Chapter 3:

By ttdbzgumball

The enormous door was answered by a tall and rather stern-looking woman. Fred and George took one look at her and decided that this was a person they did not want to get caught by. 'The firs' years, Professor,' said Hagrid, and gave them a cheery wave before leaving the first years with the teacher.

'Boy, if every teacher looks like her and act the way they look, we're not going to survive here for long, are we?' Fred muttered to George.

The professor turned her sharp gaze towards the twins and they immediately shut up.

'Now that I have your full attention,' said the professor, 'I would like to welcome you all to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am the Deputy Headmistress, Professor McGonagall, and I will be teaching Transfiguration. In a minute, these doors will open,' she said, gesturing to the double doors behind her, 'and you will be sorted into your Houses. Your House will be like your family in Hogwarts for the next 7 years and beyond. There are 4 Houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Those of you who are fortunate enough to end up in Gryffindor will have me as your Head of House, though I hope you will all be a credit to whichever house you will end up in…' She told the first years about the house point system, which Percy, Charlie and Bill had told Fred and George about many times, as well as all of the other things McGonagall had listed. McGonagall then told them to wait as they prepared for the sorting, and left the first years alone.

'What d'you reckon the Sorting Ceremony's going to be like?' whispered someone, which caused great debate among the first years.

'Maybe it's a talent show of sorts!' said Angelina, the nice girl they had sat with on the boat.

'Wh-what if we have to fight something? Like a dragon?' stuttered a terrified first year.

'Nonsense,' said Cedric calmly behind them. 'they won't put us in any danger. This is the safest place in probably the whole of England, if not the world. Trust me, we'll be fine.'

Someone screamed.

The first years' heads whipped around to see twenty or so ghosts float through the walls. They were chatting merrily amongst each other, and smiled at the first years. Well, most of them, at least. One of the ghosts in particular scowled at the group, causing one boy to burst into tears. Another cackled as he soared above the students' heads, all the while tossing cream pies at them. The first years yelped and ducked as the pies landed either on the previously spotless floor or on their heads.

'Cream pies?! Seriously?' yelled Fred up to the poltergeist. 'That's so old! Time to rethink your strategy!'

Fred and George were used to ghosts: there was one living in the attic, right on top of Ron's room. It occasionally made loud noises, but that was about it. Clearly, the resident poltergeist of Hogwarts was going to be more of a nuisance.

However, not many other students were as experienced with ghosts as the Weasley twins. Some screamed for home or for their mother, some huddled up in corners crying, some tried to perform 'exorcisms' which only earned them more scowls from the ghosts, some were even trying to force the double doors open, and the rest, like Fred and George, simply stared at the bunch of foolhardy scaredy-cat First Years with extreme annoyance.

Professor McGonagall entered the room to find the First Years either screaming, crying, attempting to escape, attempting to uselessly 'fight' the ghosts or standing at the side extremely irritated. 'OUT, PEEVES!' she barked, and the wayward ghost finally flew out, but not before blowing a raspberry at the Professor, earning a scowl. The other ghosts followed, muttering something about 'scaredy-cats' and 'not brave, smart, cunning or strong enough, what will become of the next generation of Hogwarts?'

'Honestly, crying and screaming is useless. The ghosts can't really harm you anyway, otherwise we would have exorcised them,' muttered an exasperated Professor, flicking her wand and magically cleaning and tidying up the students. She swished her wand again and the cream pies on the floor disappeared, leaving it pristine once again. She also changed Fred, George and Lee's clothes to a fitting size, which made all three breathe a sigh of relief. 'Now, if you're all calmed down and ready to go, the entire populace of Hogwarts is ready for you in the Hall.' Once she had checked everything was alright, she opened the doors to the Great Hall.

Although they had heard Charlie and Bill (they never bothered to listen to Percy) describe the Great Hall many times, they were still awestruck by the enormous hall. Thousands of candles floated in midair above four long tables, which they presumed was for each of the Houses. At the very back of the hall was another long table where the professors were sitting. Angelina looked up and gasped, and the others looked up as well. The ceiling was a stunning night sky dotted with twinkling stars. For a moment, Fred and George thought there was no ceiling, before they remembered Charlie telling them it was bewitched.

They walked past the tables, flashing a grin at Charlie, who grinned back, and waving enthusiastically at Penelope, the girl they had encountered on the train, who smiled at them (much to Percy's great irritation).

The first years reached the back of the hall, in front of the professors. Fred glanced at one of them, a sallow-faced, greasy-haired man, who sneered back. Fred and George immediately knew they didn't like him.

