Chapter 6: Regret and Loss

Adam

"Weiss, I'm back." I close the door behind me and am greeted with silence. I look around and see a half eaten bowl of oatmeal. She's… she's gone. I check the bathroom just in case. She can't be gone. I sit on my bed. She left me. She said she understood, but she left me anyway. I put my face in my hands as I bend over. Has she been waiting for an escape this entire time? Was she luring me into a sense of false security? How could she do this?

I sit up slowly. No, how could I do this? How could I become so attached again? I let myself feel a connection. I let myself feel for her. Now that she's gone, though, I feel incomplete. It's even worse than when Blake left me. It's not betrayal that I feel but loss. It's like she walked out of here with my heart, and I couldn't do anything to stop her. How did I let her in in such a short amount of time?

I want to go ask her why she left, but I know that right now wouldn't be the best time. It would be suspicious if I left right after coming back from a successful mission. I'll give it three days before I follow her. I already know where she'd go, anyway, so it doesn't matter. I lay back in bed and close my eyes. For now, I'm not taking off my mask. I won't take it off until I'm in her presence again. I'm not a monster with her, but I'll be damned if I'm not a monster without her. I clutch my chest and fall into darkness, letting the nightmares consume me in the wake of my failure and loss.

I'm little again, maybe four or five. Birthdays weren't really measured when I was growing up. There was too much running to keep up with dates and seasons. Suddenly, I'm violently forced under a table, pushed under the table cloth and hidden. I panic at first and struggle against whoever is holding me there. I look up to see my mom. I calm instantly and relax in her arms. There must be a reason I'm under here if she's under here, too.

There's a bang, and jump. Mom's arms hold me down though, and she covers my mouth. I can feel her lips against my ear before she starts whispering, "Be very quiet, love. They've come, and I don't want them to find you. Do not move from this spot, no matter what you hear." I nod at her, too afraid to do much else.

An angry voice catches my attention. "You filthy animals! We know you're in here!" A shattering sounds, and I somehow know that they've started throwing things into the window, breaking the glass. "Come out now, and we won't burn you to ashes." A faint glow comes from under the cloth. I can see the flames flicker wildly as if he's waving a torch about. I feel mom let go of me, and suddenly, she's gone. I hear a single scream before everything goes dark again.

Everything is red. I look around, and I'm back in Forever Fall. Everything is muffled, like I don't want to relive this, but the memory is pulling me in. I feel myself sheath Wilt and turn around. I know what comes next, and it's haunting me. Blake is rapidly getting farther away. I can feel the betrayal and anger seethe within me. She left, just like mom. I fall to my knees as she rounds the bend. I clutch my chest as tears of anger and disappointment fall from my eyes. Slowly, the background fades into white, and I'm greeted with the most beautiful, glacial eyes. I'm mesmerized by them, pulled in closer. Then, a black slash goes straight across them, blanking the canvas in front of me and taking her away from me forever. I pull back, startled by the sudden emptiness in front of me. She's gone. There's no trace that she was even there, really, and I just fall to my knees, unable to support my weight anymore.

The loss is too much. I feel myself start to hyperventilate and become lightheaded. I fall into darkness and open my eyes. I'm back in my room. I sit up and feel the moisture on my cheeks. I'm going after her tomorrow, consequences be damned! I sit back up and try to occupy my mind because I know that I won't be able to go back to sleep right now.

Weiss

I can't sleep. It's like I'm consumed by the need to be near someone, like something's missing. He's missing, that's what. We stopped sleeping with a barrier of blankets between us after that night I woke him up. I'd wind up falling asleep in his arms, and it scares me how dependent I became. I feel cold without him, now, and it's a terrifying cold, one that threatens to consume me. I shiver again and curl into a ball to conserve heat. I'm also back in a nightgown again. That could be contributing to it. I haven't worn a nightgown since before I woke up from the six day coma.

I sigh as my shifting opens a tiny hole in the barrier from the unnatural cold assailing me. I tuck myself in as much as I can, but there's always a draft. It's like the very fabric of fate doesn't want me to be comfortable, and I can't understand why. I close my eyes and wish for the cold to go away.

Weiss

I'm startled awake, by a force falling down on me. I snap my eyes open to stare into silver ones. "Fuck, Ruby. What the hell was that for?" The bite that my words would usually have is dulled by exhaustion.

She pokes my nose. "Awe, don't be like that, Weissy. I was just happy that you coming back last night wasn't a dream."

I sigh. Of course. She's always like this, after every break. "Ruby, could you please get off of me?" She jumps off me with a smile. It's really hard to be mad at her anymore. It's positively vexing how they all wormed their way into my heart. They're like the sisters I never had. I frown. Winter was there, but she wasn't there for me. She was there because Father wouldn't let her leave. As soon as she got a way out by joining Atlas Academy, she took it, leaving me alone with Father. I shake my head and move to get up. As soon as I stood, though, something red falls from under the cover. I look down to see the red shirt that I had been wearing, the one he gave me. I just stare at it, trying to figure out when I had grabbed it to begin with. It had to have been during the night at some point, but when?

