A/N: Thanks for reading. Enjoy!
"Good morning ladies.", Ethan grins as he joins me and Kate in the kitchen for breakfast on Tuesday morning. Kate and I continue eating our granola but hold our attention on the cheerful Kavanagh as he goes to the fridge and pulls out a carton of eggs. "I'm going to cook an omelet. Would you two like one?"
"No but thanks.", I reply. Ethan places the skillet on the stove and waits for Kate's answer, but she remains silent.
"Me either.", Kate adds. "Although I would like for you to tell us why you're so happy this morning. Could it be because of your date with Max last night?" Ethan turns and blushes but shakes his head.
"Although I had wonderful time with Max last night, he's not entirely responsible for the state I'm in. I've got a job interview today at a photography studio."
"Ethan, that's awesome. Which one is it?", I ask, hoping my friend's happiness can help pull me from the foul mood I've been in since Saturday
"Sorenson Studio. Louise Sorenson has done several high-profile photo shoots in and around the city. Her work has been featured in several magazines."
"There was a spread about her last year in Seattle Magazine. She's even photographed the governor and his family. Ethan, this could be a very big deal for you."
"No pressure of course.", Kate laughs. "I'm kidding. Go in there and just be yourself. Anyone would be lucky to have you work for them."
"Max said almost the same thing. He's so confidant that I'll get the job that he wants to go ahead and do the celebrating tonight. So Kate, Ana, how about all of us go out tonight? We can have dinner and then maybe do some dancing.", Ethan says.
"You know that I'm already there. Ana, do you think Christian can tear himself away from his work for at least one night so he can join us?" On Sunday, Christian called and told me that a deal he's been working on with a fiber optic company was hanging by a thread so he has to around the clock to salvage it. Although we've texted and talked on the phone, we haven't seen each other since Saturday, the day of our ill-fated hotel tryst. I'm still pissed that he chose to leave me in the room while he met with Elena. True he told her they were no more, in any way, but he could have found a much more appropriate time and place to meet with her.
"I can call and ask, but the likelihood of him being able to make it is very slim. " While I don't want to think that he's avoiding me, the thought has crossed my mind, considering the timing and his awkwardness after we left the hotel Saturday.
"Ana, I'm certain he'd push anything to the side for you. Ask him in your most seductive voice." I get out of my chair and place my empty bowl in the sink as Ethan finishes preparing his omelet.
"Are you guys sure that you don't want an omelet?", Ethan asks before taking a bite of his. "Damn! That's hot! But it's good."
"I'll take your word for it.", I say on my way out of the kitchen and towards my bedroom.
Closing the bedroom door behind me, I check over my hair one last time before leaving for work. I then pick up my phone from the dresser and dial Christian's number.
"Ana, hi.", he murmurs upon answering. "I was about to call you." I somehow doubt that.
"I'm saving your fingers the hassle then.", I giggle. "How did you sleep last night?"
"Good when I finally went to bed around one. How about you?" I catch the formality in his voice.
"I slept pretty well, but I would have slept better if your arms had been wrapped around me. I miss you." I should be thankful for this time apart, but I can't help that my heart misses him.
"I'm sorry.", he apologizes, for what exactly remains unclear. "It's killing me that I haven't laid eyes on you since Saturday."
"Well, I might have a way of fixing that. Everyone is going out tonight to celebrate Ethan's job interview."
"Way to go Ethan. Where's his new job?" I check the time on my clock and wonder how long it'll be until Kate knocks on my door and tells me we need to leave for work. Deciding that I still have some time to spare, I sit down on the side of the bed.
"His interview isn't until today.", I answer.
"Ah, it's a pre-congratulatory thing?"
"That sounds like a good description. Max was the one who suggested it, and I think it's a good idea. It's a nice confidence boost for Ethan. I would really like it if you could go." I can hear him sighing and fumbling with something on his end of the phone. "Everything ok?"
"I was looking to see if there's anyway I can make it, but I seem to have more work left than I thought.", he stammers. "I still need to get the cost projections figured out before I can resend the information. After that, I should be closer to getting this deal back on track. Baby, I wish I could go. I really do but.."
"I get it. Don't worry about it. I've got to get to work. Talk to you later. Bye." I don't give him a chance to respond before I hang up. It sounded as if he was trying his best to find an excuse.
"I've got good news for you.", Olivia says when she stops by my desk during my lunch break which I've decided to work through. Although I don't have an assignment for the magazine this week, I'm volunteered to help Kate with her article on a music festival that's being held downtown next weekend. I snap into my piece of celery and look up to find Olivia has rolled over and sat down in Kate's chair. "The advertising deal with McGregor should be finished up by the end of the day on Thursday, meaning you know who's presence will be no more around here."
