Shigure was hanging out with Ayanami at Yokosuka's swimming pools on the 22nd of May, watching the senior heavy cruisers, carriers and battleships teach the light cruisers and destroyers about swimming as part of the land assault training session's 'curriculum', where ship girls were expected to know how to swim since their boat slippers wouldn't be readily available on land, and they sometimes had to cross bodies of water without them.
Shooting human firearms was exactly as strange, yet exhilarating as she expected after reading up on the intricate motions of reloading and firing different kinds of firearms, and she expected that she wasn't going to be using assault rifles, machine guns and bazookas anytime soon, since they weren't designed with children in mind.
Sure enough, she was mostly subjected to pistol and sub-machine gun training, both of which were small enough to allow them to use despite their undeveloped body build holding them back, and they were taught how to pull the trigger of a firearm without jerking it back so that the small motion wouldn't throw off their aim, along with learning the inner workings of a grenade.
Something to note was that a grenade pin could be put back in place so long as the lever wasn't released, after which they had to 'cook' it for a while before throwing it, because while its delay allowed them some time to throw the grenade, this potentially allowed anyone on the receiving end enough time to throw the grenade back at them with milliseconds to spare, potentially screwing themselves over.
Knowledge of building tents, using utility knives, basic first aid, survival knowledge, knot-tying, land-based strategies and even basic cooking skills were also shared with them mentally before they got several chances to practice these skills in real time, and their enhanced learning capabilities came in clutch to help them have these skills down pat in a few tries, and their powerful memories meant that they were able to retain these skills for Apocalypse.
They were now finished with physical conditioning lessons via swimming, now spectating Maya having a friendly duel with Saratoga as the Kai Ni heavy cruiser evaded, mocking both the Lexington-Class carrier and her Fairy pilots in a lighthearted manner as they surfed on the pool-water with their riggings on, and both sides were using training ammunition and payloads.
"You ain't gonna touch Maya-sama with your bombers again, Sara-chan, especially since I'm back at full-health!
Du, dududu, can't touch this!"
She taunted Saratoga's swerving bomber planes as she deftly sidestepped with surprising agility for a muscle-head as well-built as her, all while everyone spectated the fight from adjacent pools or from the sidelines as the two ship girls, clad in their swimsuits, swerved and strafed and caused very interesting motions which shifted their barely-covered, sizable bosoms about.
Right now, Shigure she was speaking to Ayanami about a new development she saw amongst Yuudachi, Shimakaze and Hatsushimo and whether she should be concerned, all while the two of them wore navy-blue school swimsuits with their Kanji names 時雨 and 綾波 for Shigure and Ayanami imprinted on their respective swimsuits, sitting at the wall of the pool area.
"Yuudachi has been hanging out more often with Shimakaze and Hatsushimo nowadays and has been calling them her sisters, so I'm wondering what to make of that."
Ayanami, being a bit more experienced with sisterhood by being the name ship of her class, held up a hand in order to coyly cover her giggling mouth as she answered knowingly.
"This seems like a case of your sister finding new best friends in others, not unlike that anime that was made about us for P.R. promotion purposes, where it's with Mutsuki and Fubuki-san.
I saw that Yuudachi was indeed hanging out with Shimakaze and Hatsushimo-san, but how is that different from you hanging out with Shiranui-san?
In fact, I heard the 'sister' word being thrown around when I passed by their table, perhaps because they've made a pact with each other to be sworn sisters despite being from different classes, perhaps because they're in the 1st Fast Response Fleet.
After all, they're in the same fleet and will have each other's backs on the battlefield, so I suppose there is a point to them doing this; to reaffirm their bonds for each other not just as the destroyers of the 2nd Fleet, but as destroyers who hail from different destroyer classes but stand together in times of crises, and this kind of loyalty transcends ship class."
Nodding in response to that answer, Shigure's concerns were mostly assuaged since she knew that her very own sister Yuudachi, who was like a faithful hound, would be there for Shimakaze no matter what, and Hatsushimo's latent potential meant that her scantily-clad friend would be in good company, asking the destroyer before her.
"Well, would that mean that we're also sisters in a sense, since we're in the same fleet?"
Ayanami, sitting down and hugging her legs as she watched Maya's impressive array of Anti-Air turrets firing practice rounds at the American fighter planes above her, and she answered Shigure after some thought.
"Well, it is possible for us to become sworn sisters, but there's no need to rush this.
They've been sailing with each other for a while and have a rapport with each other, while we've only sailed in a total of three sorties.
I think that we could stand to know each other better through sorties and conversations, such as right now."
She accepted Ayanami's explanation, looking around at the crowd of ship girls who were dressed in their swimwear as per the Admiral's orders, and this revealed the scars of several seniors who had fought in battles long past, sustaining infected injuries while at sea and received delayed medical attention, hence the imperfect healing.
The destroyers were all dressed in the usual navy-blue school swimsuits, all while the other ship classes were dressed in two-piece swimsuits, the Admiral fitting snugly into an exercise bikini while she was surrounded by all her girlfriends, which included Nagato, Musashi, Yamato, Takao, Atago, Myoukou, Kongou, Ashigara and Hiryuu, all of whom were wearing fashionable bikinis which revealed a fair bit of skin while Admiral Mako fawned over her well-endowed girlfriends, being lovingly surrounded by them.
The (light) carriers were hanging out in their respective fleets, showing off their bosoms which were tucked away within their uniforms with the exception of Zuikaku, Ryuujou and Zuiho, and if she craned her neck, she could see Aoba hanging out with Kinugasa in a secluded area of the naval base while wearing their bikinis, spotting the sunbeams reflected off the surface of Aoba's copper helmet.
However, she couldn't see Tenryuu and Tatsuta attending this training session, which likely meant that they were either still participating in Project Psyche, or they were dead and everyone didn't want to adversely affect their morale by notifying them while the Battle of Sagami-nada Sea was so close.
Shigure looked back, rephrasing her words such that she could talk about Tenryuu and Tatsuta's fate without talking about Project Psyche, using Tatsuta's lie about getting a Kai Ni remodel.
"Well, there's something else on my mind.
I was afraid of what happened to Tenryuu and Tatsuta, after they went to help the human and Fairy engineers research into Tenryuu-Class Kai Ni remodels.
They aren't here right now, and I'm worried that something bad may have happened to them, since they told me that it wasn't risk-free and they may die.
And since they aren't here…"
Ayanami shushed her, looking extremely understanding of her plight as her expression dimmed and she seemed to share her concerns, but stated calmly.
"Shigure.
I share your concerns regarding Tenryuu and Tatsuta-san's well-being, but sadly, I am also in the dark and have nothing to add to this topic other than we ask Admiral Mako about their current condition after this training session.
Shall we perhaps talk about something else which I'm more knowledgeable about to take our mind off things?"
