"World of Snark"

Steve knew who Bucky's soulmate was before he even introduced them. Not that he chose to warn either; much more entertaining to see it unfold.

"Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes," he said. Bucky opened his mouth, but Tony interrupted him, his eyes fixed on the metal arm.

"I really wanna play with that," he said. Bucky froze, and Tony seemed to remember his social obligations. Steve was trying to contain his laughter as the billionaire smiled winningly. Bucky's jaw worked for a few moments.

"I think we should get to know each other first, don't you think?" he finally said.

The priceless look of shock on Tony's face had Steve cracking up. He grabbed onto Sam's arm and almost cried tears of laughter into his shoulder, all the while trying to catch his breath in a way he hadn't had to for years.

"I'm guessin' they're soulmates," Sam said dryly.

"Yup," Steve said, straightening up and wiping his cheeks as he turned to face Bucky and Tony, who were staring at each other open-mouthed. Then Bucky glared at Steve.

"You knew all along," he said.

"We were all talking about soulmarks one night, so I knew both of Tony's. When we brought you in to medical, I saw one with the exact same words on you. Whoever your third is, you're gonna meet them at the same time."

"Huh." They were still holding hands, and Tony didn't seem ready to let go. "Well, I was talking about your arm, but I'm open for anything."

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Anything? That's a lot of possibilities. I mean, would you be open to…?" Then he whispered something in Tony's ear. The billionaire's eyes widened, and Steve wished that he didn't have super-hearing, because he never wanted to hear his best friend say that to Howard's son. Ever.

"Um…" Tony seemed at a loss. "Y-yeah. I could be open for that. You know, literally as well."

"I got that."

"…Yeah. We're gonna go now."

"Take me out for dinner first?"

"Are you kidding? You'll need the energy, soldier. You can show me just how good that famous super soldier stamina is."

Even superheroes and SHIELD agents have to shop sometime, especially when it's too dangerous to have food delivered (more so if it's to a secret hideout). In a world of battles between good and evil, where the Avengers and SHIELD had fought alongside before, it would have been natural for Phil Coulson's team to meet the Avengers while fighting some Big Bad together.

But no. Fate decided to have a bit of fun, and force them to meet while out shopping. At least that's how Jemma intended to explain it in the report she somehow knew she would have to write for the director.

She and Skye were doing grocery shopping, and arguing over name brands versus home brands.

"We have our instructions," Jemma said. "We have to buy in bulk, remember?"

"But think about the little companies," Skye said, holding up a can of tuna. "They're in business for decades, pay their workers a fair wage, and because of the economy they're being put out of business by the huge corporations who make discount food off the backs of slaves!"

"I understand your feelings, Skye, but one, please don't make the floors shake, we're surrounded by packed shelves; and two, many people can't afford to pay for brand names. At least the big companies are making it easier for the average household to stay afloat, especially for large families with only one wage-earner. And what about single parents?"

She was aware that their argument had drawn a few eyes, but most people moved on. It took awhile to register a few men nearby who were watching them. But Skye was on a roll.

"The point is that we should be supporting the brand names whenever we can—"

"And we do," Jemma said. "When there aren't many options and the prices aren't too different. We only have a few home brand items in here." She gestured to the large amount of groceries in the trolley.

"We shouldn't be getting any—"

"We have a budget, Skye!"

"Please, we can afford to—"

"No, we can't," Jemma hissed. "The director's trying to recruit more people, but where does the money come from? The people who used to support us aren't anymore. I have no idea how he's funding the organisation, but I doubt it's an unlimited resource. Which means that, no matter how much you protest, we can't afford to spend any more money than absolutely necessary. I won't put that burden on him, not when he's only trying to make the world a safer place."

"Oh." Skye handed the tin back to Jemma, who turned to put it back on the shelf. She bumped into a man standing there, and gasped. He caught the tin before it could hit the floor.

"Is there a problem, miss?" he asked. She sighed.

"Nothing we can trouble you with," she said, and she placed the tuna back. Then her eyebrows scrunched together, and she looked up at the stranger. He'd said her words. "Oh?"