"Cool.", I mutter. Finding out that Bryant will no longer be stalking around here should have me doing cartwheels and screaming, but my mind is too cloudy with Christian Grey theories.
"Cool? That's all you've got to say?" She crinkles her nose and narrows her eyes. "Ana, in addition to me being your boss, I'm also your friend. You know that, right?"
"Yeah. I'm your friend as well."
"Since we're friends, you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you."
"Nothing's bothering me.", I lie. She cocks her head and scoffs slightly. "Have you ever been in a relationship and felt like for every step forward you make, you take two steps back?"
"Unfortunately I have been in that position. A few years ago, I was dating a guy, Eric. We dated for almost a year and were happy until we weren't. Neither of us cheated or did anything bad. We merely drifted apart. Even so, we thought we could still make it work. So, we started to do more things together. I even convinced him to take a pottery class.", she recalls fondly. "Things were better for a while, and then we gradually went back to almost being complete strangers. We finally sat down in his living room one evening and realized all we had been doing was placing temporary bandages over the issue."
"Which was?"
"That we weren't meant to be. It was the most emotional conversation I've ever had. We talked, cried, held each other, and talked some more. It was after midnight before we knew it so I stayed the night. When the sun starting peaking through the blind's slates, I knew it was time to go. Eric walked me to my car and held me one more time before I drove away. I cried all the way home, but my tears ended as soon as I got out of my car. When you went through your breakup with Bryant, I wanted to tell you about my experience with Eric, but I felt like it was in the past where it belonged so instead, I listened to you and assured you things would be ok. Yet, they aren't now, are they?"
"Yes. No. I don't know. Christian and I were doing good, but now it feels like we're anything but."
"Do you think there's someone else?"
"I don't think so." At least I hope not
"My advice is to talk to him, lay out your feelings, and see what he has to say."
"Thanks Olivia. You said what took place with Eric was in the past, but have you heard or seen him since your broke up?"
"A few months ago.", she replies with a smile. "I was at the grocery store and accidentally hit another shopping cart with mine. Looking up to apologize, I was met by those green eyes of his. He looked exactly the same. As we were talking, a pretty strawberry blonde haired woman came up and stood next to him. He introduced her as his fiance Becca. She immediately started talking and had a very warm personality. It turns out that Eric had already told her about me. Some women might have felt threatened and gotten their claws out, but she was very nice." I silently roll my eyes at the thought of Rachel being cordial with me in such a situation. "You still have some time on your lunch break if you want to go and talk to him. Your boss might even not notice if you're a little late getting back." Do I follow her advice and go to his office at the last minute, taking a chance that he won't be able to see me? Or do I wait?
"He's been occupied with a situation at work so dropping in on at the last minute might not be the best idea."
"Call and see if you can stop by." She gets out of the chair and begins walking in the direction of her office, stopping just before she gets to the door. "It'll all work out in the end.", she says over her shoulder.
With Olivia in her gone and the rest of the office deserted, I pick up my phone but put it back down, only to pick it up again. Thus begins a pattern until I finally work up the courage to dial Christian's number.
"I'm sure you're busy, but I really need to talk to you. We have some things we need to discuss, some very important things." My words roll out before he gets a chance to say hi. Getting silence on the other end, I wonder if he's there. "Christian, did you hear me?"
"I heard.", he sighs.
"Are you busy now? I can come to your office."
"Ana, work is really busy for me, and I don't know when things are going to slow down. As much as I want to see you, I need to focus on this for the time being. I started my company from the ground up so failure isn't an option. You're great and all, but maybe we should put things on pause for a while." This isn't how I thought the conversation was going to go.
"On pause? Like break up?", I hiss into the phone. "That's what you're saying, isn't it? You're such a bastard."
"Baby..."
"No. Don't you dare baby me. I went out on a very long limb for you, for us. You knew damn well that I was hesistant about a relationship, and yet, you kept pushing me and making me fall harder for you."
"I'm doing this in part for you. Don't you think it's better to do this now than later? I'm trying to protect your heart."
"That is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard." I scan the room to see if my heightened voice has caused an audience, but I'm still alone. "You're breaking my heart in order to protect it. How noble of you."
"Please just listen.", he begs.
"I don't want to hear anything you have to say. Goodbye Christian." For the second time today, I hang up on him.
I rise from my chair and exhale a deep breath, staggering out of the office and into the ladies room. I stand at the sink and turn on the cold water. As I'm splashing the water on my face, I tighten my grip on the edge of the sink. I'm so angry that I feel like jerking the sink out of the floor and throwing it across the room, but I'm not that strong. I will not cry. I will not cry.
"Christian Grey can go fuck himself.", I murmur out loud.
"Ana, you should come with us.", Max says as he's standing at the door with Ethan and Kate. They're on the way out to celebrate Ethan's new job. He called Kate after the interview and told her that it went well, and Louise Sorenson called him an hour ago to let him know that the job is his.
