Shepard really wanted to be alone, and she made sure to keep telling herself that. She wanted to just sit in her chair, listen to her music, and drink what the Salarian on Illium had claimed to be Asari Rum. All in the company of her fish and friendly space hamster.
She suspected the Salarian had lied, but the spirit tasted well enough. More importantly the high alcohol content was having the desired effect. Sadly due to her recent resurrection and subsequent upgrades, the drink wasn't having nearly enough of the effect that she would have liked under the circumstances. Part of her thought to commend Miranda on the efficiency of her cybernetic upgrades when it came to filtering toxins. Most of her wanted wanted to yell at the Cerberus queen for making it so hard for her to get a buzz on.
A chime suddenly alerted her that someone was outside her cabin. Odd, seeing as she wasn't expecting visitors. With a quick swipe of her hand she paused the music before moving to the cabin entrance. As the door slid open she saw the very essence of the Justicar Samara staring back disapprovingly at her. Morinth had been getting better at playing her role with all her recent practice.
Great, thought Shepard, The one person I did not want to see right now. Despite her thoughts Shepard said nothing. She simply heaved a heavy sigh and walked back into her cabin, leaving the door open to allow Morinth to follow.
She waited until the Asari was inside her cabin with the door closed behind her before activating the counter-surveillance programs on her omni tool. Once the room was secured Shepard picked up her glass and took a drink as she regarded Morinth.
"So, to what do I owe this pleasure?" The Commander said dryly.
"I suspect the pleasure is all mine." Morinth said casually in her own voice, her mother's skin had been completely discarded, "This is probably the only place on the ship where I can be myself."
"You can't do that in your own quarters?" Shepard insisted.
"I can be alone and quiet in my quarters." Morinth explained, "That's not the same thing. I'm a social animal, Shepard, I thrive off the interactions of others."
"And here I thought you thrive off killing people with sex." Shepard said crudely.
"Scared of my advances, Shepard?" Morinth replied, completely unfazed by the harsh words. "Allow me to put those fears to rest. I have no intention of seducing you."
"Not yet." Shepard corrected, "I doubt you'd try something now. However you can hardly blame me for being cautious."
"No, I suppose I can't." Morinth smiled, "But right now, all I want to do is talk with you, nothing more." Her face softened slightly as she added with a sing-song of her voice, "Is now a bad time?"
Shepard wanted to say that it was indeed a bad time, but she couldn't think of a single valid reason why she couldn't talk with Morinth now. She could think of a million stupid, selfish reasons, but she would then have to admit she was being stupid and selfish. Whatever else the Ardat-Yakshi was, she was part of the ground team and at the very least earned the right to speak with her.
With a soft non-comital grunt Shepard began to walk down to the couch, tilting her head slightly indicating to Morinth to join her. She had a feeling this would not be a simple discussion.
"Alright, let's talk." Shepard said as she sat on her favorite spot on the couch across from the bed. With a wave from her omni-tool she activated the audio system filling her room once again with music.
Morinth immediately stopped at the edge of the couch as she listened intently to the music, "What is this? Did your music files get corrupted?"
"The files are fine, Morinth." Shepard corrected her, "This is what we humans call Classic Rock."
"What does this have to do with sculptures?" Morinth asked.
"I'm not talking about old statues here," Shepard explained, "Rock is short for Rock and Roll, it's a unique genre of music from Earth. Unless you were born there, well, it's a bit of an acquired taste." Shepard leaned back as she listened to the electric riffs of the guitar in the background. "The best stuff is from before the turn of the millenium, the Classic stuff. The music after that never seems to have quite the same soul."
"I can honestly say I've never heard anything quite like this." Morinth said as she tilted her head back, closing her eyes slightly.
"Back then humans didn't have the luxury of using bio-emotive inducers." Shepard smirked, "They had to convey the passion and emotion in their songs using just their voice, the beat, and the almighty electric guitar."
"And humans actually listened to this on a regular basis?" Morinth said as she walked over to the opposite side of the couch.
"If you don't like it, you're welcome to leave." Shepard told her.