"Well, hello," he said, smiling widely. "I wondered when I'd find you."

"H-hello."

"I'm Steve." He held out his hand, and she shook it.

"Jemma," she said. "That's… that's my name. I'm Jemma." Skye snickered, and Jemma glared at her over her shoulder. "Stop it!"

"I'll keep going with the list," Skye said, waving the piece of paper.

"No! We have to stick together."

"I-if you give me your phone number, I could call you at a better time," Steve said. She smiled sadly at him.

"Not an option, I'm afraid," she said.

"Do you need help with your shopping? I can carry your things to the car for you."

"Yes, you certainly could," she mused softly, touching the muscles visible under his sleeves. She blushed at his look of amusement. "I'm so sorry. I'm a doctor. It's… purely professional admiration, I assure you."

"Of course," he said, eyes twinkling. "Can I come along anyway?"

"I-if you like. I'm afraid it might be terribly boring."

"I don't think I could ever be bored with you." Her jaw dropped at the way his gaze dropped down his body. He soon noticed it. "Now it's my turn to apologise. You're just so pretty, I couldn't help…"

"That's very flattering," Jemma said, ducking her head. "You can come with us, if you like. I'm sure Skye won't mind."

"Not at all," Skye said, who was slowly moving further down the aisle.

"Skye!" She tugged Steve along behind her. He chuckled. "Wait for us."

"Leaving us behind?" a man in a hoodie asked, catching up to them. Steve grinned at him, and the other man who joined them.

"I found my soulmate," he said. Jemma waved at them nervously, wondering why the one with the goatee looked familiar. "Her name's Jemma. She's a doctor."

"Of what?" Goatee asked.

"I mainly work in bio-science. It's a fascinating field."

Skye looked over her shoulder at Steve. "She'll probably want to know what makes you a perfect physical specimen. Don't let her draw any of your blood to examine. She's like a vampire sometimes."

He smiled uncertainly. "I'll try not to."

"Skye, don't scare my soulmate!"

"You're not gonna start cracking Twilight jokes, are you?" Hoodie said to Goatee as Skye stopped by the canned vegetables.

"Hey, if the opportunity's there."

"Which one of us would be Carlisle?"

"Depends on which of us has lived longer."

"Now that's a debate for the ages, Grandpa."

"Oh, we're gonna go there now, are we, Hiccup?"

"Stop it, you two," Steve said. Jemma watched them with wide eyes while Skye weighed up between two cans of crushed tomatoes.

"These'll do for tonight, I guess," she said, hauling a couple of large tins into the trolley. Jemma shuffled things around to make room for them.

"What in the world are you planning to make tonight?"

"Mack promised us a risotto. He said there'll be plenty of leftovers, as long as we refrigerate everything. Ooh, should we get more plastic boxes for storage?"

Jemma chewed her bottom lip. "Might be a good idea."

Skye eyed the two men and Steve. "I really hope that's not a package deal."

"Don't be impolite, Skye."

"Your guy's great. At least he has to be, to be your soulmate."

"I'm just terribly lucky."

"Please don't take this the wrong way," Steve said quietly, "but if there's anything I can do to help. Extra groceries, whatever you need. I wouldn't say the sky's the limit, but I have some money I'm not using—"

"Hey, we're happy to help," Goatee piped up.

"Anything for Steve's girl," Hoodie said.

"Is that the name of a song?"

"I don't know. You know popular music better than I do."

"Uh, no. I know rock, not those pop ballads the twinks are singing on Glee and Pop Idol these days."

"Please tell me you're not gonna add more tracks to my iTunes folder? It's gonna have more stuff on it than there are movies in your collection."

"You love my movie collection."

"I worry about your tastes."

"What does that say about you being my soulmate?"

"That I worry about my tastes even more."

"Asshole."

"Later, sweetheart."

With a frustrated groan, Skye spun around and narrowed her eyes at them.

"Tune in after the break for more 'World of Snark'," she said. Then she looked at Jemma. "I'm gonna find out which aisle has the food storage."

"Wait, you didn't just say that," Goatee said, staring at Skye.

