Song Suggestion The Harold Song By Kesha

ANALYSIS

Again I can't risk an in depth analysis. But I will tell you this song, I picture from Mare's point of view.

"People talk about the great, strong, powerful Lightning Girl. But I don't know what I'm doing. Everyone I love gets hurt. Gisa's hand was broken because of me. Shade followed me into his grave. I broke my best friends heart. Farley put her faith in me countless times and every time she loses something in the gamble. Because that's what I am. A risk."

"Mare, don't think like that," Alex says.

"How can I not? You've seen it for yourself. Hell, you've shut yourself off from the entire world so you would never get hurt."

"Mare, you're not like me."

Taking a swing from the Brandy bottle, not even bothering with a glass, I say, "No, you're better than me."

Alex carefully takes the bottle from my hands. I've been going on like this for the better part of an hour. It's a miracle I can see straight.

"That's not what I meant," Now it's my turn to listen. "The fear of losing loved ones it the primary reason why I chose to live like this. But it's not the only reason. It's because I don't like being crowds or even in public places with just a few people. It makes me feel...vulnerable. I've been like this for years now. Before coming to this cabin, when I was...alone, I used to get these...episodes."

I tilt my head, urging Alex to go on. She takes in a shaky breath. "Sometimes when I got caught up in a crowd and it's like...the world would shift underneath me. Voices would become louder to point where I would become so lost. And then I couldn't breathe like all the air was suddenly ripped from my lungs. And-"

I've never seen Alex cry before. I don't know what to do. So I do what I would want and her pull her to me. She's not muscular like me, and I feel her shoulder blades under her clothes. But she calms all the same. "I sorry, this isn't about me."

"No, I needed to know," I say meaning all things. And then I ask a stupid question. "There's nothing you can do?" My meaning is clear.

"No, whatever this is, I can't fix it. I would need another whisper to help."

"I'm sorry." It seems a lot of apologies are going around lately.

"Don't be. You have your battles, I have mine."

"I need your help, Alex."

"What kind of help?"

"You have to know I've thought it through. And you're the only one that can help."

"Mare, no. I won't do it. I get that you're in pain, but this is too drastic of a decision to make after a night of drinking."

"I already have. I knew it had to be done on before coming here. I already spoke to Davidson about it." I have to make her understand. "The pain is consuming my anger. And without that anger, I can't do this. And the on my way to get rid of the heartbreak is to get rid of the root cause. "

"Please," I hate how I've become little more than beggar these days. "I love Cal too much. And I can't do this without letting go of him."

I can see in her eyes that she doesn't want to do this. And only makes me want to hug her again. She really is a true friend.

"If I ever got the chance to cure myself I wouldn't hesitate. And if you're absolutely sure that this is what you want. And it's decision alone and there is no other way-"

"There isn't and it's my choice."

Alex takes in a slow breath and the slowly nods. "But you know that if you do this then you'll be just like him, like her."

I've thought of this too. Maven told me what Elara a tried to do. How she tried so many times to cure him of his love for both Thomas and me. And how it only maximized his pain over Thomas's death and turned his love for me into a poisonous obsession. But despite how kind and gentle Alex is she claims to be at three times as powerful. Unlike most whispers who need years of practice before they can enter someone's mind without them knowing, Alex has no such limitation. And although, the stronger feelings may be difficult, Alex is the only one in the world who can remove them.

But is right in a way, I'll be just like Maven and Elara. And the thought makes realize how far I've truly fallen. I'm having Alex cut out what doesn't suit because I'm too weak to take it.

"This is what I need to. I need to let him go. It might make me equal parts monster, but if I'm being honest with myself, I crossed that line months ago. If I do this I become like Maven. I become a monster. But I guess, it takes a monster to kill a monster."

It's so annoying how Maven's words ring true, even after this long. It's time for me to hide my heart.