Thanks to all my betas who contributed in different ways: lovingyouisbest, JD Bell; Joy Booth and Fredrica.
Final tweaking is my own.
Thank you to loyal reader and reviewer, Loveinthebattlefield. I love the encouragement.
Please note that I am using Spanish/ Spanglish known to me conversationally. I did my best to research it so if anyone out there has a correction to make, please let me know (insert smiley face). Again Spanglish and Spanish in New Mexico have their own variations so sometimes people find it incorrect. I did my best to check that, too.
Please note that there are conversations of people working through finding out family is gay, which includes a variety of opinions. I don't share all opinions that are given on the subject in the coming chapters. I believe people should be able to love-and be with- who they love (ideally in a mutual, healthy relationship- but that is a bit subjective) regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
With or Without You
Lizzy had not begun the trip with any designs on renewing her liaison with Darcy, and she ended it with even fewer plans in that quarter. Not that she made much time to consider his abrupt departure. Once the shock subsided she no longer acknowledged its source nor allowed the pain. At least that's what she told herself. It was partially true.
Weeks of being cooped up, abed, and this healing place (and Darcy) all added up to the energy she felt, compelling her to create despite her feelings. Instead of moping, she poured her contemplation into art. She remained in studio hours after each workshop ended, having developed an elaborate idea that she needed to see to fruition. The Primavera forms became more elaborately fleshed out, with their array of types, posed and dressed in the style from the original.
Whatever anger, abandonment or other emotions felt were all channeled into this. Her work held vigil, instead of being pushed aside. She had finally given in to the instinct that she couldn't NOT create.
Catalina and others who filtered through the studio recognized in the pieces something to identify as their own. Part of Lizzy resented that voiced belonging, considered it appropriation of a sort. She wondered if separateness, which motivated her to act in the first place, was universal after all. It was hard to imagine someone like Catalina feeling like she, Lizzy, felt.
Rather than focus on those details of relating, Lizzy turned ever toward the work. Relating was something she did not want, at least for the time being. It had already been too much. She ate meals with everyone else, slept as she needed, went through the exercises, but otherwise used workshop, studio and free time in that diligent fashion.
Lizzy's work arrived at the phase where Spring was to be embodied and she took advantage of their field trip to Clarksdale and the Verde Valley's* antique stores to get more of what she loved best: antique needlecraft, having already arrived with her needlework, already full of basics- sewing and embroidery threads, needles, thimbles, Ginghers*, pins, fastenings, muslin, and a those ubiquitous scraps that remain in the wake of any dedicated stitcher.
PPPxoxNMxoxPPP
One morning, languorous days of creation and healing already drawing towards their conclusion, Lizzy was met at breakfast with the maudlin face of her Tia. Her uncle's presence was unaccounted for, and Lizzy didn't ask. "Mija, sit down," Lena urged.
"I'd rather take the bad news standing."
"Lydon is missing. Your uncle is making arrangements for us to go home a little early." Lizzy fired off question after question, her aunt sadly having little more information than Lydon's missing status. "Mary just called a few minutes ago, and they'd just realized he was missing this morning. After calling a few places, they realized no one had seen him for 5 days."
"How could they let this happen?" Elizabeth was outraged at the indolence her parents had raising their baby boy, raising all of them.
"The Phillips told your parents he and Wickham had been gone since Thursday, helping bail hay on Millie's ranch. When they'd told the Phillips they were leaving, your aunt called your mom and dad, but your mama and papa didn't do anything, saying it was fine if Lydon went and helped Wickham and Millie. They thought it would take some days to finish bailing so many acres of hay.
When your mother went to the Phillips to pick them up for their usual Sunday lunch with her, they still weren't there. Your father called Millie's ranch and her parents hadn't seen any of them since Friday night. Millie's parents said they were going to Juarez* and El Paso." Gardiner explained.
Throughout the time that she packed, said her goodbyes numbly, and got into the car, Lizzy's mind raced. Had a missing persons report been filed? Had they called the hospitals, jails and, g-d forbid- the morgue? Had they hired anyone to help look? Did he go missing from Juarez or in El Paso? Her stomach lurched at the possibility that something happened across the border where kidnapping and murder was rampant.
As she sat, staring, unseeing, out the window, Lizzy was restless with worried thoughts that overpowered any other occupation besides staring out the window. Tia occasionally reached over and squeezed her hand supportively, a pensive look on her own face.