"I think she did," Hoodie said, and he looked at her as well. "You did, didn't you?"

Skye's jaw dropped, and so did the shopping list. Jemma swiftly picked it up, glad that she hadn't been holding anything else.

"You're my soulmates," Skye said.

"I'm Bucky," Hoodie said, holding out his hand. Skye shook it, looking dazed.

"And I'm Tony," Goatee said, shaking her hand as well. Jemma realised why he looked familiar, and saw it dawn on Skye as well.

"Holy shit, my soulmates are T—"

Jemma got there first, clapping a hand over Skye's mouth.

"Shh!" she said. Skye mumbled something. "Is it safe for me to let go?" She nodded. "Alright."

"Your name's Skye?" Tony Bloody Stark said. "Nice. Got a last name for that?"

"Nope," Skye said. "Chose it, kept it. Better than the one the nuns gave me."

"Much better," Jemma agreed. She looked at Steve. "Your surname is Rogers, isn't it?"

"Yes," he said, scratching the back of his head. "Which is why I hope you don't really want to draw my blood. If it got into the wrong hands…"

"Understood," she said. She grabbed onto the handle of the trolley for support. "Well. This certainly complicates things."

"What things?" Skye said, glancing at her. Jemma tried to give her a significant look, but it didn't register.

"Our…" The men were watching them too closely. "Do excuse us a moment." She grabbed Skye by the arm and, leaving the trolley under their supervision, led her away from their soulmates. "What about the director? They don't know that he's…"

"Alive?"

"Precisely. It's not exactly the kind of thing a person keeps from their soulmate, is it?"

"I guess not. But… but they're ours."

"I know that, Skye, but—"

"No, Jemma. What Coulson's doing is stupid. Noble, but stupid. You have to see that."

"Rebuilding SHIELD is not stupid. But the Avengers have publicly severed ties with us. They're only aligned with Stark Industries."

"They said they could help—"

"They probably thought it was for charity or something."

"Well… what do we tell them?"

"I don't know. You're the one who told me that I'm terrible at improvising."

"Which led to you shooting Sitwell, who turned out to be HYDRA all along, so good instincts there."

Jemma rolled her eyes. "We'll… think of something." She looked back over her shoulder to see the three men talking to each other, and glancing at them. She sighed heavily. "Let's just finish shopping, alright? You should text May. Now. Go and find the plastic boxes, and text May while you're there."

Skye nodded, and hurried to the end of the aisle. Jemma pasted on a smile and returned to the trolley. She grabbed onto the handle, the list crumpling in her hand, and tried to think of an excuse.

"You shot Jasper Sitwell?" Steve said. Jemma blinked. He pointed at the side of his head. "Super sense includes super-hearing."

"Well, fuck," she said unexpectedly. Steve's eyes widened, and Tony and Bucky started sniggering. "I mean, I did. Just with an ICER. It's like, uh—"

"I'm familiar with them."

She exhaled slowly. "Our friends were on a mission and no one would tell us about it because it was level eight. So Skye had me enter SHIELD and arrange it so that she could hack the records and find out where they were."

"A hacker?" Tony said. "Our soulmate's a hacker?"

"Why am I not surprised?" Bucky muttered.

"Agent Sitwell caught me, and I'm… a terrible liar, and I ended up shooting him when he realised I was talking to Skye, and then I had to drag him out of sight… He was fine later."

"I finished him off for you," Bucky said.

"So I heard."

"And what was, uh." Tony sobered. "What was this about Coulson?"

"Oh!" Oh dear. "Uh, our boss. His… name is Coulson."

"Phil Coulson?" Steve said.

She stared at him, swallowing. "Um…"

"Don't lie to me, Jemma."

There was the sound of running feet, and Skye pelted around the corner. She nearly ran into Jemma, and there were definitely no plastic boxes in sight.

"We've gotta go," she said quietly. "Now."

"What's the matter?"

"Ward and Agent Thirty-Three. Talking with a bunch of people, including Cal. I messaged the others about it."

"Ward's here?"

