, the couple slowly worked through their issues, effecting greater harmony and many passionate 'make up' sessions.

By semester's end, Jane found surprisingly few inquiries to bother her in or out of school, but remained cautious. She was steadfast in completing her Bachelor's as planned but her stint in the art department made her curious about the possibility of Art Therapy. She had looked into the requirements which wouldn't affect her course of study now. Her extra curricular crafts with Lizzy and the costume shop job would be handy for the program's portfolio needs, but Jane would have to reconsider what types of artistic work she wanted to pursue on an ongoing basis.

She wanted to do something for others, something like Charles had done for her, and realized she'd need to garner more skill from somewhere. Discussing the possibilities with Charles helped ease her mind- she could work with him, Darcy, even Caroline to learn and hone her skills. Even without the need to augment her school schedule, Jane was facing summer school this year and next, with full loads the following semesters, in order to graduate in a little over a year. She was soon immersed in a schedule laden with studies at school and in Charles's studio.

Her energies were also put to use for Lizzy's benefit, sending frequent and varied correspondence. A brief break between spring and summer sessions enabled her to finally enjoy some fruits of her labor with Charles. Concern over Lizzy was the cloud over her respite. While things were finally becoming easier with Charles, Jane now had another worry as she spent as much time as she was able, corresponding with her sister, planning for the few days they would spend together this summer.

U. R. A Fever

While Jane had been grappling with her surprises early in the Spring semester, Lizzy had found her own with which to contend and just at a time that she had hoped her plans would fall into place. She had worked hard to produce an impressive portfolio in case it was requested. Her resume was also refined to perfection and sent to several prestigious and artistically satisfying regional summer festivals. She had been chosen for the Santa Fe Opera and also had opportunity to go to _ Shakespeare festival in Colorado. Lizzy figured one summer in Colorado was enough and looked forward to a prestigious, rigorous and fulfilling summer stitching in Santa Fe near her dearest relations. Everything was in order for her summer.

Lizzy moped her way through the Spring semester, working as hard as usual but mentally and emotionally she was not as into her projects. Still Maeve and her art Professors noticed the change in her work. Gone were the neoclassical references and fusion of heirloom and found objects into her work. It was replaced by an almost severe attention to craftsmanship and conservative- if still clever- interpretations of assignments. Lizzy's hand was becoming neater but her mind was clearly not as engaged in detailed concepts as previously.

No, she was otherwise occupied. Not only was Lizzy looking forward to seeing certain people, she also struggled with who else might be there. She hoped Darcy had stayed in New York and that he would not be returning to the Pemberley Studio branch in Santa Fe. That was one person she looked forward to seeing. Her mind had made a slip again, and Lizzy didn't like it. No! I am NOT looking forward to seeing that man! It would be just my luck if he were doing a stint there! Anyway, she was hoping to check out an artist's colony there, possibly get accepted to study, or at least scrape together enough to participate in some workshops.

Even though Darcy's letter had enlightened her further on Wickham's issues, the nature of Darcy's lack of support for Wickham and Jorge's relationship, it did not bring Lizzy any closer to reconciling with Darcy. She had never again sought him out during the end of the Fall semester while he was here, nor had he done for her.

Why, then should she seek him out come summer? Lizzy presumed he was with the family in Santa Fe, New York, or wherever it was the hipster elite went to holiday. He was always at the back of her mind, infecting her thoughts, her consciousness, not that she'd admit it.

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Lizzy fought to see that these plans made would not be summarily unraveled as others had been before. This can't happen, she thought, daily as she began to feel fatigued the week after spring break. Every day seemed a greater effort to get up. Lizzy assumed it was merely her schedule, having just finished assistant designing the last production of the year, the annual traveling school production, a retelling of the Children of Lir.

Her worrying mother actually noticed Lizzy 'did not look right' and insisted she needed to see the doctor. Francesca didn't stop nagging Lizzy until she saw the doctor, who gratified Francesca's motherly intuition by pronouncing Lizzy to be coming down with mononucleosis. Lizzy was less than pleased and believed none of it. She continued the frenetic pace, studying and working on art projects for another week or so until one morning when she was so weak, walking across the room winded her. Maybe the doctor and my mom were right.

And so the next 6 weeks was spent in a fevered oblivion. Her mind was restless but her body, disobedient. So unfettered from rational thought and too tired to even speak very much in those early days, Lizzy felt a mad hermit and wondered if this state would last forever. Jane was busy finishing her own semester and could not come until the end. Aunt Magdalena's business was such that she could not get down. Both Jane and Lena sent copious emails, and a few care packages most of which went unacknowledged for many weeks, fatigued as Lizzy was, initially.