"On the contrary, I like quite a lot actually." Morinth said with a smile as she sat down. "It does sound so typically human in many ways, and yet it does amazing things with the melody. It actually sounds like that instrument is crying." Barely a moment later the song began to simmer down, and soon a new song began to play. "Ooh, this is one is different. Clearly the same style of music and yet very unique in its own way. What is this one called?"
"This just so happens to be Bob Seger, the original rendition of 'Turn the Page'." Shepard told her. After a moment the Commander turned to stare the Asari down and added, "You didn't come in here to discuss my taste in music. So why don't you tell me what's really going on?"
Morinth was silent for a moment apparently enjoying the somber tune, her eyes closed, her head ever so slightly nodding to the slow beat reaching her ears. Eventually she spoke up, "Truth be told I just had an interesting conversation with Thane. He's really striving so hard for redemption. Trying to become a better person despite his criminal background. He sees you as a sort of guide, you know."
Shepard considered the Asari's words before responding, "This has to do with my past doesn't it? Did you read my file too? It's not exactly a secret you know."
Morinth turned to look at Shepard with an amused look on her face. "Actually I don't. I'm not interested in reading your file. Reading you in person is much more informative. But now that you mention it I'm curious about your history. Do you also have some heart felt story about the struggle to change, to become a better woman, to leave your dark past behind?"
"It's nothing nearly so dramatic as that." Shepard rolled her eyes, "I used to run with some rough gangs, but I didn't have many options back then. I have no regrets, though. I did what I had to to survive. But I never changed, not really. The Alliance simply gave me an opportunity and I took it."
"I like that about you, Shepard," Morinth said, "You live your life without regrets."
"I just do what I think is right." Shepard shrugged, "And to hell with anything else."
"Is that why you picked me?" Morinth asked suddenly. "Because it was what you thought was right?"
"I didn't pick you." Shepard said, "You volunteered, remember."
"I mean before that." Morinth continued, "You had me in your sights back then when I was fighting Samara. You had a choice between me and her."
"And I chose neither of you." Shepard added.
"Under the circumstances, that's no different then picking me." Morinth looked at Shepard, appraising her, "You knew didn't you."
"That you were more powerful? Yes, I did." Shepard said simply.
"You saw that did you?" it wasn't a question.
"I saw you the way you fought against her. Samara would have called it undisciplined, but it wasn't, not at all." Shepard explained, "You were generating and maintaining two completely different mass effect fields at once without any real effort. All while still keeping up your own barriers. I may not be a biotic, but I've had to take down enough biotic enemies to know that's something most would consider impossible." Taking a sip from her glass she then added, "Also you fought to a stand still despite being effectively ambushed. Samara had plenty of time to get ready for the fight. She was already primed by the time she came into your apartment. Even after being effectively sucker punched you still didn't let her get the upper hand. Samara had you beat on experience by a long shot, but when it came to pure biotic skill, it wasn't even a contest."
"So you knew I was holding back when she and I were at a standoff." Morinth spoke up.
"I suspected as much, yeah." Shepard confirmed. "I'd like to think you were having doubts about killing your own mother. But I'm pretty sure you were just waiting to see what I would do."
"The latter I'm afraid." Morinth admitted, "I knew you weren't a biotic, but I figured it was only a matter of time before you tried something. I didn't expect you to have a gun, though, one shot and I would be dead now."
"You still refused to back down." Shepard recalled, "You know Zaeed once told me that there's only two kinds of people that don't buckle when they have a gun in their face: psychopaths and trained killers. Most people can't tell the difference between them." She looked poignantly at Morinth before adding, "No offense but I think it's clear which category you belong to."
"Fair enough," Morinth laughed, "And since I know you're not the type to back down either, I guess that puts you in the trained killer category." After a beat she continued, "But you're avoid the subject. You must have known by not shooting me there and then you were effectively choosing a side. Without your assistance Samara was as good as dead."
"That was all her doing." Shepard said. "She's the one who picked a fight with you, not the other way around."
"Yet you betrayed her." Morinth said.
"No, I didn't." Shepard said, deadly serious, "I did what I promised. She betrayed me; tried to kill me just because I refused to go along with her bullshit."
