CHAPTER 46

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WHO IS LEE MCAVOY?

Katherine found Amanda still crying in her room on the TARDIS later that night and silently hugged her without speaking. She wanted her to know that she was there for her.

"Mum, I want to be me again. Do you think that Donna or Martha know someone who can fix me? Couldn't Rose fix me? Why won't someone help me? I don't want to be an adult. I want to be a kid. I want to be a kid!" Amanda screamed in pain.

"I'm so sorry. I'll find some way to help you, alright?" Katherine said in a soothing voice.

"Please, Mum. Please!" Amanda begged her.

"I will help you. I promise," Katherine said.

Donna stepped away from the doorway and silently resolved that she was going to help her too. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but now she was glad that she had. She couldn't stand for Amanda to be so upset. This was all her fault anyway. She should have been watching out for Amanda better. Therefore, she had to be the one to fix this.

Donna ran to the phone in her TARDIS and immediately called Rose. She was sure that Rose could fix the whole thing right away.

Rose was silent for a moment before she said, "Donna, I can't fix this for you. It was supposed to happen. It's a fixed event in time. I'm sorry. I would like to help her but I can't."

"I can't believe you! Once you would have been the first one to want to help, and now you're too high minded to get involved. All of that power's gone to your head, hasn't it? You think that you've above the rest of us now, don't you?" Donna shouted at her as she flew into a rage.

"Donna, what happened wasn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself," Rose said as she correctly guessed exactly what Donna was really angry about.

Donna began to break down and started crying as she said, "I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't mean any of that."

"It's okay. I know you didn't," Rose said in a gentle voice.

"Are you sure that you can't help her?" Donna asked.

Rose was silent for a moment as if coming to a decision about something and then she said, "Donna, this is a fixed point in time because it leads you to make a decision that changes your life forever. That's all I can say. I can't change things or I'll be mucking about with your entire future. You have to do this on your own. I'm so sorry."

"I understand. By the way, you couldn't tell me what decision that I'm supposed to make, could you?" Donna asked.

"No, I'm afraid not. Sorry," Rose said.

"I didn't think so, but I thought I'd try. It doesn't hurt to ask, does it?" Donna asked.

"No, it doesn't. Don't worry, Donna. It's going to be alright. In the end, it'll be alright. I can't tell you how or why but it will be," Rose said.

"Does it hurt?" Donna asked.

"What?" Rose asked in confusion.

"Knowing all of our futures and not being able to do anything about them half of the time. That would drive me insane. It would cause me a lot of pain. I guess it's a stupid question, but I have to ask. Does it hurt?" Donna asked.

"More than you can possibly imagine sometimes," Rose admitted in a sad voice.

"I'm sorry for yelling," Donna said again.

"It's okay. You'll do the right thing, Donna. Don't worry about it," Rose said before hanging up.

"I just wish I knew what that was," Donna said to herself.

Then a sudden thought struck her. The Library! The Library had a book on every topic so what if she could find a way to help Amanda there? Surely that was it. She would find an answer in the library.

She ran to the console as she said, "Come on, CAL. Give me an answer."

As she put in the coordinates to the Library, she crossed her fingers. As soon as the TARDIS arrived, she set up a link to CAL where she could talk to her over the monitor. She wasn't about to go outside with the Vashta Narada still roaming around out there. She had enough nightmares about the last time she went out there.

CAL, the downloaded consciousness of the little girl who was once known as Charlotte Abigail Lux, appeared on the monitor with a warm smile on her face as she said, "Hello, Donna. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing just fine but a friend of mine isn't. She needs some help," Donna started as she went on to explain Amanda's situation to her.

"I have an idea that might cure her, but it also might kill her," CAL said.

"I think I'll just forget about that one then," Donna said.

"No! What is it? Tell me," Amanda said as she suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Apparently, she was being an eavesdropper today too.

"Amanda, none of us want to lose you over a few years. You're still the same person, sweetie," Donna said.

