Song Suggestion: Stay With Me by Sam Smith
"Kilorn wait!" Pushing past Cal, I run after him. When I finally reach him we're in Officer's Row, far away from Cal. I have to almost jog to keep up with his long strides. "Kilorn, listen to me." I grab onto his shoulder. He tries to twist from my grip, but I hold firm. "Kilorn, it's not what it looks like."
"No, Mare. It is." He turns to face me and when he does I wish he would turn away again. Gone are his tears, and bloodshot shot eyes remain as the only proof they ever existed. But within those eyes, beyond the scowl lies a sadness I wish I could erase from my memory.
"Please, Kilorn I can't lose you too."
"You never will, Mare. But I think I lost you." Scoffing, he says. "Actually, I don't think I ever had you."
"Don't do this."
"I'm not mad at you, Mare. I'm not even surprised. Disappointed maybe, mostly in myself. It was stupid."
"No, it wasn't." I take his hands, while mine are shaking and sweating from the heat, his have gone numb and cold. "I don't regret anything we've done."
"I don't either. But Cal was right. I was nothing more than a distraction. And deep down I knew this would never work."
"No, it's not true. You are not a distraction." I'm gripping onto to his shirt so tightly I feel it might rip. "I love you, Kilorn," tears are coming fast as my words. I can't bear to lose the only good person who truly knows me.
"You don't love me the way I love you. And you never will. I fooled myself into thinking one day you might. I'm good at knowing when you're lying. But the greatest, most undetectable lies are the ones we tell ourselves."
I shake my head and close my eyes. Maybe if I pretend this isn't happening and wish it away I'll come true. I even pray to Iris's gods and hope they hear me. I don't want to drown.
"You promised." I put head to Kilorn's chest. I hate myself for begging. Even if it's to Kilorn. Before him, I turn into this petty child. No, it's like back home when children were ripped from their mother's arms when silver officers came to take them away on their eighteenth birthday. A child who is losing the last of their innocence.
"I'm sorry." Kilron grabs onto my shoulders and for a hopeful moment, I think he'll hold me like he did all those nights in the Hideout or that morning in the pool. But instead, he pulls away. "I'm so sorry, Mare." I know he means all things.
"Don't, please."
"Give me some time." Kilorn looks into my eyes. I don't know what he's thinking, but I can guess what he sees. Someone so broken and torn apart from the last year that it brings him down to just much. "You have no idea how much I wish we could be those kids again."
I wish with an awful agony that we were. But those kids died nearly a year ago. And although their ghosts appear one and a while, with their bickering and rotten attitudes, they'll never fully return.
But then I understand what he means. That day when I found Kilorn in the muddy and hopelessly trying to sneak away an apple. He was near starving and his mother had abandoned him the week before. Is that what he sees in me now? Because I certainly feel hopeless. Things were so much simpler back then.
"Just give me some time," he says again. "And then we'll return to the way we were before." And with that, he turns on his heel and walks away.
But as I watch him leave, I feel like we'll never be the same.
And so Kilorn has broken his promise. And I have truly died.
If I do an Analysis I'll give too much away. But you guys are smart, you got this. But I'll give you this.
Why am I so emotional? No it's not a good look, gain some self-control. This lyric has meaning.
Also, user name Priscilla, left this as a review can you clarify? "At least, Maven knows what he is doing and search his benefits and how every move will affect him." Thanks!