"Yes," Skye said through gritted teeth.

"And your f—"

"Yes. We have to go."

"But the shopping—"

"Now, Jemma!" She smiled at the others. "Sorry. Gotta run."

"But—" Steve tried to catch Jemma's arm, but she shrugged, and let Skye pull her away.

They got as far as the car park when it happened.

"Daisy!"

"Shit," Skye muttered. Her gun was out and in her hand before she took another breath, and Jemma wished she had more weapons training. She was a scientist, not a field agent!

"Daisy," Cal said.

"Go. The hell. Away."

"You'll see. They'll never accept you for who you are. You need to come with me."

"Skye gets plenty of support, from all of us," Jemma said. She didn't dare put a hand on Skye's shoulder, in case it threw her aim.

"I don't know what you think you're doing here, but if you've come after me, you've picked the wrong time," Skye said. Cal kept walking closer. Skye released the safety.

"You're my daughter, Daisy," he said.

"My name is not Daisy, and you are not my father!"

He smiled. "You called me Dad the last time we met."

"Because you were trying to kill Coulson! I had to distract you somehow!"

"Easy, Skye," Jemma whispered. "I can feel tremors in the ground."

"See?" Cal said, gesturing downwards. "You've already unlocked your powers. I couldn't be any prouder of my baby girl."

"You're insane," Skye said, shaking her head. "You're a monster!"

His smile slipped. Jemma raised her head when she heard the distinct sound of fighting coming from the supermarket.

"I don't like the sound of that," she said. "It sounds very expensive."

"Sounds like we need to get out of here before we're implicated," Skye said. "I'm not dealing with any of this right now."

"But our soulmates—"

"Can look after themselves."

Skye squeezed the trigger and Cal went down.

"Just an ICER," she reassured Jemma.

"I'm so glad to hear it."

"We'll have to do another grocery run later."

"Second that. Let's get the car, shall we?"

"Yeah."

Phil was banging his head on the desk when the girls showed up. He glared at them.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Didn't May read you the text I sent?" Skye said.

"Why was there a brawl in the store after you run out of there?"

"I don't know! One of the guys must've worked out who we were running from and decided to do something about it."

"Who shot…?"

"I shot Cal."

Phil nodded, sighing. "Okay. Stark's paying for the damage, which is good."

"Well, we weren't involved in the fight," Simmons said. "That started while we were outside."

"And why, when Fitz called your phone, didn't you answer?"

Her eyes widened, and she felt her pockets.

"It was… it was resting in a holder on the trolley," she said. "So I could get at it quickly. Then Skye dragged me out of there. I must have left it behind."

"Well, that would explain why Steve Rogers was the one who answered."

She winced. "He is my soulmate," she said.

"He's your soulmate?"

"You didn't specify?" she asked Skye.

"Hey, I was kind of distracted by the fact that Ward and Cal were there. I'm impressed I even managed to remember to say that we'd met our soulmates."

"I hate to ask who yours are," Phil said.

"…Tony Stark and Bucky Barnes."

"Oh my God." He buried his face in his hands. "This isn't happening. I'm just hallucinating the whole thing. It's a dream. No, a nightmare. I'll wake up in twenty minutes and everything will be fine."

"Sir," Simmons said.

"Whatever you say next, is it going to make me feel any better?"

"It's… a question, actually. How do I get my phone back?"

"Okay, put it this way," Phil said, pointing at her. "Fitz called him. Tony Stark was there. There's no point in abandoning base because it would take too long. If I know Stark, he'll have already hacked the phone, traced it, and they'll be on their way as soon as they've given their reports to the police. I'd avoid it if I could, but since they're under the impression that I'm alive, I have to be here."

"That's my fault," Skye said, waving a little. "I was the one who mentioned your name."

"But I'd forgotten about Steve's super-hearing," Simmons said. "And I couldn't lie to him. Not that I confirmed anything… certainly not that it was you…"

"Please stop. Just… When they get here, let me talk to them without you. It's my responsibility to explain everything to Stark and Rogers. God knows the Avengers have enough trust issues between them. I hate to add to that, especially Barton and Romanov, but it seems I have no choice."

