Joyce, a black haired girl, walked off of the small wooden boat, talking to her new friend, Cathy, a girl with dark brown hair, as they left the banks of the Black Lake. They had met on the train ride and she really hoped that they were going to be sorted into the same house, since they had hit off so nicely. The two of them follower a rather large man that had introduced himself as Hagrid towards a the towering castle that was Hogwarts. All of the first years were awed by the sheer size of the castle as they stepped through the front door.

The first years made their way through one of the hallways, admiring the paintings on the wall and the Gothic design of the castle. Joyce looked around and found a stern looking elderly woman standing in front of the entire crowd. Despite herself being a fully born wizard, she hadn't bothered to read up on Hogwarts, so she had no idea who the woman was.

After waiting calmly for the crowd to stop talking, the woman began to speak. "I am your headmistress, Minerva McGonagall. Today, you will be sorted into your houses. Each one of the houses have different traits and you will get sorted based on which ones you most share. How this will happen is that a hat will be placed on your head and look into your mind. The hat will then decide which house is best for you. We will go in now, and I will call your names alphabetically. But first, like each year, the hat will sing a song." Professor McGonagall then proceeded to open the doors to the Great Hall with a flourish.

The students inside the Hall were talking loudly amongst their friends, but quieted at the entrance of the Headmistress. Ghost flew closer to the first years and examined the new and yet to be sorted batch of students. On a stool in the front of the Great Hall sat an old, pointed hat. It opened it's mouth and sang loudly:

I've done this job for centuries
On every student's head I've sat.
Of thoughts I take inventories
For I'm the famous Sorting Hat.

I've sorted high, I've sorted low
I've done the job through thick and thin.
So put me on and you will know
which house you should be.

Are you afraid of what you'll hear?
Afraid I'll speak the name you fear?
Not Slytherin! Not Gryffindor!
Not Hufflepuff! Not Raveclaw!
Don't worry, child, I know my job
You'll learn to laugh, if first you sob.

The Great Hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song. Headmistress McGonagall took her place next to the stool and cleared her throat before calling, "Allen, Margaret." A small girl walked up slowly, and after wearing the hat for a few minutes, it bellowed, "HUFFLEPUFF!" She bounded to her table, all smiles, as her housemates openly welcomed her with cheers and equally wide grins.

"Blackwell, Kiara." A girl tentatively walked up to the front and placed the hat on her head as she took a seat on the stool. She sat there for a minutes or so before the hat shouted out, "SLYTHERIN!" Said house whooped and cheered as the girl made her way to the table and sat with another girl she seemed familiar with.

A few more names were called out until it was Cathy's turn. "Harper, Cathleen." She ran up to the stool and jammed the hat excitedly on her head. After only a moment's hesitation, the hat called, "GRYFFINDOR!" Cathy beamed as her newly assigned house went wild.

Joyce waited until finally "Lancaster, Joyce" was called. She walked confidently up to the hat and placed it on top of her head. The hat didn't pause one bit when it shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!" Joyce smiled as the wild applause of her new house enveloped her as she sat down next to Cathy.

The Gryffindors finally calmed down when "Lovell, Christie" was called. ("RAVENCLAW!") Joyce didn't pay attention to the rest of the sortings and instead spent her time whispering to Cathy. After the stortings were over, Headmistress McGonagall cleared her throat and began to speak. "Thank you, all of you, for coming back to Hogwarts. This year, a few changes will be made. Electives will be open to all years, as we have decided that the first and seconds years need to expand their curriculum as well. Just like the last years, the Forbidden Forest is restricted to all students, and you are not allowed to venture past your common rooms at night. We have caught wind that a few students were doing this, and I must remind you that this will not be tolerated. There are over 300 banned items here at Hogwarts, such as Fanged Frisbees and Skiving Snackboxes. Please see Mister Filch for the entire list and detention will be given to anyone that disobeys these rules."

