Note: Set at the start of S02E18, specifically when Fitz is being tailed.

"Cutie in Glasses"

Remy was still grumbling when Wade teleported them to the street on the map, in sunny California.

"This the one, this the one, this the one?"

"Oui," Remy said. "You remember what I told you?"

"Wearing glasses, gonna start running, guys in black chasing him. Got it."

"You'll meet him anyway."

"Yeah, but maybe you were always supposed to show me the way, Gambit," Wade said, clapping him on the back. "Good luck finding your soulmate."

Remy pointed. "Go, Deadpool. He's coming for you."

Wade slid his sunglasses down over his eyes. "Oh no he's not. Not yet. Not until I get him into bed. Or against a wall, I guess, as long as our soulmarks meet u—"

"Less talking, more running."

"Need a leap back to New Orleans?" The only reason he wasn't talking as much was his excitement about seeing his soulmate soon. Remy snorted.

"Not letting you miss this, mon ami."

Then he nudged Wade along, and that's when he saw him. His soulmate. The boy with curly hair, striding through the crowd and looking back over his shoulder. Wade teleported across the street right next to him.

"Hey, soulmate of mine, how're you doing? You need some help? `Cause I'm here now, which guarantees a win, so just tell me what you want me to do, who to cut up, because I'm so there, babe. And damn, you look hot in specs."

Curls gaped at him, obviously dumbfounded. Wade stepped closer, and dropped his voice.

"Tell me what to do," he said.

The man licked his lips, glanced to the right, and Wade saw a man in black walking towards them.

"Run," he said. "Just run."

He grabbed Wade's wrist, and they began to sprint. Wade noticed the stranger following them.

"I can get us there quicker," he said. "I'll always get you there quicker, beautiful."

"Erm, I'm meeting someone."

"Can I tag along? Because I don't wanna let you outta my sight now that I've finally got you, and seen how cute you are in gl—"

"Stairs."

Wade raised his eyebrows, and ogled his soulmate's backside as they ran up a few flights of concrete steps to the rooftop of a building. Then his soulmate clutched Wade's wrist again and pulled him over to… a disembodied ramp appearing. Oh! An invisible plane, right? How exciting! He laughed as they ran in, especially when he saw the faces of the men inside. The ramp raised up after them, pushing him into Wade's arms.

"I'm liking this more and more," he said. "Tell me your name, gorgeous."

"Um… Leo. Leopold Fitz. Uh, everyone calls me Fitz. Pretty much everyone."

"I think I'll call you Leo. Hi. I'm Wade Wilson."

"Shit," one of the men said. "Deadpool?"

"Incognito, but that can change," Wade said, patting the pouch at his side. "Brought my stuff with me."

"He-he's my soulmate, sir," Leo said.

"Fantastic," the man said dryly. He held out his hand. "Phil Coulson, director of SHIELD. Sort of." They all glanced at the monitor in time to see one of the men in black run into the side of the jet, and winced collectively. Except Wade, who focussed on one thing.

"SHIELD? Ooh! You're the good guys, right? Perfect way to get started on my road to redemption. Or continue on the road. Whatever. I'll always be on your team, Leo, that's a no-brainer. Hey, got any enemies for me to wipe out? Just wait `til you see my arsenal. I can't wait to see yours." He waggled his eyebrows. Leo swallowed.

"Erm, perhaps we'd better sit down," he said.

"You sit next to me," Wade said, spinning Leo into one seat and perching on the one next to him. He continued to talk as they strapped themselves in. "So, that accent."

"I'm Scottish."

"It's cute. Just like you. Especially in those glasses. I just wanna eat you up… but that sounds creepy, right?"

"Just a tad."

"A tad? Is that a quantifiable measure?"

"Quanti…" Leo was still staring at him.

"A quantifiable measure of ti—"

He was kinda surprised when his soulmate took the initiative and yanked him into a kiss. It wasn't the most co-ordinated, but then they were at an awkward angle, and Wade seriously wasn't prepared for this. Not that he wasn't exceptionally happy about it, because boy was he ever! And Leo responded well to a hint of teeth, if that strangled groan was anything to go by. Yummy.