There was a stool in front of the line of first-years, and on it was an old and battered-looking hat.

'Wait, so that's what we're supposed to do?' whispered a first year. 'Put that hat on? And get sorted, just like that?'

'Not very impressive, is it?' muttered George.

Suddenly, the hat sprung to life, much to the excitement and surprise of the first years, and began to, somehow, sing:

Welcome, one and all,

The students old and new,

To this school, built by the greatest minds

The world ever knew.

By Slytherin, most cunning,

By Ravenclaw, the wise.

By Gryffindor, bravest of all

By Hufflepuff, judged not by size.

Together, the four wizards

Built a wonderful school.

In fact, it's this school you are in now

And be Sorted on this stool.

In here you won't learn trivial things

Like Science, maths or spelling.

Here you'll learn potion, charms, transfiguration

What you'll excel in, there's not telling!

So if you're ready, take a step

Remember I am never wrong

And I will help you get Sorted.

Wherever it is that you belong!

The song was finished, and was met by a huge round of applause. The twins watched as Professor McGonagall walked up to the stool, patiently waited for the applause to die down, and unroll a surprisingly short piece of parchment, which Fred and George presumed were the list of names.

'Hey, why's the list of names so short?' whispered Fred, now looking around at the first years to see that it was indeed a smaller group than he had anticipated. 'You'd expect there to be more people in our age group, right?'

'Yeah, but think about it,' whispered Lee in reply. 'Around the time we were born, You-Know-Who (that induced a collective shudder between the trio) was still at large, and people would be too busy running for their lives to—you know…'

'Oh…' said Fred, before finally realizing. 'Oh! Yes, of course!' Lee nodded in relief before Fred said, 'Obviously, the Death Eaters killed all the babies they could find because they wanted to use them for cannibalistic potions to heal themselves after failed experiments to give themselves superpowers!'

Lee stared at him in incredulity before facepalming. 'Seriously? That's the best you could come up with? I can't tell if you're joking or just plain bonkers.'

'And that is why I'm the intelligent brother,' said George.

'What else could it be?' Fred shrugged as Professor McGonagall called out the first person to be Sorted, 'Arrow, Sebastian!' A pale, obviously terrified boy walked up to the stool. The professor lifted up the hat and the trembling Sebastian sat on the stool. The group of first years (and the entire Hall) watched in trepidation and excitement as McGonagall lowered the hat onto the small boy's head. The Sorting Hat sat on the boy's head for a few seconds before speaking in a loud, booming voice: "HUFFLEPUFF!" The students sitting at one of the long tables whooped and cheered as the boy excitedly put the hat back onto the stool and ran to the cheering table, joining his new Housemates.

'Oh, that house is for the softies,' muttered Fred. 'Gryffindor is where all our brothers so far have gotten in, except Percy, who's in Ravenclaw…'

The Sorting went on like that. Some people took longer to sort than others who literally didn't need the Hat on their heads for it to shout their houses. Cedric Diggory almost immediately went to Hufflepuff, and Angelina Johnson took a surprisingly long time with the Hat and finally went into Gryffindor, where Fred and Georges' brothers were. Then Lee went and put on the Sorting Hat. The Hat stayed on his head for half a minute before shouting, 'GRYFFINDOR!' Lee grinned from ear to ear and gave the twins a thumbs-up before running to the cheering Gryffindor table.

The Sorting went on and on and on until finally, near the very end, Professor McGonagall called out: 'Weasley, Fred!' Fred strode up to the stool and sat on it, and Mcgonagall placed the Sorting Hat on his head.

Hmmm, murmured the Sorting Hat in his head. You are a strange one, Mr Weasley, very strange indeed…

Thanks, Mr Hat, thought-replied Fred. I'll take that as a compliment. By the way, should I call you Mr Hat, or did I wrongly assume your gender and are you a Ms? Or are you married and should I call you Mrs? Of course, I respect if you have no assumed gender and prefer to go by they/them pronouns, but-

Alright, stop, snapped the Hat. First of all, my gender should not be of your concern, since I am an inanimate object and I HAVE no gender!

So that's they/them, then? Or is it just it?

Listen, said the exasperated Hat, I am here to SORT you, not answer your meaningless questions! With a mind like yours, you really SHOULD go to Ravenclaw, maybe even Slytherin…

Wait, WHAT?! screamed Fred, fortunately not out loud. I mean, with all due respect, Hat, I feel I would not belong in Slytherin as they are slimy pureblood gits, or Ravenclaw, everyone there would be exactly like Percy.

