A formal warning: This story will contain abuse, non-con/rape, death, dark themes, it will not contain graphic descriptions of such.
*****And I don't own HP, or the excerpts from the book/movie you see below*****
"Are you alright?" Remus asked, as they got ready for bed the night before the full moon. He had noticed she seemed a little moody during the evening, but simply figured it was because she was still so indecisive and was running out of time to make the decision.
"No."
"What's wrong?"
"I feel like you haven't answered me properly. Do you want this baby? Yes or no." Tonks said. "No over-explaining it, just yes or no."
"It's more complicated than that, Dora." Remus said patiently. "I would love to be a father, but I'd be concerned about the child being infected. On one hand, to have a baby with you, it'd be fantastic, but for a child to suffer simply because I am its father-"
"Would you prefer the baby wasn't yours?"
"Not what I said." Remus said. "I'm just saying, it's complicated-"
"Stop, Remus. Yes, or no. Do you want the baby?" She asked, and Remus sighed.
"Merlin, woman, I've told you how I feel about this. Twice." Remus said. "I feel this decision has to be yours."
"But we're married." Tonks said. "Yes, or no."
Remus sighed, frustration rising. "This is not a yes or a no, Nymphadora."
He felt bad, because he was sometimes easily annoyed by things right before a full moon, and knew she didn't deserve to fall victim to some misguided fit of rage while seeking her own husband's help. However, he was sure her sharp tone was related to hormones, and was sure she wasn't going to drop this conversation any time soon.
Tonks narrowed her eyes slightly, and he wasn't sure what had done it- his tone, or the fact he used her first name. He regretted both.
Remus sighed again. "I've told you that I will support the decision either way. To have a child, or not have one- it's the same to me. What matters is how you feel about it. You're the one who has to go through months of discomforts, the pain of birth- and if it's not my child, I know you may be heartbroken. However, I will love the child either way. Or if you decide to use the spell, I will support that. I have told you my feelings. I can't decide for you."
"You're over-explaining." Tonks said. "I just want a yes or-"
"It's not a yes or no, Nymphadora!" He snapped. "This has to be your decision. You have to be sure on this, not me. I can only offer my opinion. And I've explained my feelings to you, do with that what you will."
Tonks looked annoyed, and Remus walked around to his side of the bed.
"Remus, I just want an answer. A proper answer. I can't decide this without you." Tonks said.
"You want help deciding?" Remus asked, his temper flaring. He grabbed his wand, walking over to the dress and grabbed the book with the spell in it, flipping to the page.
"What are you doing?" She asked, as Remus turned to face her.
"Let's cast it."
"Remus, are you mad?"
"You either want it or you don't, Nymphadora!"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out, Remus!" She snapped. "Because I don't know! And you're not helping!"
"You've been trying to decide for weeks. You want the baby but you don't." Remus said. "You've asked me numerous times what I want- and I've told you. If you can't decide-"
"I'm trying to!"
"How would you feel if I cast it right now?" Remus demanded, aiming his wand toward her.
"Remus, put your wand down." She said, sighing. "I thought we could discuss this."
"We've discussed it a few times, and you seem to decide to keep the baby until you're in a mood, and then you don't know." Remus snapped. "It's getting frustrating, Nymphadora, to have the same conversation over and over, when I've told you how I feel. You can't base your decision on my opinion alone, it's how you feel that matters!"
She was glaring at him, her hair steadily turning red. He threw the book onto the dresser with a loud thud, turning and walking over to his side of the bed.
"Goodnight, Nymphadora." He said, laying down and pulling the covers over himself. He turned off the lamp on his side of the bed, keeping his back towards her.
Tonks stayed awake long after Remus fell asleep. He was right, it was the same conversation over and over again. They had been told about the Horcruxes but only Sirius had tried helping, and she had barely helped at all so far. Perhaps if she could decide this, she could help Harry and Hermione with the Horcruxes a little more. To expect teenagers to handle this alone was one thing she couldn't bring herself to understand about Dumbledore, and the fact he didn't seem to leave any hints as to where they may be? How could he expect Harry to do it? She wondered if Harry had thought about including the rest of the Order. Maybe if everyone helped, it'd be easier on him.
Tonks sat up for hours with two books opened in front of her. She had her book opened to the page with the spell, and So Your Witch Is Expecting opened the chapter about the birth itself. She glanced down at Remus, who was sleeping on his back now, one arm tucked beneath his pillow.