"And to those of muggle upbringing," Headmistress McGonagall said, "there is no... wi-fi of any sorts here." Gasps were heard from muggleborns and halfbloods alike, and even a few cries of despair rang out. The gist was obvious to them at least. How will we survive without wi-fi? Isn't this a prestigious private boarding school?

The purebloods were very confused, however. What is wi-fi? Is it a game? Drug? Secret evil society? How do we join?

Cathy gasped dramatically at the Headmistress's words. "How will I be able to post my perfect modeling selfies without wi-fi?!" she demanded to no one in particular. "A model always needs to post pictures! I live on my phone!"

Joyce looked at her friend in utter confusion. "What the heck is wi-fi? What's a phone? Are these code names for something?"

"No!" Cathy said. "Wi-fi is how you access the internet!"

"What's the internet?!"

"Oh my god, Joyce!" Cathy almost screamed. "I can't believe you don't know what the internet is? How do you life without it? There is so much you don't know about! I need to introduce you to Snapchat! Wait, I can't! No!"

A blunt voice interrupted Cathy's peril. "I can help ya with that. But ya have ta make sure word about this doesn't get past this exchange."

The two turned and saw a girl that looked a few years older than them sporting and silver and green necktie. Cathy opened her mouth, about to ask more, when Joyce interrupted. "I wouldn't trust her. She's a Slytherin and they're all dirty, lying cheaters. And she sounds American. That's even worse. I say you find a more reliable source to get this wi-fi from."

The older girl's pleasant half smile faltered just the slightest bit before returning. "That's rather rude, don'tcha think? An' awfully biased. The Slytherins are on par with the Hufflepuffs in term of loyalty, ya know. Anyway, Miss Harper, if yer interested, just send me an owl, yeah? My name is Elizabeth Collingwood, my first name spelt with a Z an' my last name with two Ls an' two Os. I'll get the fastest internet speeds ya can imagine without any hidden fees. Oh, an' ya can continue yer conversation with Miss Lancaster here. Now, as I was sayin'-" The girl returned to her chat with one of the ghosts (Fred Weasley, he had introduced himself as) as they left the Great Hall.

Joyce sneered at the parting girl's back. "I'm definitely sure she won't. Wait. How does she know our last names? I'm sure she couldn't be paying attention to the sorting ceremony that much."

Cathy shrugged. "But did you hear her? She said she could get us wi-fi! I get that you don't trust Slytherins but wi-fi is more important! Thing of all the things we could do!"

Joyce shook her head. "One, I don't have a... a phone that you said this wi-fi needed, and two, I wouldn't trust that Slytherin even if I desperately wanted it. You can take your wi-fi, but I'm warning against it."

"Party pooper," Cathy huffed. Suddenly, the realization that she hadn't ate yet dawned on her. She dug in immediately, eating more food than Joyce thought she could head in a day. After dessert was finished and all the plates were cleared off, Headmistress McGonagall dismissed them, telling the prefects to show their new students the way to their respective dormitories.

Joyce and Cathy followed the prefect to the Gryffindor dorms. The moving staircasses were a bit daunting, but they got used to them soon enough. Joyce could swore she even heard one of the first years yell "Hardcore parkour!" as he jumped from one staircase to another.

Finally, they got to the portrait of a rather fat lady dressed in white. The prefect told them that this was the portrait that led into the Gryffindor common room, so long as you gave the correct password. "For now," he told them, "the password is affremo. The password is changed rather frequently, so make sure you stay updated. If you ever forget the password, come to one of the prefects, and we can always help you."

The painting swung open at the password, allowing the newly made Gryffindors to climb inside and get their first peek at the common room. Joyce had to admit, she was a little bit impressed. Overstuffed, squashy armchairs lied around the room, and a deep orange fire roared in the fireplace, warming the entire room and giving the area a cozy feel. The colours consisted of warm reds and golds, with tapestries of lions draped on the walls and windows opening up to an absolutely stunning iew of the Scottish Highlands at night.

