Author's Note:

April. That's a really long time without these boys.

This chapter wasn't easy. I could probably revise it a hundred more times and still not be sure of the words. It starts the morning after the finale and there is a lot of talk about decisions made by Alec and Magnus. Your interpretation may differ from this one and I totally appreciate that. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how they felt and what they did.

Magnus rolled over, reaching out for the warmth and the beating heart and the rune-laced skin he had missed so desperately. But the bed was empty, only the imprint of the man he loved remaining. Empty martini glasses still sat on the nightstands. Clothing still littered the floor. He got up, pulled on his blue and gold silk robe and went out to find him.

Alec stood on the balcony, hands resting on the edge, staring out. The sun was just rising, orange and pinks bathing over the streets of Brooklyn. The air was starting to get crisp in the mornings. Drawing close, Magnus laid his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders, hoping that Alexander wasn't looking out with doubt or regret. After what felt even to him like a lifetime apart, the night before had been perfect – a gentle remembering of one another until caresses turned to a passion fueled by the heat of too many battles fought, and then settled into the serenity of pure love. Last night they had been able to let go of everything in the world except that love. But today, the tension he felt in Alec's shoulders was undeniable. Magnus squeezed them gently, leaning over to lay soft kisses on his neck.

"It's so good to have you home, Alexander," he whispered. But Alec silently lowered his head and Magnus felt a pang go through him. He could blame this on Alec or the Clave all he wanted, but he couldn't escape the truth that he had been the one to tear them apart. He had been the one who thought he had to choose saving his people over saving his love. Alec had held onto hope, had held onto him, where Magnus had made every attempt to let him go. After four hundred years, he still had so much to learn.

But last night, for the first time since learning of Alec's lies, Magnus' heart had felt whole again. He didn't think he could survive it breaking once more. "This morning brooding is my deal, not yours, remember?" he said, lightly. But when Alec made no move, his brow furrowed. "Tell me what's wrong, darling, so I can fix it."

Alec's voice was as quiet as the breeze when he answered, regret clearly flowed through it. "You said what happened, what I did, was in the past."

"It is, Alexander." Magnus quickly replayed the last six hours in his head to see if he could have given Alec even an inkling of a reason to believe he thought otherwise. "I want it to be."

"What if I don't want it to be?" Magnus' heart clenched at the pain in Alec's voice and the guilt in the tightness of the Shadowhunter's beautiful features when Alec turned to him. "What if I need more?"

Hazel eyes full of the torment Alec had fought to hide from everyone, from him, pierced his soul. He'd ignored that look for as long as he could, refusing to see because seeing meant feeling the anguish of turning his back on the part of his heart that Alec would always hold. But he couldn't ignore it anymore, he wouldn't, and he reached up, brushing a thumb along Alec's cheek, wishing he could just wipe away the pain with a touch.

"Alexander, you know that I forgive you, right? There are things that you and I need to work out, truths we need to acknowledge and work through, but I forgive you everything."

Alec flexed his fingers unconsciously. "I understand that Magnus. This isn't about you and me. I'm not asking for…anything, because of us."

"Then tell me what it's about. Please."

"Courage. Honesty." Alec turned back out to the city, where Magnus knew he'd spent the morning with these words running through his head. "These are the things that my father told me made a great leader. But Magnus, when I hid the truth about the Soul Sword, I was neither courageous, nor honest. I lied, to the High Warlock of Brooklyn, my greatest ally. I broke my promise to the Downworld Council. I was everything I never wanted to be as a leader. I did everything I said that I would never do. I deserve…"

Magnus had wanted to be certain, but now he was. It didn't matter that they had forgiven one another. Alec wasn't asking for forgiveness. He was asking for punishment.

"Then you need to ask yourself why, Alexander. Why did you once again choose to follow the Clave's orders instead of following your own gut?"

"Facilis descensus averni," Alec whispered, his voicing dripping with shame. "The descent into Hell is easy."

It's not, Magnus thought to himself. It's not easy at all.

Standing beside the man he loved, Magnus could admit that his desire to let Alec's wrongs rest in the past was an escape from having to face his own demons. Having to start the conversation that scared him most because…he loved a Shadowhunter, a Lightwood no less, and every day it became more clear that their two separate worlds would put in their path obstacles that would never go away. They would be forced to confront them, to hurdle them, day after day. Magnus' own journey would be more difficult than even Alec knew. He wouldn't pretend otherwise.

