Hello! my children! It's been a while. I'm sorry for disappointing you guys and not updating as regularly as you all deserve. That's on me, but good news I have more time now that I've graduated.

I'm not just going with the flow anymore, I have a plan. It's been building up in my mind for weeks now. Honestly, I feel like my mind is having a baby and it's beautiful!

As a reader, I felt that Kilorn is often overshadowed as just the best friend and Shade as just the favorite brother. I think he has a lot of potential. Some of what I write might give you a wtf moment but it all serves a purpose for the bigger picture.

This takes place three days after the end of King's Cage. I've switched to First Person.

I chose this song because this is where Mare's mind set is. Her relationship just ended with Cal and she's heartbroken and almost hollowed out by everything that's happened so far. She feels a lot of emotions, especially anger and sorrow (as we've seen in the books).This song is Mare leaning on Kilorn as a comfort. We know they're best friends. They've been through so much. She's emotionally wounded, as we've seen, and Kilorn becomes her crutch. The music video kind of sums up the idea as well.

Song Suggestion: Don't Forget About Me by Cloves

Mare

-Attend to your own fate, Mare Barrow

-And that is?

-To rise. And rise alone. I see you as you could become, no longer the lightning, but the storm. The storm that will swallow the world entire.

It's been months since Jon spoke those cursed words. And even now they ring true. Cal has chosen the crown (whether he has admitted it or not) and Maven…

We returned from Corvium three days ago. And ever since then, all I could think of were Jon's words. I hate Jon for being right. He's betrayed me a thousand times over. And I shouldn't let him inside my head. The storm that will swallow the world entire. Words that bring both comfort and fear to my broken heart.

That's when I reach for the bottle of Whiskey I stole from Davidson's office. I'm careful to uncork it quietly as Gisa sleeps peacefully next to me. I envy her ability to sleep with few worries.

Look at how far I've come, I think.

Cal has chosen his crown over me. My brothers are still at war, one is dead. A king is dead. Maven is probably still looking for me. And I envy my sister.

I'm right back where I started.

The only thing that has really changed is that I no longer worry about Kilorn as much as before. He's found his place as the friend to both Red and Newblood.

If there was ever one person I could truly count on it would be him. I look down at the bottle of whiskey. Giving up on sleep, I get up and sneak out my room to see the only person I can truly really confide in.

Kilorn

Mare nearly scared the shit out of me when she appeared above my bed. It didn't help that she woke me up by placing a small but firm hand over my mouth.

"Damn it, Mare, a simple 'wake up' would have done the trick," I whisper as I sit up.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you," she whispers back.

"It's fine, what is it?"

"Can we talk?"

I notice the bottle in her hand. "Only if you're sharing."

She smiles.

Mare

Although it was unlikely I decided not to chance my brothers catching us drinking alone in Kilorn's room. I love them but their clueless and they would get the wrong idea. Instead, we decided to take a walk across the base.

Once we were a safe distance from the Officer's Row Kilorn asked, "So where and why the whiskey?"

"Davidson's office and I think 'why not' would be the better question," I reply.

For this, there is no response. A veil of silence passes over us for a minute. I'm sure he's noticed that I haven't been training with Cal since we've returned to Corvium. So when the quiet becomes too unbearable I say, "You know I've never really asked about your lessons with Ada."

Kilorn smirks at this. I can tell how proud he is in learning how to read. He was a fisherman's apprenticed since he was a seven.. That meant that he never had the chance to attend what passed for school in the Stilts.

"It's going pretty well, actually. I'm reading whole paragraphs now. It may not be much but considering before…" Then his eyes light up as if just realizing something.

"Come on," he picks up the pace, taking long strides, I have to almost jog to keep up with him. "I want to show you something."

Kilorn takes the lead and brings us to the edge of the forest separating the Airfield from the barracks and Officer's Row. The same forest Cal and I stopped by during one of our runs. I push the memory away and pretend the heat on my face is from the humid summer that plagues Piedmont.