Lizzy wondered at how she'd so recently felt on the verge of everything, one of those pieces falling into place having been a certain man. She couldn't believe that now, not only had he left without a word, now, she was coming home to something less than the chaos she'd left. She really couldn't conceive how her art fit into the circumstances at the moment. To immerse herself in that pleasure now was a luxury of time she couldn't afford.
Not when her brother could be….But no, she couldn't-wouldn't- think of where, how, he could be. She blamed herself and her family. No wonder he left. He must have realized how chaotic life could be with the lot of us. Not even the Gardiners were steady enough to make him stay. Lizzy thought, in the bargaining manner one has in the throes of lost love. Her thoughts tumbled along, meandering down a dangerous course until finally she was interrupted.
Lizzy, Lena and Gardiner were at a truck stop in Lordsburg by the time they heard any updates. Everyone was frozen as Gardiner responded in one word syllables and wrote a few notes. Tom learned that Lydon had withdrawn his rodeo and animal money from savings on Thursday, all in cash. The checking account still had the remainder of his allowance, but that had been drained on Saturday, at various places in Las Vegas. The authorities were checking with establishments to see if their video surveillance showed anyone with Lydon's description during the times that his card was being used. The ride from Lordsburg to Dona Maria was the longest in her life.
PPPxoxNMxoxPPP
On The Farm, Lizzy, Tia and Uncle Gardiner were received with hugs by Jane and Mary. Kitty had been grounded to her room, a shocking development, while her mother was in her own room having fallen asleep after taking something to calm her nerves. She had been in hysterics for hours previous, until Mary convinced her to take the medication.
Edward was in his study, having recently returned from the police station in town. When Lizzy greeted her father, he looked haggard and listless. When he saw her he broke down, "I don't know what else to do for my boy." Lizzy comforted him will learning what had been done so far, then left him to sit staring out the window of his study. She suggested that he might eat and he agreed in a monotone voice that suggested he didn't even know what he'd agreed to do.
Lizzy and Jane took a few moments to share in each other's sisterly comfort, discussing the situation at hand. "Where is Bingley?"
"He and Caroline are helping Darcy with a, um, project."
Lizzy felt jealousy arise like bile in her throat but pushed it down, along with her expectation. Now was not the time. "Will he be coming down?"
"Yes, Caroline is going to, uh, take care of things and that will free up Charles to help with the others." Lizzy looked oddly at her sister. Jane couldn't lie very well.
Lizzy didn't want to ask, for fear of exactly what her sister held back. Best to get busy, keep busy. More important, now.
*Clarksdale, Verde Valley- nearby towns to Sedona
*Ginghers- very expensive, nice shears- tools of the trade for all kinds of serious stitchers
*Lordsburg- a very small New Mexico town on Interstate 10 about 4 hours east of Phoenix.
*Juarez- Large city in Chihuahua Mexico that shares a border with El Paso Tx. When I was a teenager in the 80s kids would go there to the bars/ clubs across the border to drink and it was considered fairly safe. Those are very touristy. There are posh areas, as well with posh bars and mercados. There are also areas full of people living basically in cardboard houses. A lot of trade occurs between the 2 cities and until the early 2000s or so a lot of goods were manufactured in Juarez and then brought over the border. For example, El Paso Tx used to be the 3RD LARGEST garment producing city in the nation. Around that time was when Miss Tx became Miss USA and there was a partnership (Guy Rex, I believe) in El Paso who 'made' her. There were amazing fabric stores downtown that would feature pictures of their contestants, wearing custom garments from their luxurious merchandise. Downtown El Paso, near the border with Juarez, was a thriving area filled with probably hundreds of shops, and back in the mid century featured such interests as an alligator pit. Tarahumara Indians and Hurdy Gurdy men with monkeys were among the interesting people on the streets selling wares and attracting tourists and shoppers alike. It used to be a safe city in the 80's/early 90's and before that. Unfortunately, it has become notorious for its cartel violence and the hundreds of female maquilladora workers who have been mysteriously murdered there. People are kidnapped for ransom and killed there, now, including tourists. Much more violence however, is done to the people who live there.
Resurrection
Uncle Gardiner, Lizzy and Jane posted information online and made calls to as many friends and acquaintances as they could. Mary sat with their mother, while Collins, not knowing what else to do, was out taking care of chores.
Tia took it upon herself to go into Kitty's room have a heart-to-heart. She knew that Kitty and Lydon were confidants, and suspected Kitty knew even more than she was divulging. Her niece had, in fact, known all along that Lydon planned to go clubbing for the weekend with Wickham. Kitty had only mentioned this after Lydon was determined missing.
