CHAPTER 18

Hayuri ran through the luxurious hallways of the royal palace as she dodged other running trainees and authorities. After the rebel had managed to get away from them, hell had broken loose. The most obvious course of action for the monarchy was to immediately wipe out the rebel, since they no longer could gain anything from acting silently. On the other hand, the most logical tactic for the rebels was to strike immediately, before the monarchy massacred them. Therefore, the royal guard and the military had decided to work together and make everything in their power to kill every rebel out there.

Hayuri turned on a corner, almost colliding with someone. She barely dodged and kept running to the armory at full speed. As she arrived, she was met by her superior, who allowed her to pick a weapon of her choice. She took a double edged dagger, since she was familiar with its use. She made sure it was sharpened and made few moves with it. When she was certain that she was comfortable with its state, she tied the dagger next to her pouch and left the room in a hurry.

As she ran out of the palace, she remembered the orders they had been given. They were supposed to make sure nothing was out of order and execute anyone on the streets, since a curfew had just been announced by the defense ministry. They had announced that there was a public enemy about to strike and try to destroy their nation. No one was to be underestimated; not elders, not children. Everyone was a threat to the monarchy at this time. Hayuri inwardly grimaced at the fact the countless rebels would certainly die tonight. Not only did she understand and support the rebels predicament, but she also feared that innocent people that had nothing to do with them would get caught in the situation. She cursed and wondered if there was anything she could do to help them without endangering her own mission.

As she stepped out into the night, she got on a war helicopter that would take her to the district that she'd been assigned to. She looked around to find out that she was mostly surrounded by soldiers from the military, who had no knowledge of nen. There were two other nen users above; she had seen one of them before on her training. When they landed, everyone was instructed to guard a certain street. She was glad that the other nen users had been instructed to watch streets far away from her own. Maybe this way she would get a chance to help someone...

Hayuri got to her post in two minutes and leaned on the wall as her gut clenched in anticipation. She didn't want to kill any civilians. She wanted to fucking quit this job and do something she felt right about. She would do so as soon as her mission was completed. However, for now, she would most definitely not blindly follow orders. She was thankful that she had been assigned to the post by herself. She decided to do her best to keep people save when there was no one around; she after all had nen and was capable of feeling someone's presence.

A couple minutes later she saw a man walk by in a hurry, clearly worried about his current situation. Hayuri jumped high, landed next the man and started walking with him. The man turned to face her in alarm and was about to say something, but she beat him to it.

"If you want to get home safely, take only inner alleyways. If you don't, you'll be shot on sight. Be careful."

He looked relieved, thanked her and quickly scurried away into the closest alleyway. Hayuri went back to her post and waited. She could hear gunshots all around her and felt sick to her stomach thinking about all the deaths that would occur tonight. She watched as another figure approached her. It was a woman and looked to be around 6 months pregnant. Hayuri walked closer to her, in an attempt to offer a helping hand, but felt a second presence walking her way. It was one of the soldiers that had arrived with her.

Her eyes widened in horror, as the man raised his gun and shot woman in the head. She went down with a loud THUD and Hayuri wondered if she could ever feel more despicable. The soldier gave her thumbs up and turned around to leave. Hayuri felt like shouting some insults at him but pressed her lips. She watched the poodle of blood surrounding the woman grow bigger and bigger, tears threatening to pour from her green eyes. She took a deep breath and hoped that no one would walk down her street again. She wondered if Killua was all right and if he was having a hard time as well.

As the night went by, she managed to spot three more people moving around, and gave them instructions on how to get home safely. Her mind managed to stay on overdrive for the whole seven hours that she stood on her post and, at the same time, keep a collected and calm facade. When she was thinking that, if she didn't move and do something else, she would lose her mind. When her guard shift ended, she was glad and walked back to the helicopter. However, as soon as she got there, her hopes were crushed and she wished she was still standing on her post. Hayuri, along with the other soldiers and guards, had been asked to help clean up the mess.