The prefect continued to talk. "Girls dormitories on the left, boys on the right. If you are generqueer, please choose the dormitory most comfortable for you. If you don't feel it works, whether you experience dysphoria or otherwise, please tell us and we can arrange for you to stay in a special bedroom for your needs."

With that, the prefect stopped talking and blended into the crowd of students, most likely going to talk to friends. Joyce and Cathy made their way to the dormitories, where a blonde girl who Joyce hadn't bothered to remember the name of was scribbling out a letter, an owl perched next to her on the nightstand. Cathy was suddenly reminded of the incredibly tempting offer the Slytherin girl had given her. The words she had said were still fresh in Cathy's mind on repeat. Just send me an owl. My name is Elizabeth Collingwood. I'll get you the fastest internet speeds you can imagine.

Why doesn't Joyce trust here? Cathy wondered. High speed internet that's completely free! That's literally a dream come true!

But Joyce said no, Cathy thought.

But Joyce doesn't know the beauty of the internet! Cathy finally decided on her decision. She would owl Janice tomorrow morning before Joyce woke up with Zoe, her barn owl.

"Good night," Cathy said as she hopped into bed.

"Good night," Joyce replied.

The next day, Joyce stretched and smacked her lips as she sat up in her bed. She looked around and saw that most of the girls weren't here, signalling that they were in the common room. She hopped off her bed and yawned, rubbing her eyes. She looked towards Cathy's bed, but it was empty. She frowned slightly, but made her way to the common room. It was pretty empty, save for a red haired 5th year who was furiously writing on parchment.

Joyce made her way to the great hall, which was lively and bursting with energy from the students. Owls flew in the air from the windows as the students ate their breakfast. Joyce quickly located Cathy and took a seat next to her.

"I'm so sorry I didn't wait for you!" Cathy said in a rush, "It's just that I needed to owl my mum and you were out like a brick! And-" She was interrupted when Zoe flew and landed in front of her, a letter in her beak. Cathy took the latter and strategically opened it out of Joyce's sight. In a elegant, slanted cursive read-

Miss Harper-

Please go to the seventh floor, in front of the tapestry with a bunch of trolls in dancing tutus. It's horrendous. You'll know it when you see it. Just make sure you think, "I need a place with high speed wifi." We're open all day, everyday. The password is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Feel free to bring along any muggleborns and halfbloods ONLY, but make sure they bring their own devices.

Best regards,

Elizabeth Collingwood

Cathy smiled and stuffed the note in her pocket. She greedily ate the remains of her breakfast and got ready for her first class. After breakfast, Cathy walked down to her first class of the day, Herbology, taught by their head of house, Professor Longbottom. They would have it with the Slytherin, which Joyce didn't seem happy about, but Professor Longbottom seemed nice, and Cathy was sort of excited for the class.

When they got to to the greenhouses, and stepped inside number one, they noticed they were the last ones there. "You're a few minutes late," Professor Longbottom told them, though he didn't seem very mad about it. "Try to be on time, next time you come." The two nodded, and Cathy made a mental note not to eat that much tomorrow for breakfast.

"For now though, today I think we should just go over the basic rules. Please follow all the rules I give at the beginning of class, as some plants can be dangerous and have special handling instructions. For example, the cry of a fully grown Mandrake is fatal, and earmuffs must be worn when handling them. Try to be punctual to class," At that he looked directly at Cathy and Joyce, who tried their best to put on guilty faces.

"Please try to complete all assignments as neatly and quickly as possible, and refrain from talking over me. Lastly, please try to respect your peers. Fights are not appreciated in this classroom." He finished talking and looked at the time, seeing that only a few minutes had passed. "Since it's the first day of class I will allow you to get to know each other, and mingle for the remainder of class." The Gryffindors immediately started talking loudly, whilst the Slytherins stayed more refined and talked in hushed whispers amongst themselves. Cathy and Joyce looked around the classroom, trying to pick out something to talk about.