Nodding morosely, she turned to look at the 8th Fleet, who looked like a group of delinquents who hung around near a secluded corner and made it clear from their postures that they didn't want any company, with Bismarck being the exception as she spoke to Hiei, the former filling her red-black side-tie bikini nicely while Hiei still had a ways to go with her white-red bikini.
But what caught Shigure's attention were Bismarck and Akitsu Maru's conspicuous black tattoos on their backs, intricately imprinted onto their backs in an arcane yet ominous pattern, and the reason she was able to see this back tattoo on the German battleship's back was because she had tied her long, blonde hair into a tight bun not unlike Myoukou's hair bun in order not to entangle it when she hit the pool.
Unryuu's bikini was white and had a cloud motif, and while Akitsu Maru wore an entirely black bikini, Hayasui's swimsuit was more a striped tank top and underwear which revealed her midriff, and Akashi's was a simple red.
Kiso was wearing a green bikini, and every single member of the 8th Fleet spotted scars which marred their skin, denoting past battles which left permanent injuries on their bodies, something which a lot of the seniors shared.
But something which disturbed her greatly was the dozen of crisscross scars on Akitsu Maru, Bismarck and Akashi's forearms, all easily covered up by either the long sleeves or shoulder gloves of their usual uniforms, but casually shown in all their 'glory' in their swimsuits, insinuating a past of cutting oneself.
One of the two markings which stood out on Akashi's thoroughly scarred body was the C-section scar near where her womb was, and while the scar had faded with time like everything else, they didn't seem as if they were going to completely disappear anytime soon, since the arc of the C-section still contrasted against the supposedly flawless skin of the ship girl.
The second was the black '047' branded onto the side of her upper left arm, which perplexed the curious Shigure who also wanted to help her medic friend as much as Akashi wanted to help her resolve her traumatic past.
She wanted to walk over and ask them about with their scars and tattoos, but since Hatsuzuki was with her sisters instead of being with the 8th Fleet and had Bismarck take her place, she was unsure of how to ask about something as sensitive as one's scars and tattoos.
Turning to Ayanami, she asked while nodding in the direction of the 8th Fleet,
"What's the deal with the 8th Fleet and their scars and tattoos?
I can't help but notice and think about them."
Ayanami nodded sympathetically as she answered, being a bit more knowledgeable about the pasts of the ship girls since she was older than Shigure.
"Oh, well…
Akitsu Maru and Bismarck-san's back tattoos stems from the guilt over the various deaths in their pasts, both distant and recent, and they got their tattoos as penance of sorts.
Kiso-san's wounds are more straightforward, she possesses scars much like a lot of the seniors because she was one of the earliest ship girls who were crafted in this base along with Inazuma, who was Admiral Mako's starter ship; that's why Inuzuma-san's particularly dear to Admiral Mako and is more wise than she lets on, for Ikazuchi and Akatsuki's sake.
No one knows what's up with Akashi-san's C-section scar, but everyone agrees it surely predates our base's inception, and her past job was at the ship girl's institute of mental health as an orderly or nurse, which the '047' denotes; being the 047th medic ship to be sent to work there."
Shigure nodded sadly at how the 8th Fleet had a long and turbulent history, and because of that, their supposedly flawless skin was ruined by reminders of their past, either involuntary or deliberate on their part, looking away abashedly after observing and displaying so much interest in these markings when they had horrid backstories behind them.
The last question which she asked her destroyer teammate was how these scars remained even though they had the docks to heal them back to prime-perfect condition.
And the answer to that was rather informative.
"The scars are results of injuries in battle which make up prolonged naval campaigns in the past, where their deep-running, infected injuries inflicted in the middle of nowhere receive delayed medical attention, resulting in the scars remaining, although the shallow scars fade with repeated docking.
The tattoos are there because the Fairies run a paid service in their off-hours to tattoo the skin of ship girls, and although it's somewhat expensive because they craft and maintain custom equipment outside of work hours and with the base's materials, we do earn paychecks and can save up for one.
We don't age and that negates the problem of tattoos deforming with age, and the Fairies use advanced technology which fixes several problems, some of which are tattoos fading with time and prevents the docks from erasing them, unless the tattooed skin or limb was seared off or dismembered respectively."
Furrowing her eyebrow, she addressed the scars on their arms which was inflicted on themselves, by themselves.
"And as to the scars on their wrists and forearms…
They're the result of self-mutilation and neglect of the resulting injuries by allowing their bodies to heal up by themselves, before hurting themselves again to the point where their bodies give up on healing the skin on those body parts, unless amputated.
And while amputating the limb in question often removes the cutting scars, they're too skilled for that, and while their uniforms cover them up, in times like these, they're on show for everyone to see, and it's one reason why not a lot of people talk to them."
But Ayanami's look turned into one of warmth as she turned to Shigure, asking about the burn injury which the Shiratsuyu-Class destroyer sustained during the sortie to Aogashima Island.
"Speaking of injuries…
How's the back?
I couldn't visit you in hospital, a thousand apologies for that."
Shigure shook her head, accepting Ayanami's apology as she spoke about her injury, which was nothing more than a slight sting now when water hit the affected area of skin, which discouraged her from taking a dip outside of her mandated swimming laps.
"No, it's alright.
Your life doesn't revolve around me, so I can understand if you can't find the time to visit me, but I know that you wanted to, and that's what matters.
Besides, my injury has been healed, it's now the equivalent of a light sunburn and it's why I don't want to swim anymore than I have to, because it stings a little when water touches it."
Ayanami nodded sadly, feeling rather down as Shigure looked at Ayanami while her teammate spoke to her from the heart about this sinking feeling she had.
"You know, Shigure-san.
I have a bad feeling about what's to come next, and several of the seniors whom I've talked to share this feeling of dread in the bottom of my gut.
And while I'm happy that you've recovered, I can't help but think that with Junyou's temporary blindness and Hiei's injuries, I can't help but feel that these debilitating injuries are only going to be an even more common occurrence from here on out.
I mean, the fact that the Battle of Sagami-nada Sea is occurring in a few days isn't helping our case, hmm?"
Shigure nodded, understanding that there was going to be a gathering tomorrow in order to determine the positions of all the ship girls who were participating, although everyone knew their limits and abilities well enough to know where they'll likely be.
Shigure listened to Ayanami as she saw that the Ayanami-Class destroyer was genuinely concerned about them and their immediate prospects of survival, and what was coming was about to inflict upon them a bad case of dead, which would run directly counter to her goals.
"There'll always be rumors floating about on the internet and amongst ship girls about phenomena and weird occurrences which would probably be linked back to the Abyssals.
But recently, with The Flying Dutchman, a previously dead ship girl recently being spotted sailing faster than any known ship girl or Abyssal in existence, and we're now participating in this land assault training session…
I can't help but feel that the lack of 5-Year Plans for this previous decade will come back to bite us in the ass, because we're simply that far behind the Abyssals in terms of progress, and that the Abyssals may be upping their game by moving onto land."
