Astro Boy
Which God is which?
An Astro/Zoran 2003 fan fiction
By Dan rush
Based on the 1980 Astro Boy Episode 44 "Uran's Quest"
Astro Boy / Tetsuwan Atom by Osamu Tezuka 1954. All rights respected. For non-profit fandom only.
Chapter 2
Next Morning
Astro's room
Astro woke up to see Atlas sitting at his study desk reading one of the library books, which after a few minutes the red boy bot placed to the side atop one of the stacks he'd made separate from other books...
"Hi." Astro said as he sat up. "When did you get up?"
"Two hours ago." Atlas replied as he grabbed the book he just dropped. "Religions based on eternal universal energy? Nope."
"And no why?" Astro asked.
"For the Universe to be a god? First it has to have a personality and second it has to be eternal. The universe was proven to be finite a century ago and energy is not eternal because that would violate the laws of thermal dynamics and entropy. Energy does not renew itself, so...religions of the solar system? Nope. Crystals? Nope.
Astro got up from his air mattress and snatched a book from Atlas's hand. "Breakfast. My mom's going to cook it."
"As long as its' pancakes with linseed oil." Atlas replied. "I find that linseed is best for my joints." Reaching for his clothes, Atlas pulled off his pajama top and looked at it. "Cartoon animals? Aren't you too advanced for such childish things?"
Astro snickered back. "Should I tell my family about...Pookie?"
"What are you talking about?" Atlas snorted.
"That big teddy bear of yours?" Astro replied smiling. "The one I saw you hugging in that laundry mat last month? The way you were giving it attention? I swear you're dating it."
Atlas threw a swift hand out and snatched Astro by his neck!..."You so much as peep about "Pookie" to anyone? I promise I will totally destroy you and hang your guts from the City Hall flagpole...you dig?"
Astro smirked back. "You make a lovely couple."
Atlas dropped Astro on the floor. "Let's just eat...working towards a victory makes me famished."
"Such confidence." Astro snickered. "You still haven't proven god doesn't exist yet."
"Hmph...Seeing what I've studied so far? My theory about humans cooking god up seems pretty solid." Atlas replied as the two boys walked into the dining room where Astro's parents and Zoran were already sitting...
"Morning." Astro said cheerfully.
"Wow...their clothes aren't torn to shreds? There's been an evolutionary moment in history." Zoran snorted.
"If you turn into a toaster, it will be an evolutionary victory." Atlas huffed back. "Fist bump?" He said to Astro.
"Nice." Astro replied.
"I don't much appreciate your tone at our table young man." Astro father said sternly. "You're lucky Astro invited you...otherwise? You'd be out of here with a dented behind."
Atlas was about to reply when Astro fist bumped his side. "Uh...well...I never turn from a challenge."
"Have you found out anything on god big brother?" Zoran asked.
"So far? We've found out a lot of things that aren't true." Astro replied. "Atlas cleaned a whole bunch of beliefs out yesterday? But he still harps over the three laws. I almost got him to admit god's real."
"Not at all." Atlas huffed. "I agreed that humans couldn't possibly come up with a universal moral standard...that's all. Certainly not on their own as individuals."
Mrs Atom put a plate of pancakes in front of Atlas and he threw up his hand. "No more talking...pancakes take priority."
Sachiko Atom brooded at Atlas. "Since you're here Atlas? Explain to me why you have such a dislike of my son? Why I shouldn't call the police on you?"
Atlas looked up with oil drool flowing from his pancake filled mouth then he looked at Astro...
"You better answer her Atlas...she's pretty deadly with a belt." Astro said as he crosed his arms and closed his eyes.
Atlas swallowed the mouthfull and wiped his lips..."I don't exactly "hate" him..." Atlas gave Astro a brooding side glance..."All right...sigh...he annoyed me to death because he was such a stupid human hugging sap when I first came to Metro City."
"Sheesh...no love." Astro joked.