"Ehem."

With a sigh, they had to pull apart.

"What?" Wade griped. "I'm not allowed to be kissed my soulmate? I don't know whether you noticed, or whether you read TV Tropes, but this guy here is the dictionary definition of adorkable. A cute nerd. I wanna wrap you up in bubblewrap and keep you safe from all the bad guys, Leo. Then pop all the little holes, `cause that's fun. Then maybe I can get around to your little h—"

"Erm, that's enough!" Leo said, wide-eyed. "This… this is Hunter. A-and this is Mike. Wait, Mike? You're here?"

"Hey, Fitz."

"Is that new hardware?"

"They're also on our team," Coulson said over the top of him. "Catch up later, Fitz."

"So what do you do at SHIELD?" Wade asked, raking his eyes up and down his delicious dork.

"I'm an engineer."

"The best we have," Coulson said. "Fitz, Deadpool is, uh…"

"I'm a mutant," Wade said. "Very good with swords." He winked at Leo, delighting in the blush that brought. "Want me to polish your s—"

"D-did you want to join SHIELD?" Leo said. Yeah, definitely the bashful type. Oh, Wade was gonna have so much fun with him.

"I'd love to, but I'm thinking I've gotta ask your director."

"I can't deny you'd be an asset to the team," Coulson said, looking Wade over. "If even half of what I've heard about you is true, you'd make an excellent field agent. Definitely not undercover, but in combat…"

"Want a demonstration?"

"Not while we're flying!" Mike called over his shoulder.

"Got it."

"No costume?" Hunter said. "I thought powered people liked costumes."

"I'll show you later," Wade said. "Gotta show off to my soulmate here, make sure he wants to keep me."

"I do, definitely," Leo said quickly, which warmed Wade's non-existent heart.

"Babe, you don't even know me yet."

"I don't have to. You're my soulmate. If I can't trust you, who can I trust?"

"And God knows we all have trust issues," Hunter muttered.

"So, honey," Wade said, and he sneaked a hand onto Leo's thigh. "Where's your soulmark?"

"Oh. It's, uh… it's…" He dropped his voice to a mumble. "Back of my left thigh. Here." He moved Wade's hand down to the underside of his leg. Wade's eyes widened as the dots connected.

"Fuck," he breathed. "I could seriously hammer bricks into place with my dick right now." Leo choked on air. "Wanna know where my soulmark is? Right here." He tapped the right side of his abdomen. "Oh, I'm looking forward to bonding with you, sweetheart. I hope you're as flexible as the position suggests."

"I… I don't know…"

"Well, we'll have lots of fun finding out! Where's your base? I hope there are separate bunks. Separate rooms would be better. With soundproofing. Boy, we'll need soundproofing, I can tell ya. Got super endurance, which means super stamina." The blush on Leo's cheeks deepened. "You'll need cough drops. Lots of `em. I'm gonna fold you like paper, and then—"

"We're trying to establish a base of operations," Coulson said. Wade tore his gaze away from Leo, whose eyes were starting to glaze over. Did he wear those glasses all the time? If so, it was gonna be hard for Wade to keep his hands off him. "Deadpool? Are you paying attention?"

"Yes, Director Coulson, sir." He saluted, and Coulson subtly rolled his eyes.

"It's a bit difficult to establish a base, because it seems that wherever we go, someone finds us and our safe house is compromised."

"Speaking of compromised bases," Leo said, rummaging in his backpack.

"You got Fury's toolbox?"

"Here." Leo tossed a little black box with silver edges to the director, and Wade watched in fascination at the holographs which popped up.

"Much neater than little yellow boxes!" he said.

"And much more innocuous," Leo said.

"Well, I think I can help with a temporary base," Wade said. "Ever been to Westchester County? Actually, scratch that. If Logan's there, he'll just kill me again, and I don't wanna put you through that trauma, Leo."

"K-kill—?"

"Yeah, I kinda don't stay dead. It's a habit of mine. Mostly because I pissed Death off, and he doesn't wanna see me again, so… yeah. Uh, who haven't I pissed off, actually? The Avengers are cooped up all safe and sound—"

"No," Coulson said. "They think I'm dead."