"That's the problem, Donna. I am the same on the inside. Can you imagine being an eleven year old in the body of an eighteen year old? It's horrible. I'm going to have people assuming that I'm an adult now, and I'm still just a kid. I'm not ready for it. I want to be normal again. I'd rather take a chance at dying than to live like this," Amanda said distraught.

"Stop it! I don't want to lose you," Katherine said as she came up behind her.

"I'm sorry, Mum. I just want to be me again," Amanda said as she began crying once more.

"The method that I'm talking about is the Sacred Flame on the planet Karn. If you stand inside of it, it starts to absorb your life force in order to create more of the Elixir of Life that can give people an extended lifespan and helps Time Lords with difficult regenerations. It will make someone younger the longer that they stand inside of it. If they stand in it too long though, it will kill them," CAL explained.

"Yes, I know about that. It's also guarded by the Sisterhood of Karn who also use the Elixir on themselves. The Doctor helped them once when a renegade Time Lord named Morbius was there bothering them not to mention keeping the Sacred Flame from getting clogged up forever. I wonder if they would help us if I bring up that little fact," Donna mused.

"Didn't you hear what she said? If she stands in it too long, it'll kill her," Katherine said.

"I want to take that chance," Amanda said.

"No! I forbid it!" Katherine shouted.

"I'm doing it," Amanda said firmly.

"I'm your mother and I say no," Katherine said just as firmly.

"I'm an adult now so I don't have to listen to you anymore. I can do what I want to," Amanda said.

"No, you can't," Katherine said as she grabbed her in an unbreakable steel grip. She started to carry her back to her room against her will as she actually lifted her over her shoulder with her superhuman strength.

"No! Mum, please," Amanda begged her.

"I won't let you die," Katherine as her voice cracked with emotion.

As Katherine carried Amanda out of the room, CAL said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any trouble. It's the only sure method of making her younger that I know of."

"It's okay. You were just trying to help. I guess I'll go now. Maybe I can find an answer somewhere else," Donna said.

"Wait. I almost forgot. Donna, I have a message that was left in my memory banks years ago just in case you ever came back here," CAL said.

"What? Who from?" Donna asked in surprise.

"It's from Lee McAvoy. He wants you to know that he's been looking for you. He doesn't say where to find him though. Sorry," CAL said.

"What? Are you kidding around with me, Charlotte? This isn't funny!" Donna said in an angry voice.

"What? No. It's a real message that was left for you," CAL said in a confused, hurt voice.

"He's real?" Donna asked in shock.

"Of course he's real. He was just as real as you are. He became saved in my library too," CAL said.

"I asked about him afterwards, and I was told that there was no one by that name that had been saved. I thought that you created him for me like you did the kids. Wait a minute! Were the children real too?" Donna asked.

"No. The kids were fakes. Sorry. They are still saved in my hard drive though. I didn't have the heart to destroy them. They're being taken care of by River Song's friends who were killed by the Vashta Narada. It helps give them something to do for eternity," CAL said.

"Are they happy?" Donna asked.

"They were never real in the first place, Donna. They're just programs," CAL said.

"No offense but so are you," Donna said.

"Yes, but I was a real person once. They never were," CAL said.

"I just want to know. Are they okay?" Donna asked.

"Yeah, they're fine. They're as happy as they can be. You could always come inside to visit if you want, but I'm not sure about how you'd get back out again so I wouldn't recommend it," CAL said.

"I'll pass I think. As long as they're okay, that's all that matters. I can't believe it. Lee was real. Isn't there anything else that you can tell me about him?" Donna asked.

"Lee wasn't his real name which was why you couldn't find him by that name. It was an assumed name that he was going by. Much like the Doctor once went by the name John Smith and in exactly the same circumstances," CAL said.

"What? Do you mean what I think you mean? Was he a Time Lord who had been put under the Chameleon Arch?" Donna said in disbelief.

"Yes. He didn't even know it himself at the time. I could read it in his mind though. Even his hidden memories were made available to me while he was inside of my Library," CAL said.