"You're right." Morinth accepted, this was not something Shepard would budge on, "But you still haven't explained your decision. You still haven't told me why you chose me."
"Why is this so important to you?" Shepard asked.
"I suppose it's not." Morinth began, "I'll take what I can get."
"But?" Shepard prodded, clearly there was more to it.
"But." Morinth began imitating Shepard, "Things are different now. I'm part of a crew, this is all new to me. I'm surrounded by people that I don't have to worry about trying to kill me or vice versa. I think I'm starting to like it."
"What does any of this have to do with your question?" Shepard asked suspiciously.
Morinth was silent, looking away thoughtfully. Shepard forced herself to wonder if this was all part of Morinth's act. If it was she was doing a damn good job, enough so that Shepard had to consider the posibility that Morinth was being genuine right now.
"A few days ago, I spoke with Mordin about what happened on Tuchanka." Morinth began, "Surprisingly easy to get him talking, surprisingly difficult to get him to admit his true feelings." The Asari paused for a moment, lending weight to her next words, "He lied by the way, he might have dealt with it, but it still haunts him. He regrets his work, even as he defends it. Just like he regrets killing his pupil, but he had to do it."
"Someone else might have gotten it wrong." Shepard repeated Mordin's words.
"Did you know?" Morinth said, with an amused expression.
"I suspected," Shepard responded, "It's part of why I convinced him to keep the research. That and I really do hope he finds a Genophage cure some day."
"It's interesting." Morinth started again with a thoughtful gesture, "Like Samara you helped him find someone he felt responsible for. I'm sure Mealon probably saw him as somewhat of a father figure too. But unlike me, you choose to let him kill his pupil. Given that choice you sided with him instead."
"Mordin and Samara were nothing alike." Shepard injected.
"But there was more to why you refused my mother." Morinth vollied back expertly. "I may not have been with you for very long, but I know you're ridiculously loyal to your friends and crewmembers. You were willing to stick with Mordin regardless of his choices, even though you disagree with his Genophage research. Even when he went so far as to kill Mealon."
"I have no love lost for Mealon," Shepard insisted, "If anything, given his horrific experiments I'm glad he's dead." She leaned back as she added, "And Samara was never really part of the crew. She made that very clear from the start. So I didn't feel any obligation to stick by her choices. If that's what you were asking."
"I have no doubt your points are valid, but I'm talking about a much more personal reason." Morinth said calmly.
"Are you trying to get into my head now?" Shepard said flippantly, "I think we already have enough shrinks on board."
Morinth shook her head gently, "I'm just curious. You're different then anyone I've ever met. I'm not trying to play you, Shepard, I'm being completely honest. You're the first person I have ever known in my life who knows exactly what I am but still treats me like a person and not some monster or goddess." She smiled softly as she continued, "That is what I really meant when I talk about you choosing me over my mother. You're willing to accept me as part of the crew. But not Samara, why is that?"
Shepard just studied Morinth for a long time. She had to question if the killer next to her was trying to play her. Strangely, Shepard felt fairly certain Morinth was being honest with her, but that didn't mean the Adrat-Yakshi was just using this as a way to get her to lower her guard so she could go in for the kill.
She was right, however, Shepard considered Morinth more a part of the crew then Samara ever was. Enough that she felt compelled to tell her why.
"Samara was your mother." Shepard admitted finally.
"I'm aware of that." Morith said with a slight frown.
"Exactly. As much as you hate her, you still accept the fact that she was your mother." Shepard explained, "Samara could never admit you were her daughter. Right up till the end. You may have hated her, but you had every reason to. Samara was ashamed of you, thought you were a mistake, blamed you for everything. But in the end, she abandoned you."
Morinth stayed silent with a pained expression on her face as she listened to Shepard. A cynical part of Shepard's mind wondered if she was putting on a show for her. She guessed it didn't matter by that point.
"You wanted to know about my past? Let me tell you." Shepard continued, "I grew up on Earth. Not the bright lights and shiny buildings you see in the vids. But down in the harsh and dirty streets that everyone likes to pretend don't exist. I never had a family; no parents, no sisters. I was alone with whatever fucked up fosters the state decided to put me with. I learned pretty quickly that I had to take control of my life, before someone else did. So I ran away, lived on the streets. I found my own family. First with the Reds, then with the Alliance. And even after everything I've been through, I wouldn't trade that in for anything."