But this was Alec's journey.

He took in the sight of Alexander, staring out, hands gripping the edge of the balcony, hoping that Magnus would just make this right for him. For them.

Relationships took effort.

And a leader's work was never done.

Magnus turned, squared his shoulders and raised his chin. "Look at me," he ordered. Alec obeyed and the warlock searched deeply for the truth behind Alec's eyes. "The Clave told you to withhold the loss of the Soul Sword to everyone. But you didn't. You told Jace and Izzy and Clary." Friends. Family. People he loved. Shadowhunters he trusted. But not Magnus. Not the Downworlders.

"Izzy and my dad believed that if I told you about the Sword that it would be the end of the Accords. The start of a war between Shadowhunters and the Downworld." Alec's gaze dipped. "The irony is that the only reason they could have believed that was because they knew that hiding the truth about the Sword from the Downworld was wrong. And I knew it too."

"But still you didn't tell me. Why?" The ache in his heart came back, knowing that the man he loved had lied to him. He tried to set that aside and see things from Alec's point of view. "You said you didn't want me to have to keep a secret. Which means at least a part of you trusted me to stay quiet. So why lie? Why not tell me? Why not give us the chance to work together?"

Alec bit his lip. "I don't know," he admitted, almost childlike.

"I don't know is not an honest answer, Alexander."

Magnus crossed his arms and rested against the railing, letting the echo of the words that Robert Lightwood had told his young son so long ago seep back through him. It hurt, having to put Alec through this. Seeing him blink back tears, Magnus almost wished the sounds of Brooklyn could drown out the truths that Alec needed to hear.

"If you had told me the truth, told the Council the truth, you would have had a chance to prove that you were different from the Clave. That you wouldn't lie to them. That they could trust you. You could have proven that you truly were a leader they could get behind, even if you are a Shadowhunter."

"Instead I proved that I wasn't any different than the rest." His eyes met Magnus'. "That it truly does run in the family."

Magnus felt a pang of guilt. "I shouldn't have said that."

"But you were right, Magnus." Alec shrugged. He had no excuses other than the one he'd told Magnus from the beginning. He was trained his whole life to obey. "I lied because the Clave asked me to lie. I lied because I didn't have the courage to stand up to them, to put my hope for the Downworld before their mistrust. When things get hard Magnus, I remain loyal to the Clave."

The shame and self-doubt drew him in and Magnus reached out to cup Alec's cheek. Pleading eyes looked down at him. "Alexander. Your loyalty to the Clave is as strong and as good as mine is to the Downworld. That's how it should be, it's who we are. But loyalty is not blind obedience. Obedience is a trap. We need to make our own decisions. Your father is right. Courage and honesty are what make a great leader."

Alec nodded, heading inside the apartment. Magnus followed him and shut the balcony doors behind him.

"When I started the Downworld Council, Magnus, I had this hope of creating something greater than the Clave. Something that would bring our worlds together instead of tearing us apart. Maybe it was naïve. But as soon as I'd heard about the Sword, that's where my allegiance should have fallen. And I knew that. When I told my father that I wouldn't promise to keep secrets from you, I knew that."

"But then you did. What changed your mind?"

Alec crossed his arms across his chest. "I let my family convince me that protecting the Clave was preventing a war. Instead, I nearly started one."

"No, Alexander, you didn't." Magnus had his own regrets. When he allowed himself to think about it, he knew that he had played just as big a role in the hostilities as Alexander. Maybe even more so. "You made your decisions. And those decisions are your responsibility. But you are not responsible for the decisions of others. Not the Seelie Queen's. And not mine."

They both fell quiet for a moment. Magnus had come far too close to doing something he'd have regretted the rest of his life.

Alec let his arms fall to his side. "If I had told you right away, about the Sword, would you have kept quiet? Or would you have still gone to the Queen?"

Magnus had asked himself the same question. He'd come to understand the answer wasn't what was important. "I honestly don't know," Magnus said. "But what I do know is that I wouldn't have felt betrayed. Not by you. And maybe I wouldn't have felt that to save my people I had to do it without the Clave. Without you. You have to understand, Alexander, the feeling of betrayal by the Clave stems back centuries. It does for every Downworlder. Every once in a while the Clave tries to draw us back in, builds our trust, only to lie to us, again and again. They have put their survival above ours countless times. We had no reason to believe this time would be different."

