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9. Confession
Castiel couldn't believe that he had finally confessed to Dean about his feelings. As an angel, he wasn't supposed to have emotions! But somehow he had fallen for Dean since rescuing him from Hell and his feelings had not stopped – in fact, they had grown. But Castiel knew that Dean would never love him back. Dean was strictly attracted to women and while Castiel did not belong to any particular gender, he knew that Dean had grown accustomed to seeing him in Jimmy Novak's body and so thought of him as male.
Now, after his confession, Castiel waited with bated breath for Dean's response. The other man was staring at him, his face pale and his green eyes alight with something that Castiel couldn't discern.
"I realise that you do not feel the same way," Castiel said when Dean continued to stare at him. "I know that you are strictly heterosexual, Dean. But I have loved you for years and even if you do not reciprocate my feelings, it is a relief to have finally told you."
Dean just kept staring. Castiel shifted awkwardly, marvelling at how much this one man's opinion had come to mean to him.
"I'll just go now…" Castiel said slowly. Clearly Dean didn't feel the same way and Castiel felt as though his heart (it was his heart now, since Jimmy was gone) had been torn out of his chest and ripped to shreds, as the humans described this feeling. While working through his surprise at how sharp and poignant his emotions were now that he was human, Castiel turned and began to walk off when a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. He slowly turned back around to see that the hand belonged to Dean.
"Cas, wait." He looked so far out of his depth. Even without his powers, Castiel could feel the nerves just rolling off Dean. "I – alright, listen really close 'cause I'm only gonna say this once."
Castiel immediately gave Dean his undivided attention.
"I do like you," Dean admitted. Castiel felt his heart begin to soar. "And no, not in a 'bro, I love you' way. More like a 'dude, you're hot' way. But…but who'd ever think an angel would be in love with them? And like you said, I'm into chicks. So how the hell am I s'posed to like you and still like chicks? I'm not gay, man! I know I'm not!"
Castiel waited patiently for Dean to finish. What was the saying the humans had for this situation? Oh, yes. He felt like he was on cloud nine.
"I've loved you ever since I rescued your beautiful soul from Hell, Dean," Castiel said. "And you are right. You don't feel an attraction for the same gender. But I am – well, was – an angel. Angels are genderless, non-binary waves of celestial energy. They are neither male nor female. You don't need to feel insecure in your sexuality, Dean. Would it really matter if I was in a female body?"
Dean frowned at him for a moment.
"No," he said quietly. "It wouldn't. You're – you're just Cas. Dude or chick."
"And you do reciprocate my romantic feelings?" Castiel said hopefully. Dean bit his lip, his eyes flicking away, and he gave a quick nod. Castiel allowed one of his rare wide smiles to slide across his face and then he stepped forward, into Dean's personal space (he always ignored Dean's lectures about this kind of thing anyway) and reached out to touch his cheek. Dean jumped and tensed.
"You don't need to be afraid of rejection or judgement, Dean," Castiel said softly. "I will never reject you. And I will never judge you. You are not perfect but you are Dean and you are who I fell in love with. You just need to allow yourself to be happy."
When Dean finally nodded again, Castiel leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to the other man's cheek. He knew that Dean was only just coming to terms with his feelings and he didn't want to scare him off with anything more and ruin the bond they shared. They had taken the plunge and Castiel was going to ensure that it was as joyful for Dean as possible.