"Well, you did promise Sif that you would tell Thor."

"Thank you for reminding me, Simmons," he said snippily.

"You're welcome, sir. Oh. That was sarcasm, wasn't it?"

He pointed to the door, and the girls filed out. Then he returned to thumping his head on the desktop.

Mack stared as the truck parked outside the base. He exchanged looks with the Koenig brothers, who immediately reported it to Coulson. He strode up, and encountered Tony friggin' Stark sauntering around the side of the truck.

"Which one of the crew are you?" Stark said.

"I'm Mack… the mechanic?"

"I'm looking for the head of operations here. And Skye. Where is she?"

"Wait, so it's true? You and Barnes are her soulmates."

"Yep!" called a guy with a metal arm. He waved as he and goddamn Captain America opened the back of the truck.

"Skye and her friend—"

"Jemma," Rogers said.

"They left some things behind," Stark continued, spreading his hands. "So we brought stuff. Plus this." He held out Simmons' phone. Mack accepted it, and cleared his throat.

"Sam's just letting Director Coulson know," Billy said, jerking his thumb towards the office. "I think the director wanted to see you. But you'll need lanyards first, and we're going to have to scan the delivery."

"Who is this guy?" Stark said, looking over his sunglasses. Why was he wearing shades at this time of day?

"One of our heads of security," Mack said. "I'm sure it'll be fine, Billy."

"But—"

"Simmons' and Skye's soulmates?"

"That doesn't exclude them from needing lanyards."

"Okay," Rogers said, carrying four bags in each hand. "Whatever the procedure is, we'll follow it. Where can we put these for the time being?"

"Uh…" Billy looked confused. "Over here, I guess."

Once the ton of groceries was sitting in an out-of-the-way corner, Mack called for Skye and Simmons to join them. They both walked up to their soulmates shyly.

"Hello," Simmons said. Mack coughed, and handed over her phone. "Oh, yes. Thank you for bringing this back."

"We also brought supplies," Rogers said, pointing towards the bags of food. Her eyes widened comically.

"That's… quite a lot," she said.

"Nothing but the best for the soulmates of Avengers," Stark said. He already had an arm around Skye, and Bucky was on her other side, talking to her softly. She was smiling up at him, and Simmons took hold of Rogers' hands. It was sweet to see them so content.

"You dropped your list, so it was easy to work out what you needed," Rogers said.

"And what you wanted, even though you'd rubbed `em off the list," Barnes added.

"We've gotta have a long talk with your boss," Stark said, and he kissed Skye on the cheek. When she turned her head, he got her again on the lips. "Then maybe we can have a long talk with you. Or something." He eyed her up and down, and Mack drew himself up, feeling protective.

"You're gonna treat these girls with respect," he said. Yeah, Stark had his money, Barnes had a metal arm, and Rogers was a freaking super soldier, but no one was gonna hurt anyone on Mack's team.

Stark looked him over. "You're taller than Cap. Hell, I think you're taller than Thor. Don't worry… what was it, Mack?" He nodded shortly. "Nothing but honourable intentions with Skye. And Captain Boy Scout will be the soul of integrity as well."

"I'm sure not gonna jump straight into bonding when you don't know anything about me," Skye said. "The guy I shot today? My dad? He's insane. And my mom passed some kind of super powers down to me which he wants to help me with, but I'm not letting him anywhere near me. Plus, Ward's my creepy stalker of an ex-almost-boyfriend."

"He's gone into custody, along with the other people you were avoiding yesterday," Rogers said, pulling Simmons into his arms. She let him, but then she did have a thing for buff men.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"I think Coulson will want to get talking with you over and done with as soon as possible," Skye said. "As long as he's done denting the desk with his head."

Alas, poor desk. I knew it, Horatio.

…Or something. It's getting late, and author needs to proofread.

Bucky/Skye/Tony requested by kogouma. Somewhere along the way stuff happened, and the chapter became longer, and there was fighting and food delivery and furniture abuse… Yeah. I don't know what went on there.

Please review!