"But you should have had a reason. I should have been strong enough, had the courage, told the truth, and given you a reason." Magnus had no way of knowing if telling the Council would have changed anything between the Downworld and the Shadowhunters. But he knew it would have changed everything between them. "I once told my mother that if she kept saying that she was just following orders it lost its meaning. I was right, but I just keep doing the same."

Magnus took a step and reached out to him, gently caressing both Alec's arms. Hazel eyes, a storm of emotions swirling inside them, looked down at him. As angry as he had been, Magnus understood. "You have had years of training to follow orders, protect the Clave above all else, think of the Downworld as…violent, dangerous, less than. You needed to believe these things, as a soldier, to do the job you were born to do."

"That last day…when I watched you walk away. Choose the Downworld over us. I thought that…" His voice cracked, but Alec swallowed, forcing himself to continue. "I thought that maybe they were right all along. Maybe it made no sense for a Warlock and a Shadowhunter to be together. Maybe it was easy and right for you to walk away from me."

"Alexander-"

"I'm just a speck of time for you, Magnus," Alec said, with a shrug.

Like a punch to the stomach, Magnus knew with every breath he took that Alec was wrong. He grabbed his hand and nearly melted beneath Alec's gaze. "Alexander, listen to me. It wasn't easy to walk away, it wasn't right, and you are most definitely not just a speck of time for me. You are so much more than that. You are every speck of time for me. You will live in my heart forever." Alec's beautiful, devoted, wistful hazel eyes dipped to their hands and Magnus squeezed them harder. "Maybe I was refusing to admit it to myself before. You tried to tell me I didn't have to choose but maybe the fear was too much, and that's why I ran away. Because I have never felt for anyone what I feel for you and honestly, it's terrifying."

"Magnus-"

He placed his finger over Alec's lips to silence his doubts. "I mean it, Alexander. I've felt love before, but never like this. The love of the angels runs inside you and when I see you, when we're together, I almost feel like it runs inside me. And there is glory and power in that but there is also fear and pain because it is just so overwhelming that I risk the belief that despite my experience and my immortality, that I will never be able to give to you as much as you give to me."

"Magnus-"

"I feared losing you, Alexander. I fear losing you."

Before he could think, Alec's arms were around him, kissing him, holding him as tightly as he possibly could. Magnus deepened the kiss and breathed him in, like it would be the last time, even though he knew it wasn't.

"I should have told you," Alec whispered in his ear when they broke apart. "I never should have kept the truth from you. I was wrong and I knew then that it was wrong and yet I still did it, I didn't follow my gut, I didn't have the courage." Magnus could feel the weight on Alec's shoulders grow heavier with the admission. "I'm so sorry."

It was the fourth time that Alec had apologized and Magnus wanted to make sure it was the last. "I forgive you, Alec," he said. "But can you forgive yourself?" Alec lowered his chin and shook his head. "Because you think you deserve to be held accountable. Beyond what you've already suffered. Because I know how much you've already suffered, Alexander. You almost lost your Parabatai, the most important person in your life."

Alec's lids fluttered open to stare into dark eyes. "Second most important," he corrected. "But Jace came back to me. And so did you. That's not accountability."

Magnus' heart nearly broke. "Alexander, you don't need the people around you to die or leave to be absolved of your sins. If that were true I'd be the most holy person in the Shadow World," he said. "And there is nothing further from the truth."

"I don't know why." Alec absentmindedly flexed his fingers. "I just…I know I need this. And you're the only one I trust. But if you don't want to Magnus, if you can't…I understand."

Magnus turned, rubbing his hands together. He knew he'd agreed to this. He'd known every time he thought of Alec during those horrible days apart that his boyfriend was hurting as much as he was. And a part of him, a part he'd tried not to listen to, had known that with every apology Alec had been begging him for this. It wasn't something Magnus needed, but the one thing he wanted more than anything was to always be able to give Alexander everything his heart desired. Even this.

He turned back, chin high with authority. "If you deserve to be punished for your lack of honesty, your lack of courage, then what do you suggest, Shadowhunter?" he asked. Alec's cheeks turned red and Magnus suddenly grew curious what he was thinking. "Tell me."

Alec looked away, the flush spreading quickly down his neck and chest. "I kept having this dream while we were apart. You would be…touching me. And it would feel so good and I'd get so close. And then you'd pull your hand away, leave me gasping for breath." Alec looked at him shyly through his lashes. "And I feel like, that's how it must have felt. To you. To the Council. That you put your faith in me and trusted me and I got you so close, and then I just pulled my hand away."