Shigure looked down, wishing she could at least try to assuage some of these concerns, but she knew that trouble was on the horizon in the form of Apocalypse, and she didn't want to falsely reassure her before shit hit the fan.
She instead chose to humor Ayanami and see where the train of thought led them, but she tried not to namedrop Apocalypse or say anything incriminating so that when things went to hell, suspicion wouldn't be shifted onto her.
"Well, I can't exactly argue with that.
True, evidence and lack of implementation of enemy plans points to a long-overdue tidal wave of trouble on the horizon, and I don't have anything to reassure you with save for the fact that even if they try, the Abyssals can't kill us all.
We can be revived, and I understand that Anti-Abyssal weapons, while technically being capable of killing Abyssals, do require a few bullets to kill a unit unless it's a point-blank shot, especially if they have their ship girl mode activated.
I saw that Akitsu Maru-san's shotgun could kill an Abyssal at close range, but I'm not exactly sure how other conventional weapons would fare against the Abyssals at a longer range, should they ever come onto land.
After all, cannons, bombers and torpedoes are what can readily kill ship girls and Abyssals alike, and while Anti-Abyssal firearms and weapons, while dangerous, aren't outright lethal outside of certain scenarios, yes?"
She could see that Ayanami was worried because although they had mankind's armies backing them up, they weren't exactly built for handling Anti-Abyssal firearms, speaking in a despondent manner.
"Well, that's the problem.
Anti-Abyssal firearms aren't so easy to craft, since we need to create gun parts which are stronger in order to resist the wear and tear which would normally result from a stronger gunpowder, which the Fairies concocted, detonating in a human firearm which isn't upgraded to withstand and contain the explosion within the chamber.
Sure, upgrading an existing firearm to 'Kai' is possible in order to recycle existing firearms to be able to handle an increased gunpowder charge, but while the increased weight gain and recoil is considerable for a human, we aren't affected by the difference because of our super strength."
Shigure understood where Ayanami was coming from, speaking up in order to carry on her teammate's train of thought.
"So humans aren't suited to handle Anti-Abyssal weapons for long, because superhuman strength is required to handle an Anti-Abyssal firearm's weight and recoil, right?"
Ayanami nodded, and Shigure did her best to think of how to counter that argument with how human warfare had come a long way since then, and firearms alone weren't mankind's only weapons.
"Well, it's not entirely hopeless, even if that's the case.
There are many ways a battles of attrition can be fought, utilizing mines and guerilla warfare to fight against the numerically superior Abyssals.
The Abyssals know that if they were to come onto land, we have the home field advantage, and as per the 36 Stratagems, Number 15 states that enemies who get separated from their source of strength, in this case the ocean, would be at a major environmental disadvantage."
Ayanami then retorted dryly,
"Well then, I suppose ten years should be enough for any army to minimize that disadvantage, hmm?
No one knows what they're up to at the bottom of the ocean, and as they say, quantity has a quality all on its own…"
Shigure sweat-dropped, but she saw that Ayanami was looking seriously depressed as she hugged her knees, and she sidled up to Ayanami as she looked down and slunk a comforting shoulder around her, reassuring her as best she could without giving herself away.
"Look…
I understand where you're coming from, and I understand that these ten years seem to build up to a crescendo which evidence seems to suggest might be unleashed sooner or later.
But you have to understand.
We don't go down easily, as evidenced in the last world war, and if it's a fight the Abyssals want to take to us, they'll find that our tenacity and ferocity are matched only by our elusiveness and ruthlessness on our own home turf.
I can't say for sure that they want to take things to the next level by attacking us on land, and perhaps even in the air, but I can only say that it's not out of the question.
So don't be sad; I'm here with you, and so's the 1st Fleet."
Ayanami looked at Shigure with surprise, but she settled into a small smile as she teased Shigure about the role reversal here when she intended to talk to Shigure in order to help her through her troubles.
"Well, I wanted to help you with your troubles by talking to you, but I suppose I also had some issues of my own to settle, hmm?
I'm not certain if I can be like this forthcoming about my troubles with my own class of sisters, because I prefer not to let them see me bleed.
I want to be a dependable older sister to them all, and I'm afraid it wouldn't bold well for my sisters if I were to show them that I'm insecure in some aspects, causing them to doubt my ability to lead."
Shigure, noting the quote from a James Bond film which she had seen on her off days, understood that Ayanami wanted to project an aura of strength in order to reassure her sisters with her firm leadership and apparent invulnerability, something which was recommended for a names hip to effectively lead her sisters.
But this worked both ways, in that going to them for personal advice when you've been hyping yourself up so much might diminish your reputation in the eyes of your sisters, and while it seemed rather petty of her to bottle up her feelings and problems like this, she just wanted to be a strong elder sister, and Shigure was simply lucky that she was in the same fleet and said the right things for Ayanami to open up to her, speaking.
"Well, Ayanami, do you think your sisters are that small-minded to doubt you just because you show a more human and flawed side to yourself?
Appearing physically unstoppable isn't the same as becoming something inhuman, something which I'm afraid Unryuu-san doesn't understand."
Ayanami nodded abashedly in acknowledgement of her words, suddenly appearing pretty sullen as she looked down as she spoke to Shigure in a confidential tone about a deep-seated fear of hers, and Shigure noted a change in the way Ayanami addressed her since she might now be a little more comfortable with addressing her solely by her name.
"You know, Shigure.
I sank really early back in the war, and I think that the most painful part about sinking so soon wasn't the pain, but the paranoia of not knowing what would become of your sisters.
When I came back and found out that I could research on the fates of my sisters, I pleaded on my knees for the Admiral to help me in this endeavor, since I hadn't figured out the inner workings of modern technology back then.
And it felt really bad during those years, because instead of feeling at peace like others likely did, I was always tormented by not knowing what became of my sisters until now."
Turning in order to look at Shigure, Ayanami seemed comfortable with opening up to a destroyer who was infamous for being the opposite of her, surviving in every confrontation until her luck ran out in the last year of the war.
"You know, I don't want to make this all about me, which is why I'd like to ask you something, Shigure.
How does it feel like, to survive for as long as you did?"
Shigure was interested in the question, not just because she now knew about Ayanami's way of thinking and how she felt while at the bottom of the ocean, but this was the first time where the Ayanami-Class destroyer asked her such a personal question.
She thought it appropriate for her to respond after she heard Ayanami speak about how she felt when she sank, something personal which most ship girls didn't share with others other than their teammates or their sisters, responding honestly.
"Well, it hurts, but not in the way that you think.
It feels… as if a chunk of your heart is ripped out every time you receive news that another sister has sunk, and although we don't have hearts when we're ships, it's the closest equivalent to how I felt back then, and I was actually rather happy to join others in death after living for so long.
And while I can't understand how you felt when you sank, I know that you suffered in your own way because the last thought that occupied your mind is how you'll never know the fates of your sisters, and that itself is a form of torture, really.