"Why didn't you tell the Doctor about this?" Donna asked.

"He never asked me, and it never came up. I'm sorry. I had other things to deal with at the time, Donna. Like getting used to the idea of being a computer program instead of being alive," CAL said.

"Sorry. I guess that would be more important to you at the time. I'm sorry, Charlotte. I'm just really upset today. My friend's life was ruined because of me," Donna said.

"No, it wasn't," CAL said with certainty.

"How do you know? You weren't even there," Donna said.

"I know you, Donna, because I had your mind inside of my Library. That means that I know everything about you. I know not only everything that you know but also all of your thoughts, wishes, dreams, and deepest secrets. I probably know you better then you know yourself so you can trust me when I tell you this. I know that you would never allow anyone to get hurt if you could possibly do anything about it. Whatever happened had to be beyond your control to prevent so it wasn't your fault," CAL said.

"Thanks, Charlotte," Donna said with a brief smile.

"I wish that I could help you find him. All I know is that he came back here, and he still hadn't opened his watch yet. He was still human, and he was trying to see if you had ever returned. That's all that I know about him besides his Time Lord name although it's not his secret one. That one was unknown even to me. The name that I do know would be a familiar one to the Doctor though. He grew up with him after all," CAL said.

"Who is he? Tell me," Donna said.

"Drax," CAL said.

"Drax? I remember Drax from the Doctor's memories. Do you mean that my perfect man, the nervous quiet one with the stutter, was talks a mile a minute never, ever shuts up Drax? Are you sure about that?" Donna asked in disbelief.

"Well, the Chameleon Arch was supposed to change a Time Lord's personality when they wanted it to in order to hide them better. Would you ever think that he was Drax?" CAL asked.

"No way. I still don't think he is," Donna said.

"Well then, mission accomplished," CAL said with a grin.

Donna laughed as she said, "You know you've changed, Charlotte. You act nothing like a little girl anymore. You act more like an adult now."

"I'm several hundred years old, Donna, and I have all of the knowledge of my Library at my command. That's bound to expand your mind some. That's why I was trying to help your friend, Donna. I know what it's like to be a little girl one minute and then an adult the next and how that can affect someone," CAL said.

"I'm sorry. Are you alright now?" Donna asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. You go help Amanda and find that man of yours. He's obviously still crazy about you. He told me that he had been searching everywhere for you," CAL said.

"Thanks, Charlotte. I'll do that. I'll come back and visit you again sometime soon. I don't want you to feel all lonely," Donna said.

"I'm fine, Donna. You need to worry about yourself not me. Go on," CAL said.

As Donna said good bye and dematerialized her TARDIS, CAL appeared on a face node and said, "She's gone now. You can come out."

As Rose came out of the shadows and the Vashta Narada ran back into them in fear in order to get away from her, she said, "Thanks, Charlotte."

"I thought that you weren't supposed to interfere and that it was a fixed point in time. So why are you using me to tell Amanda how to save herself? You said that it was in trying to help Amanda that Donna is going to find Lee McAvoy. How is she going to do that if you're telling her what she needs to know now?" CAL asked.

"You don't understand, Charlotte. In the timeline the way that it is now, Amanda isn't returned to normal for a very long time. She eventually accepts her new life but at a horrible cost. She slowly loses her kind, loving nature and becomes bitter and cold. By the time that Donna finds the way to reverse her condition, Amanda's personality has already changed forever. I won't allow that. Not if I can help it. As for Donna finding Lee, you've already done what you were supposed to do. She'll find him now thanks to what you told her just like she was supposed to. I haven't changed the fixed point at all. I'm just changing a horrible fate for Amanda," Rose said.

"It still sounds like you're bending if not outright breaking the Laws of Time to me from what I understand of them," CAL said.

"The Doctor's practically been doing it his whole life, CAL. It's kind of a family tradition," Rose said with a grin.