"You had to strike out on your own at a young age just to survive." Morinth said. The similarities were obvious, she didn't need to state them.
"Don't try to pretend this makes us kindred spirits or anything." Shepard told her.
"I don't need to pretend." Morinth countered, "You said it yourself, both of our parents abanddoned us."
Shepard merely glared at Morinth for a moment before speaking, "In that case, tell me; In all the time you've been on the run for the past 400 years, did you ever, just once, wish that things had been different? Did you ever dream that your mother was willing to just love you for who you are, not what you are? Did you ever wish your father hadn't left you and your sisters to your mother's rage, that she would have had the courage to stand up to Samara rather then just run away?"
There as the unconcious twitch in Morinth's eyes, and the slight discoleration of her lower eyelids. Evidence enough to Shepard that she had hit the nail on the head. Morinth must have realized this too.
"How did you know about my father?" The Asari asked calmly.
"I didn't." Shepard said, "I just found it odd how careful Samara was not to mention her. From there it was just guesswork. And you still havn't answered my question."
"What you're describing was nothing more then a childish fantasy." Morinth replied, "The reality was never going to be like that." She paused briefly as if realizing something important, "Something else we share then?"
Shepard just nodded slightly, "I'll admit, despite everything, a small part of me still wished I could have had real parents growing up. I figured even shitty parents would have been better then no parents at all."
"You mean like Jacob's father." Morinth added, the look on her face was clearly connecting the dots. The Ardat-Yakshi was too damn clever, and too damn observant, Shepard decided.
"Yeah, like Jacob's father." Shepard shot back, "He was a perverted, degenerate, narssasistic asshole, but even he had the good sense to show Jacob a better way. In the end he had the balls to own up to his mistakes. As fucked up as things turned out, Jacob's a better person because of his father. And he knows it."
"But my mother however ..." Morinth trailed off.
Shepard shook her head, "When I was standing next to her in the observation room, when I found out who you really were, and why she wanted to kill you. That was the first time in my life I ever thought to myself that I might have been better off without a mother."
"No wonder you hated her so much." Morinth commented.
"Mostly I'm just pissed off that I let her get to me." Shepard added, "I never even met my parents. Hell between Torfan and the Citadel, they had every opportunity to find me. I've long since dealt with the fact they're not a part of my life, and at this point it doesn't even matter why."
"Which explains why you are so loyal to your crew." Morinth mused, "I believe it was an old Krogan I used to know who told me that one was always better off with the family they chose rather then the one they are born with. They actually have a name for that."
"Krantt," Shepard provided, "Humans just call it making friends."
"Friends?" Morinth said, she seemed almost caught off guard by the word.
"I assume you're familiar with the concept." Shepard teased her.
"I've had hundreds of friends in my past, Shepard." Morinth smirked.
"I'm not talking about the idiots you manipulate into doing your favors" Shepard said, "Or the shallow acquaintances you sip wine with at a fancy party. I'm talking about real friends, someone you can trust with both your life and your darkest secrets. Someone who's there in the best and the worst of times. For no other reason beyond your mutual friendship."
"You know, you and I have been in plenty of life and death fights already." Morinth said with an intrigued tone, "And you already know my dirty little secret. Does that make us friends?"
"Don't get too far ahead of yourself." Shepard told her, "There's still a lot of trust we need to build on both sides."
"But you're still not opposed to the idea." Morinth smiled, "Most people would consider friendship with a full blown Ardat-Yakshi to be flat out impossible."
"Wouldn't be the first time I've done the impossible." Shepard joked, "With everything that's happened to me I can't consider being a psychotic sex vampire serial killer reason alone not to be friends with someone. Being a psychotic sex vampire serial killer who wants to mind rape me to death, however, will put a huge damper on any potential friendship."
Morinth simply let out a laugh in response. "I'll take that into consideration then."
It was around that time, as Fleetwood Mac began to play in the background, that Shepard realized she was feeling better as a result of their talk.