I hesitate as he takes a step into the forest but I follow reluctantly. We head farther into the trees then I did with Cal, it's not until I see Kilorn stop at a particularly large tree that I know what he's thinking. I look up into the tree notice a board of wood placed between sturdy branches about thirty feet up. Wide enough for about two or three people.

"You rebuilt our old Hideout," I say. Kilorn begins to climb and I follow after a moment of admiration.

One summer when I was fourteen, after a day of pickpocketing, Kilorn and I found a piece of wood in an alley, a little wider than a door. We decided to put it in a tree in the forest near the river where Kilorn fished and on most days I could see from that spot. I remember the difficulty we had trying to get it into the tree. Shade saw us carrying it off and followed. With the three of us combined, we managed to get it into the tree. After a few days, it became our official Hideout. It was well hidden by the branches and you wouldn't notice it from the river unless you were looking for it.

Shade said it would come in handy and we could put any stolen items there for safekeeping. Trammy was conscripted a month before so on the days that I didn't go to school-which was often-Shade and I would sometimes spend entire days climbing the trees around it. Kilorn would come by later in the afternoon. He never said it but I knew he wasn't eager to go home to his lonely house-his father was dead and his mother gone. The Hideout was a literal hideout from his non-existent family.

I was just getting into thieving at the time and even though my parents didn't like it, Shade taught how me how to perfect skills. I have always been stubborn and he knew he could never talk me out of it so he embraced it.

Shade said the forest was a good place to practice my quick footwork in case I needed to make a run for it. Climbing branches perfected my balance and made my hands sure. The leaves and twigs below made my footsteps light and quick.

He had no idea that those lessons would help me in more than just thieving. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but the cut of his death feels as painfully fresh as it did the day it happened.

My eyes begin to water as I realized how much I miss Shade.

By the time Kilorn and I reached the top of our new Hideout tears are freely flowing. As I swing my legs over the board Kilorn hands me the bottle of Whiskey.

"I miss him too," he says as I take a drink. If I was with anyone but Kilorn right now I might try to hide my tears. But Kilorn loved Shade as much as I did and feels his loss as much as I do. The new Hideout is similar to the original and does bring some comfort but it will never be the same for too many reasons.

I wipe my eyes, "I'm sorry," I say.

"I've seen you at your worst remember," he shifts closer to swinging his legs over the side next to mine but he doesn't put an arm on my shoulder like I would expect him to. He respects my feelings for him only extends to friendship but I can tell he's holding back. He wants us to be more than what we are. In another life, if I had somehow survived conscription, then we might have been.

Despite my better judgment I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes, relishing in the comfort it brings. Kilron tenses at my gesture but then relaxes after a moment's hesitation and settles for a gentle pat and rub of my shoulder before reaching for the bottle of whiskey.

"Thank you," I say as lookout into the branches. "For everything."

Kilorn gasps. "Is the great prideful Mare Barrow actually thanking me, Kilorn Warren, for something?"

I laugh a little longer than usual, the alcohol kicking in.

"Don't let it go to your head."

"Oh, it's already there," he says as he lays down onto the board. Then he pulls out a blanket out of a basket I didn't know was there and puts in under his head to act as a pillow. He notes my surprise and says, "A few weeks after arriving here is when I rebuilt the Hideout. I figured that once we got you back I could show you. You know, something to look forward to. But I decided to give you a chance to recover before…"

He trails off.

I take another drink and lay down next to Kilorn. As the world begins to blur Kilorn unfolds the blanket enough to act as a thin pillow for the both of us. I lift my head and shift all my hair to the side.

"Honestly, I think nothing has really changed except you started wearing dresses and became bossier." He gets an elbow in the ribs for his trouble.

"And by some miracle, your life is more put together than mine. Now in what world did I allow that to happen?"

"No, I'm pretty I was always more put together than you."

Kilorn receives another jab. "I see we're back to hitting."

I roll my eyes and shift to my side to face him, "So, why the blanket?"