Perhaps that is why you might feel compelled to make yourself seem stronger in the eyes of your sisters, to reassure them with your continued presence in this world."
Ayanami smiled, and she took her turn to see things from Shigure's perspective, thinking about how she might not want this second life because of the exact opposite reason.
"Well, you're not wrong with your hypothesis.
I admit that I can't understand how you might feel about all this, because to you, it might feel as if we're all gathered here in order to be lost in war again, and I know that despite all our assurances, you might not believe us, because there really is no telling when we will sink.
And I'm afraid that our time spent together during the unknown countdown to our demise matters little to the day in which your fears are proven to be justified, and we do sink."
She could say nothing in response to that, instead choosing to compromise and agree with her to some extent as she answered.
"Well, I won't deny that.
Your possible future sinkings keep plaguing me, but I think that one thing Akashi's been trying to help me come to terms with is with accepting death, but not by trivializing everyone's lives and pushing them all away in order not to hurt myself.
And while I wish to say a few things about wanting to seem invulnerable to your sisters in order to lead them, I suppose there are certain things which can only be shared with friends.
Besides, if I keep obsessing over the date which you all will sink, I'll have wasted every single day which leads up to that fateful day, leaving no chance to spend any more time with you."
She could feel Ayanami's eyes on her as she spoke her next sentence, having read this quote and feeling inspired by it enough to dedicate memory space to remembering it for life.
"There's some dispute as to who said this first, but I don't think it matters as much as the message which it sends, and it roughly goes like this.
'They say you die twice.
The first is when you stop breathing, and the second is when somebody says your name for the last time.'
Sure, perhaps stopping everyone from sinking all the time like some superhero isn't possible, but I do want them to live on in my memory, so that their legacy and name will live on, and I think that has to count for something."
Remembering the Nishimura Fleet, she was saddened by how death was omnipresent in their lives, but it was par for the course in their line of work as ship girls, and remembering them was one way of honoring their memories and helping them live on in her mind.
But Ayanami, looking concerned about how Shigure was putting in so much effort to remember her late teammates despite them being linked to painful memories, looked her in the eyes as she tried to give an alternative opinion.
"But remember, Shigure.
I respect and even admire your dedication to keeping your past teammates alive in some sense by remembering them, but I'd like to suggest something which you might not agree with, only because I have your best interests in mind.
Should remembering them become painful, or if it wears down on your heart and psyche over time, I personally think that it's alright for you to let them go."
Shigure was rather shocked at the suggestion, but she held her tongue as she turned to look at Ayanami and heard her out before she said anything, knowing that the destroyer possessed no ill intent.
"Remember that holding onto the past risks chaining you to your memories, and while I said to 'let them go', I didn't mean to forget them entirely.
Being too attached to the past may blind you to the present, and while I can't understand what you've been through, I don't want you to feel as if it's mandatory of you to remember everyone's sinkings which may wear down your psyche.
And although I can't speak for everyone in your past, I personally think that they would want what's best for you.
If it hurts to remember them, I think they wouldn't mind being forgotten.
In another extreme case, I don't think that you should romanticize memories of anyone and indulge in them as a mental opioid whenever things become too grim in real life.
I don't want you to hurt yourself by forcing yourself to remember their last moments when it's clear that it takes a toll on you, but I also don't want you to escape from reality by indulging in your memories, and I'm sorry I stepped out of line by speaking my mind, but I…"
Shigure leaned in and hugged Ayanami tighter with her arm wrapped around Ayanami's shoulders, and the wordless gesture was all that was needed to assuage Ayanami's concerns as Shigure felt both the wet, cold fabric of the school uniform and the warm skin of her teammate pressing against her.
And it was at that moment when she saw Admiral Mako speak to Akashi in hushed tones, the two of them moving away from the crowd of ship girls who gave them a wide berth, since it was quite obvious that anytime they spoke together, they were talking about serious business.
Shigure's left eye twitched as she futilely tried to suppress her overwhelming curiosity and the intense desire to know what she would learn if she listened in on them.
What were they going to talk about?
What? What? What?
Hiei looked at Bismarck as she tried not to look at the tattoos which decorated the German's back, feeling curious as to how she got those tattoos, and with this swimming session, she plucked up the courage to ask Bismarck a personal question when the opportunity presented itself.
She'd heard people say that it was because of her bloody past and a massive tactical mistake on her part, in which the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami screwed them over and caused her German Admiral to let her go, allowing Admiral Mako to 'buy' Bismarck at a bargain due to her peculiarly unlucky nature to get others around her killed and sunk.
Upon hearing her request and listening to what she had heard from others, Bismarck nodded as she looked down and seemingly deflated, agreeing in German before speaking in Japanese.
{Yes.}
"Back when I was in Germany, I was unusually unlucky in that if I didn't get heavily injured all the time, I caused everyone around me to sink, two of which were Max and HMS Hood.
And you know the former as Z3.
The latter was especially tricky, because it temporarily riled up relations between the UK and Germany, especially because I apparently sank Hood in World War 2, and even though we got back together and became best friends, to have caused her death when she blocked dive bombers and torpedoes for me…"
Bismarck looked vulnerable and aged despite her youthful looks, lacking her peaked cap to shield her face as her bikini exposed more skin than her uniform did, and she slouched as her shoulders slumped at the thought of an honorable enemy-turned-best friend sink because of her, and Hiei's mood mirrored that of her conversational partner as Bismarck continued.
"And as to your question about my tattoos, it was because of what happened in the Indian Ocean back in 2004, when I led my fleet to their deaths in Sri Lanka and Aceh, all because I intended to push them out of the Bay of Bengal and into the Indian Ocean."
Hiei shuddered as she remembered the videos of how colossally tall the tidal waves were, her expression darkening as she leaned in to ask gravely yet politely and patiently, not wishing to aggravate or sadden the depressed battleship any more than she already was, apparently having recovered enough to reform her personality of being headstrong and proud on the exterior, yet Hiei could see that she was secretly still brittle and heavily scarred inside.
"What happened, Bismarck?
… Please."
Bismarck nodded while Hiei received a file on her HUD, opening it to find a map on which battles were recorded, this one dating back to December 2004, an entire month before the tsunami occurred.
The map detailed the Bay of Bengal, and how an green arrow snaked along the coast, from the Suez Canal into the Arabian Sea, stopping at Sri Lanka before sailing along India, Bangladesh and Myanmar in order to meet up with a red-and-white arrow sailing up the Malacca Strait from Singapore.
And they met right at the tip of Indonesia.
More specifically, the province of Aceh.
Bismarck provided a play-by-play commentary, speaking about how the Abyssals won one of the most decisive naval victories in the Abyssal War by taking advantage of a natural disaster in order to catch an entire naval armada off-guard.
