Meralien caught my misspelling biscochos a couple chapters back: thanks for the heads up, and for all the reviews! And, thank you everyone else for the reviews- you are so kind.

Thanks to all my betas who contributed in different ways: lovingyouisbest, JD Bell; Joy Booth and Fredrica.

Final tweaking is my own.

we get some ODC and - next chapter- some M stuff (waggles eyebrows)

Now Welcome Summer

In June, when Lizzy went to the Dr for tests, he proclaimed her largely improved. She felt better, too. Not that she looked much better, Lizzy lamented to herself, but was at least glad to be able to do things. Besides, that afghan was easily king sized, now, and she had finally grown tired of her 'craftsmanship stage' as she now was calling it.

She had long since send them her apologies with an explanation and asking them to please consider her again when she was improved. Lizzy was now in better spirits than weeks ago, and supposed she might be able to inquire as to the need for stitchers later in the season, if she continued feeling better, but that was not to be. No sooner had she become emboldened to this step than did her Tia and Uncle invite her for a trip.

Lizzy then felt obliged to accept their invitation to go to Sedona. The Gardiners had planned long ago to go to Sedona that summer. They thoroughly enjoyed such a locale as the desert was a favorite with the couple. Lena had the ability to finance whatever spiritual experience she desired although in reality had little true need to do so. She already possessed within herself the practice and ability to be adequate for her own enlightenment as well as that of her loved ones. Nonetheless her prosperity afforded such luxuries of inspiration that she enjoyed spending her time and money on Sedona's signature resort spirituality.

This summer they planned to stay at Rosings Spa and Artists Colony, having heard of its pleasures from none other than Charles's sister when she was over at Christmas. Lizzy was invited along to convalesce and take in some workshops which were put on by Catalina and other well known artists and gurus. Lizzy accepted, remembering Caroline's condescending suggestion that Catalina's workshops would do her good.

The experience of anticipation warred with her disdain for entitled art- that which was bought rather than suffered to obtain. Lizzy hoped rather than felt with any certainty that she could keep her countenance when that pseudo spiritual ridiculousness reared its head. Still, she couldn't help but pin the brochure to her inspiration board and was known by no one but herself to take it down and browse through it daily.

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By the time Lizzy drove herself to her Aunt and Uncle's Albuquerque home, she was feeling much stronger, more confident, now that she had gotten her weight back down and had a little color. She had earlier that month resumed her daily walks as well as riding Eos. Even so, Lizzy felt self conscious of the continued evidence of her illness- skin eruptions and her chipmunk cheeks which, although less pronounced, persisted.

Before she left, Charlotte made one last visit and indulged her friend with new skin care and makeup products and some supplements she'd gotten on advice from her midwife friend. At least these seemed to help by both addressing the root of the problem with her skin and also providing cosmetic illusion to refine the color, shape and texture of her face. At least I am presentable and wearing my regular clothes, and I am feeling healthy again, she thought. She felt petty- like her mother- to even care about her looks when she had experienced the throes of her own illness, knowing some people continued to suffer its effects years later.* Upon considering how much Jane had dealt with, Lizzy repressed any further sense of vanity about her own illness.

It didn't matter how good she was, Lizzy reasoned, she never was, never would, be in his league. She would do better to think on higher things, maybe take on someone else's philosophy of love for an example. It wouldn't be the ridiculous sense of mission like her sister Mary, nor the injured optimism of Jane.

Her thoughts turned to Tia Lena. Society remained both accepting and prejudiced of marriages of wealthy, older men to younger women from other countries. The two had made a brilliant love match however, and their thriving businesses and families were evidence of this. Yes but Uncle wasn't the arrogant ass like other men! She further debated, inwardly.

Her 'other' side conceded this point and went on to consider the match of Charlotte with a certain arrogant ass's cousin. He was rather confident, yet more personable than Darcy. Now, Charlotte was closer to herself in age, and she had worked very hard to have her own career, on her own terms. She seemed to effortlessly navigate her goals, love life and family. Far from being the 'cowboy', Richard also didn't fit their familys' ideas of the 'right' kind of man for their girls. He obviously came from that same Ivy League family full of artists, writers, thespians, patrons, and political figures that rivaled that Camelot family in distinction if not in scandal or level of wealth. No, that young woman from an old farm family was noble but not of the same cloth as that man. And now they were having a baby together, a life together.