Kitty didn't understand why everyone thought she was withholding information. It was most unfair that her mother suggested she even consider relinquishing her Fair Princess title. After all, she didn't go clubbing. "Unbecoming conduct, whatever!" She huffed to Tia.
Tia wisely comforted her niece and let Kitty further speak her mind. "I shouldn't be grounded! I use my fair money more wisely than Lydon! He took all of his out on Thursday and then he called me Saturday and asked for some of mine! I should be thanked for being unselfish! If it weren't for me, Lydon would be in jail or homeless. It wasn't even very much, just a hundred dollars!"
Tia's ears perked up at this but tried to keep calm and keep her talking. "Yes, Kitty, everyone knows how much you do for Lydon."
"No they don't! I'm the only one in the family he trusts! Lydon told me so. I would never keep him from living his life. That's why I helped him."
Tia hated to lie to her niece but felt she deserved it for her stupid decisions, which may have helped Lydon run away. After all, she hadn't divulged this before, and it was certain that her parents had both given her a stern interrogation. Lena continued to provide encouragement. "That was very sweet of you to help him out in Vegas, it sounds like you really came through for Wickham and him. They must have had some bad luck at the slot machines to lose all Lydon's money like that."
"Las Vegas? They weren't gambling! I saved Lydon after that asshole Wickham deserted him in El Paso! Millie is pregnant with Lydon's baby and they went to elope in Vegas! They took his rodeo money. Lydon was so upset he didn't know what to do. I wired him money so he could pay for his motel, but he hasn't called me back since. I helped him out and get in trouble for him and he doesn't even call me back. I have no idea where he is." At this realization, Kitty started sobbing loudly.
Tia embraced her niece and let her cry for a few moments, before replying. "I think you should let your parents know how you protected your brother. Besides, if you don't know where he is now, you will be protecting him by helping find him now. He has no business on the streets of El Paso. He's only 17."
"They don't understand! They just grounded me! I won't ever get to leave the house now! Besides, they hate Lydon!" Kitty continued to sob.
This time, Tia took a different tone. She was sick of her niece's teenage nonsensicalness when that girl's own brother was at risk. "Mija, if you don't get off your bed and be responsible, I will go tell them myself. Which do you prefer?"
She got off Kitty's bed and made to open her door, when Kitty wailed "WAIT!"
Tia turned, "I think you are doing the right thing, Mija. Maybe if you tell them how you will use your mistake as a learning experience, it will show them that you are ready to start taking responsibility for yourself."
"But they'll still be angry."Kitty whined.
"Of course they'll be angry, your brother is out there God knows where and you helped him, not even having the decency to tell the familia… Tia heaved a deep breath and stopped herself. But you already heard this one from your Mama and your Papa, yes? Vamos pues, unless you want to hear it from me." She gave her niece a quelling look.
Kitty went and told her parents the information she'd been withholding.
"WHAT!?" Their father roared.
"How could you do such a thing!?" Their mother sobbed.
Uncle Gardiner succeeded in calming them down and suggesting that they would do better to use the small leads of the location where Kitty wired the money. After ascertaining the location was near downtown, Lizzy and Jane had the idea that Lydon may not be on the streets at all. They started googling various establishments in the vicinity of the money transfer.
Her mission to assist in the search having borne fruit, Tia turned to provide what other comfort she could to the family. Seeing her forlorn niece skulking in her room, Tia directed Kitty that she had better start making herself useful.
They started with straightening the house, which had been turned upside down in search of any clues to Lydon's whereabouts. The two also made tortas, salads and cookies, coaxing the reluctant family to take sustenance.
PPPxoxNMxoxPPP
The group had just finished eating when Bingley arrived, greeting everyone, especially Jane, with enthusiasm. They shared a whispered conversation, whereupon Jane said, looking pointedly to her Aunt and Uncle;"Bingley wanted to share some news about that mutual client. I'm afraid the client's business can't wait."
Lizzy's brows furrowed as her sister, Bingley and the Gardiners disappeared into one of the bedrooms. Bingley and Jane back slunk in a little later and sat down, saying little. Tia had disappeared into a room making herself busy. All of them bore expressions that did little to welcome questions. Gardiner emerged later, and was on the phone, talking cryptically.
He turned back to the table, "Sorry bout that, I couldn't keep this client waiting. Quite urgent, I'm afraid. Back to more important business. I uh, have been thinking and I realized that an, ummm friend was in a similar situation with his- I mean – their- family member. Kids run away sometimes and it may not be a good idea to go in with your guns blazing, so to speak, because it might alert them to you and they might run again.