"I was tossed into the European International Peacekeeping Fleet, which was specially formed to be sent into either the Arabian and Indian Sea or the waters surrounding South Africa, while most Europeans fleets focused either on the Northern seas or the Northern Atlantic Ocean.
And while others either volunteered or were raised to fight in that fleet ever since they were crafted, I was simply thrown there when no other European base wanted me, since I was practically an omen of death to everyone around me.
We were sent to Sri Lanka to fend off an unusual Abyssal interest in the Indian Ocean, especially the Bay of Bengal.
As shown on the map, we were chasing a Abyssal fleet as they skirted the edges of the Bay, prompting frustration in our fleet as we coordinated and met the Japanese International Peacekeeping Fleet at Indonesia, where the Abyssals we were chasing met up with another Abyssal fleet and formed a small armada."
Hiei's eyebrows furrowed at how the scenario played out with 20/20 hindsight, looking at Bismarck as she asked tensely.
Did you…
Did you lead them to their deaths there?
I heard that Aceh was most affected by the tsunami, do you think the Abyssals…"
Bismarck nodded, darkly snorting at her past self's incompetence as she spoke derisively about what she did.
"I was growing frustrated with the lack of proper engagements when we were chasing them on a merry chase around India and Bangladesh, and I just wanted to prove myself and go home.
Being in foreign countres against my will, everyone fearing me as an omen of death while fighting an elusive Abyssal fleet who, I admit, were rather skilled at evading us and stringing us on.
Looking back, I suppose it was all was a trap, getting a large fleet to gather at Aceh with baits and feints, throw a fight and retreat, allowing the tidal wave to crush us before moving in for the kill, all executed to perfection.
I ordered everyone to pursue the deliberately retreating Abyssals, and we were promptly greeted with an insurmountable wall of seawater rushing us, forcing us to retreat.
But even then…"
Hiei nodded, understanding that although the ocean was a somewhat fair arena for both ship girls and Abyssals to fight on since it was a flat plane (waves notwithstanding) which Abyssals could submerge in order to position themselves strategically.
And since Abyssals could submerge while ship girls couldn't…
"And you all got wiped out by the tidal wave while the Abyssals safely submerged, yes?"
Bismarck grimly half-smirked as she looked away, pointing out how hurricanes, tsunamis and severe storms turned the tide and changed the environment to the Abyssals' advantage.
Namely due to the flooding.
"Well, not exactly.
A lot of the ship girls drowned and others were killed when they slammed into buildings head-first, but it's not always the wave that kills you, especially when we possess superhuman bodies.
The flooding throughout the various cities and towns radically changes the environment and allows both sides to traverse cities with their boat slippers, but while the Abyssals are executing humans left and right when they sail onto submerged land, we're forced onto the defensive by giving our lives in order to let the humans evacuate safely.
We had to fight a battle of attrition in an urban setting before the onslaught of Abyssals retreated in the face of backup arriving, thankfully in time."
Bismarck looked extremely guilty of her own mistake, looking down with a dark expression while her drooped shoulders stretched out the intricate tattoo pattern on her back, normally hidden behind her flowing, golden hair, but was now on full display as a self-inflicted mark of shame.
"I had a say in the decision-making of the Battle of the Indian Ocean, and I told them to chase them down and push the Abyssals out of the Bay of Bengal, preferably back into the Indian Ocean.
And now that I remember it, it wasn't exactly accurate to call it 'The Battle of the Indian Ocean' when it was in the Bay of Bengal, but I suppose it flows easier that way.
After that battle, the few survivors who had to work with me in order to move debris, treat the injured and protect the human refugees, they didn't spare me a second look when they were ordered and escorted back to their bases, and I didn't mind at that point, because I was utterly devastated and humiliated by then."
Hiei asked, feeling rather incensed about how everyone seemed to pin the blame on her when she wasn't the cause of the tsunami in the first place, feeling rather protective of the German battleship since she was a fellow battleship of Yokosuka and a fellow comrade.
"They can't exactly blame you for losing the Battle of the Indian Ocean when you didn't cause the tsunami.
And even if you retreated, the tsunami would have engulfed you since, to my knowledge, you all weren't notified of the earthquake because of the lack of an alert system in that general area back then, right?"
Bismarck nodded at the points being made, but they both looked up at Akitsu Maru as she joined the conversation, looking strangely subdued as she sat herself down directly beside Bismarck and looked a little too friendly that way, retorting.
"Well, simply put, you weren't there.
Bismarck-chan was a simple target for everyone to blame, and while you have the benefit of hindsight, they had to fight a losing battle against hordes of Abyssals who were executing civvies left and right while sporting unattended injuries and had to ruthlessly prioritize treating the wounded and homeless refugees over themselves.
They were also forced to drink propane and vegetable oil as fuel substitutes, and whatever fuel they could find, they had to drink it from filthy puddles on the floor like dogs, so it's not entirely out of the question that they'd want someone to blame for their woes.
True, I think most of them have gotten over their disdain for Bismarck-chan by now, but in the heat of the moment, you should understand the tendency to blame someone around you in order to vent your frustrations, hmm?"
Hiei had tensed up when Akitsu Maru presented herself in her awkward attempt to insert herself into the conversation, but Bismarck didn't seem to mind as she responded calmly to Akitsu Maru's words.
"Well, not that they're wrong.
I blamed myself back then, and I still blame myself for it now; the only difference is that I found a group of losers to join in wallowing in my misery and secret self-loathing.
One amphibious assault ship in particular."
Akitsu Maru broke out into a fake smile as she pretended to let the slight fly over her head, Hiei sweat-dropping as the amphibious assault ship placed an index finger on her cheek and looked away, chiming.
"Oh, my, whoever could you be talking about?
We have a Bob-the-fucking-Builder Akashi, the ex-chuunibyou Kiso, the sentient cotton candy Unryuu and the 'fast sucking' pyromaniac Hayasui, as well as the supporting cast which consists of the mute Hatsuzuki, Maru-yu the Mole, Bad Luck Bismarck and the MILF Mamiya.
But you couldn't possibly be talking about this sublime and kawaii makeup-abusing, globetrotting, katana-wielding Abyssal-lookalike motherfucker now, right?"
All while crossing her legs and getting into a Thinker pose, although she instead chose to slide the back of her free palm sensually along her jawline, tilting her head and blinking innocently towards the battleship duo.
Bismarck rolled her eyes, looking at a bewildered Hiei as she jerked her thumb to point at Akitsu Maru, speaking about how she was banned from returning to Germany, and how Z1 took care of her before a certain amphibious assault ship came to retrieve them both.
"Z1, or whom you know as Lebe in this base, she was sent to this base and was asked to drop by Aceh in order to let me know that I was no longer welcome in Germany, with a new me being crafted back in Deutschland.
She was a dear and stayed behind to help take care of me when I was at my lowest emotional point, and that was until Akitsu Maru was sent to get Lebe.
And when she saw the state I was in, she offered to end my miserable life as an ultimatum, lest I keep suffering without a country to go home to and with no teammates left around me."