You Weasleys are getting increasingly hard to sort, sighed the Hat. Your three older brothers had the mind of a Ravenclaw, but they all had the heart of a Gryffindor, except, of course, Percy Weasley, whose brain exceeds all others'. You certainly have the aptitude for both Slytherin and Ravenclaw—you have a bright mind, and a cunning heart. Yet, although I see the potential for greatness, I also see you do not have the willingness to go to either. Half the Sorting process is your own decision, you know.

Wait, wait! Don't sort me just yet, pleaded Fred. I still have so many questions to ask you! Do you have any free will besides Sorting us students? Is there a whole family of Hats or are you the original? If so you would be incredibly old, wouldn't you?

A Hat doesn't have free will, you know, grumbled the Hat. As much as I wish I did, my only purpose is to Sort you children every year. As far as I know, at least, I am the only existing Hat, although I would very much like to have a family, even one as big as yours. And yes, I am quite ancient. You do have an exceptionally inquisitive mind, which is quite rare nowadays. You would be an excellent inventor.

Why thank you! thought a pleased Fred. When George and I are older, we're planning to open a joke shop. School is way too boring. Hey, maybe we can make fake Hats!

That would be nice, sighed the Hat. I would like to have a family, as impossible as it may sound, given I am a talking Hat. And you are quite right—the standard of education at Hogwarts nowadays is quite lowered in comparison to centuries ago. Wizarding society has been terribly corrupted. I can see dark days coming, and in those times, you and your twin will be a light in the bleakness.

Blah blah blah. Yaddayaddayadda, muttered Fred. 'Kay. Thanks for the conversation, Hat, but I think we've held up the rest of the crowd for too long. He looked around, and could see people beginning to fidget in their seats and muttering amongst themselves. I hope my slightly less intelligent twin won't be as hard to sort as I am, though we ARE identical, so there's no telling…

Right, I've had enough of you, snapped the Hat, though in a far less serious way. Now I know clearly where your heart yearns to go, I guess I'd better put you in...

'GRYFFINDOR!' This time the Hat spoke out loud, its voice ringing in the silent Hall. The Gryffindor table whooped and cheered, and Fred thought a silent goodbye to the Hat and removed it from his head. He didn't have time to stop and speak to George as George's name was already being called by Professor McGonagall, so he went directly to the Gryffindor table, where his brothers and Lee were waiting.

'Nice, one, Fred!' grinned Charlie, as he high-fived his brother and Percy clapped him on the back as he went and sat next to Lee and Angelina.

'What took you so long?' whispered Lee to Fred.

'Well, I had a long conversation with the Hat about NOT putting me in Slytherin or Ravenclaw,' whispered Fred back. 'Also, the Hat is gender-neutral and I don't think it really appreciates y'all assuming it's a "he".'

Meanwhile, George put the Hat on his head. Just like your brother, said the Hat. Same ambitions, and same mind. You two really are identical. Although your brother chose the easier route, you also have a choice. Both Ravenclaw and Slytherin would be good choices—

Say no more! Let's go to Gryffindor, then!

The Hat sighed. Why is almost everyone like this nowadays…alright then. 'GRYFFINDOR!'

George bid farewell to the Hat and went to sit down with his brother and Lee, amidst the continued cheering of the Gryffindor table.

After the last person, Sabrina Zorrton, was placed into Ravenclaw, the white bearded teacher who the twins knew was Headmaster Dumbledore from their collection of Chocolate Frog cards stood up and cleared his throat.

'Welcome, students, old and new, to a new year at Hogwarts!' he boomed, eyes twinkling merrily. 'I know you are all eager to begin the feast, but before so, let me say a few words: Fizzle! Pop! Squid! Rollover! Now, on to the feast!' He clapped his hands, and the previously empty plates filled up with sumptuous meals—although Fred and George loved their mother's cooking above all, this looked a really close second. They dug in without hesitation and found the food tasted just as good as it looked, if not better.

'This is just absolutely AMAZING,' muttered George as he devoured some porkchops. 'This is probably the only thing that could contest Mum's cooking.'

'You can't say that, it won't be fair to Mum,' retaliated George.

They finished eating, and Dumbledore stood.

'After this wonderful meal that I hope everyone enjoyed,' announced Dumbledore. 'It is almost time for bed. But before that, there are some final announcements to be made. Firstly, we must welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Professor Festus Bilbury!'

As he said those words, the doors to the Great Hall opened suddenly with a deafening boom, and in walked a joyous-looking man wearing an extremely large overcoat. His gray hair was neatly cropped and there was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes, which the twins immediately recognized—it was the same look that the twins had when they were inventing some wonderfully explosive thingamajig.