Magnus couldn't deny that at least for him, it was nearly exactly how it felt.

"But you said you didn't want to bring things like this into the bedroom," Alec reminded him.

Magnus smiled softly, and thumbed gently over Alec's knuckles. "I meant that I don't want this becoming a part of our romantic life." Alec's face dropped with disappointment, but after centuries of experience, Magnus knew where this was going. "Punishment, though, is not romance and it's not sex, Alexander. Even when it might look like it is. So tell me, is that what you need?"

If either of them thought Magnus' words would lessen Alec's embarrassment, the flexing of his hands and the shuffling of his feet proved them wrong. "I…" Alec tried to pull himself together long enough to answer. "I withheld the truth from you, Magnus. From the Downworld Council. I made you think you could trust me and then I betrayed that trust. I think I want…I need to feel the same thing."

"Before we do this, I'll remind you that you are not exactly the most patient person when it comes to your pleasure. You did ten pages of lines in two days just so you wouldn't have to wait any longer. And that was without me teasing or edging you at all."

Alec gave a strangled laugh. "I guess that's why it's punishment, not sex."

Magnus looked at him. Really looked at him. Cheeks red with shame, eyes and shoulders heavy with his guilt. For just a moment he allowed a flood of anger at the Clave to wash over him before he pushed it aside. Whatever had made him this way, his boyfriend needed him and he would be damned before he allowed Alec to turn to the Clave or even worse, let his guilt overtake him like it had with Jocelyn. Magnus knew this was more about Alec's own sense of honor than anything he'd truly done. The man he loved needed penance and absolution before he would ever be able to forgive himself for not being the leader he had wanted to be. An honest leader. But also a leader with the courage to refuse orders in which he didn't believe.

Magnus folded his arms across his chest and circled his boyfriend where he stood. "You deserve punishment for more than just withholding the truth. You did that for a reason. You did that because you did not use your courage to follow your gut and refuse the Clave. You must always stand up for what you believe is right, Alexander. Refuse orders you know are wrong. That includes the Clave. That includes your parents. And that includes me, Alexander. No matter what. Understood?" Alec's eyes opened wide, but he nodded. Magnus came to rest in front of him. "For how long do you believe your pleasure should be withheld? Do you believe that you should be granted relief today?"

Alexander shook his head. "No. I don't. Not today."

"Okay," Magnus sighed. "Why don't you go to the bedroom, take your clothes off, and wait for me. And leave your stele in here, I don't want you tempted to use your stamina rune."

"Thank you," Alec said, voice thick with relief and sincerity.

Alec's fingers trembled as he worked open the buttons of his shirt, staring at the closed bedroom door. How many times since Magnus had walked out of his office that day had he lay in his bed alone, with the darkness and the quiet of the Institute surrounding him, longing for this moment? And yet now that it was here, he could barely breathe. The fear and anticipation flooded him just imagining the surrender and shame and penance and most importantly redemption he would feel at the hands of the man he loved. To not only stand before him, where he belonged, but to stand at his mercy, as he deserved.

He'd considered talking to his siblings, but Jace would never have understood and Izzy would have understood too well. So he'd kept it all inside, hidden away in order to do the things he'd needed to do to lead them, not to victory, because there was no victory in going to war with the people they loved. But at least to lead his people to safety.

His people. He shook his head, the thought reminding him why he stood there, and he slipped his shirt from his shoulders. He had to start believing that they were all his people, the Shadowhunters and the Downworld, and he knew exactly what he deserved if he should ever forget again . But that was a conversation for another day.

He removed the rest of his clothing, his skin prickling at the chill and adrenaline running through his veins. Writing lines had been one thing. But this. This was entirely different. Magnus had been right to make him leave his stele in the other room. His vulnerability as he stepped out of his clothing made him itch for the protection of his runes. He looked around and automatically headed to one corner, needing the darkness and the constraint it provided so his nerves did not overwhelm him. He pressed his forehead to the wall and breathed, in and out. He'd learned how to wait long ago, but that was not the same and Magnus was right. He had no patience when it came to him. Every second he stood there without Magnus' touch was torture.

He wasn't made to wait long though and he heard the door open and shut behind him. As still as he tried to be, his hands flexed and he shuffled uncomfortably beneath the stare of his boyfriend. They had both long since stopped being shy with one another, but there was something different about this, standing exposed under Magnus' appraisal. A shiver crawled up his spine.