"Sometimes I would come up here to clear my head, but a few times I would fall asleep and wake up with a headache that would challenge a bullet wound. I only have the one pillow in my room asking for another would have been obvious. We had plenty blankets so sneaking one away was easier."

"And I'm sure that wasn't suspicious carrying a blanket into the middle of the woods."

"Oh, you wound me," he says in a mocking tone. "Come on Mare. I may not be as good as you but I'm no Gisa."

I smile, "What was she thinking? Everything about her is graceful except her ability to pickpocket." Kilorn laughs.

The memory of her broken hand is now just that: a memory. And I have Sara to thank. Thoughts of Sara bring me to thoughts of Julian, which of course brings thoughts of Cal. And the laughter dies out.

"I'm sure you've heard of my falling out with Cal?" I whisper.

Kilorn sighs, "I didn't want to bring it up until you were ready."

I smirk. I can never really hide anything from him.

So I tell him. I tell him everything.

Kilorn

We spend hours talking. Mare tells me about her time in Summerton, in Whitefire, in training here in Piedmont, in Corvium and lastly about the politics surrounding the end of the war. But she doesn't just talk about what happened. She recalls every thought, every raw emotion she experienced. Through it all, I realize why she's saying this. She wants someone to understand.

It takes everything in me not to pull her to me and hold her and help her feel whole again.

So I just listen and I can tell she's grateful for just that. She needs to get it out. Get all of it out.

Then she talks about Davidson and his offer.

"After we got back from Corvium he asked me to meet him in his office. That's how I got the whiskey. He apologized for holding back the information of Queen Anabel's proposition and potential government after the war is over."

I saver her last few words, after the war is over.

"He said that he knows Anabel to thinks him a fool and that she doesn't intend to honor any form of equality."

She takes a deep breath. "So he plans to go behind her back. Behind all of their backs. He wants to make them believe that the Guard is on board as well as Monfort. We have to tear them apart by letting them be their own downfall."

We seem weak because we want to, Shades words from so long ago echo in my head.

All of their backs. Including Cal.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

She nods without hesitation.

"But there's something else. We need to exploit all of their weaknesses. This war can not end with a crown on someone's head"

But the weakness to two of those crowns include…

This time I do take her hand, "Mare."

"I need to do this Kilorn. Not just for Shade or for Clara or for every other Red that's been wrong. But for me too. I have too much hate in my heart to have room for anything else. I need this…"

When I first met Cal, I wanted nothing more than to bring him down and strip him from Mare's thoughts. Now the only thing I feel is sympathy for the man that has become my friend. My heart breaks for Mare because she has to rip his throne away from him once more. And it will kill another part of her.

"I need your help, Davidson's plan is shaky but possible. If we wait to let Maven mess up then this could take years. He's too smart. And by that time he could even have an heir. But he when it comes to me. So does Cal. If I play it right then this war will be over in a matter of months."

She takes my face in her hands. Their small and nimble like Gisa's but quick and careful and capable of stealing anything, including a crown.

"Help me end this."

I don't want to. I'm not even sure what's she's asking. But I can see in her eyes how desperate she is to stop the fighting once and for all. It's like when I would have to go down to the bottom of a dirty river and loosen nets. After a while, I got used to the pressure underwater but it was always a relief coming back up for air. That's what Mare is looking for now. Air. Freedom. Freedom from so many things.

Slowly, hesitantly-ignoring the sickening feeling at the pit of my stomach, but for Mare-I nod.

"What do you need me to do?" I ask.

She gives a faint smile and then answers with a question of her own., "How long can you hold your breath?"

I would like to thank The Swan Duchess for giving me song suggestion. It will be used in a future chapter. If anyone else has one don't be afraid to review or PM me. Thanks!

Also, a guest reviewed that I didn't give a disclaimer, which I did if they bothered to read it in the first chapter they would have seen it. But here goes: I don't own any of the characters and other Red Queen stuff, Victoria Aveyard does.

Thank you guys, for even bothering to click on this story.

Stay tuned and Stay Awesome!

Love ya!