"Look," Joyce said, attempting to grasp onto anything to say out of sheer boredom, "That boy's got a booger on his nose." She pointed to a Gryffindor boy who was talking and completely unaware of what Joyce had pointed out.

"Interesting," Cathy replied dryly. Joyce continued scanning more faces, finding a Gryffindor who was doing cartwheels around the place for the amusement of another friend, a Slytherin girl sitting alone, hunched over and reading a book, and another Slytherin boy with his wand raised at a Gryffindor.

Wait. Joyce realized what he was trying to do. How does he know any spells so early on? she thought. Joyce watched in horror as the boy raised his wand, ready to cast a spell. She wracked her brain for something to counter him with, and a memory surfaced of her mum drilling in her head a spell to use against anyone harassing her. She forgot what it did, but it felt like the right time to use it. "Levicorpus!" The boy was flipped over and suspended in the air by his feet.

"What is going on here?" Professor Longbottom strode over to them. He pointed to the boy and said, "Liberacorpus," causing the boy to fall back down.

"He was pointing his wand and threatening to cast a spell on another student, so I tried to stop him," Joyce explained.

"Is this true?" Professor Longbottom asked the boy, who pursed his lips and didn't respond. THe fact that his wand was still pointed at the other boy was enough of an explanation. "I'm sorry Mister Knight, but I have to give you a detention. And Miss Lancaster, I do also have to give you a detention, seeing as using spells on another student for things other than academic purposes is strictly prohibited. That will also be fifteen points deducted from both of your houses."

"A detention!" Joyce raged as she and Cathy made their way to Potions. "A bloody detention! On the first day of school! From the 'said' nicest teacher in school!" Cathy did her best to offer condolences as her friend continued to rant on and on, letting all her anger out.

"I'm sure it can't be too bad," Cathy reassured. "In primary school, it's just sitting down and waiting."

"Well, this isn't a primary school!"

"Yeah, you're right, but, which is literally a school for witches and wizards! It's nowhere near normal, and their punishments m I'm sure they can't make you do anything that terrible. This is still a school, after all."

"But this is Hogwarts might not be either!" Joyce exclaimed miserably.

Cathy sighed. "At least the detention isn't now. Cheer up, we have Potions with the Hufflepuffs next. That shouldn't be too bad."

"It's taught by the head of Slytherin. We're Gryffindors. Work out what's probably going to happen to ourselves."

"I'm sure they can't be all that bad," Cathy said, thinking of Elizabeth and her wi-fi. "Besides, the Hufflepuffs are supposed to be a nice bunch."

"If you say so," Joyce mumbled, not feeling like further pressing the point.

They got to the dungeon and were about to sit down when the teacher, Professor Greengrass, started talking. "Welcome to Potions class. You will be learning the properties of magical substances and how to brew a variety of potions with different effects. Since you will need cauldron partners, I will assign them and you will sit together for the rest of the year. The list is as follows: Mister Darloff with Miss Allen, Miss Lynn with Miss Lancaster, Miss Harper with Miss Greneski-" Joyce tuned out after that. She couldn't believe that she and Cathy weren't put together. She hoped that the girl she was partnered with was half decent.

Joyce walked over to the girl, whom the teacher had called Miss Lynn, and sat down beside her. "Hello," she greeted."

"Hi!" the girl said back. Joyce deduced she was a Hufflepuff from the obvious black and yellow necktie and the fact that she hadn't seen her before. "I'm Rose, who are you?"

"My name is Joyce," she responded.

After Professor Greengrass saw that everybody was with their assigned partners, she explained what they would be doing. "Today, we will start with an easy potions, just to get you slightly immersed in the class. We will be brewing a cure for the boils, and the recipe should be listed in the potions textbook on your supply list. All of the ingredients are in the closet over there. Please begin as soon as possible."

Joyce took out her textbook and, after a quick look at the table of contents, turned to the correct page. A quick glance at Rose confirmed that she had done the same. However, Joyce noticed that her partner's face looked slightly pale. "Okay, do you want to start?" She turned to Rose, who just nodded. "Can you get the ingredients?" she asked, because, of course, why do it herself if someone else could do it for her? Rose nodded and went to get everything listed in the book.

