'Wait, is this real?
It's hard to take in the suffering.
Bound by a dream,
Can you imagine living in a place
Where waking every day
Didn't feel like we're caged?
And to have been condemned by the very breathe we take.'
"Suffocate" -Daybreak Embrace
Tuesday, 6th June 2000
Rose lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She counted the number of candles on the chandelier above. The rhythm of the action helped to still her mind. She would have to find something else to count once she had finished the count of the candles.
She practised meditation when she could focus on it, but found it difficult. Her mercurial mind and emotions would flit around inside her like a trapped bird.
She had experienced so many emotions in the past few days. Tears of despair, guilt, fear and hopelessness had enveloped her until she felt she was going to drown in them She had slept a lot, as intensity of these emotions were draining. Yesterday her anger had made itself known, and she had attempted to destroy the room. Pacing like a caged animal, she had finally had enough and had destroyed furniture and ornaments, smashing them to the floor and throwing them against the walls until the anger burnt out. The relief was tempered by the sight of the damaged items repairing themselves.
She had been in this room for several days now, having had no interaction with anyone since her first morning here. Her only contact at present was the house elf appearing with her meals three times a day. The conversation consisted of the elf saying, 'Your food Miss,' and her thanking him.
This was solitary confinement. This was her prison. It was a comfortable prison, and she had to acknowledge it was a beautiful room. Like one that you'd have if you went to an upmarket country-house hotel. But there were no distractions, no books, radio or TV. And she was locked within the same four walls.
She had thought she was going to go mad this morning. The isolation and lack of stimulation were eating at her and it had felt as if the walls were closing in on her. This was part of the punishment for evading him for so long. He wanted to see her begging on her knees in front of him, or crying and banging on the door and running mad. She was trying desperately not to oblige him, but it was proving difficult.
She thought about Sirius Black, and hoped he was okay. He'd nearly died that night, and the guilt ate at her. He was a good person, spending the last two years of his life helping to protect her. She still had this feeling that she'd forgotten something important about him, but no matter how hard she tried to remember, it would not come to her.
Voldemort had stayed away from her since the night she'd been brought to him. Not that she was complaining. He'd not even visited her in her dreams, but his absence made her more unsettled. This wasn't what she'd expected him to do, she'd been convinced he was going to take her that night and impregnate her.
He'd kissed her and touched her, tormented and teased her. And God forgive her, she had responded to his touch. She'd expected at any moment he would apparate her to his bed, and sickeningly, her body had shuddered with anticipation at that thought.
Instead he'd apparated her to this room. 'This will be your chamber,' had been his parting words, and she hadn't seen him since then. It was puzzling her. She was filth in his eyes, she had no magical blood, yet it seemed that he wanted her to bear him a child. Why not just get the ordeal over and get her pregnant, if that was all he wanted?
But then, she counter argued, if I'm so disgusting to him, why would he want to touch me like he does? He seems to enjoy it too. She couldn't work him or this whole twisted situation out. There must more to all this than meets the eye, she thought. She had too much time to think and was going round in circles trying to make sense of it all.
She wanted to get a hook into him, an understanding of him and his motives. Anything would do. Anything that could give her the upper hand, give her control of the situation and the power to destroy, or at the very least, escape the bastard. He had all the control at the moment and she didn't like it. "Knowledge is power", as was often said.
He wants me conflicted, confused and on edge. He's a sick, psychotic, twisted freak, she thought. He clearly gets off on torturing people physically, emotionally and psychologically. Trying to understand what motivates someone like him was impossible unless you were a highly trained psychiatrist who likes a challenge. She didn't really want to try to delve into the abyss of Voldemort's psyche; she wasn't expert in psycho analysis, psychology or any of those fields. But she had to at least try, because she was at a serious disadvantage now.
She looked down at her robe and grimaced. She hated it, but it was this or nothing. He loves humiliating people and being a control freak. She remembered the last interaction she'd had with another person. It had only been a few days ago, yet it felt more like months.