The man walked straight up to the teacher's table, attracting looks from every student, and joyfully embraced Dumbledore. 'Old friend,' he boomed in a voice like thunder, 'how good it is to see you!' He laughed, then turned and surveyed the sea of students before him. 'So, this is what the students of Hogwarts look like now, eh?' he said, his voice filled with excitement and vigour. 'Well, no worries. Classses are going to be a lot…of…fun.' He winked at the rest of the hall and took his seat next to the sneering professor, whose sneer had turned a shade more menacing.

'Welcome, Professor Bilbury,' Dumbledore smiled. 'Now for some general rules: Firstly, all years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils.'

'Oh, we're definitely going to have to check that out,' grinned Fred.

"Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch.'

George began to speak excitedly, but Charlie nudged him. 'You're not allowed to join until second year, you know.'

Oh, come on!' cried both twins, throwing up their hands in exasperation.

"And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" cried Dumbledore. "Everyone pick their favourite tune, and off we go!"

And the school bellowed:

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, Teach us something please,

Whether we be old and bald Or young with scabby knees,

Our heads could do with filling With some interesting stuff,

For now they're bare and full of air, Dead flies and bits of fluff,

So teach us things worth knowing, Bring back what we've forgot,

Just do your best, we'll do the rest, And learn until our brains all rot!'

Lee blinked. 'I have no idea what just happened, but oh-kay.'

'And now, let us rest our tired minds and retire to our beds!' announced Dumbledore. 'Tomorrow will be a big day for everyone, so off you trot!'

'Alright, everyone, follow me!' waved Charlie, his prefect badge glittering under the candlelight, and the first years followed him through the chattering crowds and out of the Great Hall. He led them up and down winding staircases that seemed to go on forever. Everyone was tired and yawning, but not the twins and Lee. They were so excited and jittery that Charlie grew suspicious. As they rounded the bend to the Gryffindor common room, he took Fred and George aside.

'No fooling around tonight, you two,' he warned. 'Save it for later. On the first night, just go to sleep. Got it? No. Trouble. Tonight. And don't bring your friend into this as well.'

'Oh come on, we're not children, we don't need reminding,' grumbled Fred. 'Fine. We'll try to resist our natural urges. And his name's Lee.'

Charlie gave a satisfied nod, though he still watched them with an extra amount of caution. They approached a painting of a clearly-obese woman.

'Password?' she asked. Some of the Muggleborns looked like they might faint, either of exhaustion or because they witnessed a painting move and speak.

'Oculus tigris,' said Charlie, and to everyone's amazement, the painting swung back to reveal a cozy common room with a crackling fireplace and comfy armchairs.

Charlie directed the girls to the dormitory as Angelina and Alicia bid goodnight to the twins, and the boys headed up a flight of stairs to their own dorm. As soon as they entered their dorm, Lee flopped down onto a bed. 'This is mine,' he said, and no one objected.

Fred and George each picked a bed and found their luggage was stocked neatly in a corner. They immediately began to grin. 'Okay, so what's the plan?' began Fred, eagerly rubbing his hands together. 'Kitchen raid or the forest that Dumbledore told us not to go into?'

Lee groaned. 'I'm tired tonight,' he said. 'I think I'm going to sleep. You guys go on ahead. Besides, like your brother said, let's let the first night be a quiet one. There's always tomorrow night, and the night after that to do a heist.'

'Oh come on, Lee,' Fred begged. 'It's the first night, you can't miss out on this.'

But they could see there was no persuading Lee, as he was already snoring.

'Never mind,' sagged George. 'Guess it's just the two of us then, as always.'

'Right. So, let's start slow and just explore this place. After all, we never know what might be waiting for us around the bend—or should I say, around the corridor.'

'Alright then,' grinned George wickedly as he began to unpack. 'Let's get started.'

Ohhh-kaay, let me begin by saying SORRYSORRYSORRRY FOR NOT UPLOADING IN SO LONG! I was busy and everything and it took me a while to finish this and I'M SORRYYYYY

this chapter is relatively uneventful. i was going to put some exciting stuff in here but i decided to move it to later, don't worry it'll show up sooner or later. anyways, i hope you enjoy this chapter and stay tuned for chapter 4! there is absolutely no gurantee to how long this'll take, but i'll definitely upload it faster than this one, so don't worry. Oh well. Once again, I'm sorry for the huge delay and I hope you enjoy, and see you soon!

-ttdbzgumball