Honestly, she felt like this was the best way to finally decide. The spell seemed a little harsh, in her opinion. After being successfully cast, she'd have to suffer a few side effects that seemed a little horrific.
She realised that some were similar to the aftermath of birth- but she'd be a mother if she didn't do the spell. She'd have a baby. She slipped out of bed carefully, walking to her closet. She knew there was a box or two on the top of closet shelf that hadn't been moved when Alastor and Kingsley moved to the other room that held things from when she had first come to live with them, because she had slept in a crib in their room until she was nearly six months old.
She pulled one of the boxes down, setting it on the floor, pulling the lid off as she sat on the floor. The lamp on her side of the bed provided just enough light for her to look through the box. She pulled a tiny onesie out of the box, her heart fluttering at how tiny it was.
The idea that anything so innocent, so beautiful, could fit into something this small...
She placed a hand over her abdomen. There was no obvious sign she was pregnant yet, and she was amazed that in a few months her stomach would be very round, very obvious- and then a baby would arrive that would fit in this tiny onesie that was laying on her knee. It felt like seeing the onesie had solidified her decision.
She was going to be a mother, Remus was going to be a father.
She closed her eyes, trying to imagine what their baby might look like. Would the baby have Remus' light brown hair and her grey eyes? Or her hair and his eyes? Perhaps the baby wouldn't resemble her at all. Or, would their child be a Metamorphmagus?
Somehow, she couldn't visualise what a baby fathered by Rodolphus would look like, only what a baby fathered by Remus would.
She opened her eyes, a slow smile spreading across her face, her earlier anger forgotten- she could forgive Remus' temper because of the impending moon, this had really been the first argument in a while. She picked up the onesie, dropping it back in the box and standing. She walked over to the bed, picking up the two books, closing them and placing them on the dresser before crawling onto the bed and turning off the lamp.
"Remus?" Tonks whispered, brushing his hair out of his eyes.
"Hmm?"
She slid under the blanket, scooting closer to him. Remus wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer- apparently he didn't care about their argument either. "Remus, we're having a baby." She whispered.
"Are we?" Remus asked quietly.
"I'm very sure. I know I've gone back and forth a lot, but- I'm very sure now." Tonks said. "I know there are going to be days where I'm unsure, but-"
"I think it'll be normal to feel unsure or scared or nervous." Remus said. "I'll be honest, I'm a little scared at the idea of being a parent, but I think- you and I together, we'll be fine."
"Well, I hope so." She said, as he pressed a kiss to her hair.
The next morning, she woke up feeling surprisingly well. Molly's advice for dealing with morning sickness had helped in the last few days, but she also imagined she was nearing the end of the sickness.
Unfortunately, Remus did not wake up feeling very well. The first thing he did was apologise for the argument. The second thing he did was bury his face in his pillow, due to a headache.
Tonks managed to coax him downstairs to have some tea, where the others were already awake. Kingsley was just setting plates of breakfast around the table while Sirius was pouring a goblet of Wolfsbane, and Hermione was making tea while Harry was looking over a piece of parchment.
"Were you two arguing last night?" Sirius asked, handing the goblet to Remus, who sank into a chair at the table. Remus drank it quickly, grimacing at the taste.
"Mildly." Tonks said.
"I'm just going to admit that it sounded like someone got hit, because there was a loud thud and then plenty of silence." Sirius said. "I was debating on coming to make sure someone hadn't killed the other-"
"That was me. I threw a book." Remus said. "We've resolved the disagreement."
"You threw a book?" Sirius asked as everyone sat down, and Sirius looked a little shocked.
"We're going to blame the argument on hormones and the full moon and move on." Tonks said quickly. "Next time we have a disagreement, we'll put up a Silencing Charm."
"I am going to have to ask, Remus. Did you throw the book at Dora?" Kingsley asked, frowning slightly.
"Oh, God, no- she would have killed me." Remus said. "Or you would have. I threw the book onto the dresser, I didn't realise how loud it was."
"Like we both said, the argument has been resolved. Moving on." Tonks said. "Harry, I remembered something last night that I wanted to ask." Harry looked at her, looking a little worried about what she might ask. "Have you thought about involving the entire Order with the Horcrux hunt?" Tonks asked.
Harry shook his head. "No, because we can't even think of places they might be." He said. "It'd be pointless to involve the Order when we have no information."