Narcissa Malfoy and Bellatrix came to her room the morning after she'd arrived here. She'd just taken a bath and had tried to scrub the memory of his touch off her body.
She'd walked back into the room, her hair wet and wearing only a towel. Narcissa and Bella stood looking at her, Narcissa holding a pile of garments.
'What do you want?' She'd said challengingly. She knew antagonizing Bella was stupid, but she couldn't help it. The bitch made her blood boil! 'How dare you speak to us like that, you filthy mudblood whore!' Bella screamed, her face suffused with frustrated anger. Rose laughed. 'Can you not come up with a more original insult for me? It's getting a bit old now!'
Narcissa intervened. 'Bella, do not rise to it. The girl is trying to get you to react.' Narcissa had eyed her coldly. 'My husband said you were a foolish, impudent girl. My sister may react to your attempts to antagonise, but I will not.'
Rose returned her cold gaze with equal measure. 'Whatever. Don't expect pleasantries and obedience from me. What fun for you both...waiting on a filthy mudblood and bringing clothes for her! Your lord and master bestows on you the best of all tasks. I'm sure Draco's so proud to know Mum and Auntie Bella are waiting on the Dark Lord's mudblood!' Rose had retorted sarcastically and laughed darkly at the women's indignant faces.
'Crucio!' Rose fell back as the curse hit her. She writhed on the floor in agony and pain. The curse was withdrawn and she drew in ragged breaths. She looked up at Narcissa. 'Oh! I am sorry, my wand must have slipped.' Narcissa smiled down at Rose and then at her sister, who grinned back in delight. 'How careless of you Cissie! But I'm sure our master will understand when we tell him of the girl's insolence and ingratitude.'
Rose's spirit and fight remained, despite the pain from the curse. She couldn't help but retort, laughing again as she did so. 'So much for not reacting to my antagonism Mrs Malfoy! That was too easy! Truth hurts though, doesn't it?' Rose smirked at the faces of the women, as Narcissa gave her another cold stare. She was staying her sister's hand and it looked to Rose as if she was having trouble controlling herself from cursing her again. Rose got up from the floor, determined to stand her ground with the two sisters, however much of a disadvantage she had.
Narcissa pointed her wand at the pile of clothes that had fallen on the floor. They began to fold themselves and fell down on the bed in a neat pile. 'Our master sends you these garments to wear. He is most generous with you. I would give you only rags to wear if it were my choice.' Narcissa pointed her wand at Rose's clothes that lay on the floor and they began to shred themselves into tiny pieces. Narcissa flicked her wand again and the remnants of clothing flew into the fireplace.
'Get yourself dressed, you stupid girl. Lucius was right about you. Merlin only knows why you are chosen as the mother of the heir of the greatest wizard the world has known!' Rose looked at Narcissa with an equally cold stare. 'I've not been given a choice in the matter, and if I had, I'd have declined the offer in no uncertain terms! You can exchange places with me if you want. Or maybe your sister would like the honour instead? They're the perfect pair...two sick, evil freaks that are a match made in hell!'
'How dare you! You ungrateful, disrespectful bitch...!' Narcissa yet again stayed her sister's hand as she made to curse Rose. 'Leave her, Bella, this mudblood filth isn't worth it.' The women had apparated from the room and she was left alone again.
Rose had let out a breath and cursed herself for her stupidity. She'd made herself another enemy in Narcissa Malfoy. She couldn't help it though, desperately needing to feel she still had some control and wasn't going down without a fight. Her rebellious nature had craved an outlet.
He'd had her punished for her outburst by withholding food from her for several days. She'd hoped her verbal sparring with Sirius' cousins was not going to impact on anyone else.
So, here she was, trapped in this room and wearing this black, voluminous robe. He'd stripped her of part of her identity making her wear this, but that was him all over.
He'd try to break her down, strip her of everything that mattered. And if she resisted, he'd punish her by torturing someone else for her resistance. She'd discovered that the first night she came here. The memory of Sirius Black with his blood pouring from him would not leave her memory.