What was worse at day became better often at night. In some form a guide taking Darcy's voice, features and presence would grace her dreams. They did different things but were always in the same dreamlandscape. Lizzy found an inner space that she could navigate, and when waking Lizzy could have mapped this place, which was a convergence of places she'd been and those where she wished she could be. Sometimes he was a secondary character, other times Darcy was her romantic hero once again.

Whether the dreams were disturbing or inspiring, she would awake feeling some sense of having completed a great task. Lizzy decided these were important to take down, and began to voice record her recollections, as writing or typing was still too much. He was the thread of a subconscious companion in her life, more constant than anyone else at the moment. He was a comfort to her, especially when some nights her dreams had a more frightening prelude, a seemingly waking dream of a woman floating above her bed, just staring at her as if in judgment, eerie bells clamoring with unearthly, familiar tones. She would awake with a start, and then fall asleep, hearing his whisper in her ear that he would protect her.

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In between her dreams, Lizzy had to fill the time largely on her own. Maeve who had planned to go to Santa Fe Opera all along, was there and would call Lizzy for brief updates. Maeve was too busy for longer calls, and Lizzy, too headachy. Theirs was a mutual understanding. Maeve tried to keep the conversation light, regaling her of a volunteer mispronouncing tricot lame or of her fellow draper who danced around the shop imitating Fred from the B-52's. Lizzy could tell Maeve missed her but would never say so. In return Lizzy would exaggerate a life of luxurious indolence with muscled men fanning her and feeding her grapes.

Charlotte came over whenever she could, but the nature of her studies took her across the region on a weekly basis: Charlotte worked intensively to finally complete her thesis and had to travel to various locales nearby for her research. Although some friends stayed away for fear of the contagion, Charlotte did not. Having already experienced the virus early in her childhood, Charlotte was unafraid of being infected by her friend and visited as frequently as she was able. At any rate, she took pains not to share anything that could transmit the virus. She and Lizzy would tease about her not taking a drink and having to put on her face mask, but it didn't keep customary intimacies of friendship from being shared.

On one of her visits, Charlotte had confided to Lizzy the reason for her frenetic pace; she was pregnant and wanted to be through her most rigorous work while she felt good. She was very close to finishing her thesis. Now, with Fitzwilliam projected to leave Fort Bliss in the fall, Charlotte and he hoped that she would be able to find a post doc residency near his next base assignment, likely instructing at another base back east. Due to his status, had been previously offered a more stationary post and now that he had a reason to stay put, he intended to do so. Fort Bliss* just wasn't the right place for either of them to find what they needed career-wise.

Charlotte never not come to visit her friend empty handed, nor would she come merely to share her own news. Charlotte regularly insisted on painting Lizzy's nails (something Lizzy had previously disdained but now it felt good to be tended and Charlotte had an eye for her odd tastes, painting her nails black with calacas and marigolds). On another occasion, Charlotte brought home roasted coffee and served it with home made muffins or doughnuts fresh from the bakery, never eating any herself, careful to keep the mask on. Sometimes Charlotte would just bring new yarn since Lizzy found making a simple afghan to be therapeutic and not too hard on the eyes. She supposed this afghan was going to be enormous and colorful.

Lizzy was thankful for the sensible conversation with her dear friend but exhausted by the exertion. It was likely she was also fatigued with the thought of yet another dear 'sister' leaving. Every time she visited, plans progressed and this reality became ever greater. These thoughts swirled through her mind and sometimes engulfed her senses when she had 'bad' days, causing Lizzy to feel she would never get better again. Other than Charlotte, Lizzy was weary of the attentions given and craving for that which she could not have. At least he tended to her in dreams.

*mononucleosis is highly contagious spread by bodily fluids from my understanding. Her symptoms are identical to what I had in high school, so that is what reference I have.

*Fort Bliss- army base in El Paso Tx

One, Two Three, Four

As if to complete a sort of circle from her childhood to Jane's illness and back, Aunt Phil was often the one family member to check on her. Francesca, it seemed, was too busy with 4-H projects yet again, preparing to go – who knows where- with a group this time. Even though they resided in the same house, Lizzy didn't see her mother as often as her aunt. Besides, Francesca said her nerves could not take another daughter being so ill.