These thoughts were enough to put herself off the debate altogether and Lizzy focused the rest of her drive on the desert scenery and anticipating the workshops she'd attend. She conveniently ignored a certain teacher she feared who was on that list as an 'unconfirmed'.

Lizzy replaced any further inner dialogue with platitudes such as 'focus on the goal; my health is the priority and I will not be hasty in any relationships any more'; 'I am fulfilled by my family and by seeking meaning. I don't need a man to be fulfilled'. Of course these ideas, while worthy, were not work hardened enough. They needed a working over.

Upon arrival to the Gardiner's home, Lizzy was immensely pleased to see her dearest Jane waiting there. The two embraced warmly, as tears ran down both their faces. Lena restrained her young children from getting in the way of their reunion until Lettie exclaimed "Mama! Why should I wait to hug her? Look how much they are crying! It's not like they're asking us for privacy or anything; they need our love! It makes no sense to keep from hugging someone I love when they're crying!" Lettie proceeded to embrace her two still crying cousins, causing the two to cry harder, and one by one the entire Gardiner family embraced until the family was a mass of swaying crying relations.

Charles who was closing the gallery and arrived late, had let himself in and upon finding the family all together, asked, concerned, "Is anything the matter? Are you all well? Or, is this some kind of tradition?"

This broke the mood and everyone laughed while Lettie disentangled herself from the circle and grabbed Charles, pulling him into the hugging mass: "Yes! Now it is! From now on when Jane and Lizzy come over we are all having a group hug!"

"Well now you're suffocating me!" A laughing Elizabeth gasped. "And I desperately need to use the bathroom!" This proclamation was adequate to motivate the family's disentanglement.

The trip had been planned as a long weekend road trip through Gallup and Flagstaff, with side trips on the weekend to take in the scenic 4 corners* views and historic stops.

Unfortunately, a big buyer had asked to see some of Uncle Gardiner's equipment at the last minute, relating the need to obtain equipment now, before the summer irrigation and later harvest operations took too much of his time. Tom was desirous of completing a large purchase and the family had arranged instead to take an airplane to Sedona and arrive on the first scheduled workshop day.

While Elizabeth had already planned to spend time with Jane at the end of the trip, this gave the sisters more catching up time beforehand. Jane and Charles invited Lizzy to stay with them and the offer was readily accepted. After a long, thoroughly satisfying dinner with the Gardiners, the three returned to the bungalow.

*4 Corners- the 4 corners of Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona. It's on the reservation or 'the rez' as some people call it.

Feel It All

Jane and Lizzy settled into the comfortable living room while Charles went to his studio to get in a few more hours of painting. The sisters, who used to share everything, found it difficult to begin. Jane had become increasingly at ease with Charles yet found her own changes more uncomfortable and didn't quite know how to convey all to her sister. Lizzy could sense both Jane's concern for her and the uneasiness beneath her placid demeanor, and was at a loss as to what to say.

Finally, Jane felt she must be the first to delve deeper than the superficial catching up in which they had been engaged. The sisters spent the evening getting caught up on the details of Lizzy's convalescence, family drama, Jane's career change and her ups and downs with Charles. After every other subject was exhausted, Jane nudged her sister to discuss Darcy. "So what do you think of his letter and proposal now that you've had a few months to think about it?"

"I still can't believe he was going to follow me around and manage my career. Even if he were to offer his support now, were it unconditional, it feels disingenuous to allow myself to benefit from his privilege."

Jane countered, "But if you love each other, and he has learned from his mistakes, if his support is now freely offered, why begrudge him the generosity? It could be of benefit to you, as long as you set parameters first, speaking from personal experience."

Lizzy sighed, "It's not like I can go up to him now and go 'oh, now that I think about it, I'd really like to be your girlfriend if we can talk things out.' Especially now, when I'm more vulnerable physically and having lost the summer internship. He already basically said he would be supporting me, the one with no name, no career, and I threw it in his face, insisted I could make it on my own and insulted his family for good measure.