When she came back, Joyce started to crush the snake fangs with her pestle in her mortar, whilst Rose sat and did nothing. This began to irk Joyce when she had moved onto slicing the Pungous Onions. It's not fair that I'm doing all the work, she thought bitterly. After she added her ingredients and heated the cauldron, she handed Rose the wooden ladle. "Stir all of these," Joyce told her, gesturing to the cauldron as she sprinkled in some dried nettles and Flobberworm mucus.

"Um..." Rose held the ladle tightly, staring at it as if it was a foreign object. "How do I do it...?"

Joyce looked at her face, which was completely serious. She must have been joking, since even someone like herself knew how to stir things. However, Rose's face was completely devoid of any sign of humour. "You should know how," Joyce said, exasperated. "You just move your arm in a circle."

"Are you sure?" Rose asked, to which Joyce nodded. "Okay then..." Rose then held the ladle upside down, using the handle to mix the contents in the cauldron, if it could even be called mixing. Joyce didn't know it was physically possible to not know how to stir things until she watched Rose completely screw up the simple task. She went in zig-zags, up and down, and in a weird hodgepodge of directions as an attempt at trying to mix.

"Rose, stop!" Joyce exclaimed, absolutely horrified, but the damage had been done. The potion started to bubble, and they could only watch in terror as it came closer and closer to the rim of the cauldron. It spilled over, creating a huge mess on the floor.

"What is going on?" the professor demanded, running over. "How does one even mess up such a simple potion so badly?" Rose turned red and looked down. Joyce was just hoping she didn't get a second detention, in a day. Professor Greengrass waved her wand and the mess disappeared. "I'll let you off, since today was your first day, but if I catch you playing with your potion like that one more time, you will get a detention. However, that will be ten points deducted from both Hufflepuff and Gryffindor.

Joyce let out a sigh of relief when the professor left. "You know what, I think I'll just do everything next time," she said, turning to Rose, who nodded, looking as if ten kilograms had been lifted off her shoulder.

Finally, the class ended, and Joyce packed her books up, and looked for Cathy. She found her chatting with the Indian girl she was paired up with. Joyce waited for a pause in their conversation, before pulling Cathy away,

"Come on, we have lunch next," Joyce reminded Cathy.

"Yes! I'm starving!" Cathy cheered.

"You're always starving," Joyce reminded her.

"So? I still want to eat."

They got to the great hall, and sat down with the rest of the Gryffindors, who were all chatting and generally being the loudest ones in the great hall. Cathy started eating ravenously, not leaving much room for conversation. Joyce followed suit, though much more modestly. This is going to be a long year, Joyce thought as she took a bite out of her sandwich.

(Author's Notes)

Dear Reader-

Another chapter~! Wee~! This one was pretty fun to write, and much easier to edit than the other ones. (Though this site doesn't count, like, any of the magic terminology as words.) To be honest, I had to do a lot of Wiki/Reddit/Pottermore searching to find out alot of the information you read. It didn't give any information about the professors, so we just picked out some that Reddit suggested.

ANYWAY, thanks for reading the story and I hope you stick around another week for the next chapter!

-Luna

(P.S. If we're ever delayed, blame Lupus. #BlameLupus everyone.)

.

*SPOILER ALERT*

This is the first of many times Rose is going to mess up.

Also, what's with all this hate on me? I'll have you know that I'm a perfectly nice person.

Anyway, this chapter was fun to write, I definitely enjoyed making Rose blow up a potion. That was my idea, as will be many of the comedy parts, since Luna doesn't have a sense of humor in that dark emo heart of hers.

So anyway, I'm getting to the

BOOK RECOMMENDATION OF THE WEEK (Or whenever we post this chapter, it might be of the month or something, I don't know):

V is for Villain by Peter Moore.

Adios!

Lupus