Aunt Phil was not one to disappoint in the gifts department- a tie dyed scarf she'd made, a miniature rose plant from the local nursery, a funny Frida Kahlo card, or more skeins of yarn were thoughtful little distractions which went far for Lizzy. She couldn't be blamed, however for her continued fatigue, or even that she was falling asleep when her aunt's attentions became too much.

Lizzy sent cursory replies to Jane, not wanting her sister to worry over her overmuch. Jane was worried but so entrenched in projects that Tia Lena convinced her the biggest help she could be to her sister is to do what Lizzy wanted her to do and go forward with her life. As hard as it was for Jane to get so little response, she kept her correspondence cheerful. How Lizzy wanted Jane, and how Lizzy also wanted Jane to be happy and start living her life. Tia Lena was right. It was strange for both sisters to feel their relationship in a sort of holding pattern, but Lizzy was generally less aware as she was too ill to think on it much.

Daddy's lack of time could not be helped, apparently, due to completing the last month of school. What excuse he had in the weeks afterward, Lizzy wasn't sure. She assumed his reasons needn't have been examined according to Daddy, because daily he would bring her presents she coveted, like another Amazon or Itunes gift card, or even an odd antique edition of Frankenstein to help her 'stay cultured' while she convalesced

Lizzy was glad Mary was too busy with Collins and their 'save the world' campaigning that she didn't actually have time to save her sister. Mary always spouted some dogma or other, and with the self important Collins, it was only worse. Her sister had a good heart, but she was also tiresome- not what Lizzy needed at the moment. It seemed most convenient that Mary and Collins seemed to finally work things out just after the Netherfield party.

As for her siblings, Kitty was so enjoying her continued fair princess responsibilities that she had little time for her sister. At least the times Kitty was at home, she and Mary would pop in and get Lizzy whatever she wanted, even making trips to the store for things that would add to her comfort. No doubt having access to the car was convenient, but if they stayed out a little longer than it normally took to drive to Circle K, Lizzy couldn't tell, distorted as was her sense of time.

And whatever had become of Lydon, no one would say. At first, Lizzy had not noticed, because she hardly noticed anything. However, when her state of mind was righted, she feared asking, not wanting to upset what seeming peace afforded by her quasi solitude.

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Progressing steadily in her now part time convalescence, she was able to spend more and more time each week in physical activity which allowed her to resume what semblance of normal family life she'd once known. She started by picking up assignments from her incomplete classes, working a couple of hours at a time at home until slowly, she was caught up.

She continued to bear the lack of visits with equanimity because she was so thoroughly reveling in being able to resume her propensity to pore over extra projects she'd abandoned when she'd gotten so sick. She had a tatted underpinning that she was proud to say looked straight out of the flapper era. She hand finished a cloche hat started in April. The portfolio was updated again. She perused the sparse journals for any more summer gigs that weren't clearly desperate and miserable. She was too proud to call and ask Maeve if the needed a volunteer at Santa Fe. She was also too proud to tell Jane of how she needed her sister. Instead Lizzy filled emails with details about her projects. Jane responded in kind and the sisters developed a new depth of correspondence on the subject of lace. They laughed at themselves, often quoting Daddy who once had yelled to Mamma: "No more lace!" after a particularly trying Fair Queen season.

The busyness felt like hollow satisfaction but she was now single minded in her goal to take care of her affairs, as no one else had done so. Her family's goings on would, and did, continue without her until she had that sense of stamina to endure whatever drama came her way. When Lizzy was finally feeling closer to fine, she quizzed Mary and Kitty and got answers. At least what answers could be had.

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From her sisters, she gathered that sometime, while she was sick, seemingly the eve of her illness or thereabouts, Lydon had gotten so mad at his father that he almost threw a punch at him. Surprisingly, Wickham was there and had physically redirected him from coming to blows. Because the family felt Wickham had been such a fine example for Lydon, Mom and Daddy agreed that they could stay in the apartment behind the Phillips's store and would pay for the pleasure.

Lizzy wondered what levels the Daddy-Lydon conflict had reached to get to the point that Lydon could be financially backed to run away. She wondered why they were essentially paying Wickham to be Lydon's sitter and considered the odd feeling in her stomach was not likely to be from her illness anymore. Her instincts were reminding her of Darcy's letter. She hadn't even considered those parts before, and a foreboding washed over her. How had she allowed it to pass? A Jane- like lapse, believing that Wickham had come here to make a fresh start, she hoped the appearance of her family' benefit was authentic.