It's really scary to think I may come face to face with him this week, obviously not at internship, and on his family's turf- an artists colony, so to speak. He'll take one look at me, remember what happened and will be glad that I said no. I'm a mess ."

"Trust me when I say he may have just as many regrets as you do about what was said and done. I can almost guarantee you he isn't glad about the way things turned out. In fact, I think you're in as much danger as ever of making him fall in love with you. That is, if he ever fell out of love. But, I think you are in much greater danger of being able to keep your hands to yourself once you are within arm's length of him. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to try his hand at helping you complete your convalescence. If I were you, I'd be more worried about that eventuality. Did you pack condoms, you know, just in case?" Jane elbowed her sister and waggled her eyebrows. "Better yet, do you think you can play harder to get?"

"Jane! Take your own advice! Stop trying to control me! Since when did my big sister get so bossy and big sisterly?" Lizzy moved to stroke her sister's hair affectionately. "I am glad you've grown some cojones sister, but use them on Charles. He needs more bossing around than me."

Jane would not be easily dissuaded from the discussion. "Sweetie, I really think that you should talk to Tia Lena, at least, about his offer. That way she will be able to give you some kind of assistance."

"And be at risk of her calling me a stupidhead? Never! I'll be fine. Really. Thanks for caring. I love you." They hugged. "I know you love me. And you know what? I love myself, and want my next relationship to be an extension of that spark, and we make each other better people. I can't have any kind of liaison for anything less."

"That is who you deserve, Lizzy. Someone who is as talented, beautiful, and strong as you are."

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The sisters got a small second wind after their verbal sparring. Lizzy couldn't keep being curious about Caroline and mentioned that she was the reason they were going to Rosings. Jane had diplomatically replied that Caroline was a great promoter of her brother's work and her own, and that she always seemed to be doing something to garner the spotlight.

Caroline's work was always being displayed in some gallery or other, and with her business acumen, Caroline had the knack of selling various types of merchandise at pricepoints affordable to a wide range of patrons. As such, Jane explained, Caroline spent much of her time traveling around and they'd not seen her since Christmas.

Lizzy could tell that Jane had become more careful about Charles's sister. While she decided she was not going to ask more about her reasons, she couldn't help but wonder about her lovelife. "She and Darcy were at some event and Caroline acted like they were together."

Jane put in, "It was in the papers that way, when one section took pictures of people on the town and their picture was taken. But when Charles teased him about it he got really angry. I know she seems like she'd have everything Darcy is looking for. He certainly talks about an accomplished woman as being very much like Caroline's description. I don't know if he knows it or not."

Lizzy sighed, " Well, that's one reason I got tired of trying with him. I felt like I was trying to live up to some standard in his head. And I got even more tired that Caroline seemed like it."

"Lizzy, it's true that she's very talented. I know she has a lot of things you'd like to have, I'm not blind. But she looks much better on paper than she does in real life. And, she expects a great deal of the world; she is really quite entitled and materialistic.

Do you know why she has such fabulous possessions? Anytime she, Charles or Louis had a problem, their parents would 'buy' their 'happiness'. Charles learned a long time ago that didn't make him happy and his dad disowned him for it. Louis is incredibly conservative by nature and just does what his dad wants because that's what he wants too. Caroline took it to an extreme, as you see.

The other day, she and Charles were skyping and I heard them talking- I wasn't eavesdropping, mind you," Jane said with a twinkle in her eye.

"But, Caroline was talking about her dad, saying he had a lawsuit having to do with the mortgage crisis and you know what she said? Not that she would help him and be there for him, or that she was worried about him. Caroline was merely concerned about being too stressed to do her art. So, she went and got a life size 'healing angel' to put in her studio to protect her prosperity. How in the hell is a THING supposed to make it better? And anyway, it has no benefit to her dad's predicament!" Jane cried.

"Maybe she should get a weeping angel." The sisters giggled at Lizzy's suggestion. "That would be helpful to the rest of the world. But seriously, that is pretty immature."

"And to answer your question, I really don't think Caroline is the person Darcy has in mind when he talks about an accomplished woman." Jane poked her sister in the side.