And then it was warmed by the press of Magnus against him, the silk of the Warlock's robe tickling against his bare skin. He could feel Magnus' breath waft over his deflect rune. He shuddered beneath his touch as Magnus delicately traced his fingers down Alec's left arm, from shoulder to wrist and back again. But nothing prepared him for the overload of sensations when Magnus wrapped his fingers around his cock.

He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. "Magnus," he whispered.

"Hush," Magnus told him, threading his fingers through Alec's left hand, squeezing it tight to keep him grounded. "Just take it."

Alec nodded quickly, leaning back against his boyfriend. He needed this. He needed the feel of Magnus around him, the strength of his touch. He needed his scent filling his soul and the sound of his voice mending his heart. He needed the power of Magnus holding his pleasure in his hands.

Endowed with magic, Magnus began to stroke him. He kept an endlessly slow pace, just a hint of energy humming in his grasp. Alec felt the world around him melt away leaving nothing but his longing running through his veins. His cock pulsed and his skin began to glow with a sheen of sweat. He could feel his stomach fluttering and his breathing grow quick. But it wasn't enough, he needed more. "Magnus, please."

"Trust me, Alexander," Magnus hummed and Alec felt the words go straight to his heart. "Trust me."

Alec let those words, trust me, rush through him. He licked his lips, blocking out everything else, every sound and every other feeling in his body, surrendering only to Magnus' touch. He struggled for breath with every long and languid stroke, gliding from base to tip, Magnus' thumb grazing over his pulsing vein. He tried to hold back when Magnus brushed softly over the head, twisting gently before starting his delicious torture all over again. He let his mind go and he imagined Magnus' mouth surrounding him and Magnus deep inside him and he wanted it to last forever. But all too soon he felt his knees grow weak and warmth flooded him, his body aching for its release. And just in time he remembered why they were there. "So close," he warned and gritted his teeth when Magnus let go and wrapped his arm around his chest instead.

"Breathe, Alexander," Magnus told him and Alec tried hard to catch his ragged breath and come back from the edge. "That's it, breathe through it."

His heart still racing, Alec's head felt light when Magnus led him by the hand to the bed. "Lie down, darling. That was just practice. Take a minute and then we'll go again."

Alec felt himself sink into the red silk sheets, his head resting on the feather soft pillow. He kept his eyes closed, wanting to stay in the moment. It was hard to remember this was punishment when it felt so good, and it felt like relief when Magnus touched him again.

"A little harder this time, Alexander. I know you can do it."

Alec wished he had his boyfriend's faith in himself because Magnus' fingers sparked and electricity surged through him the minute Magnus took hold of his cock. Stronger and faster this time, Magnus scaled one hand down his length and then the other, continuing hand over hand as his cock throbbed desperately. Just when Alec was about to beg him to stop, Magnus rested both palms flat on his pelvis, his thumbs still pressing against his shaft. Alec only had a second to wonder before Magnus took him in his mouth, guiding him down to the back of his throat. He couldn't keep his hips from thrusting, but Magnus pressed him firmly to the mattress and swallowed around him.

"Fuck," Alec cried, reaching up to twist the pillow case in his hands. Magnus was far from letting up though. He swirled his tongue around him, sucking gently, luring Alec's forbidden orgasm out of him. Magnus didn't relent, humming to himself, sending vibrations through him, working his every inch with the expertise of a thousand lovers and then Alec remembered that no matter how good it felt and how much trust he gave Magnus, there would be a time when the Warlock would refuse to see it through and take it all away. Understanding the punishment, his whole body felt aflame and he wasn't sure he could take another second. Magnus lightly ran his nails beneath his scrotum before gently pulling down. "God," Alec gasped. "Please Magnus, I can't."

Magnus dragged his tongue along Alec's shaft once more before leaving it cold. "Why are we here, Alexander?"

The sternness in Magnus' voice shot straight through him as much as the steady pull on his balls. He licked his lips to make them work. He could barely think.

"Because I followed the orders of the Clave. I withheld the truth about the Sword. From the Downworld. From you," he answered between shallow breaths. He was so, so close. "Instead of trusting my gut. Following my heart."

Alec thought his admission might give him relief, but instead Magnus pressed one finger to his hole, circling it and Alec couldn't hold back anymore. He felt his stomach coil and his balls try desperately to pull away from Magnus' grasp.