There was surely not going to ever be a 'right' time to discuss these concerns with her parents, as far as they were concerned. Undeterred, she took up the matter with her father anyway. His response only deepened her concern. Daddy refused to discuss the matter because he and Mother were at odds about what to do with Lydon. The only thing they agreed was that Wickham was the only stabilizing factor in his life right now. She hoped her mother would see reason, but was not surprised that she didn't.

Francesca assured Lizzy in an aside that 'the boys' were well taken care of because she saw to it herself that they had enough money for food. It was only right, Francesca reasoned, that they have enough for good healthy meals and enough to 'splurge'. Lizzy didn't want to ask any further.

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Instead she made an excuse to pay her brother a call one day when she was at the General Store. She found it suspicious that the two men were thinner than ever while they were supposed to be eating well. Their small apartment was clean, however, and adequately furnished, and they made her feel quite at home.

Upon leaving, Lizzy asked Lydon to come inside and help her find something in the store. Wickham, uninterested in leaving the apartment, mercifully stayed behind. Lizzy asked Lydon if he could remember where Aunt Phil had stocked the parasols (although she knew very well where they were) and as he helped her search, Lizzy made sure to tell her brother to call her if he ever needed anything.

"Geez, Lizzy, why on earth would I need to do a thing like that? I couldn't be better now that I'm away from Daddy. In fact, I am quite proud of myself, making my own way and moving out before all of you! I am an independent man!"

It was all Lizzy could do to keep from rolling her eyes, knowing very well Lydon was 'earning' his money because Mamma was basically bribing him to stay in school instead of dropping out. He had already stopped all of his rodeo and FFA activities outside of school, a worrying turn of events.

Lizzy tried to encourage him to come out and ride with her or to at least attend the FFA State contest in the summer, but Lydon again pooh poohed her suggestions. "I have no time for that. I'm moving up in the world! I have me some new grown up friends and we have a good time together. I happen to be very popular; Wickham has introduced me around. We are far too busy going to El Paso as much as we can, clubbing."

"Lydon, don't you think you're a little young for that sort of thing? I know it's fun to go to clubs underage. I won't bother being hypocritical and acting like Jane and I are innocent; we did too. But we still kept up with school, 4-H, and we had LIVES outside of the clubs. We never drank when we were underage and we always avoided meeting people there because they were older."

"You wouldn't understand the kind of life I live." Lydon looked on the verge of tears but Lizzy knew by his expression that he was digging in, refusing to say anymore on the subject.

Frustrated, She wavered on whether to suggest what she believed for fear it would drive Lydon away, rather than bring them closer. "I love you little brother; all I want is for you to be safe and healthy," was all she could manage to say before pulling him into a hug.

"I can't be something I'm not." Lydon whispered.

Wickham appeared with the parasols and Lizzy noticed a look pass between the two. Wickham furrowed his brow and Lizzy could have sworn he mouthed " I told you so" but when she tried to elicit further conversation, the topic was summarily changed to the parasols. Making one last attempt at eliciting conversation to show her support, she made small comments about how much she loved it when a certain drag queen wore a parasol at a show she'd gone to. The two men just glowered at her. Giving up, Lizzy bought a parasol, then left.

The Bennet family continued as if their lives were normal, with Kitty being her mother's sole focus as she prepared her multitude of projects for county contest and they attended all the fair queen activities. Kitty thrived under her mother's tutelage.

Mary was relieved that her mother had for once stopped hounding her. She was more than content to tend to their garden through its growing season while she and Collins's overbearing conversations were now often the source of Mr Bennet's dinner entertainment. Once at dinner he whispered to Lizzy that Collins would be a creditable son in law now that the usual token amusement wasn't around. She was done playing comedy partner and now found her father's sarcasm to be a defense of his own worries; a way to avoid dealing with them when books failed.

Yet again her family had alternately been supportive to her in their own ways, or turned away from her because of their own concerns. Lizzy held these grievances in her heart and tried to make peace with them, within herself. She made little progress with either, feeling at times that she was merely digging deeper, the more she tried to make sense of her family, or of Darcy.

His insight about her family rang true. When she'd needed them most, they'd treated her the same as they'd done Jane- leaving her largely to fend for herself, just as they'd done when she'd declared her new major. Darcy was right- without Jane here, it seemed there was no Bennet with whom she could really share her ideas and feelings. Lizzy felt rather than allowed herself to acknowledge that before things went wrong, she had begun to share these things with him. She couldn't allow herself to miss him. He was already gone.

thank you all for your continued reviews, follows and for reading my story :)

I look forward to hearing from you- hint hint :)