Akitsu Maru made a cutesy face with a wink as she stuck her tongue out and held up a horizontal peace sign to her closed eye, speaking merrily and throwing Hiei off with her uncanny enthusiasm.
"Well, luckily I didn't, because then I wouldn't have a best friend to screw around with!
Besides, she's the backup heavy hitter of the 8th Fleet even though she's in the battleship-filled 7th Fleet, so she carries the fleet and allows us to kick back and relax when she rides with us!"
Bismarck brightened up as she turned to Akitsu Maru and quipped,
"Oh, was that what you called this relationship? Friendship?
Because I was more under the impression that this was more of a cart and horse, where I'm the horse and you're the cart, and might I add, the freeloader whenever I'm in your fleet."
Before looking away and muttering jokingly.
"With an emphasis on 'load', with all your weapons and body armor…"
Akitsu Maru's expression crumpled into a confused expression as she thought about the analogy, asking the Bismarck-Class battleship,
"Wait, if you're using the 'cart and horse' analogy, does that you're going to somehow transition into a 'cart before the horse' saying?"
And Bismarck rolled her eyes in Akitsu Maru's direction as she snarked.
"Well, of course I'd transition into the 'cart before the horse' saying. and I'd add that since you're the cart in this case, you'd make one hell of a human shield to be placed in front of me should a situation arise, because that's what best friends do, right?
Admit it, you'd use me for the exact same purpose, which you… actually have in the past, really."
Bismarck rolled up her eyes in exasperation while Akitsu Maru broke out into laughter as she clutched at her stomach and doubled over, Bismarck eventually turning to Hiei as she continued with a sad smirk on her face.
"Well, from there on out, I was escorted to Yokosuka by Akitsu Maru and Lebe, and because of my guilt over causing all my teammates' death in my own mind and being a Nazi battleship, hence an indirect manifestation of their sins, I decided to get this tattoo on my back like Akitsu Maru did as penance for everyone who died in my past.
And then Lebe…"
Hiei looked away as she understood that Lebe had sunk while protecting Bismarck, and she must have grieved even harder over Lebe's death, because according to everyone, Lebe stuck by her quite often in the past to help her find herself again.
"I must soldier on, at least until I've lived a hundred lifetimes putting all of their grieving, Abyssalized spirits to rest for good and paid off my debt to them in blood.
You may perhaps call me too proud or stubborn in feeling as if I have to make it up to the dead, but I'm sure that their spirits haunt the oceans in Abyssal form, and it is my responsibility and my duty to fight on in their stead make sure that their sacrifices weren't in vain."
Hiei shook her head, suddenly feeling a little guilty for asking about what was likely the worst time of her friend's life simply because she wanted to know the story behind her friend's tattoos, looking away as she spoke.
"Oh, no.
I'm sure that you alone have to find your own way to find peace with what happened, and for some, they take to alcohol, and others, religion or something else.
It's not my place to judge, because like Akitsu Maru said, I wasn't there and in your shoes, and even if you torrented me the specific memory file, which I dare not ask of you, I can't feel the exact same things you did because you have your past in Germany, and I haven't lived your past, so…
Um, a-am I making sense right now?"
Bismarck nodded understandingly, and Akitsu Maru leaned on her as she chirped,
"Oh, don't mind Bismarck-chan.
I've always said that talking about the incident can help you become more accustomed to opening up to others about it, and she only gets a raging eye twitch nowadays when people mention it out of the blue, and I personally find it rather endearing."
Hiei looked down at their wrists, cringing at the sheer amount of crisscrossing scars on their wrists and forearms as she asked, nodding towards their arms as she asked.
"And what about those?"
Bismarck responded with a simple shrug, answering an increasingly creeped out Hiei about how they would punish themselves for what their past regimes did as additional penance.
"Oh well, in addition to causing the deaths of all my fellow ship girls, I went through a midlife crisis and was also extremely guilty about being a living relic of a horrible past, hence these.
And I'd like to add, I'm glad to be out of that disgusting uniform; In Germany, we're never allowed to wear them outside of the base, not that we'd do something that tasteless anyway.
I've become a little more accustomed to the cosplay-ey and lax dress code of Yokosuka, but I mostly wear it nowadays to hide these."
Lifting her arms to show Hiei the marred skin which was certainly the work of Anti-Abyssal knives used for self-destructive ends, Hiei knew that Anti-Abyssal weapons were 'Anti-Abyssal' in name only; they could also be used to hurt ship girls in the right hands, although no human could muster the amount of strength to drive an Anti-Abyssal knife into the skin of the toughest light cruisers and above.
In theory, anyway.
"Essentially, I went through an emo phrase in my road to recovery, and a certain someone…"
Tilting her head and derisively giving a positively shining Akitsu Maru an aside glance.
"Emo-ing along with me didn't help much.
It was all rather childish and embarrassing, you wouldn't be interested in those dark times.
I initially thought that self-inflicted pain would ease my conscience, but after quite a while, we stopped when we got bored of the pain, and I threw all my efforts into trying to improve my performance."
Akitsu Maru then rolled her eyes, a quip ready to fire as Bismarck finished her sentence, changing up the 'eat dirt' phrase to fit the scene.
"Yeah, you sure showed those improvements by drinking seawater during Ise's beat-down, hmm?"
Hiei couldn't help but snicker abashedly at the reminder of their disastrous attempt to defeat the Ise-Class battleship, who was another can of bottled-up psychological problems expertly hidden behind her cheery demeanor, watching Bismarck and Akitsu Maru elbow each other like best friends did with some mirth.
Suddenly, she remembered the self-descriptive line about makeup, and she asked Akitsu Maru about why her skin tone was the usual beige instead of makeup-white.
"I just noticed this, but why aren't you wearing your white makeup, Akitsu Maru-san?"
Akitsu Maru shrugged as she answered offhandedly,
"Well, that makeup which I use is fire-resistant and is applied when I sortie, because of my combusting sword, Kagutsuchi and my pyrotechnic weapons.
My clothes are also resistant to fire, although…"
The amphibious assault ship then giggled, raising her index finger to her lips as she spoke coyly and stopped herself from revealing all her secrets.
"Teehee…
Shouldn't spill all my secrets and reveal my best techniques so easily."
Hiei rolled her eyes at that, dryly remarking,
"Well, judging by how you behave and fight during your usual sorties, I think it be best for my sanity if I'm to be left in the dark and be nowhere near your fiery self when you're at your best."
Bismarck lifted an eyebrow in agreement, Akitsu Maru smiling as she adjusted her monochrome bikini and allowed Hiei a view of the dark ink beneath her skin, and she shuddered a little at the sensation of needles underneath her skin, injecting foreign fluids…
And the sensation of putting knives on her wrists, and pulling it in order to feel the knives cut into flesh…
She looked away as a chill ran down her spine, reminding herself that she was not here to judge the 8th Fleet; they tried to make amends for their perceived mistakes, and she was only here to know Bismarck better.