Which is hard to suggest as a parent, but we may want to benefit from this friend's experience. I went ahead and called this friend and asked for uh- their- help. They suggest that this friend might look for Lydon in order gain his trust. I think they have certain things in common that will help."
"Do you really think that someone unknown to him will be more successful than his own family?" Edward asked.
"If I may, brother, you've all been friends with Wickham for awhile." Gardiner began.
"Yes, although now I begin to wonder what he's gotten himself into, going off and eloping with that Younge girl. But, I suppose it's good that he's being a man about it." Edward commented.
Gardiner continued, "Well, that is one of the things my friend has in common with Lydon. Wickham got to my friend too. He- my friend- believed Wickham when he said that his family wouldn't accept him. Circumstances-uh- being as they were, my friend was eager to offer his-uh- assistance and this person is probably on their way already. I will simply be calling to point them in the right direction."
Edward looked shrewdly at his brother in law, "How would your friend know where to go? Why do I feel like I don't have all the information here? Is it true that after all this worry I might get my son back with little more trouble to myself than what I've already undertaken?"
"I don't want to get ahead of myself, brother, but this friend's family was all worried about this friend when he ran away, too, and things eventually turned out OK. In this situation, you may have to consider pressing charges against Wickham."
"For abandoning my son who was running away in the first place?" Edward asked, "What could he have to do with it? And what good would it do to press charges against him for theft? He was a family friend, after all, maybe there was some misunderstanding."
"Dad you can't be that stupid. Wickham and Lydon were sleeping together and Wickham broke up with him and took the rodeo money." Kitty finally burst out. The entire family gawked at her. "If you can't get that bastard for breaking Lydon's heart, then at least get him for stealing….. What? I'm just saying what everyone else won't say. They're gay. It's fine if we don't talk about it, but NO, we can't say it out loud! Gee! I wonder why Lydon thinks everyone hates him."
"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU KNEW THAT A CERTAIN 'FRIEND' OF OURS WAS PRACTICALLY COMMITTING STATUTORY RAPE AND YOU DID NOTHING?!" Edward thundered.
"What are you talking about?" Kitty cried.
Elizabeth broke in, "Dad, I think I'm to blame also. I suspected but I guess I just didn't want to believe it."
He gave a withering look to her, "You. Elizabeth Rosalind, are too old for me to ground, and I've already grounded you, Katherine. What's the use, anyway? Everyone around here just does whatever they please. I'm going to my study, call me when my prodigal son decides to grace us with his presence so I can tell him that it's ok for him to be gay but not ok for him to run away." Edward turned on his heel and stalked to his study, slamming the door behind him. The family just stared agape at the door.
PPPxoxNMxoxPPP
"That went well." Mary said, wryly.
"I can't believe he just went back into his study to sulk." Mused Gardiner.
"I can't believe you suspected. I didn't realize it. Wykham is so… masculine. And anyway, Kitty, I believe you. You are too stupid to realize that it is NOT cool for an older guy to hit on a minor. But Lizzy! Why didn't you say anything. Statutory rape?" Mary looked between her two sisters.
"Actually, Mary, 16 is the age of consent in this state. The only thing we can press charges against Wickham for is stealing the money. As for your shock at the situation, if it were a 17 year old young woman with a twenty something man that she thought she was in love with, would you be so disapproving?" Elizabeth asked.
Mary nodded, adamantly, "YES! The age difference is too much."
"I agree, Mary. We aren't living in the old days when older men married teenagers." Said Jane.
Elizabeth sighed, her shoulders drooping, "Honestly, I didn't approve either. You are right. I should have tried to do more than I did. I went to him and tried to get him to talk to me, but he wouldn't. I shouldn't have let it go. I will always feel horrible about it. But, while all of us are having this drama, Lydon is still missing. And by the way, Mary, there are lots of masculine gay guys and lots of feminine straight guys and everything in between."
"Yeah, look at your boyfriend!"
"Kitty that's enough." Jane chided. "Shouldn't you be helping Tia or something?"
Kitty would not go so easily. "Actually, I did want to say that I think Uncle is right. It is a good idea for someone we don't know, but who knows Wickham, to find Lydon. He DOES think we all hate him. This person can help him understand how Wickham lied".
"Well, I suppose there is nothing for any of us to do but be useless while we wait for our hero or heroine to bring him home. Maybe dad is right." Lizzy said.
"Nonsense, I think we can consider what we might do differently. It's not just Kitty or Lizzy, all of us contributed to this in some way." Everyone turned to Jane, nodding in agreement.