Wade blinked, but rolled with it. "I haven't met the Fantastic Four yet, so they won't turn us away on the spot. Yay! Let's go to the Fantastic Four. And hell, putting those two in the same place is just another excuse for the author to write Coul—"

Don't ruin the surprise, Wade! For goodness sake…

"What… author?" Leo said.

See what you've done? Now I have to explain that away.

"Just a quirk of mine," Wade said, waving his hand. "Super powers. Got `em through experimentation. So I guess I'm more a mutate than a mutant? Ugh, so many universes. Makes things so confusing. How'd you come to hear about me, Coulson? Did you read the other chapters or something? Or did you go on the wiki?"

"I know of you by reputation only," Coulson said. "Quite a reputation, at that."

Wade preened. "I'm good with my hands. And my mouth." He smirked at Leo. "I'm not called the Merc with a Mouth because I talk a lot. Well, not just because of that."

"C-can we decide on a destination already?" Leo said. "Mike, how long until we get to New York?"

"Ooh, I've got an idea," Wade said. "Warren doesn't hate me. I've worked for him before. He pays well, and he's on our side. New York's kinda the hub for super powered people, especially rich super powered people."

"Warren?" Coulson said. "You're not… talking about Warren Worthington the Third, are you?"

"We can land on the Baxter Building, and I'll get Archangel's number from… I don't know, the directory. Susan Storm should be a pushover, and you seem like the kinda guy who could mediate arguments between the others, Coulson. And there are other rooms available, so we can get to know each other, babe." He squeezed Leo's knee. "Maybe practise for our bonding?"

"Or… or get to know each other first," Leo said. "Before, you know, uh… g-going to bed."

"Whatever you want, sweet cheeks. Just say, and I'll make it happen. That includes eliminating your enemies. Point `em out, and they're as good as dead."

"…Sweet. Disturbing, but sweet."

"I can see what you mean about having him with us," Hunter said to Coulson. "Between Deadpool and Deathlok, HYDRA doesn't stand a chance."

"Not if they're threatening my soulmate, they don't," Wade said, his voice sharper. "No one gets away with trying to hurt my Leo. Heh. Can I nickname you 'my lion'?"

"Is there any point in trying to stop you?"

"Nope."

Jemma looked up from the fake toolbox when there was the crack of… something. A man in red and black appeared in the lab, grabbed one of the scientists, and disappeared again. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the others.

"Did I hallucinate that?" she said. They were all gaping at the empty space, shaking their heads. "Oh dear."

The same crack happened, and the man reappeared with the lab worker in tow.

"Feminine pronouns don't mean anything these days, I don't know why he doesn't understand that, anyone here could identify as female internally. How am I supposed to know? Uh, you look like a chick."

He grabbed another scientist and disappeared with her. Jemma put her glasses down and stepped around the table, approaching gingerly. She still jumped when there was another crack. Another scientist returned.

"What's going on in here?" Bobbi asked, bursting into the room with her batons at the ready. "Who the hell are you?"

"It's not that one," he said. "Which is it?"

"Can I… help you with something, sir?" Jemma said. He straightened up as he turned to face her.

"English accent!" he said. "Must be you."

Then he grabbed hold of her. She yelped as they disappeared, reappearing in a small space. She shoved him back, scowling.

"Do you make a habit of abducting SHIELD scientists?" she said.

"Jemma! Thank God you're here."

She whirled around, and smiled in relief.

"Fitz! You… you know him?"

"I'm his soulmate, doc," the man in red told her, and he moved to Fitz's side. Jemma's friend was rubbing the back of his head and grinning sheepishly. Then she processed what he'd said.

"Soulmate?" she said. "Oh… my goodness. Uh, congratulations, Fitz! This was just…"

"Unexpected?" Fitz said.

"To say the least."

"Sorry about that, but we couldn't afford another agent being tailed," Coulson said.

"Sir! You're here as well?"

"Thank you for getting the toolbox out of there, Jemma."

"I'm afraid… I told May that the other one is a fake."