"Why didn't you just tell her what she needed to know yourself though?" CAL asked.

"Because then Donna wouldn't have had any reason to visit you, Charlotte. She had to visit you in order to maintain the timeline and find out about Lee being real. Do you get it now?" Rose said.

"I guess so. You could have just told her about Lee yourself though. It just seems like slavish devotion to the Web of Time when you could just do things an easier way," CAL said.

"Believe me, Charlotte. If it isn't done just right, time can become seriously unraveled very quickly. There was another reason why she was supposed to come and see you, Charlotte, besides finding out about Lee," Rose said.

"Really? What was the other reason?" Charlotte asked.

"She was supposed to develop a friendship with you. Now she's on the way to doing that. You see? It's not all as easy as it looks," Rose said.

"I always learn so much from you, Rose. Will you come and see me again?" Charlotte asked.

"Of course I will. I've been coming on a regular basis ever since Kovarian shut you down, haven't I?" Rose asked.

"Yes and I thank you for doing that. I'll be glad to have Donna as a friend, but I'm also glad to have you as one. Thank you," CAL said.

"Don't mention it. I'll see you around, Charlotte," Rose said as she disappeared in a burst of golden energy.

Only then did the Vashta Narada dare to leave the shadows.

As Donna traveled through the Vortex, she started to broadcast on all frequencies known to the Time Lords as she said, "This is Donna Noble. I'm looking for Lee McAvoy or whatever he's flipping calling himself these days. Stutter Man, meet me back on Gallifrey in front of the House of Lungbarrow in an hour. I'm sending you the exact coordinates."

As Donna landed at her pre-arranged meeting spot, she began to pace outside the TARDIS in nervous anticipation. What if he didn't show? What if he had given up searching for her? What if he had died?

Suddenly a small spaceship landed, and Lee came running out of it. A wide grin came over Donna's face as she raced towards him, and the two of them embraced.

"I'm so sorry. I thought that you weren't real. They told me that no one with your name was in the Library," Donna explained.

"I – I – I was using my real name. I don't understand. It d-d-doesn't matter though. Not as long as I finally found you," Lee said as he held her with tears of joy pouring down his face.

"I'm so happy to have found you again too. It's almost like a dream. I can't believe it," Donna said happily.

"M-m-me neither. I'm just glad that y-y-you're here. C-c-can I?" Lee asked in a cautious voice as he moved to kiss Donna.

Donna nodded with a warm smile as she said, "Well, we were married. Sort of."

Then the two of them shared a tender kiss. What should have been a moment of joy though was marred by a sudden realization that Donna had as she kissed him.

Donna realized that he still hadn't opened the watch yet. He was still human. She wondered if he would still feel the same way toward her if he opened it. He had a right to know the truth though, didn't he?

Even as Donna debated on whether to tell Lee the truth or not, Amanda was sitting silently on her bed. Katherine was beginning to worry about her when suddenly Amanda seemed to become her normal self again.

She walked up to her mother and hugged her tightly as she said, "I'm sorry, Mum. I've been acting so childish. I've just got to accept this and move on. That's all."

"I'm glad that you feel that way. I thought that something was wrong with you. It seemed like you had lost all hope and that it was eating you up inside," Katherine said.

"I'm okay, Mum. Don't worry," Amanda said with a warm smile on her face.

There was a reason for the smile. CAL's story about Karn had renewed the hope that had all but faded already. She now had a plan, and she had just now decided to go for it despite her mother's wishes. She was going to go to Karn whether Donna and Katherine wanted her to or not, and she already had someone in mind that she was sure that she could talk into helping her get there.

After all, she was one of the few people who could say that she was close friends with both this person's younger and older selves at the same time: Dorothy.

Next: Donna gets the full story of Lee McAvoy's travels to find her as she debates on whether to tell him the truth about himself or not. Also Amanda attempts to get Dorothy to take her to Karn. Even if she's successful though, will the Sisterhood of Karn let her get anywhere near their Sacred Flame?