"This Is Not Good"

Dancing through the crowd, Johnny bumped into someone he recognised from a distance. One of Reed and Sue's friends, or whatever they were to each other. Victor something.

"Enjoying it so far?" he asked over the loud music. Victor's eyes narrowed.

"I hate to ask, but is this your writing?" he said, pulling up his sleeve. Johnny knew before he even saw the words, but he nodded in confirmation.

"Yep," he said. "Why did you hate to ask it?"

Victor looked him up and down. Johnny could admit to himself that the older student was a good-looking guy, and hell, Johnny was flexible. He was also just of age (or would be in a couple of days). So he pasted on his best smile and come-hither eyes, and moved closer. Victor took a step back, the tease.

"You're the wrong Storm, but you'll do," he said. Johnny stopped dancing, and stared at him.

"What?" he said. He must've misheard. The music was kinda loud.

"I said that you'll do," Victor said.

"Do what?"

"For me. You're not exactly what I wanted, but we're apparently soulmates. Show me your mark."

"No," Johnny said, pulling back a couple of steps. He frowned. "No, not gonna happen, buddy."

"You're the one they call Johnny, aren't you?" Victor said, still approaching. Johnny moved further away.

"And you're the one I call asshole," he said, and he retreated back through the crush of bodies until he emerged outside. Shit. He hoped it was a platonic bond. Dude, he didn't even want to be bonded at all to a guy like that!

Please, please, please let his other soulmate be less of a jerk.

Fifteen years later

Exhaling through his nose, Phil took the last step off the plane into Latveria. He hated the thought of being an ambassador, but it was necessary. Whether or not Victor von Doom was on HYDRA's side, agents had been spotted crossing Latveria's borders, and if Doom hated HYDRA then it was possible to get him on their side, at least in wiping out a common enemy.

And if Doom was with HYDRA… well, SHIELD would still be in good hands with Phil's team at the helm. Those were his instructions.

"Oh hell," he muttered as he approached Doom's castle. There were flashes of light, the sounds of crashing, and no one was on the gates. He was able to enter the property and the castle without being challenged. From one angle, as he ran up internal stairs, he could see the Fantasticar.

At this rate, Phil was going to get a headache.

There was a burst of warmth nearby. Two guards ran past, and Phil ducked as they shot back over their shoulders. A man-shaped ball of fire charged after them. Johnny Storm. Well, Phil would deal with that particular headache later.

He ran in the direction of most of the sound, and fell against the wall at a quake.

"Skye, are you here?" he hissed into his comm. unit.

"Not me, DC."

"Must be The Thing," he said. When the tremors stopped, he continued on his way.

The first time he saw Victor von Doom in person, he was being half-strangled by a variety of Reed Richards' body parts. Doom glanced at Phil, and smiled while he continued to shoot at Mr. Fantastic.

"Are you the one I was expecting?" Doom said.

Phil allowed himself a moment to feel unsettled, and then remembered that this was currently a battle zone.

"Yes, although this is incredibly bad timing," he said, indicating the destruction around him. Doom's eyes widened exponentially.

"You are my other soulmate?" he said.

"If our handwritings match, I believe so." He raised an eyebrow at Richards. "Could you please let him go? I'm here as an ambassador from New SHIELD."

Reed dropped Doom, who stumbled but didn't fall. Phil took a few steps forward, his hand itching to reach for his gun. He knew that Doom was the bad guy, and hoped to Asgard that his other soulmate didn't work with the Latverian ruler.

"My team and I have been tracking down HYDRA agents, to finish off the work the SSR started," Phil continued. "We have reason to believe that there is a base in Latveria. Are you on their side?"

Doom tilted his head. "You are blunt for an ambassador."

"I prefer getting things done to the run-around of democratic word games."

"Very sensible," Doom said. "Very well. Let us adjourn to my study, and we can discuss it there."

"If this kind of unrest is going on right now… Look, we're going after the HYDRA agents. If you try to protect them, you'll be caught in the crossfire. If you hate them as much as we do, help us take them out. If you don't care either way, stay out of it so that we can get our job done. But if you decide to take us on—"

"What is this?" Doom asked, walking forward. "You are my soulmate. We have not even been introduced."

"My name is Phil Coulson. I'm the director of the new, clean incarnation of the former Strategic Homeland Intervention—"

"I have heard of SHIELD, and I have heard of you." Doom held out a hand. Phil didn't take it. "An honour to meet the man so highly thought of."

"Whose side are you on?" Phil said, persistent. He wasn't going to be walked all over, and he wasn't going to shake hands, not when there was a chance his could be crushed if he made a false move.

"What'd I miss?" a voice said. Phil swivelled on his heel, and saw Johnny Storm in the flesh for the first time. He sauntered up to Phil, sending a hard look over his shoulder at Doom. Phil considered getting the hell out of there – he was losing control over the situation fast, if he'd even gained any kind of control in the first place – but Johnny's next words sent his head spinning. "I'll gladly fry this guy if he's bothering you."

"That's a very kind offer, but I'm sure it won't be necessary… yet," Phil said. Johnny's jaw dropped.