She felt that amongst the battleships, she knew the foreigner the least, and in the upcoming Battle of Sagami-nada Sea, she wanted to ensure that a lack of camaraderie wasn't going to do them in.
Besides, it was nice to know about the 8th Fleet's members when they weren't completely out of their minds, and now that something ominous was brewing on the horizon, she wanted to spend some time with others before anything bad happened.
That was the thing about being veterans, they could sense the winds of war shifting ever so slightly, yet was a subtle indicator of the incoming storm.
Admiral Mako led Akashi into a secluded area of the base, not far from where the swimming pools were so that they could easily walk back to where everyone was.
And when she was sure that they were far enough from everyone as they entered a fauna clearing, with the summer trees and leaves shielding them from the sun rays shining down on them, she turned back to face a stoic Akashi as she took in everything about the repair ship.
The scars on her torso and thighs were from past battles, back when Akashi was trying to come into her own as an unorthodox front-line combatant, helping the naval base out back when they were short on manpower and firepower, and she could never thank her enough for her invaluable part in building this base up.
The cutting scars on her arms were something unique to the 8th Fleet, where they inflicted physical pain on themselves in order to distract themselves from their emotional pain, although they stopped a long time ago when they found out that it was hard to sustain such a purely self-destructive lifestyle in the long run.
She blamed herself for not being skilled enough to stop such self-destructive tendencies, especially when she was less skilled in heart-to-heart conversations back then and wasn't exactly what you would call a skilled life consultant, looking down at the one scar which perplexed her.
The C-section scar.
Akashi was unwilling to tell her the story behind the scar, especially after Yuubari sank and she withdrew into herself, and it was only spending after a few years with the 8th Fleet before she reluctantly opened up to them, who had been through several scrapes with her by then.
She could feel Akashi picking up on her curiosity, choosing to start the conversation on her own terms by speaking.
"Well, Admiral?
I believe that you wanted to speak to me because of how the situation with Apocalypse and Project Psyche is developing, yes?"
Admiral Mako lifted an eyebrow at how Akashi changed the focus onto the present in order not to let her ask about her past, but she nodded as she asked, knowing that the senior ship girl was was capable of reading how things were going.
"Yeah.
I spoke to the leaders of various countries in order to get them up to speed and for them to officially voice their support in stopping Apocalypse."
Akashi didn't seem entirely convinced, giving a skeptical,
"Hmm."
As she looked away, thinking about what to say before she remarked.
"Well, the alliances which truly matter aren't those which are formed before the shit hits the fan, only those which remain standing after the dust has settled."
Admiral Mako lifted her other eyebrow as she asked, curious about her unwillingness to believe that everyone could put aside their grievances in order stand together as one.
"And I suppose you don't put too much faith in us, despite fighting with us for so long?"
Akashi shrugged, looking back at her as she gave her opinion on how things might go, should they fail in their endeavor to stop the advance of the Abyssals.
"Well, there is a difference between working with them, and working for them.
I may be programmed to fight for you, but trust me when I say that I never want to fight with you, or to be more specific, every human but you, Admiral.
You're alright."
Admiral Mako furrowed her eyebrows, feeling cock-blocked as always when Akashi was being so cryptic about her disdain for mankind (she was the exception, strangely enough) as well as her past, asking bluntly.
"Alright, enough foreplay, Akashi.
Let's get down to business, you know what I want to know.
You've been blue balling me for ten years now, and although I can understand playing hard to get, I can't understand where your hatred of humans stem from, although I can at least surmise…"
Pointing to Akashi's stomach and the C-section scar, she continued as Akashi almost instinctively reached for her stomach, before stopping herself and scowled at Admiral Mako.
"It has something to do with that.
Akashi, what happened to you?"
She started listing the anomalies in Akashi's colorful past, and how she genuinely wanted to help her ship girls.
"You worked at the Ship Girl Institute of Mental Health, I can understand that's where you got the '047' tattoo.
But after four years of working there, you disappeared for two years, and I hypothesize that it's when you got that C-section scar, and the last ten years were spent here, in Yokosuka as the base medic, and this accounts for the full sixteen years which you've been alive.
And something which bugs me is how the government's been paying you an obscene amount of money, to the point where you can retire and live like a millionaire, yet here you are, occasionally withdrawing cash to pay for the base's fundings and living with the 8th Fleet.
So I'd like to ask, Akashi."
Her expression darkened as she leaned in to ask.
"Did the government… did Central do something to you before the ship girl constitution was written?
What happened?
Did someone do… do that to you?"
Akashi looked back defiantly at Admiral Mako, holding her gaze for a while before she leaned back and allowed her scowl to darken, commenting.
"I plead the Fifth; I don't want to answer your question."
Before Admiral Mako walked to Akashi, bringing her face very close to Akashi's as she hissed menacingly while Akashi looked away.
"We aren't in the U.S., so you don't get to use that excuse anymore, especially when I've let you off the hook so many times in the past with that Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card.
Akashi, if they've been abusing and exploiting you all back when the ship girls are still a secret…"
And Akashi turned back to shoot back, her expression darkening by the second as she forcefully spoke.
"And what are you going to do if they had, hmm?
What?!"
Admiral Mako pulled back while Akashi struck back, which in itself was rare, the repair ship turning the tables on her own Admiral as she stepped forward, her venomous red aura flaring up while Admiral Mako gulped nervously.
"You don't get it, Admiral.
Money means nothing to those filthy humans, what matters is that they bury their secrets with their equally filthy money which they throw at me.
But that isn't what keeps me quiet, oh no.
The fact that the 8th Fleet, who are pretty much my sisters by now, can keep a secret and you can't, is because you care too much about us.
Just watching how you flared up at how ship girls were treated as mere weapons back in the earliest days of the First Decade is enough to convince me that you'd only be concerned with doing the right thing and never the smart thing, and that's to remain silent when you learn everything about my past.
And if you flare up and take the fight to them, you. Will. Lose!
They'll wipe us from the face of the planet, and make up look bad in the process!"
Admiral Mako gulped, trying to argue back that she was now powerful enough to do something about her situation, speaking exasperatedly after trying to learn of Akashi's secrets for so long.
"But we have the power and political backing to bring those who wronged you to justice-"
Big mistake.
Akashi's expression contorted into a furious scowl as she exploded into a tirade about how Admiral Mako, despite being an adult, could still be so naively childish when it came to certain matters.
"YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT!
THERE IS NO JUSTICE TO BE FOUND HERE!
YOUR CHILDISH, PATHETIC NOTIONS OF CARRYING OUT YOUR SO-CALLED 'JUSTICE' WILL BE CRUSHED BY THOSE ABOVE YOU, AND THEY'D WIN!
THAT'S HOW THE WORLD'S ALWAYS WORKED, AND WILL CONTINUE TO WORK!