At dawn, the massacre had been substations. As Hayuri helped pick up the bodies of the dead, she felt like throwing up. There were people of all ages lined up on the floor, shot and killed with no apparent struggle. There were elders, children, even infants. How could even a toddler be suspicious of building some sort of revolution? Hayuri tightened her fists until her nails cut into the skin of her palms. Many of the dead bodies belonged to people who had been clearly under the line of poverty. Of course, they had probably had no place to return home to. This however, hadn't seemed to stop the soldiers and guards from murdering them on sight. Hayuri felt deeply related to this people, as memories of her own time on the streets came to mind. Since this was a poor country on a poor continent and with a strong authority's monarchy, no international media gave a shit. She knew that the probable outcome would be the people would be too scared to even peep at what had happened. She felt disgusted at the fact. She hoped that whatever rebellion was being planned would, somehow, be successful.

Hayuri watched as some soldiers walked around, talked and some even joked, as if what had concurred was no big deal. Hayuri wanted to cry, not only because of the dead innocents, but also because of the lack of humanity of these people, who called themselves the 'keepers of peace'. Hayuri scoffed bitterly and scowled. Yeah, right.

After a couple hours of piling up corpses, they had to burn them. The leaders of the country were worried that their people might get sick if the bodies were left to rot on the streets. Hayuri was so disgusted at the fact and the stench of burnt flesh, that she didn't even have the energy to despise them. She just wanted to get back to her room and be let alone.

When midday finally struck, she was given permission to go back to the palace and get a 7 hour rest. She would have to go back and do another shift afterwards, since the curfew would last at least another day.

As Hayuri walked down the hallways back to her room, she picked up a sandwich and ate it while on her way. She barely managed to swallow half of it, her usual good appetite now demolished by what she had experienced these past hours. When she closed her door behind her, she took of her clothing and threw it on the floor. With a sigh, she set her alarm in time, dreading that she would have to go through another whole day of this shit. She slowly lay down on her bed and turned on her side. She closed her eyes to get some sleep, but couldn't calm down her emotions. After suppressing her guilt and anger for the whole night and morning, tears started to desperately run down her face. Hayuri cried for a long time until fatigue finally allowed slumber to take over.

-Time skip -

When the second day of curfew was finally over, Killua went to the dining hall to eat something. He sat down and looked around to find that Hayuri was nowhere in sight. He frowned. He knew her well, and was certain that the deaths of innocents must've had her on the verge of tears and rage the whole time. She probably was sulking on her anger and sorrow, deeply affected by the past day's events. Killua, on his side, had been trained since he was a child in assassination, so he had been somehow used to the deaths of people, innocent or not. He had always been indifferent to the struggles of other people. However, this time around, the knowledge that what had happened was unethical and a great injustice, brought a sense of guilt in him. He had been reluctant when killing someone this time and had needed to force himself as he did it.

Apparently, he was not the only one who had some regret at what had happened. Although some trainees were joking and talking as usual, many of them were mostly quiet. There was an unusual deadly silence around.

Killua finished his dinner quickly and walked out of the place. He didn't think twice as he headed towards Hayuri's room. When he got there, he knocked on the door a couple times and waited for a minute. When Hayuri opened the door, Killua felt his chest tighten. There were bags under her eyes and she looked as if she'd been crying a lot. Her hair was messier than usual and her eyes looked sad.

"Come in." Hayuri said smiling softly and moved aside to let him in.

Killua entered her room, which was surprisingly clean, despite her current emotional state. Hayuri walked to the bed and threw herself on it, Killua following her example. They stayed there for a couple minutes, laying next to each other, until Killua turned to look at her.

"How have you been?"

"Well.. not exactly good." She smiled bitterly. "I'm currently all anger and regret."

"Was it your first kill?" Killua wondered aloud.

"I've never killed anybody for a job."