Lizzy scowled and poked her back. "I'm just going to Rosings to do art, relax and get ready for my work when I get home."

"Yeah right Lizzy. "Jane gave her sister another good poke for measure, ending in a pillow fight.

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The sisters spent the rest of the weekend engaged in window shopping, messing around in the studio, having coffee and generally living the bohemian life of Charles and Jane. The feeling of envy was difficult for Lizzy to deny, but somehow she pushed it down. She didn't like to feel jealous of her sister and couldn't admit that she was jealous of Caroline who she supposed lived just such a life, regardless of what her sister could say otherwise.

Gardiners and Lizzy arrived at Rosings near the end of the evening. The three registered and took dinner in their suite where they unpacked. Orientation and activities would begin in the morning. Lizzy found she needed the rest.

Upon awaking, Lizzy, Tia and Uncle Gardiner had a delightful breakfast and were directed to the conference room for orientation. Lizzy saw who was at the front table and took a deep breath as she encouraged herself I'm here for the art and to relax; I'm here to get ready for work when I get home. If I'm really lucky, that artistic spark inside will light up. Otherwise, I'm here to enjoy my vacation and the people I meet. And I will certainly maintain myself and show how much I have grown as a person if I am around CERTAIN people.

*It was once thought Epstein Barr/chronic fatigue. It has other effects from mononucleosis such as damage to the spleen or liver.

*OK who hasn't heard of weeping Angels? Look them up if you dare via Dr Who wiki. Just don't turn your back or blink. Ever

Rise

At first, to his way of understanding things, she could only be described in the negative space she occupied. How like Lizzy was to the many scetches he made of his ideal woman. She still was so unexpected, in that she existed at all. Lizzy had a primal quality simultaneously frightening, inexplicably drawing him in further and further, even now, despite her rejection of him.

It felt like it did in his dreams when he was coasting on a dusty back road that wound around the dense and monumental high desert brush; he always wondered what was beyond, what was behind the foliage, around the next curve. Her essence was fresh like creosote in the desert after rain.

The sensation of Lizzy was that of an old, perfectly worn tee shirt- threadbare from washings and use- her lightness clung to his body. Her fleshy curves were unattainable altars where he longed to worship the unknown feminine: Darcy realized that Elizabeth Bennet was perhaps the strongest force in his life to date and he had no idea of her, as a known entity and as mystery. Darcy found the object of his devotion – there could be no self delusion as to his own 'grandeur' or as to his role as a sort of protector and mentor. He was ready for the truth of her, for the truth of himself, for the truth of them together. He was ready to be initiated.

It was a good thing he knew the orientation so well, as he presented the workshop information like an automaton with perfect timing, except for the second he was caught by Catalina…

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Lizzy's discovery of that spark occurred in a flash of amber that she glimpsed as he shoved his hand in a jacket pocket before his presentation.

Catalina introduced him, stating that he'd had arrived Sunday night after some mystery weekend. His aunt teased him about his naked fire dancing ritual and rolling in the mud. Lizzy could tell it was somehow close to a truth he was embarrassed to admit. Having noticed the color on his hand, Lizzy wondered at the secret of his weekend and knew those hands would reveal something more. How strong and muscular his arms were. There were scars- they were the arms of an artist. It was uncomfortable, the attraction and familiar sense of him. Lizzy continued to unobtrusively observe, awaiting a slip when he would again reveal his hand.

She could not yet admit how much she enjoyed taking in the appearance of his lean yet supple torso filling out a slightly sheer, simple snap front shirt with western stylings. Or the way it was casually tucked into his slim fit black jeans to reveal an equally tantalizing view of his pelvic region, ensconced in an interesting painted leather belt with a silversmithed buckle. She noticed the slightly windblown look Darcy's curls had, and the way they invited her to walk over and run her fingers through them.

No, she could not admit the thoughts in full. Certainly it was only to catch Darcy, for a laugh, tease him about whatever his hand would reveal. She was quite intently focused on this man. She certainly was distracted from the orientation. It was a good thing she had already thoroughly perused the brochure as most of the information was redundant anyway.

