Disclaimer: I own neither Kuro nor Sarah Silverman's "I'm Fucking Matt Damon."
Author's Note: muse33 mentioned this song in a review for "Lightning," and I knew a parody had to be made. X3
Warnings: Thrown together in, lyke, an hour. I was pretty liberal (in terms of timing) when it came to the spoken portions, since… well, they're spoken. Fairly cheap, as a parody goes, since half the words are still the same. XD; OOCness for the sake of humor. Beware the f-word~
XXX
I'm Fucking Sebastian
-To the Tune "I'm Fucking Matt Damon"-
XXX
Ciel: Hey, Lizzie. It's me. I'm out on a mission for the queen. I've been on the road for so long, I'm not entirely certain what city I'm in at the moment, to be honest. Anyway, I've been thinking about you a lot. And, well… I've been meaning to tell you something. I'm not sure why I haven't, yet, but it's important. I mean, we've been engaged for so long—over five years—and I still haven't told you, and that's just not right. So here goes.
Ciel: I'm fucking Sebastian
Sebastian: He's fucking Sebastian
Ciel: It's really nothing new
I'm fucking Sebastian
Sebastian: He's fucking Sebastian
Ciel: I'm not imagining it's you
I'm fucking Sebastian
Sebastian: On the desk, on the floor, just behind the closet door, in the tub, in the stalls, up against the bedroom walls
Ciel: I'm fucking Sebastian
Sebastian: He's fucking Sebastian
Ciel: While you're drinking noontime tea
I said, I'm fucking Sebastian
Sebastian: He said, he's fucking Sebastian
Lady Elizabeth, have you heard of the corset scene?
…get it? Because that tends to be when our fans got the idea…
Ciel: Yeah, it's… it's funny.
Hey Liz, please don't be hurt
You know that we just wouldn't work
Not only don't I like girls
But I saw you with Paula
And I think that you like girls enough for us both…
Knock knock!
Sebastian: Who's that knocking at the door?
Ciel: I'mfu
Sebastian: I'mfu who?
Ciel: I'm fucking Sebastian
Sebastian: He's fucking Sebastian
Ciel: Anaylze! F-U-C-King that D-E-M-O-N
Say F-U-C-King that D-E-M-O-N
I'm fucking Sebastian
Sebastian: He's fucking Sebastian
Ciel: And this isn't just a ploy
I said, I'm fucking Sebastian
Sebastian: He's fucking Sebastian
Ciel: Ask the others I've employed
Bard, Maylene, Finny: It's true, we can all confirm that he is, in fact, fucking Sebastian
Ciel: Remember when?
Last week, when I ran off in the middle of our shopping trip? I was fucking Sebastian.
Remember when?
Sebastian: The young master sent you home early after you traveled out on your own to see him? He was definitely fucking Sebastian.
Ciel: Remember when?
When I told you I was fucking Sebastian? I was fucking Sebastian!
On the desk, on the floor, just behind the closet door, in the tub, in the stalls, up against the bedroom walls
Sebastian: He's fucking Sebastian
Ciel: I'm fucking Sebastian
Sebastian: He's fucking Sebastian~
Ciel: I love London!
Ciel: So, that's it. I believe I made things clear…
Sebastian: Wonderfully done.
Ciel: Oh, it was okay…
Sebastian: It was phenomenal.
Ciel: Well, in any case… You know, it was interesting while it lasted, Liz. I hope there are no hard feelings— and that we can still be close as cousins, since, you know, we are family… So. If anything isn't clear, you need closure of some kind, please, please talk to Maylene. I'm sure she'll be willing to comfort you in any way you wish. So take care, and—
Sebastian: We're running behind schedule, young master. You'll have to stop there.
Ciel: You are so evil.
Sebastian: Indeed, I am. Now, put down that guitar. You have other 'instruments' to attend to.
Ciel: Right, then~
Sebastian: So long, Lady Elizabeth.