"Never before?" Killua looked surprised as he raised his body, holding his weight on his forearms. "What did you do when you encountered someone during curfew?"

"I told them how to get home safely." Hayuri said without a second thought.

Killua felt dread wash over him. On one hand, he felt ashamed at himself. He had never even considered not following orders before. His personal feelings and apprehensions had always been put aside. On the other hand, if word came out that she had helped them out, she would be in serious trouble. Not only had she disobeyed a direct order, but she had also acted against the monarchy.

"Did someone see you?" He said with worry.

"I don't think so. I wouldn't have killed anybody anyways." She answered stubbornly and both stayed silent for a while.

"And what do you mean you've never killed before? Aren't you a contract hunter?"

"I only worked for them as a payment for what they did for me. So I only took jobs that didn't require killing and that were targeted on people who did dirty deeds." Hayuri answered as she looked into his eyes with determination. "The only time I killed someone was when you were drowning and I had to finish the fight quickly. But I did it to save the both of us, not as part of a job."

"Don't you regret it?" Killua questions. "Killing them."

"I wished I didn't have to do it, but I would do it again if it meant saving your life. You're important to me; you're my only friend." Hayuri said and both stayed quiet for a little while, looking up to the ceiling. Killua had a faint blush on his cheeks and, noticing this, Hayuri felt her own face grow hotter. She decided to change the subject. "I assume that yesterday you did your part as you were asked to."

"I did." Killua said looking away and sighing. "I now feel more guilt than I did before. However, I have never had a choice of my own before. I've been raised this way; my own thoughts cannot interfere with my job. My duty always comes first."

"Well, you should get to choose now, don't you?" Hayuri said and Killua raised his eyebrows in question. "You're not a child now. You're nineteen. You should make choices that will make you happy and allow you to build your own future."

Killua looked into her green eyes, which shone not only with tiredness, but also with resolve. Killua had forgotten how much he admired that of her. She always did her best to be who she wanted to be and didn't bow to no one's authority. Killua, on his side, usually took shit from no one. Nonetheless, the situation changes completely when it was about his family. There was no way the he could disobey his father and ruin the little relationship they had. He wondered if Hayuri would still give the same advice if she were to know who his family truly was. Killua wondered if he would ever be able to stand up for his own beliefs and wishes, stand up against his family. Probably not. Also, if he ever did, they wouldn't leave him alone and Illumi would probably kill anyone who was a 'bad influence' for him.

"You don't understand." Killua sat on the bed as his bangs covered his eyes. "I have a huge burden on my shoulders. It's almost impossible for me to choose my own future. I wish I could stop doing what I was raised to do, I really do. I also wish I could tell you more about it, but I can't."

Hayuri felt like crying at his submissive tone, his head low and his hands closed into fists. She moved closer until she was sitting right next to him. She turned to face him and leaned closer as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Killua hugged her back with desperation and buried his head into her shoulder. Hayuri was surprised when she felt him tremble and he started crying on her shoulder. She'd never seen him show such emotions before and was taken aback. When she recovered from the shock she hugged him back and wondered what kind of things he had been forced to do. At that moment, Killua seems as if he carried to weight of one million sins on his shoulders.

Killua cried hard on Hayuri's shoulder, releasing all the repressed regret and self-hate he had been accumulating for his whole life. Hayuri held him for a long time, maybe an hour, until he calmed down.

"I was supposed to be the one to hold you." Killua muttered into her shoulder.

"Don't worry; you helped me by just staying here with me." Hayuri said caressing his upper back softly. "Besides, you've been acting strong for a long while, right? You deserve to break down under such pressure sometimes. You're just human, like everyone else."

"Thank you." Killua said hugging her tighter for a second and moving back to look at her, his hands still holding her shoulder. "I never thought I would ever find someone who I can truly be myself around."