Eventually, at a break, Darcy forgot himself and took a stance that was second nature - crossing arms over his chest and staring out a window, sideways. Just then she glimpsed a terra cotta colored tree branching out on his fingers. Its base was at Darcy's wrist and there a tribal design wound around. Who would have thought he was a hippie? She quirked her lips in amusement. So debonair, even his jeans were tailored to perfectly fit. Not that she complained. They did fantastic things for his thighs and ass, she noticed, eyes traveling his form. He noticed her gaze. She challenged him with a look.

After the orientation he made his way over to her in way of explanation. "My mother started me with this mentor when I was young. I still see him sometimes- and we do uh, different sorts of uh ritual type.. things…" He said it while nervously pulling at his cuff to conceal that adornment. But when he said it, Darcy leaned in, eyes consuming her.

After all she'd said, after her obvious inadequacy, why was he making any effort at all? She just wanted to understand. That was all it took. She was captivated. And then, just then, she found who he was to her and it was a wonderful secret. All thoughts and feelings were made apparent though not yet not completely known.

She savored all the forgotten bits that invited recollection- his molten eyes, Darcy's amazing art, his romanticism, so pleasurably expressed... How could they have gotten into such a situation- more than once? There was yet still so much to discover, about herself, about him. About them. She blushed, thinking these things in public, and her Tia and Uncle were there!

Timing of events conspired against them. Darcy had to give another workshop, one for which she had not registered. Quite determined to stay her course, she refused to change her agenda, although policy stated that participants could change workshops whenever they wanted. He reminded her of the possibility, inviting Lizzy in a hopeful manner, implying she would be doing HIM the favor of attending his workshop. This was the opposite of his former officiousness. He even suggested that he would be willing to change any workshop if she had an idea of a topic that would interest her.

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She held such sway in his inclinations that he had to make an abrupt exit when Lizzy did not respond more favorably. As far as he was concerned, it was completely likely that this woman, who he loved, still detested him but hid it well. Suffering took on the savoring quality of unrequited love. How he would make Lizzy his? Darcy feared he'd again been officious and swore to act differently.

At lunchtime Darcy had taken a table by himself but near to Lizzy and her relatives. He noticed Lizzy was barely touching her food and didn't speak; both of them slouching and introspective. Tia just looked at him and shook her head. The week was new, pregnant with any number of possibilities and at least 3 formidable women who could be very angry with him depending on what course of action he took.

If it didn't happen this week, he would chase her down in New Mexico to face her. In her presence, words seem to melt away, at least the ones he needed to encourage her.

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She planned to go early to the yoga studio, hoping to spend time just laying there, staring out at the rushing creek and the green banks, relaxing, thinking, of course.* Her plans were pleasantly interrupted when she cracked open the door and heard peaceful flute music and an unusual heat wafting towards her.

Looking at the mirrored wall opposite, through the crack in the door, Lizzy could see that Will was upside down in a _pose. He flowed through the asanas and held power poses with perfect grace. Lizzy couldn't help but watch, enraptured by his perfect form and figure. There were voices behind her and she knew that Darcy would notice her eventually from the noise. Having no choice in her mind, she opened the door, entering, just as Darcy finished a sun salutation. "You're quite good. Why don't you join us in class?"

"As you see, or, feel, rather, I like the room a little warm, and that's not good for people who have health problems, so…"Lizzy noticed as Darcy spoke, he had moved from his poses, having taken the mat from his floor and was holding it in front of himself in an odd manner.

Her eyebrow shot up and her lip twitched. Her eyes sparkled as she looked down, not being able to help herself, Lizzy replied "It is warm in here, you're right. Maybe we should …" Her eyes flicked invitingly to the door. Oh, what was she doing? She looked apprehensively at him, wondering if he knew what she was hoping.

Just as she thought he made a hint of a move towards herself, others began filing into the studio. Suddenly he had disappeared. She had happened to notice before the interruption that Darcy's eyes wore that molten expression she'd seen before, further confirming her suspicion that his pants wore a most appealing bulge. Maybe you have a chance after all…. But at what? Sex…. or more? She practiced at emptying her head, but was exceedingly poor at it, her yoga poses suffered all the more as a result.

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