The family that remained in the kitchen talked about what could be done to change their situation, and to help Lydon feel good about himself and accepted while taking responsibility for the consequences of his actions. The evening was already at a late hour when their discussion began, and everyone retired after midnight, but little slept was gotten by anyone other than Francesca who was sleeping off another dose of medication.
Everyone was relieved from their restless beds at about 4 in the morning. A cell phone had rung, the Gardiners, Bingley and Jane stirred. After several minutes, Jane roused Lizzy and the rest of the family who gathered in the kitchen.
The 'friend' had located Lydon. For some undisclosed reason he had only now come from talking with Lydon. He was safe, and housed, in El Paso. The 'friend' was trying to work out the rest. Being relieved at this news, Kitty and Collins turned in to get more sleep, while everyone else stayed up.
Lizzy had enough of waiting and uselessness. She doodled in her sketchbook, allowing thoughts to meander on how to handle the situation better upon Lydon's return. Tia took advantage of the early hour to start cinnamon rolls while everyone drank gallons of coffee and tea. Jane knitted on the couch, her legs resting over Bingley who was half dosing, half watching morning news. Francesca was still out. Edward remained ensconced in his study, talking to Gardiner. Mary found comfort in having Collins nearby, dirt under their nails, out in the vegetable beds.
Everyone broke their fast together, ravenously consuming the generous portion of the Farm's eggs with green chile and cheese, home grown sausage, cinnamon rolls, juice and their choice of warm beverage. Everyone was feeling improved after the repast.
Elizabeth tried to question Tia and Uncle, who continued evading her questions about their role in the situation. Jane and Bingley also acted strangely distant from her, yet had a lot to say behind closed doors to Tia and Uncle. And that story about Uncle's friend. It sounded familiar.
Deciding she had enough of their silence, Lizzy decided to try talking to her father, who was still sequestered in his study. Gardiner had abandoned the study after breakfast and had his laptop in another part of the house, so her father was quite alone. She found him looking at old pictures.
Southern Point
Her father wiped his eyes. "My boy is so much like his great uncle Frank it's not even funny."
"I don't know, daddy. Maybe Frank had a harder life."
He sighed and looked up briefly from the photos. "You're right, Lizzy. Honestly, that is why I thought maybe his dying in the war was a blessing. Times were tougher on people like Frank and your brother, Lizzy. Why else do you think I never talk to him about it? Kitty's right. People didn't talk about it. As long as you did your duty to your family and manned up, no one had a problem. But Frank loved to push the limits, and he wouldn't have settled for it. He probably would have flaunted his ways, and, honey, I'm ashamed to say that in those days, people could be downright violent about a man loving another man."
She shook her head, "Well, daddy it still happens."
Intent on the pictures again, not meeting his daughter's eyes, he continued, "I remember that time in junior high that Lydon came home with a black eye, and he wouldn't talk about it. I thought it was just the normal bullying but looking back…"
Lizzy put her hand on her father's shoulder. "What would you have said, Daddy? Or done?"
His voice broke. "I don't know, dearheart. Maybe I'd tell him the stories I'm telling you. That would've confirmed that he was in for trouble for being who he was."
Lizzy shook her head. "I think it is a mistake to say that it is a blessing Frank died in the war. We've all missed his company- and Lydon- he might have benefited from it the most."
He finally looked up and put his arm around his daughter. "You're right. I missed the opportunity to tell Frank I loved him for who he is. I'll be damned if I let the same thing happen to Lydon. I feel like a horrible father to think I didn't acknowledge it when I could have. I thought maybe he was just a late bloomer. Now I see I couldn't have been more wrong on THAT count. Bastard, Wickham. I never have thought I'd want to take a shotgun to my SON's beau. But, such is the nature of life." They hugged for a time as Edward let his tears flow silently.
Gardiner interrupted their tete a tete with further news. Lizzy, not a little annoyed by being banished from the study, and gave thunderous looks to Jane, Bingley and Tia. The former two at least had the grace to look guilty. Tia, however, took Lizzy to task for her disrespect. Lizzy schooled her expression, mumbled a polite apology and stalked to her room, so she could wait for news without her facial expression offending anyone.
Jane retrieved Lizzy minutes later, saying that her father wanted to see them in his study. He had his laptop out and he'd printed a flyer out for Jane and Lizzy to read…..
Can anyone guess who is the 'friend' helping the Bennets find Lydon? What about the flyer- any ideas as to what it is about? Reviews are very much welcome!