THIS ISN'T A FUCKING FAIRY-TALE, AND YOU'RE BEING A COMPLETE CHILD ABOUT THIS!"
Her expression darkened considerably as she leaned in aggressively and seethed into Admiral Mako's face, the Admiral leaning back at the most vocal outburst from the repair ship thus far.
"Everybody lies!
The brass says that they're fine with you being a homosexual and a female, trust me, they're fucking lying to your face!
You think they wouldn't hesitate to lynch you in public and get them to cheer if you stop being useful to them, if you stop being good at your goddamned job?!"
And upon hearing her ship girl touch upon a sore point which she'd been expertly hiding, she burst out into an outraged shriek as she lashed out at Akashi without forethought.
"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?!
I've always had to fight an uphill battle to even be considered for this job, and had to learn to shrug off everyone's snide comments and remarks whenever I make a mistake and soldier on…
They don't like me for something I never had control over, and I've been performing better than others because I'm showing the world that things like sexual orientation, race or religious beliefs, these things matter not when fighting an enemy who hates all of mankind equally!"
Before looking away ashamedly, feeling bad for losing her temper so easily and shouting at her ship girls, and Akashi then leaned in close to the faltering Admiral, tilting her head forward and casting a shadow over her face as she asked a hard question.
"And if the war were to suddenly end?
If the Abyssals simply stop appearing from the ocean?
Do you think they'd honor your services and keep you around?"
Admiral Mako couldn't meet Akashi's gaze as she had no answer to that, knowing that despite a global effort to help everyone look forward to a tolerant, kind and accepting future, conservative views were still held by a significant portion of the Japanese population, especially the upper echelons, a small handful of which secretly despise the Americanization of Japan and wish to bring Japan's glory days back at the expense of the entirety of Asia.
Childish, all so childish and asinine…
Akashi growled, looking positively demonic as her hair caught the light at the right angle to almost look crimson-red, her green eyes positively glowering as she hissed into a defeated Admiral Mako's ear in a spiteful voice.
"You know what would happen to every single one of us, and to you the second this war ends, even if we were to inexplicably win against all odds.
We'd be scrapped without hesitation because of their envy and fear of a warrior race who is far superior to them in every way, and you'd be either assassinated in secret or executed in public on trumped-up charges, because that's just how the world works."
Admiral Mako now felt a knot form in her throat, her eyes feeling irritated as she stupidly opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish in her vain attempt to find a counterargument, but Akashi continued with her misanthropic rant.
"This war defines us as much as it defines you at this point, because without this war, we'd never be resurrected as ship girls, and you'd likely be beaten to death, your corpse spat on while you lie on the side of the road, for the sole reason of being a lesbian and conflicting with their conservative views on homosexuality.
The only difference is that now, they actually bother to hide it because of your usefulness to them as opposed to the past, when they would be applauded for putting you down like a rabid animal in their eyes.
Don't kid yourself, Admiral.
Individuals may change, but people never will."
Before dropping her biggest argument on how this war was the only thing holding everyone together, and without it, all of mankind would fracture off into smaller factions and do what they do best, which isn't very nice at all.
"When peace rolls around should the Abyssals be defeated by some miracle, whatever pretenses of unity amongst them will be fractured, and they'll go right back to killing each other for any bloody reason they can find.
Beliefs, racism, territory, resources, revenge, nationalism, or even to make a quick buck; that's all they know other than destroying this Earth with their mere presence.
Our very existence is a living reminder of the blood on their hands, their past sins, and they will sweep us under the carpet without so much as a 'thank you', even after we've fought tooth and nail to keep the Abyssals at bay for so long."
And just as Admiral Mako felt herself being pushed to the emotional brink by a ship girl who held nothing back, she saw that Akashi had lowered her head, covering her face with her left hand while her shoulders heaved along with her breathing, the repair ship muttering as she shielded her face.
"But I must say, Admiral.
The 8th Fleet, like me, rarely go outside of the base because of our contempt for humans, but you are one strange and caring Admiral, and I think that's what keeps us, the 8th Fleet, going.
To us, you'll always be the exception, even if we were to hate all of mankind."
She lifted her head and brushed her fringe back, and what shocked Admiral Mako was the dichotomy between her expression and her eyes, her expression expressing a genuine smile even after flaring up in a murderous temper tantrum mere seconds ago.
But her eyes, while looking as cryptic as ever since Akashi had likely mastered control of her body and could bring her temper under control if required, still retained one feeling which was amplified in the void behind her eyes.
Desolation.
"Admiral.
You've been showering the 8th Fleet and me with far more concern than you do for other Fleets, and for that, we are forever grateful.
But please, for everyone's sake, especially your own, please stop trying to help me.
My problems are buried in the past, and it hurts whenever you pester me for information regarding my past, especially since those who did this to me will stoop to any low to ensure that no one is any wiser about their past misdeeds all done 'for the greater good', and everyone is expandable to them.
Even you.
My silence is my own way of protecting you from the scum who who own Central, and all those who are connected to their past misdeeds in ways you can't even begin to fathom.
This is not your fight.
In fact, there is no fight.
There is no justice or happy ending to be found, should you pursue the past.
… My past.
Please, just…
Just leave me alone."
Admiral Mako almost wanted to weep as she saw Akashi's cheery expression fall flat as though dumping something which was no longer of use, turning away and looking extremely tired as she strolled away, slouching in exhaustion after that emotional tirade.
So she did the only thing she knew to do in this situation.
She ran up to Akashi and hugged her from behind, catching the repair ship by surprise as she sobbed, almost tearing up as she asked of the ship girl who was amongst the handful of ship girls who stood with her from the start and helped her start from the bottom.
"Please, Akashi.
Please, don't push me away, not after so long.
I can help you…"
And it was a while as she clung onto the almost-naked repair ship without a single lewd thought in her mind, fully determined to help the ship girl before her at all costs.
But all it took were a few sentences from the repair ship to crush her world-weary heart who still hoped for a good end, Akashi speaking in a pained voice.
"And that's why I can't tell you.
No one can help me with my past; only my present and future.
Not the 8th Fleet, not Yuubari, not even you.
The reason why I told them and not you is because they've accepted that fact and instead chose to help me move on, while you stubbornly try to dredge up the past and right every wrong within it.
The world doesn't work that way, Admiral.
Please, let go."
Akashi shrugged off Admiral Mako's hug with her superhuman strength, leaving a flabbergasted Admiral Mako alone as Akashi walked back towards the pools before Admiral Mako's face scrunched up, her eyes narrowing as she cried into her palms at her uselessness.
Both Admiral Mako and Akashi were oblivious to a twitching, black-haired ahoge as it barely stuck out beside a nearby tree and was shielded by bushes, Admiral Mako wiping her tears as she hobbled back along the path from whence she came, her sobs echoing in the forested area for a certain Shiratsuyu-Class destroyer to hear.