"You're… you're…"

"He is our third, Johnny," Doom said, gesturing to Phil, who took a step back.

"A true triad, then," he said. Johnny waved his hands back and forth.

"I am not with that asshole," he said. "No way."

"Wait, Johnny, are your other words Victor's?" the Invisible Woman said. Johnny rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, and then he implied that he would settle for me since he couldn't have you," he said, "so like hell did it ever go anywhere."

"He said that to you?" Phil said. He was affronted on his second soulmate's behalf, and glared at Doom. The ruler stared right back.

"Now we three can be complete," he said, holding out his hands. Phil glanced at Johnny, who was still looking at Doom with utter disgust. "Come. Perhaps I shall behave myself in a stable relationship?"

"Oh, hell to the no," Johnny said, turning on his heel. Doom frowned.

"Will you at least stay by my side?" he asked Phil. The director hesitated.

"I can understand Johnny's feelings," he said. "You've basically just implied that you'd be willing to try to place nice if we stayed with you. That sounds close enough to prostitution that it's degrading, more so between soulmates. We're the ones trying to save people, and you cause destruction. It would be more flattering if you turned over a new leaf for us." He straightened his spine. "Do me a favour, if you want to start out right. Make sure my team and I have no trouble taking out HYDRA while we're here. If all goes well, Latveria won't see any earthquakes."

"You have my word," Doom said, and he half-bowed. Phil nodded at Reed and Sue, at Ben as he walked down the stairs again, and ran into Johnny as he hopped off the bottom step.

"Can we talk?" Johnny said. Without waiting for a reply, he grabbed hold of Phil's wrist and dragged him through the castle, out the door, and round the corner to the Fantasticar.

"Uh—"

"We'll fit in my part just fine, don't worry. Hell, you can sit on my lap if you want." He winked. Phil coughed, and squashed into the seat next to Johnny. There was probably more room than he thought, but the Human Torch seemed content to press into his side. He felt like a hot water bottle, which was nice in the cool weather.

With a jolt, they detached from the rest of the Fantasticar and flew into the sky.

"What did he say to you?" Johnny said.

"Not much. Just that he'd let us do our job and get rid of the HYDRA branch here."

"No, not that. When you met."

"Oh." Phil drew up his sleeve. "Just asked me whether I was the person he was expecting. To turn up, of course. We did send advance notice."

"Was that smart?" Johnny asked.

"Better than showing up unannounced. That never ends well."

"There speaks the voice of experience." Johnny side-eyed him. "What's your name?"

"Of course, you weren't there for that part of the conversation. My name's Phil Coulson."

"Holy shit. You're Fury's replacement, aren't you? You were in charge of the Avengers Initiative."

"I wouldn't say that—"

"Director of a whole spy organisation? I struck gold." Johnny grinned as he followed where Phil pointed. "This yours?"

"One of them. We're not a big spy organisation. Not anymore." He sent a message to May, letting her know they were coming in. "We need all the help we can get."

"What about the Avengers?"

"They… don't know that I'm alive."

"That's awkward," Johnny remarked.

"The longer they go without knowing, the worse it's going to be when it all comes out."

Johnny sighed as he lowered the car.

"Meanwhile, what're we gonna do about Doom?" he said.

"Not all soulmates are romantically linked," Phil said. "In triads, it's often the case that there is one romantic bond and two platonic ones."

"Well, I know which one I'd prefer with you." Johnny put his hand on Phil's knee, and squeezed it gently. Phil smirked.

"Why me?" he said. "Doom's closer to you in age."

"Why? Because he's an asshole who drove me off in less than three minutes with his insulting behaviour, and…" Phil was chuckling. "You… Okay, yeah, I fell into that one."

"When was it?"

"At least ten years ago. We were both still students, and… that's right, I'd nearly reached my majority. So about fifteen years back."

"You've been without your soulmates all that time?"

"Nah. I've seen him far too often. Couldn't get away from him, ever. But at least he never approached me again. Maybe he was hoping to find you first?"

"He did find me first, technically. But I must admit that I'm not interested in getting involved with a bad guy."

Johnny smiled. "I'm a bit of a bad boy, but I think you already know that."

Phil looked across at him as he switched off the ignition. As soon as the car was settled, he reached across, turned Johnny's face around, and kissed him.

Six months later

It was hard, so hard, telling the Avengers that he was alive, but Johnny went with Phil to Stark Tower. To protect him, he said, when the partial truth was that Johnny had become attached to Phil. SHIELD had more contact with the Fantastic Four than it did with the Avengers. It was a smaller superhero team, but they worked better together. And living on the Bus with Phil meant that there was less friction between Johnny and Ben. That made everyone's lives easier.

But with the Avengers' reluctant assistance, and with the Fantastic Four helping when they could, bit by bit they managed to reduce HYDRA's numbers.

It helped that the Latverian secret service and army had been surprisingly helpful in taking out HYDRA cells in and around the country. Doom established an international fund to provide financial support to victims of HYDRA and other terrorist groups, smarming the European and American wealthy into contributing as well.