"Oh my, I never thought the great Killua would step off of his pedestal and actually care about some commoner like me." Hayuri said smiling playfully and lightly punched his shoulder. Suddenly Hayuri's stomach grumbled and she looked down as she blushed a bit.

"Well, at least I don't have to tease you at all. You can do that just fine by yourself." He smirked.

"Hey! I'm just hungry, it shouldn't be something bad."

"Well, I'm not surprised that you are." He laughed a bit and then spoke in a more serious manner. "Have you eaten anything yet?"

"Ehhh... not for a while." Hayuri scratched the back of her head.

"Come on, let's go get you something. It won't do you any good to just lay here, get more depressed and starve yourself. Although, you could use losing some weight." Killua smirked and moved to dodge a hit aimed to his head.

"Oh, shut up. I'm perfectly fine in my weight and I don't pretend to be as skinny as a model and break every time I fight." Hayuri said nonchalantly, knowing perfectly well that Killua was just teasing her. She sat up as well and walked to a door on the wall. "Just let me get ready."

It was only then that Killua realized that she was wearing her pajamas; a baggy long sleeved shirt and long comfortable pants. She opened her closet, took out some clothes, and walked into the bathroom. Killua heard the shower be turned on and had to try to not let his mind wander. At that moment, as he waited for her and finally had a moment to stop and think, a realization came to him. A couple days ago, when she had pulled him out of the lake in which he had almost drowned, she had wanted to kiss him. He knew that his impression on the subject may not be objective, but he was almost sure. She had looked at his lips and bit her own. She had locked eyes with him and she had barely moved forwards, but had been interrupted when they received the bad news through their earpiece. What would've happened if they hadn't been interrupted? Would he have had the resolution to stop her if she did? He had promised himself that he would not let that kind of distraction get in the way of his mission. However, he himself had been feeling such a pull towards Hayuri, that he might've gotten lost in the feeling.

While his rational side was dreading the fact, his emotional one was jumping in joy at the possibility that she felt some sort of attraction as well. He was in the middle of his musings, when the door opened and Hayuri stepped out fully dressed.

"Damn. Now I'm hungry as hell." She said as she put on a jacket and walked to the door. "Come on now, let's get a juicy stake or something."

Killua cleared his mind and stood up, following her out of her room and into the hallway. They got to the dining room in no time and almost everyone was already gone. Hayuri had to order lentils, which was the only thing left in the kitchen, since it was already closing up. Killua ordered something to drink and watched as Hayuri ate her food. Something shone on her eyes as she ate her food and Killua had to ask.

"Does it taste bad?"

"No." Hayuri said and smiled softly. "I was just reminded of my childhood. When I lived on the streets, us children would eat bread almost every day. However, sometime we would steal a wallet with more cash than usual and would treat ourselves to some real food. Of course, meat was too expensive, so we always ordered legumes, since they were the healthiest thing we could buy." She looked up with a frown and tapped her chin. "If I remember correctly, there were a couple children that were like you and always used that money to buy sweets. Obviously, since we couldn't even brush out teeth, they were filled with cavities. Some even had lost half of their teeth."

Killua laughed at that and she ate another spoon of her lunch. She was almost finishing when an announcement was made through the speakers of the whole palace.

"Every royal guard and royal guars trainee is expected to gather in the royal audience hall in twenty minutes. There is an important announcement to be made."

A/N: Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think about this fanfiction so far and if you like the direction I've been giving it. What do you think of Killua's and Hayuri's relationship? Sweet? Not? Greetings!

Also, I want to thank those who have left a review.

Elisablackcat: Yes! Hayuri is strong. In a couple chapters you'll see the real extent of her power. I also love her personality 3

Guest n°1: Everyone trolling Killua and Hayuri is hilarious xD I also love teasing them (not really they're just characters). And of course Killua would have wet dreams about her, he's a little perv. (Hayuri has them too, but haven't written those yet… should I?)

Guest n°2: Thanks! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.