"Magnus!" he cried.

And suddenly, there was no touch, no comfort or warmth, and he gasped for breath as he fought to quell the desperate fire blazing inside him. The fire that he knew had burned in Magnus' heart the moment he learned of Alec's betrayal. This was it, the punishment he deserved. The punishment that no one else could give him.

"I'm a terrible leader, Magnus," Alec whispered, getting lost again in the guilt. "Jace says I'm not, that I was born for this. But the truth is, I have no idea what I'm doing."

He felt Magnus' hand rest gently on his chest, his heart racing beneath all that power. "Alexander," Magnus said. "If you're a terrible leader, then so am I. We both made mistakes. Good leaders aren't perfect. Good leaders just learn from their mistakes. And accept the consequences of their actions."

In his heart, he knew that Magnus was right and he let his eyes flutter open. But they did not meet the Warlock's eyes. Instead, they fell on an object Magnus was holding in his hand. Alec's heart stopped. Gold and black, it looked beautiful but terrifying and his mouth dried instantly.

"What's that?" Alec choked.

"This is a cock cage, my dear. Do you know what they're for?" Magnus asked.

Alec shook his head although if he'd had any faculty of thought, he could have guessed.

"They are for denial, darling. Withholding your pleasure. If you agreed, then I would put it on you," Magnus said, stroking Alec's cock once again. "You would be locked inside it. And I would hold the only key."

"How-" Alec could barely breathe, could barely talk, and he licked his lips to try and get the words out. "How long would I wear it?"

"I would think you'd want to wear it for as long as you withheld the truth from us. It would be a constant reminder, to yourself, of the mistakes you've made. And the desire to do better. If you agreed."

Alec couldn't answer. His head spun and his ears rang and he could do nothing but stare at the golden cage with a black ring and padlock, as if it was calling to him. Adrenaline rushed through his body, competing emotions freezing his tongue. He felt like the world was dropping out from underneath him.

"Alexander, talk to me," he heard Magnus say but it was like he was far away or under water.

And try as he might, Alec's lips would not move, his voice would not make a sound. Images flashed through his head, images of him at the Institute, sitting behind his office desk, directing the morning briefing, training or hunting out in the field with his siblings, all the while locked up, weighed down, Magnus holding the only key to his freedom. The temperature in the room seemed to rise ten degrees and he couldn't breathe and he knew enough to know that this was what panic felt like. Because how was he supposed to tell him? How was he supposed to tell Magnus that in his head he knew the restriction of the cage was exactly what he deserved for his lies, but in his heart he knew that he could never survive the humiliation of wearing it in front of Jace and Izzy? How was he supposed to say that this consequence he deserved was more than he could endure?

He tried desperately to force the words from his brain to his lips, but in the end he didn't have to. Magnus saw the fear in his eyes and he closed his hand around the cage, lowering it out of Alec's view. Alec felt fingers brush along his forehead, tracing gently behind his ear. "Not this time, Alexander. It's okay. It's more than you deserve." Magnus repeated the words until they finally reached Alec's ear and the world started to settle from where it had been floating. He felt the air return to his lungs. Magnus kept talking. "You don't ever have to do anything that you're not ready for, darling. We'll put this away until you're ready to talk about what's going on inside your head."

Alec heard the words ringing in his ear, and he tried to thank him, but his voice was still raw. Magnus touched his hand gently. "I'm going to need you to practice saying your safeword though."

Alec let out a breath. He'd forgotten. He'd forgotten that this was all in his hands and relief filled every part of him. He pulled the word from deep inside himself and forced it off his tongue. "Idris," he whispered.

Magnus smiled at him. "There you go, my sweet boy," he said and he leaned over and kissed him, soothing him, wiping away any fear or shame that may have lingered. When all of the tension had once more released from his body, he felt Magnus' fingers trail softly up his thigh. Alec shuddered at the touch.

"Your punishment isn't done though. One more time, my love, and then it will be all over. Can you do that?"

Alexander's breath hitched and tears he would never shed glistened in his eyes as Magnus' gentle hand took hold of him once more.

"No, Magnus, please," Alec begged, though his heart said yes. He needed this, he needed to push through one more time.

"Last time, I promise. What's your color?"

Magnus waited but Alec's head was spinning.

"Color, Alexander," Magnus pressed.