"I'd say it was flattering," Johnny began, "but—"

"We don't know whether or not he's doing it to get something," Phil finished. He was lying on his bunk, holding Johnny from behind as they talked quietly. "Whether he's doing this—"

"For the right reason or the wrong reason. Yeah."

"Still." Phil kissed the shell of his ear. "I suspect we'll find out."

"He's coming here?"

"According to the flight path. May texted me five minutes ago."

"That explains why you tensed when you read it," Johnny said. "Sorry. Didn't give you a chance to tell me what the message was."

"I don't mind your form of distraction," Phil said, smirking as he leaned down to kiss Johnny again.

About ten minutes later, someone knocked at the door.

"Yo!" It was Skye. "Your visitor's here."

"Damn it," Johnny sighed, and he stood up. "Coming! Just give us a minute."

"It'll be okay," Phil said. "As long as we're together."

"What does he want?"

"To let the past go, maybe."

"He…" He fidgeted in place, stilling only when Phil touched his lower back. "He can't expect…"

"I know it wasn't a great beginning, and ours wasn't much better."

"Are you kidding? Less than half an hour after we met you were kissing me. I'd say that's a hell of a lot better than 'I suppose you might be good enough'. I thought I was straight until I met you."

"That's flattering."

"It is!"

"I know. No sarcasm intended."

Johnny entwined their fingers together. "Let's get this over with."

"We don't have to do anything we don't want to, Johnny. Remember that. No matter how strong Doom is, he can't stand up against Melinda May."

Johnny laughed as he followed Phil out of the room and downstairs. His laughter petered out when they came face-to-face with their other soulmate.

"Greetings," Doom said. Johnny wouldn't let Phil's hand go, though it was hard to keep control of his heat.

"Hello," Phil said. "What brings you here?"

"I… I wished for a second chance."

"Was it all to sugar us up?" Johnny said. "Playing the do-gooder?"

Doom flinched. "I turned over the new leaf you suggested," he told Phil. "I have been trying to be a better man for you. Both of you." He cleared his throat and met Johnny's eyes. "I made a bad first impression on you, and I am sorry for that. My manner was unforgivable. If I had the opportunity to try again, I would take it."

"Why should I believe you?"

"There is no reason for you to believe that I am sincere, but I am. I have been attempting to show my repentance in an acceptable way."

"What do you expect out of us?" Phil asked, stroking the inside of Johnny's ring finger.

"Nothing," Doom said, although his eyes closed briefly, like he was in pain. "I would ask for friendship, though. I… do not have friends. Susan was close, but she preferred Reed, and I took that out on you, Johnny." He turned his gaze to meet Phil's. "If not friends, can we not be allies? I will provide you with whatever resources I can, as long as it keeps you safer. Not safe, as much as I would like to protect my soulmates."

"But you can't protect us from life or death," Phil said. He hesitated. "We can't just take what you give us—"

"Do not think of it as charity; merely doing my duty as your third. I cannot see myself in a relationship with either of you, let alone both. You are too entangled for that."

"We are," Johnny said, turning his body in to Phil's.

"May I at least speak with you for five minutes?" Doom said. "It can be strictly business talk, if you prefer."

"Give us a moment," Phil said, and he tugged Johnny over to the corner.

"You can't be serious!" Johnny hissed, the light in his eyes flaring.

"Johnny, it was a decade and a half ago. I'm not asking you to forgive everything – we know what he's done in the past, and tried to do – but we need him. His resources and him. We're a triad of some kind. He could never tear us apart, you know that. But he needs us, too. He needs friends. With his help, we could win this war, and don't you think that's more important than letting old grievances have their way?"

Johnny stared into his eyes. "Do you really believe that?"

"Hey." Phil cupped his face. "Nothing in this world means more to me than you, nothing. And I would never ask you to do something that made you uncomfortable unless it was important, just as I expect you to extend the same courtesy. But if having some kind of regular contact with him helps in any way, and if we accept the few resources he can provide that Stark doesn't already, then… If you prefer, I could talk with him alone."

"He might try to—"

"Nothing he could try would change what's between you and me, Johnny." Phil kissed him gently. "It's only five minutes, and we can stop at any time."

Johnny squeezed Phil's wrists. "You mean more to me than anything else, too."

"Will you try?" Johnny nodded. "Our office. It's not exactly neutral territory, but it's private, and it's just an office. Not our quarters."

"Okay."

They returned to Doom, who was carefully not watching them.

"Please follow us," Phil said.

Okay, so zandperl asked for Doom/Johnny/Phil and Kira Kyuu asked for Doom/Phil. I hope this ticked both of those boxes. If not, I could write Doom/Phil separately.

This wasn't a wholly romantic triad, I know, so oops. At least throwing Phil into the mix made it a crossover. I just had to make up a meet cute between Johnny and Victor which, you know, was awkward. Then after that I couldn't see them being all lovey-dovey together, since Johnny seems the type to bear a grudge and Phil is too stuck on the side of the goodies to bring himself to be in a relationship with a dictator and enemy of a superhero squad.

Still. Got some Coulstorm romance in there. What would this ship be called? Coulstorm of Doom? Coulvictorstorm?

Please review!