A formal warning: This story will contain abuse, non-con/rape, death, dark themes, it will not contain graphic descriptions of such.
*****And I don't own HP, or the excerpts from the book/movie you see below*****
Tonks woke up a lot later than she usually would have on a full moon. She generally woke up when Remus came in or before, if she wanted to help him. She rolled over to see if Remus had come upstairs yet, but his side of the bed was empty. She frowned when she noticed a piece of parchment with his ring, and sat up slowly, picking it up.
Tonks,
I made a mistake, I can admit that. You, and your child, will be better off without me.
You're young, and you're strong. You can find someone who can help you, someone young and healthy, who won't say such terrible things. Someone who won't hurt you, someone who isn't so worthless.
I hope that you can one day forgive me for leaving, and I can understand if you never forgive me for what I said. It was unforgivable. However, it made me realise you deserve better. You and your child deserve someone who won't be a terrible person to them. Someone who isn't me.
All I hope now, is that you survive this war, and find happiness.
I would lie here, and say I don't love you, but I can't. I've hurt you, and I can't hurt you further by lying. I'm doing this because I love you, and I can't live with myself if I stay.
I'm very sorry, Tonks.
Tonks stared at the letter. He hadn't called her 'Tonks' for months, and when he did, it was only because she had told him not to do otherwise. She was always 'Nymphadora' or 'Dora' to him.
She had been mad for quite a while after he left after the argument, and the next day, realised she was still angry. Last night, she spent all night, awake, laying in bed. She realised she couldn't be angry anymore. Remus was right. He could have worded it better, sure, but he was right.
She had, technically, been with another man.
However, she could understand he hadn't had Wolfsbane controlling him, and that the wolf was far more temperamental than Remus was.
She had even read a little bit of the werewolf books they had, and found that werewolves could be naturally jealous if they found a mate and felt threatened by someone else's connection to their mate. Remus had become quiet, almost annoyed when Charlie had been there. Had Remus felt threatened by Charlie's presence?
That still didn't explain why Remus would leave, though. He had promised to help her, to claim the child as his.
Now he was gone, and she was left alone.
She had to admit, she was a little more angry than upset.
He had promised her, he had told her. They'd get through this together. Together!
She got out of bed, tucking the letter into the pocket of the pajama pants she pulled on, and headed downstairs. Maybe Kingsley didn't have to know.
She entered the kitchen just as he was plating breakfast, and looked up at her. "Remus still asleep?" He asked, and she promptly burst into tears.
Kingsley, to his credit, was used to her emotional outbursts. She had had plenty when she was a teenager, and in the last few months.
"Dora, what's wrong?" Kingsley asked, walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her. "Did you two argue?"
She felt herself crumbling, telling Kingsley everything that had happened in the last few days. It felt strangely good to let it out, to tell someone.
Kingsley was quiet after she had finished talking, frowning slightly. "I might kill him."
"Kingsley-"
"I said might." Kingsley said, walking to the counter and picking up two plates. "Here, eat breakfast."
"I'm not very hungry."
"You're going to eat breakfast." Kingsley said, walking over and placing the plates on the table.
She sighed, walking over and sitting at the table. They were quiet throughout breakfast, and Kingsley did the cleaning up, before joining her in the living room. She was reading Remus' letter again, still confused by his reasoning.
"So, do you really think you'll be alone?" Kingsley asked, and she didn't look up. "I'm here. I'm sure Sirius will help out where he can. You're going to stay here, you're going to do nothing but relax and care for yourself- absolutely nothing else. No Order meetings, no going out alone. You stay hidden, you stay away from the war, you stay safe."
"I don't really fancy being a single Mum, though-"
"You're going to be a great mother, whether or not you're married. And, you know, you don't have to stay single forever. Perhaps if the war ends-"
"I can't think about that right now." Tonks said. "I'm pregnant, and funny enough, neither possible father is around. How terrible is that?"
"Not terrible, Rodolphus would be dead either way." Kingsley said. "And I'm tempted to go find Remus and-"
"Please don't."