He trusted Magnus. He trusted that Magnus would never push him more than he deserved. "Green," he whispered.

"Good."

Magnus thumbed over his slit and caressed up and down the head of his cock, but it was when Magnus softly circled his hole and pushed inside that Alec's cock throbbed and his eyes watered. He threw his head back and couldn't help but jerk his hips as Magnus crooked his finger and brushed against his prostate. Words escaped him and all Alec could do was moan with the unbelievable pleasure of his touch and the consuming pain of denying himself. Without thought he thrust again into Magnus' hand which just sent sparks shooting through him, a wave of arousal that was overwhelming. Every inch of him vibrated with his desire. Then Magnus pressed a second finger in and Alec knew if he waited one more second he would be too late.

"Magnus," he gasped.

"Come for me, darling," Magnus said.

Alec's breath was ripped from his chest and he stared up at his boyfriend. The man he'd called Dom. Was it betrayal he felt? "But Magnus," he whispered.

"It's okay Alec," Magnus told him. Tried to soothe him. "You've had enough. I know you said you didn't deserve to come today, but I think you've earned it."

Alec's mind swirled, confused. He didn't deserve it, he knew he didn't. But Magnus was telling him he did. Maybe it was mercy that had his Dom telling him to come. And wasn't a sub supposed to do what his Dom said?

"It'll feel so good, Alec. You know you want to."

Of course he wanted to come, his whole body yearned for it. His body ached, desire flowed through him and all he had to do was give himself permission and he could rest in his pleasure.

Magnus' fingers were hooking inside him, pressing against his sweetest spot. His cock was enveloped in Magnus' other hand, sliding over him, sending tremors through him. It would be so easy to obey.

"Come for me," Magnus told him.

But he couldn't.

"No." The word slipped from his lips in a whisper pulled from deep within himself.

"Alexander."

"No." He said it again, stronger this time and when he opened his eyes, his gaze fell on Magnus and the fingers inside him stopped. "No, I don't deserve it. You told me to follow my own gut, not anyone's orders. Even yours. Magnus, please."

The abrupt loss of sensation as Magnus pulled his hands from Alec's body sent a surge of agony through him. He brought his hand to his mouth, growling into his fist, but this time he was able to embrace the pain. He had asked for it. Demanded it. Because he knew it was right.

"Very good." Magnus brushed Alec's sweat soaked hair from his forehead. "Such a good boy, following what you knew was right instead of my orders. We're all done, my sweet. That's right, let it go. Just breathe."

Alec couldn't help the pride that swelled through him as Magnus' words drove the pain aside. He let his lids fall and took a deep breath, a smile trying to find its way to the surface.

"You were testing me," Alex said between gasps.

"Punishment shouldn't be just pain, Alexander. It's also practice. And you did well. I imagine that if you think on how hard that was to say no to, other refusals might come a bit easier." Magnus stroked a thumb over the corner of Alec's eyes, wiping away a trace of wetness on his skin. He smiled. "You know, it might feel better if you let those tears go sometimes."

Alec laughed softly. "You're the over emotional one. I bottle up my feelings. We balance each other out."

"In more ways than just that one, Shadowhunter."

Alec looked up at him. And what he saw was nothing short of admiration and love. It filled his heart. "Tell me," Alec said. "In what other ways do we balance each other?"

Magnus smiled fondly. "Well, for one, you're part angel, I'm part demon."

"But both part human," Alec noted.

Magnus gave him that one. "You're young, I'm old."

Alec sat up on his elbows, lips quirking. "You're not that old, Magnus," he objected.

"In your years my boy, I'm ancient," Magnus said.

Alec laughed and he had to concede. "Sometimes balance isn't good though," he said.

"Oh yeah? When?"

Alec threaded his fingers through Magnus' hair and brought them together for a kiss. His eyes were sparkling when he pulled back. "When I'm naked and you're not." In a flash, Alec flipped Magnus to his back and straddled him. "Sometimes it's nice to celebrate how we're the same."

Alec reached for the waistband of Magnus' briefs, waiting for the Warlock's quick nod before slowly slipping them down. He discarded them on the floor, looking up at him from between his legs, a beautiful cockeyed smile on his lips.

"There. That's better," Alec teased.

"Much better. One thing though. I get to come," Magnus said with a shrug. "And you better make it good. We have to restore our balance somehow."

Alec's eyes shined with joy. "It's true what they say. A leader's work is never done."