Song Suggestion: Human by Sevdaliza.This song was suggested to me by The Swan Duchess. Thank You!

I remember the day I fell into that shield of lightning at Queenstrial clearly. I knew as I fell that I was going to die. And some part of me didn't care. It was my destiny to die as a nobody, a red slave. And nothing more than an inconvenience upon a silver party. But that didn't matter. My crap life would finally come to a crappier ending. I would finally know peace.

I feel kind of like I did in that moment. So much pain has disappeared. I don't feel the heartbreak of Cal's choice anymore. I don't feel abandoned by Kilorn. I certainly remember feeling them, but it's like Maven said, I am incapable of feeling them. But other feelings remain. The familiar sting of Shade's death still lingers as does a bit of likeness for Cal. But now I think of him as an ally and maybe as friend someday, but nothing more. It's better this way. Now nothing can get the way of my objective: to end this war.

But I still love Kilorn the way I did before: as a friend, no, as family. He might still be upset but I don't blame him. He had no choice but to end it. He's facing a hard truth. And he needs time to come to terms with it. So I will give it to him.

Surprisingly my training has improved. Nothing holds me back now, no pull. Ella agrees and Rafe is impressed with my quick improvement. Even Tyton displays a grin or two.

I visited Maven once already handing over some information that he can use to cripple the Rift. Of course, part of our agreement was every red would be offered sanctuary. And every Silver who surrendered would be treated as refugees.

Yes, things are much neater without silly things like love to get in the way.

I'm back in Piedmont again. And the traveling back and forth is certainly beginning to take its toll. But I don't mind much.

I'm sitting in a tree near the training sector. It's lunch time and I'm eating a sandwich my mom packed for me. I feel bad that I don't really taste it. I just go through the motions. I've been doing a lot of that lately. And then I realize something almost funny. I'm bored. Ha. I can't remember the last time I was bored. After I finish eating I lay back against the thick branch I'm sitting on, let down my hair from its tail to allow the wind to blow through, and enjoy this feeling of boredom. If I close my eyes it almost feels like I'm back home in the Stilts.

I lie there for about five minutes before I hear a small but curious voice. "What are you doing up there?"

I certainly do my best not snap or roll my eyes. My few minutes of peace now over. I'd know the high pitched voice of a child anywhere, but as I sit up I do not expect to see this child.

"Luther?" And sure enough there he stands. The once timid boy now appears as a normal child should. I remember when we recruited him. He was too scared to even talk to us. Let alone touch us. He's a newblood and wields a strange and frightening ability. I remember as his father handed him a potted plant and it withered away under his touch.

"Oh, hi, Mare." I guess his time training and being around other children for over six months has changed him. He still wears his gloves despite the heat but other than that he wears a green short sleeve shirt and black shorts. Freckles spot his nose from his time in the sun. The evidence of an oppressed life is gone, though I'm sure it's not forgotten. "What are you doing up there?"

I can't help but smile. He's just like any child should be: curious. "Why don't you come up here and find out." Children certainly still annoy me, so I don't really know why I invite Luther to join me.

He has difficulty climbing but I guide him through the process. I have a brief flashback of Shade teaching me to do the same. Perhaps one day I can teach, Clara.

Once Luther is properly seated next to me, ha says, "It's windy up here." He closes his eyes, enjoying the break from the heat.

"When I was about your age, my brother taught me to climb trees. He loved it so much he wanted to share it with someone. I was the first person he thought of."

"Shade, right? I remember him from the Notch."

"Yeah," I say softly. "How's your training going?" I say in attempt to change the subject. I nod to his gloves.

"I can control it better. But it still scares me."

I know the feeling all too well. I fear of what I might become one day.

"There is no shame in being afraid. It's only natural."

"Do you ever get scared?"

"Yes," it's probably the easiest question I've ever answered.

"But would could scare you?"

Myself. Maven. Losing. Failing. Being alone. Heartbreak. How this might all end. But of course, I don't say any of this out loud. I am talking to a child after all. So I give the simplest answer.

"Pain."