Harry was one of only a few Gryffindors remaining at the school for Christmas. Hermione's parents had written, inviting him to come to their home for the Holiday, but Harry had stoutly refused. Christmas was a time for family, and he wouldn't intrude, even if they'd written him themselves. Aside from that, he didn't have the time to go carousing in the Muggle World. Achesan had given him a complicated research assignment, and he felt himself wavering on the edge of discovering exactly the information he needed. A couple of weeks spent alone in the Restricted Section, without worrying about his other homework or setting time aside for his friends, sounded like it was exactly the answer he'd been looking for.

Thus, Harry was on the front steps seeing his best friend and boyfriend off to the carriages. He'd given Hermione a hug, declining again when she insisted Dumbledore would make an exception if he changed his mind. Ginny had hugged him as well, waxing poetic about him forcing her to spend the Holiday with her ass of a brother all on her own. Neville was the last for him to hug, and he pressed the other boy back when he tried to give him a slovenly mouth-on-mouth kiss.

"Nev, I told you, I don't like kissing in front of people," Harry growled.

"But, I'm not going to see you for two whole weeks, Harry. It's just a 'goodbye' kiss."

Harry pressed his boyfriend back again as the larger boy tried again to kiss him. "I said 'no', Neville. If you'd wanted a 'goodbye' kiss, you should have thought of that before we left the dorm." He glanced at the lines of hooked-up Thestrals as the front pair began to move. "The carriages are leaving. You should go."

Neville frowned, puffing out his lower lip in a pout, but Harry remained steadfast with a hand on his chest. Finally, the other Gryffindor gave up and raced to catch the same carriage Hermione and the others had laid claim to. As soon as the carriage began to pull out, Neville waving out the window like a lovesick schoolgirl, Harry turned and went back inside. He had an appointment in the Restricted Section.

-Break-

Christmas was past and the New Year approached on the backs of snow-laden clouds that blocked out the sun almost entirely. Despite the guilt that still stabbed at him every once in a while, Harry still maintained the grasp of his and Severus' hands. In a moment of surprising whimsy, Severus had begun each morning of the holiday by offering Harry hot cocoa in place of their usual coffee. Harry had yet to discern whether or not his Slytherin companion was also indulging in the chocolatey treat.

"Are you still having nightmares?" Severus asked suddenly.

"Every night," Harry answered without hesitation. They'd long since moved past the point where he would lie about such a paltry thing.

"About me?"

This did give Harry pause. He didn't have to think about it, he knew that chapter of his nightmares had come to a close, but couldn't think when he might have mentioned them to the Potions Master.

"You told me about them over the summer. Before…" Severus trailed off.

Ah, yes, before. Before their companionship had gotten complicated, before Severus had decided one day to come back for him rather than leave him behind. Before. It seemed like such a simple concept. Harry shook his head.

"No. I stopped having them…after."

Thin lips twitched in a smirk over Harry playing with his words.

"Do you know what caused them? Why, after all this time, you would have bad dreams about my death?"

"Yes and no," Harry answered carefully. "On the surface, I have an inkling of what caused them. But, as to the reason behind the dreams, I couldn't tell you."

Severus hummed thoughtfully. "If I may…I have some experience with bad dreams."

"I'm sure you do," Harry agreed sympathetically. "And I'm not about to say 'no' to some kind of an explanation."

"Tell me about the dreams, what you can remember," Severus commanded.

Harry didn't have to think very hard to draw the dreams to the fore of his mind. They still haunted him, branded forever on his psyche, if only because they were unusual, and the question of them had yet gone unanswered. He cleared his throat.

"Well, the setting differed from dream to dream, but the content was basically the same. I'd be following you, or at least, the man I thought was you. Eventually, I'd lose sight of you, and when I caught up it was to find you dead, either at the hands of Voldemort or his Death Eaters. If I tried to reach out to you, you'd vanish before I ever reached you and I'd be swallowed up by the dark. In the dreams, I never saw your face, it was always hidden from me, and if I got close enough to make you turn or lift your head, you'd disappear. It was like…I knew it was you, lying there dead, but I had to prove it to myself and couldn't," Harry explained.

Severus was silent for a moment as they walked, their clasped hands swinging lightly between them.

"Perhaps it was a latent feeling of loss?" The Potions Master suggested. "I know from watching you that you took every attack by the Dark Lord personally. My role as a spy placed me at great risk, and though we were at odds, it would be understandable if you'd feared for my safety. You may not have ever realized you held this fear until you saw me away from the school, living a normal life. The act of chasing me, but never seeing my face, might have been a part of that subconscious fear. You felt helpless, knowing you couldn't stop it if something did happen to me, and your inability to verify that it was me in your dreams might have been an expression of the fear that, had something happened to me during the course of my work as a spy, you would never have known."

"That actually makes a lot of sense," Harry said, considerately. "But it doesn't explain why I was having the dreams in the first place. I only dreamt of you when I involuntarily lost sight of you at the park. Although…I guess that also fits with the subconscious fear. When I purposefully walked away, it was because I'd reassured myself that you were indeed there. But, maybe it wasn't just a reassurance that it was you, maybe what I was really looking for was reassurance that you were alive and well. If you left me behind or disappeared, I couldn't tell myself that everything would be all right until tomorrow."

Severus gave a stiff nod. "Dreaming can be hard to interpret, but that explanation is remarkably similar to what I might have offered. Dreams are an inexact science."

Harry shuddered as he was reminded of the violent scenes he'd witnessed through Voldemort's eyes. "Not all dreams," He muttered. He didn't miss it when black eyes looked over at him sympathetically.

"I apologize for mentioning it."

"No," Harry said, shrugging. "It's all right. You can't help what I saw any more than anyone else can. And…it's over now."

They were silent for a long time. Harry couldn't help thinking about his time spent in Voldemort's head. It was still horrible to think of; still felt like a black mark on his soul. These were the nightmares that invaded his sleep every night, of every death he'd witnessed. Sometimes he would even dream that it was his friends he was watching die, instead of strangers he'd never met. When Severus spoke again, Harry had to strain his ears to catch it.

"What was it like?"

The Gryffindor sighed, frowning. "It's like seeing someone being murdered on a street corner, but you're unable to do anything to stop it. You try to run to their aid, but your shoes are stuck tight. You try to cry for help, but your mouth is sown shut..."Harry muttered. "And the worst of it is, the man doing the killing is the devil, and it's your job to stop him. Millions of people are counting on you to stop the Morning Star himself, even though you're just a kid with a rusty pocket knife and he's got a gun trained on the people closest to you."

Harry was surprised when he was pulled to a stop. The hand in his slithered loose of his grasp and cupped his cheek for a moment. Neither of them spoke, and then the hand left his skin to wrap around his middle and draw him into an unexpected hug. The Gryffindor stiffened for a moment before relaxing into the embrace and laying his head on a slim shoulder, his own arm slipping under the Potions Master's thick winter cloak in return. He did not feel guilt this time, because it was such a simple action of compassion. Severus still said nothing, but Harry still found it to be a more profound moment than any of his friends' commiserating apologies combined. They pulled apart together, their hands sliding into one another as if they belonged nowhere else, and resumed their walk.

After a moment, Severus spoke again. "I didn't realize you were religiously affiliated."

Harry actually felt himself chuckle. "I'm not really. My relatives…after a few years with them, you start looking for something to explain away the darkness in people's hearts. Religion gave me those answers, but not much else."

Severus grunted without comment and they finished their walk in companionable silence.