He sighed, and squeezed her shoulder. "It's okay. We got you out of there. Do we need to rescue anyone else? To be more accurate, do you need Wade to…"

"Kidnap?"

"Liberate," Wade said.

"Liberate anyone else?" Coulson finished.

"I haven't seen Billy or Sam, but May's fine. She's… complying with them." Jemma winced.

"I see."

"I'm sure she has a plan."

"Well, right now we have a plan," Coulson said. "Fitz wanted you here, which is why we sent—"

"Me, Wade Wilson, aka Deadpool." Fitz's soulmate shook her hand. "You must be the incomparable Jemma Simmons. I'm super-intimidated, by the way, and slightly terrified because of my past experiences with medical scientists, but you're Fitz's best friend, which means you must be okay."

"In the meantime, I should explain our plan," Coulson said after Fitz clapped a hand over Wade's mouth to shut him up.

"Yes, perhaps you should," Jemma said.

"We're at the top of the Baxter Building, about to meet the Fantastic Four. No one will be expecting that move, since none of us have ever met anyone from the team."

"Well…" She glanced around nervously. "Aside from the fact that Reed Richards… gave me first prize at a science fair once. But I doubt he'll remember me." She cocked her head, and then grinned. "Mike! I'm so pleased to see you. How are you?"

"Better than the last time we met," he said, giving her a thumbs-up from the pilot seat.

"Gonzales won't be expecting us to come here," Coulson continued. "He might expect us to go to the Avengers, even though they probably hate me, and Wade doesn't want to see the X-Men again just yet. So we thought we'd go here first, see if the Fantastic Four is willing to let us lie low for a few days."

"It's a perfectly plausible plan. I… don't suppose you've seen Hunter?"

"He's liaising with the Fantastic Four as we speak."

"Good." She nodded, and then glanced at Fitz with a smile. "Tell me how you met your soulmate."

"You would not believe how cute he is in glasses," Wade said. "He wouldn't let me ravish him in front of the others, so he has to promise not to wear them in public, just in case I react inappropriately."

"Best for all concerned," Fitz said, leaning against Wade's side.

There was a knock on the outside wall, and they saw Hunter on the screen, along with a man who definitely wasn't Reed Richards.

"That must be Johnny Storm," Phil said. "Lower the hatch, Mike."

"Yes, sir."

Hunter grinned when he saw Jemma.

"Got you out of the lions' den?" he asked.

"Intact as well," she said. "Although my things are still there…"

"We'll go back and get `em now, if you want to," Wade said, holding out a hand. "No surprise jumps this time. Probably. Unless you want me to scare the shit out of a few people for you, in which case just tell me. What's the fun in being able to teleport if you can't abuse the power shamelessly?"

"While you're deciding whether or not to give Robert Gonzales a heart attack," Coulson said, moving past them and down the ramp.

"This is Phil Coulson, director of SHIELD, or whatever we are now," Hunter said. "Sir, this is Johnny Storm."

"Thank you for coming up to meet us," Coulson said, shaking his hand. "I hope it doesn't signal anything ominous."

Storm's lips parted as he looked Coulson up and down. "No, nothing like that. Well, not anymore." He grinned widely. "Come inside."

"…I'm sorry?"

Jemma knew the soulmarks of everyone on the team – doctor's privilege – and she cleared her throat.

"He just said your soulmark words, sir," she said.

"Yeah, I… I got that."

"I called it!" Wade said. "Totally knew she was gonna do that. Coulson plus Fantastic Four means the inevitable Coulstorm. No one should be surprised anymore."

Shut up, Wade!

I should never allow myself to be dragged into the crazy ramblings of Wade Wilson, but it's SO MUCH FUN!

Everyone needs to write more Fitz-in-glasses, because I damn near swooned in that sequence where he was shaking the tail. (Oh God. Now I've got an image of animal or part-animal or furry!Fitz wearing glasses. Not good. Brain is breaking.) In the upcoming Bruce/Fitz chapter, they'll both have to wear glasses, because if my brain's going to break, I'm taking the rest of you down with me. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

Please review. :D