Four times Oliver wants to kiss Laurel and one time he didn't

One

You are both lying on your bed, revising for the SATS. She is in short jeans and a red tee-shirt, her hair is in a messy bun. You want to kiss her as she is in your bed, and she is your girlfriend and you can and because she is there, finally. She is yours and you are hers. She is perfection and she lets you touch her, kiss her. You want her with you all the time. When you picture the future, she is always there with you, smiling, kissing you.

Only she is not always there, with you. Sometimes she is away with her family, with her friends, working and you are bored and Tommy says, smiling "lets party" and you end up smelling of another girl's perfume. You hate her then as you know that she deserves better than you and that one day, she will break you by leaving you. When Sara smiles at you, her fingers trailing up your arm and you think "This will hurt Laurel, like Laurel will hurt me one day" and you kiss her but her mouth is wrong and her smell is wrong but you still kiss her.

Two

Laurel was in your room after all this time. She was here and she was Laurel and god how you missed her. The island, Sara, everything that had gone to hell afterwards, she was here, in front of you and you missed her and wanted her.

When it comes to Laurel, you never think things properly, you just do. When it comes to Laurel you are selfish and you always want her. There is no exit strategy, no fall out consequences, just her and you and now and damn everything else. So you kiss her.

Three

At the table with Tommy and Helena, and Laurel is smiling and it is just so natural to lean over and kiss her. Your hands are already starting to move to her cheeks when you hear Tommy speak and you can't move anymore. It hits you. You can't kiss her as you are here with Helena and she is here with Tommy.

And you are going to leave with Helena and Laurel will leave with Tommy.

Tommy, who is honorable, who is loyal, and who is your best friend despite everything. Tommy who has loved Laurel since grade seven. Tommy, who told you he wanted to kiss Laurel under the mistletoe that Christmas when you were 14 and asked for your help but you said no, never. You wanted to kiss her. You fought and shouted and Tommy backed down. You kissed her and you kept on kissing her. And Tommy kept on saying it was ok, he was fine with you and Laurel. He didn't really want to kiss her, he tells you afterwards, he just wanted to kiss a girl, he says. Sometimes though, you remember, you would catch him staring at Laurel, smiling at Laurel, leaning into Laurel and you know he lied to you, he lied for you.

It didn't stop you wanting to kiss her then and it doesn't stop you from wanting to kiss her now and he can see it on your face. Only this time, Tommy gets to put his arm around her shoulder and kiss her cheek. Friendship be damned.

Four

This is it; the undertaking was what your father was talking about. This is what you have been working towards. You realize your mission is almost at an end, this is what your father wanted you to do. You can change the future, you can save the town and redeem your father's soul.

But you might not get Laurel back. After all this pain, hurt, loneliness and wanting, you are almost at the end and it is so close and so quick but you might still be too late. Too late to tell her you love her, you always loved her, that she made you whole. If you lose her, even if you are losing to your best friend, who loves her and who loves you, you don't think you'll be able to take it.

You don't care about anything when it comes to her, it is Laurel, it is always Laurel. Friendship be dammed, hell everything be dammed. You know you shouldn't go, you have just told Tommy to fight for her after all, but you have to go and you don't care what that will do him or her when she finds everything out because she is Laurel and you are Oliver. She is yours and you are hers. This nightmare is almost over and you can start again, properly, with her. And that is that.

Five

Laurel comes up to you in the middle of the dance floor, in an empty club, light streaming through the windows.

"Ollie" she says, a small sad smile gracing her lips. You tense, waiting for her to shout or sign or the thousand other emotions of disappointment and sadness and despair that appear on her features when she looks at you. "Thank you" she says and she hugs you.

She hugs you, you wait for the other shoe to drop. You can't take this constant fear that she will come at you again: her betrayal with the police, her calling the swat team on you, her gunning for your family, her gunning for the Green hood. You know that she doesn't know it's you and that it should not be personal, but it is. You thought that subconsciously, she would know but she didn't and she came at you, with everything and it hurt, it still hurts.

She hugs you, in the middle of the day, in the middle of this club with secrets and lies right under your feet. She envelops you, grasping your arms and she is still too small to reach up and around but she tries. She tries like she used to at school in second year, when you fell in the playground and cried. She tries like she used to in your bedroom when you told her how you thought you were never going to amount to anything more than the Queen name. She tries like she did at prom, when you danced together.

Her words, whispered into you, for you, pick you up. You close your eyes and breathe her in.

She is still Laurel and you are still Oliver and you love her.