"Well, I was thinking about that too." Tonks said. "The fact you don't know-"
"Did you sleep last night?" Sirius asked.
"On and off, that's besides the point." Tonks said. "Anyway, it seems strange that Dumbledore didn't offer any hints, any clues- you two did talk about this, right?"
"I've explained everything he told me." Harry said. "It's just a matter of finding where You-Know-Who would have hidden them."
"And then how to destroy them." Hermione said.
"I'd hide them behind a bunch of enchantments." Sirius said after a few moments. "Somewhere my enemy wouldn't suspect."
"But people can get through enchantments." Tonks said. "I'd personally keep moving them, or keep them close to me."
"Yeah, but if someone found you, they'd find your Horcruxes too." Sirius replied.
"True, but would they know what the Horcruxes were?" Tonks asked.
"If they were hunting Horcruxes, they would have to." Hermione said. "However, you said keep moving them- what if he's doing that?"
"He's too arrogant." Kingsley said, and Remus nodded.
"He'd expect that no one could find them." Remus said. "That he'd be able to outsmart everyone else."
Everyone was quiet for a moment, and then Kingsley spoke again. "Dora, you haven't touched your breakfast."
"I'm not very hungry."
"Dora, I'd prefer that you ate something." Kingsley said patiently.
Tonks sighed, picking up a piece of toast. "You know what I wonder?"
"Why you still live at home with your parents even though you're an adult and don't need to?" Sirius asked.
"No." Tonks said, and then she paused. "Well, yes, but not what I meant. I have a question, Sirius."
"Is it a question I should care about?" Sirius asked.
"Can you hear a dog whistle?" Tonks asked.
"Dogs don't whistle." Sirius answered quickly, and then he seemed to realise what he said as Remus, Harry and Hermione started laughing.
"Sirius... not what I meant."
"I realise that now." Sirius said. "You mean a whistle for dogs?"
"Yes."
"I've never tested it, so I don't know." Sirius said, standing and collecting some of the empty dishes. "Moony, mate, you look terrible, why not go back to bed?"
"Dora, I'm going out for a patrol, do you want to come with me?" Kingsley asked, and Remus frowned.
"What, really?" Tonks asked. "I figured I wasn't allowed to help with patrols anymore."
"Are you sure that'll be safe?" Remus asked.
"It's only for a couple of hours so we can see how the Death Eater activity has been." Kingsley said. "I think as long as we avoid being caught, it may be safe for another couple of weeks."
"Yes, but we're talking about Death Eaters." Remus said. "I don't care how far along she is, they'll still curse without a second thought-"
"It's an old place, near Hogsmeade. Aberforth's not even sure there are Death Eaters hiding there anymore." Kingsley said. "And if you really think I'd put Dora in danger..."
"Remus, it's only for a couple hours." Tonks said. "Please don't expect me to stay hiding in a house for nine months."
"It's not nine months." Remus replied. "It's only six at this point, and then-"
"So, are you saying you'd let me rejoin Order duties after the baby is born?" Tonks asked. "Or, are you expecting me to stay hidden behind these enchantments until the war ends?"
"I'm expecting you both to stay hidden starting in a few months. Once it becomes obvious that Dora's expecting, I doubt it would take long for Death Eaters to figure it out, and it won't be hard to guess who the father might be." Kingsley said. "However, for now, I don't agree with expecting her to stay indoors all the time."
"And besides, I can't stay inside forever, what happens when we need to get things for the baby? Am I not allowed to do that?" Tonks asked.
"I was thinking about that, actually. Why don't we find your old things?" Kingsley asked. "I know we kept a lot of them,-"
"But what if I don't have a girl?" Tonks asked.
"I doubt the baby would care much." Sirius commented. "But, in case you forgot, we can use magic."
"We'll have to use magic anyway." Kingsley said. "We took apart the crib so it took up less room, and because it's been twenty two years since, I doubt I can remember how to properly put it back together. Magic will be faster. Anyway, we'll head out in about an hour, and be back no later than three. Possibly sooner if we can prove there's no activity there."
Tonks saw Remus look towards the clock and frown. "That's nearly six hours, King." Remus said. "Are you sure you should be going for such a long patrol, Dora?"
"Go back to bed, love." Tonks said, standing and picking up her own plate. "Get some sleep, I'll be back before the moon rises."