I let my gaze leave it to roam the room, hoping no one else realized that it was there. Much as my luck would have it, though, Blake is staring at me with a very pensive expression. She's guessed a lot from last night. I can see it in her eyes. This only confirmed any suspicions that she could have had before hand. I sigh. Would it be a good thing to tell her? Can I tell her? Do I even know all of it myself? I know that I identified with him. I know that it's probably hazardous to even think about him at all, but I just can't stop. There's no logical reason for this bond that my mind has created. I feel the need to clutch my head and cry, to redirect my thoughts, to piece together my feelings.

A static echoes in the room before someone speaks. "Miss Schnee, would you come to my office?" It cuts out before I can even answer. Does the intercom system even work like that? Can you answer? Why did he phrase it as a question? I sigh and grab my clothes to change in the bathroom. What could he want me for? I stop. Wait, how does he even know I'm here? I start to speed walk. There was to be a reason he called me.

A long walk and an elevator ride later, I'm walking into his office. "Please, sit." The massive, metal chair spins around to show Ozpin. I do as he suggests, and before I can speak, he holds up his hand. "Let me see if I have this straight, Miss Schnee. I received words of your disappearance far before even your father knew. You were stolen from your on bed and were held captive by the White Fang for the duration of your break. Am I correct?" I nod. How does he know this? "Now, I'm sure you're wondering how I came about this information, am I correct?" I nod again. "Well, suffice it to say that I have many people I rely on for such things." I open my mouth to ask another question, but he speaks first. I close my mouth. I've learned the hard way to never speak while being spoken to by authority figure. I learned that lesson all too well. "I also know a few things that you yourself will not even admit to, like how the leader of the White Fang let you stay in his own private quarters, or how, every day you were there, it felt like you were being pulled into a swirling void of emotions that you don't quite understand, or how, every time you saw the man, you smiled, and he smiled back. There's a million questions in your head right now, and there's no way that you could ever answer them all. I don't think anyone could answer the turmoil inside you right now. All I'm going to say is that you should forget what has happened. You should forget that man. He's a horrible man, a criminal, a terrorist."

Something snaps inside me. "He's a good man! He was forced to become what everyone else sees him as. Adam is kind and caring and one of the best people I've ever met." I hug myself as tears start to fall. "You don't understand."

Ozpin's voice never raises. It's like he incited this on purpose. I stare up at him as he goes on. "He's killed, tortured, maimed. He's a thief, a liar. Do you not understand? You tell me that I don't understand, but I do. He's manipulated you. He's lied and brought you to his side. You need to understand that there is no sense in what you are feeling. What you saw, what you experienced, was all a lie, a deceitful and horrible story that never should have been made to begin with."

I shake my head furiously. "No. No, that's not true." I refuse to believe it. Those tears, those nightmares, they were real. I know it. You can't fake that kind of fear, that kind of sadness, that kind of loneliness. I refuse to think that he lied to me.

He stands and walks over to me. "Weiss." That's the first time I've ever heard him refer to a students by their first name when it wasn't followed by their last name. "You have to believe me." I look into his eyes. That look is of pure belief in what he's saying, but I just can't believe him. There's no way that it was all fake. That's when I realize that it was more than a connection, more than Stockholm Syndrome. I believe in Adam with all of my heart, and that's what I've given him. Why did I leave?

I stare back at Ozpin with what I hope is a meek expression and nod. "I believe you. There's no rationality to it. If I'm anything, I'm rational and logic based." At least, I used to be.

He smiles a little and nods in approval. "Good. Go back to your room. You and your team have the week off from classes. Take care to spend extra time with them, Miss Schnee." He takes a sip of his coffee before making a dismissive gesture.

I nod. "Thank you, Sir." I leave. I leave behind his stupid, incessant rambling about lying when he, himself, just lied to me. There's no going back. After that realization, there's no believing that it's anything else but some kind of crush. I'm not necessarily sure if it's love, yet, but it could have been, and that's something that I won't let go lightly. I stop at the large, bay window situated in the hallway. Coincidentally, and I'm not sure that I even believe in coincidences anymore, I wind up looking out at the cliff that I had climbed, at the forest I had trekked, to get away from the feelings that I couldn't admit to myself. Now I know why I regretted ever leaving that room. Now I know that maybe coming back to Beacon wasn't such a good idea.

A/N: Yes, yes... I think I've realized that I overuse the F-word... Anyways... That dream, tho... *sigh*

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I feel like I should warn you guys. The genre is Romance/Tragedy... I just want to share that some bad things do happen... Not specifying what, tho... :( ;)