"Dora, someone should go make him see sense." Kingsley said. "And I'm pretty angry he hurt you like this-"
"I'd actually just prefer it if you stayed here."
"I'm planning to. I'll send a patronus to Arthur, ask him to cover my patrol today." Kingsley said. "And then, I'm thinking we do what we used to do when you were younger and Alastor would be on missions with the Aurors."
"Watch Muggle movies and eat junk food because Alastor wasn't here to tell us to do otherwise?" Tonks asked, and Kingsley nodded.
"We'll do nothing all day, the war doesn't exist, Remus doesn't exist. It's just the two of us." Kingsley said, as someone knocked on the door. "Or, us and whoever that is." Kingsley stood, wand in hand. "Who is it?"
"Hestia Jones and Molly Weasley!" A female voice called. "Two fellow members of the Order of the Pheonix, we were just here a few days ago."
"That doesn't really prove who you are." Kingsley responded, but he was heading for the door anyway.
"We know about Tonks' pregnancy, does that prove it?" Hestia asked, as Kingsley opened the door. Hestia and Molly were standing with a young man, who Tonks didn't recognise.
Kingsley gestured them inside. "Who's this?" Kingsley asked, as they all sat down.
"My brother Leo." Hestia said. "You wouldn't have met him before, he was in Hogwarts for most of the first war."
"Hestia and I had tea yesterday, and she suggested it." Molly said. "I met Leo this morning, and we figured we'd come here right away."
"Suggested what?" Kingsley asked.
"Leo's a Healer." Hestia said. "His specialty isn't obstetrics, but-"
"My specialty is spell-induced injuries." Leo said. "However, before Healers learn a specialty, they are required to take a few basic courses first so that they can decide their specialty. One of my choices was obstetrics, so I took a basic course before choosing spell-induced injuries."
"So...?" Tonks asked.
"We figure it'd be good to have a Healer around who can help with the birth." Hestia said. "Leo gives me all of his work schedules, and if you go into labour, you can send someone to find me and I can get him. If he's unavailable,-"
"I believe Molly can help until I can arrive." Leo said.
"This is still a few months away." Tonks said.
"It's good to have a plan, Tonks." Molly said. "You may have a few months left now, but it goes by so quickly."
"Well... I suppose it wouldn't be terrible having someone to help me with the birth itself." Tonks said. "I hadn't really thought about it until now."
Molly, Leo and Hestia left a while later, leaving Kingsley and Tonks to continue their day. Slowly, the day alone turned into a week alone, Kingsley asking various Order members to cover his patrols without saying why exactly.
On Christmas Eve, Tonks sent him on a patrol, saying he couldn't keep asking others to cover for him, and that it was a few short hours anyway. Once he left, she did too.
She had gotten the idea that Remus was at Grimmauld Place a few days after he had left. She wasn't sure why she thought that, but she just wanted to check. She Apparated outside of Grimmauld Place, heading into the hallway, waiting for the charm Alastor had set to activate.
"I didn't kill you, Professor." Tonks said as soon her tongue unrolled, and the figure exploded into a cloud of dust. She covered her mouth with her sleeve, walking forward. She heard a noise in the kitchen, and headed down the stairs.
Remus was sitting at the table, his back to the door. Probably hadn't heard her come in, which seemed strange.
"So I was right." Tonks said, and Remus tensed up.
"What do you want?"
"That's a difficult question, Remus." She said, walking to sit across from him. "At first, you. Now, I just want answers."
"Answers for what, exactly?" Remus asked, not meeting her eyes.
"Answers for the crossword in the Daily Prophet, obviously." She said, narrowing her eyes. "Why'd you leave?"
"I told you-"
"You didn't tell me anything. You left a note and slipped away, like a coward."
His eyes finally met hers. "A coward, am I?"
"Yes."
"Just leave if you're here to pick a fight." Remus said, standing slowly. "I'm not going to argue."
"I'm not leaving." Tonks said, standing.
"Go."