"I'm telling the story so shut up." Atlas replied. "Any way? I...well I was different when I first came here. I wanted to dominate Metro City and put the humans in their places..."
"Cages...not places." Astro snickered.
"Will you let me tell it?" Atlas snorted. "Places...so I thought...if I could beat the robot I believed Metro City loved the most? Then I'd get the fear required to make all the humans subserviant to me. Then every robot would know we no longer had to suffer the abuses of the out of control, lawless, hypocrite fleshies."
Sachiko lightly banged the table. "I will not allow racism at this table or in my home young man!"
Atlas sighed..."Ok...ok...out of control, lawless, hypocrite humans. I was bound and determined to put on Astro all the pain and suffering inflicted on me. Problem is... I can't get him to hate me enough to put up a good fight."
"I don't have a reason to fight you." Astro replied.
"I haven't given you enough cause?" Atlas said throwing his hands out.
"You tried kidnapping me and got your butt kicked." Zoran butted in. "Mighty Atlas whipped by a girl. Lucky for you I didn't put that on Facebook huh?"
"Hmph! You got lucky." Atlas replied pursing his lips.
Father Atom scratched his head. "You two seem to fight less and less these days."
Atlas looked to the side. "I...I respect Astro now...grudging respect. You're still a stupid, sappy, human hugger. If I wasn't here to counter-balance your weak spots? The humans would walk all over us and rape us for car parts."
Everyone chuckled.
"I'm serious! He's too trusting! Humans can't be taken at their word at all which is why you have to scan everything from them like a hawk...like this Robot Rights Act; no piece of paper is good unless its' enforced and giddy going about all happy and blind in bliss is a good way to get you killed!"
Astro replied. "And you're way has you a lot of friends doesn't it?" Astro poked Atlas off the head. "Admit it...if you didn't have me around to beat up? You'd have no friends."
"Hmph." Atlas huffed back. "I can get along quite well without you...which won't be long since I'm going to win out contest."
Astro smiled as Atlas finished his breakfast and got up. "Excuse me...Mrs Atom? The pancakes were to short circuit for...awesome. Now If I can? I want to go back up stairs so I can win my bet."
Astro sat with his head in his hands still smiling. "The only thing I see out of this is a draw...at which time we'll probably crash out of my bedroom window and beat each other to snot piles on the lawn like always."
Zoran frowned. "I'll have Reno make up his repair kits. Maybe if he puts your heads inside your butts, you two cave dwelling misfits will learn to stop being dumb."
Astro threw Zoran a kiss..."Love you too sis."
"When you find god's address big brother? I want it ok?" Zoran yelled as Astro reached the top of the stairs.
"If it's listed I will." Astro replied. He turned to see Atlas laughing. "What?"
"Giggles"..."We should send her on a wild goose chase all over Japan..." "Snort...giggles" "You should call Toshiro and the Imperial Palace? "giggles" and send her there to chew him out. "Giggles"
"I'm not going to torture the Emperor of Japan." Astro replied. "You did eliminate him too didn't you?"
"Well duh." Atlas replied as they walked back into the room. "You know? I just realized that this room is a pig stye from hell of its' own right...look at this mess? Oil cans all over the place, dirty clothes everywhere, socks on the television set? You want to start a fire in here?"
"It's to offset a too orderly life." Astro said smiling. "I don't want to be a neat freak all the time."
"I know but show some pride...I mean...you are important to us robots and all." Atlas said as he dropped a pair of dirty socks into a nearby hamper.
"Huh? Did you say I'm important?" Asto asked.
"Well...publicity yes." Atlas said with his hands behind his back as if to accent his seriousness. "While I might despise you somewhat, I am aware that you are the visible face of robots in Metro City and while I'm not bashing your chasis, you do have an image to uphold That gives us all some possitive press."
Astro smiled. "Coming from you? That's very nice."
Atlas poked a finger in Astro's face. "Enjoy it. I will make you my subordinant very soon."
An hour later...