"I would but my head is pounding." I'm being somewhat truthful. I've had a headache since I got home from work. My theory on what caused it, one Christian Grey.
"It's not a party without you,", Kate pouts.
"Kate, you'll still have fun. Elliot and Mia are meeting you guys there, and they are pretty lively. You won't even notice that I'm not there."
"Yes we will."
"Do you want me to get you something for your head?", Ethan asks as he starts towards me, but I shake my head.
"I've got some aspirin. An early night is probably what I need."
"Get some rest. If you need anything, call us. We'll stop mid-dancing to come."
"I appreciate it. I really do. The important thing is for you all to have fun and celebrate Ethan's new job."
"Yes!", Kate exclaims. "Ethan's going to be the best photography assistant in the world."
"I don't know about that, but I'm going to try my best. Ok, we should go if we're going to make our dinner reservations. Ana?"
"I'm not going to change my mind." I stand up and playfully push the three of them out the door which Kate has opened. "Enjoy you evening.", I tell them as they wave and head down the hallway.
I close the door behind me and walk into the kitchen. I should go on to bed, but I don't think I'd be able to sleep. Instead, I open the cabinet and pull out the bottle of vodka that Kate bought a few weeks ago. I grab a glass in my other hand and walk back to the living room. After pouring the glass less than half full, I take a sip, feeling the liquid burn my throat as it goes down. Deciding that drinking isn't the answer, I put the glass on the coffee table and curl my feet underneath my body. I close my eyes and think back to the happiness Christian and I shared in just a short time. The silence around me is interrupted by knocking at the door. I reluctantly get up to find out who's on the other side. I get my answer when I see a disheveled Christian standing in front of me.
"Hey.", he mutters. His hair is more unruly as usual and his tie is undone. "Can I come in?" I cross my arms over my chest.
"I should tell you to take a hike and never come around me again, but I'd really like to know what you have to say so yeah...come on in." I move back and wave him inside the living room. His eyes land on the vodka bottle. "I had a little bit but that was all so don't think for a second that I'm drowning my sorrows because of you."
"I was about to say that I'd like a drink as well." He picks up my glass and pours some more vodka in it, taking a long drink.
"I didn't let you in here to drink.", I snarl. He nods and sets the glass down before sitting down on the sofa. "Can I just say that you look like shit."
"Gee thanks.", he laughs.
"It kind of makes me feel good that you look like this. It makes me wonder if you're feeling down about our earlier conversation."
"I'm feeling miserable. These last few days have been an utter hell. They came colliding together a few hours ago when I spoke with my parents. They know Ana."
"Know what?", I ask. I sit down in the chair across from him and watch him drop his head in his hands.
"About me and Elena. I was having a bad day after I hung up with you so I stopped by my parents' house after work. I needed to talk to someone. I could have and probably should went to my therapist, but I told Taylor to drive me to their house. My mom instantly could see something was wrong. I realized that I couldn't tell them about what happened Saturday without telling them about my past with Elena so I bit the bullet and everything started spewing out of my mouth."
"Oh. Wow. Christian, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you made a mistake because I think telling them was the best thing. They needed to know what kind of a monster Elena Lincoln is."
"They do now. The looks on their faces, especially my mom's. Fuck. I hated that I caused her to be so sad."
"Elena did that, not you."
"I had a part in it. Once they got over the initial shock, they told me that they wished I had said something sooner. My mom kept saying that she should have noticed, but I assured her that none of it was her fault."
"Again, it was Elena's.", I say.
"I then told them about the subs and what I did to them. I thought they were going to be sick. My dad asked if you and I have that sort of a relationship. I immediately said no. I admitted to him that I had entertained the thought only briefly when I first met you, but I was soon wanting more. You changed me even though I didn't deserve to be changed. When I told them about my meeting with Elena on Saturday, my mom came out and told me that you had acted more calm than she would have ever acted. She said that I needed to have my ass kicked for being so disrespectful and idiotic. Basically, she was telling me something I already knew. What took place Saturday was a waking up moment for me. It made me see that no matter how hard I try to be a good boyfriend, I always, always, find a way to screw it up. I have been working on the fiber optic deal these past few days. That's the truth, but I could have made time for you. I didn't because I thought you would be better without me."
"I wasn't. Hearing you tell me that you wanted to end things felt like a knife to my heart." I get up and move to the spot next to him. "I wanted so bad to hate you for saying those words, but I couldn't. I can't hate you when I..." Do I tell him the three words I've been feeling, the three words I thought he might say on Saturday. Once those words are out, everything changes. "I love you." His eyes fall to the floor. "I probably should have not told you that, but I'm glad I did. I'm relieved that you now know that even though you've hurt me, I love you." His lips curl into a smile as he brushes his hand along my cheek.
"And I love you."