"No!" Tonks snapped, unbuttoning her jacket, gesturing to her bump. "This is why I'm not leaving. You said you wanted this, that you'd be there! That we'd get through this together!"
"Together? You'd be willing to be with someone who mistreats you just for a child that's probably not even mine?" Remus demanded.
"So it does bother you!"
"Of course it does!" Remus yelled. "I'd be lying or insane if it didn't!"
"You told me it didn't matter!"
"It doesn't matter! That doesn't mean it doesn't bother me!"
"You told me that this child would be yours, no matter what!" Tonks yelled. "So, now what? Do I stay a single Mum? Do you come home, and resent this baby for something I chose? Tell me, what happens now?"
"You go home. I leave here." Remus said. "And that's all."
"So, you lied to me." Tonks said slowly. "You convinced me things would be okay if I kept the baby, that you'd be there. You lied to me."
"Don't you dare." Remus growled. "I never once lied."
"Really? Didn't you? You said you'd help me, that you'd be there for me. And now what? You're gone, and won't tell me why."
"I said terrible things-"
"I say terrible things a lot." Tonks said.
"I hurt you."
"Do I look hurt?"
Remus sighed, sinking into a chair. "Dora, why are you here?"
"I told you." Tonks said. "For answers. Why did you leave?"
"What I said was unforgivable, Dora. I don't even know why I said it, and I felt terrible- still do. The fact I can slip up so easily and blame you for something you have no control over... Dora, I can't force you to deal with that."
"Force me?" Tonks asked. "Remus, I chose you. I will admit, I don't know much about werewolves, but I know about you. You're a good man, and I love you. I forgave you almost immediately for what you said, because I know it wasn't you."
"I don't want you to ever regret marrying me." Remus said. "And if I can't get Wolfsbane, who knows what I may do next?"
"We'll find a way to get Wolfsbane." Tonks said. "We can make this work, Remus."
"But what I said-"
"Was terrible, yes. But you know it was bad, you know it's not true." Tonks said. "I mean, it technically is true. However, you did just point out it wasn't my choice. So, deep down, you know you don't believe what you said that night."
"Dora... I can't ask you to put up with-"
"I never had to say yes to being with you." Tonks said. "I truly love you. I want to be with you."
"I can't be with you, Dora."
"Don't start that again, please." Tonks said, standing and walking over to him. "Give me your hand." He listened, and she placed his hand over her bump. She had been feeling it for a couple of days now, and was hoping he'd feel it too. Sure enough, she felt the baby's movements and saw his eyes widen slightly. "Tell me you don't want any part of this, now that you've felt it."
"That was...?"
"The baby." Tonks said. "Tell me again, that it's over. Say you don't love me, and I'll go."
Remus dropped his hand, staring at the table. "I can't." He said quietly. "I'm just worried about how you and the baby will treated by society, and how bad things could go if I don't have Wolfsbane. I can't say I don't regret our marriage, Dora. I really do love you, but-"
"That's another thing I think you should know, Remus." Tonks said. "We're not married."
"What?" Remus asked, frowning at her.
"You deserve to know, I think." Tonks said. "My last day of work? I was called into a meeting, they told me that I could either have the marriage annulled or go to Azkaban. I annulled the marriage and claimed I'd never speak to you again."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Remus asked.
"Well, I was worried you'd be upset, and start blaming yourself." Tonks said. "But Remus, please understand. I was willing to lie to the Ministry, just to continue being with you. Please don't throw us away. I don't care what people will say or do, we'll stay safe until the war ends, and then fight whatever battles we have to in order to be happy."
Remus was silent.
"I am sick thinking about the fact there's a huge chance that Rodolphus is the one who got me pregnant, but I'd honestly prefer the backlash of you being the father instead of people finding out otherwise." Tonks said, picking up her jacket. "I'll leave you to think about everything. If you choose me and the baby, meet me in three days, under the willow tree at the end of our street. At midnight. If you don't show up by twelve thirty, I'll assume you chose otherwise."
She pulled on her jacket, but Remus still didn't respond.
Tonks headed for the stairs. "Merry Christmas, Remus."