"Wicca? Stupid. Druidism? Stupid. Celtic spiritualism? Stupid." Atlas huffed as he tossed book by book behind him into the growing pile. "Worshiping the Earth, the Planets, the Stars, Animals, Plants, re-encarnation...redicuolous."
Astro took one of the books and skimmed through it..."More worship of finite things and false energy huh?"
God is supposed to be a "being" not a "force" or "energy". I can't believe there are humans worshiping Star Wars.
Astro pulled a comic book out of a nearby box..."Superman's Jewish."
"What?" Atlas replied with a cocked head.
"Yeah." Astro said as he pointed around the comic book. "The "S" on his chest is a Kaballah Jewish symbol. Jor-El, Kal-El, Kripton, General Zod are all Hebrew names. He's what you call a Jewish Golum.
"So in a sense you and I and all robots are Golums too. I mean, we have programming not souls." Atlas said as he sat on Astro's bed.
"I'm not so sure." Astro replied as he sat at his desk. "I always thought that robots like you and I or Zoran and my parents would learn so much in the span of time that eventually our programming would be so over-wrote that in a sense we'd actually have a soul of our own because our accumulated knowledge would become self-regenerating and thus the need for a nase programming logrythem would be phased to non-existance."
Atlas sat scratching his head..."And here I thought you were too simple minded."
"You haven't seen anything yet." Astro said as he grabbed another book. "We're coming into more sensitive subjects that really need scrutiny...like Islam."
Noon...
Atlas paced about the room dividing himself between a book and his processor trolling through the internet while Astro scanned over a Q'ran. The red boy bot sat on the floor and brooded deeply...
"What...a...mess..." He said frowning. "No wonder there's so much violence."
Astro looked up. "You have factions inside factions, tribes against tribes... Sunis against Shiahs. You have puritans who say you can't change the Q'ran and liberals who say you can..."
Atlas raised a finger. "The puritans are right."
"How can you say that?" Astro huffed. "It's the puritan Islamists that are causing all the violence! "Kill the unbeliever or make them pay the religious tax" "A woman is worth only a fourth of a man." That's barbaric."
Atlas crossed his arms. "If they're true that the Q'ran is god's word then man can't change it to suit his ways...given how messed up humans are as we know them. The puritan Islamists are right and they kill Muslims all the time."
Astro frowned. "But it's not right what they do."
"I agree...which invalidates Islam all together." Atlas replied. "You can't reform Islam. In order to do that, you have to re-write the Q'ran which would be blasphamy. Any way...The very way Mohammad came up with the whole thing by himself makes me think it's a lie to start with. Mohammad wasn't a moral human at all, he wasn't perfect, he was wicked all through his life, he ordered people killed...logically from "our" understanding as robots...he could never have crafted a moral religion and the Q'ran is so full of contradictions and crazy concepts...and one more thing?"
"He was illiterate." Astro replied. "Which might explain why the Q'ran is in such a confusing mess. Even in Japanese it's hard to read."
Atlas put the book in his hand aside. "Nope."
Astro picked up another book. "Universalist Unitarianism."
Atlas walked up, took the book and put it on the pile..."Nope."
"But we didn't even look at it yet." Astro said with a smirk.
"Nope." Atlas replied. "They don't even believe in a god to start with. All they do is pull things from different religions and say they're good things humans should live by. And many of them believe in Vodoo, witchcraft and force energy."
"Looks like you're chances are getting whittled away fast huh?" Atlas snickered.
"You still have to prove god doesn't exist...which is impossible even for a robot." Astro replied. He then took a deep breath and looked out the window. "You wanna get out of here for a few hours?"
"What's your plan?" Atlas asked.
Astro walked to his closet and pulled out a skateboard. "How good are you on one of these?"
Atlas snorted. "That's a waste of better time."
"Chicken." Astro snickered in his face.
"I'll give you chicken." Atlas replied frowning as he followed Astro out of the room.
End of chapter 2