Note: Oh, honeybuns, it's all there in the chapter title. It does get better, but you've gotta wade through the angst first. This wasn't what I originally had planned for this pairing, but I thought of it and decided yes, I could be a bitch for once. Uh, spoilers for movies and 'Agents of SHIELD' season two finale?

"Author Is Cruel"

"We thought we were capturing the king of Asgard, but this is even better," the dwarf leader remarked, circling Loki, who was kneeling on the ground, royal finery torn from him and cast aside. He was disturbed that they had broken into the king's quarters, and was glad that at least his distance from the palace would awaken Odin, releasing him from Loki's enchantment.

"My father would not care for my return," Loki said. "I am no bargaining chip of value, I can assure you. You waste your time deluding yourself that I can be of any use—"

"A war criminal in two – no, is it three? – realms," the leader said, and he tilted Loki's chin up with a dirty finger. "Your mother is dead, your fault, so we hear. Your brother prefers Midgard. Would you rather be returned to Asgard and face their punishment, or ours?"

"It depends upon what you deem appropriate punishment for slights not made against you," Loki replied.

"Not slights from you, Prince Loki. Your father."

"Odin is not my father."

"We have our quarrels with both Jötunheim and Asgard."

"Neither realm has anyone who values me," Loki said, disappointed that this was the case. With Frigga gone – had she even cared? – there was no one on his side. Thanos abandoned him, Thor and his friends, both of Asgard and Midgard, hated him. With good reason, he acknowledged. He killed one favoured by the Avengers.

"And what of your soulmate?"

"My soulmate?" Loki snorted indelicately. "What soulmate? I have none."

"What is this on your back, then?" another dwarf said, hitting Loki right where his soulmark was located. He winced.

"I have not met them," he said, correcting himself. "And I am unlikely to. Surely you know that a few words are no guarantee, in any realm?"

"More than a few, judging by their shape," the leader said, leaning in closer to read them. "What do they say?"

"I would never tell you," Loki said.

"They are not in any language I recognise."

Loki had not thought to enquire, while on Midgard, whether it was one of their languages. He had never been able to read them. All-Speak did not extend to the written word, and it was just another way in which he had been mocked as a child. But now that he gave thought to it, the lettering resembled some of that which he had seen in Midgard.

"It will matter no longer after this," the leader said, walking away. Loki struggled against his bonds, his magic suppressed. He had to choose between giving up and trying to talk his way out of this. What was the point in escape? He would never be accepted anywhere else, and if he returned home he would face punishment for masquerading as Odin and secretly usurping the throne.

"What do you plan?" Loki said. "I have told you that I am of no use to you. Will you just kill me, and leave me on Odin's doorstep to be walked over?"

"You are close to the truth," his captor replied. "We will leave you on Odin's doorstep, but alive. It is far crueller, what I have in mind." He grinned over his shoulder, and chills ran up and down Loki's spine.

"Indulge my curiosity," he said, putting all his remaining courage into his voice and bearing. The leader chuckled, a harsh sound.

"An interesting thought crossed my mind," he said. "Whether a soulmark remains… when its bearer no longer has a soul?"

Loki's eyes widened in horror mere moments before fire tore through his chest.

He awoke to Odin crouching over him, begging him to wake up, but no emotion stirred in Loki's heart. He stared at the man, knew who he was and what he was supposed to mean to Loki, but he could not understand the look on Odin's face.

"What is it, your highness?" he said, attempting to sit up. Odin kept a hand on his chest.

"You were left here by the dwarves," Odin said. "Rest awhile. I will take you to the healers, but you must not exert yourself, my son."

Loki frowned. "I am not your son. I am Laufey's son. Why do you call me yours when I am not? It is illogical."

Odin stared at him. "Something is different about you, Loki."

"The dwarves…" He tried to remember. "They spoke of my soulmark. I do not have a soulmate."

"You will find them one day, my son," Odin said, his voice a touch louder than before. It still made no sense. There was no logic in it, and Loki said as much.

"Your highness!" a healer said, one that Loki recognised, running towards them. "We will see Prince Loki now."

Odin's eyebrows drew together, and he hefted Loki up from the floor.

"Lead on," Odin said, holding Loki close.

"Sire, you appear upset," he said.

"We must discover what the dwarves did to you!"

"I believe…" Loki sifted through his last memories before awaking, but they felt unclear. It wasn't until he was set down upon the table that he recalled. "Ah yes. They wondered whether a soulmark would disappear along with the soul."

"…What monsters," Odin whispered. "They could not possibly remove your soul."

Loki thought that it was a likely explanation, but did not say so as Odin appeared agitated enough. The last thing he needed was to upset Asgard's sole monarch.

Phil knew that all his pain wasn't coming from the end of his arm, where a hand used to be. He'd even thought he was having a heart attack, which would've been inconvenient in the extreme, but had to chalk it up to stress when the Inhumans tried to take over the floating base. The pain remained, phantom, even after Mack seemed to cut it off at the source. His aching soulmark, which he'd never been able to read, and now wondered whether or not that was a good thing. It hadn't reappeared, annoyingly enough, but then amputees rarely grew new soulmarks if they lost that part of their body.

Well… at least he had pictures of it? Travelling with SHIELD had exposed him to many languages, but none had writing which resembled it. The Kree blood didn't give him any clarity on the matter, so unless they saw Sif again…

Oh, to see anyone from Asgard who could try to read it. Foster and Thor were apparently soulmates – hence getting her the hell away from America when Loki came – but what were the odds that Phil's soulmate was from another realm? He should've shown it to Sif or Thor when he met them, ask whether they could tell what it said. But he'd grown used to covering it to stop the questions, the bullying, the wild theories tossed about as he grew up. The pitying looks, worst of all, and the passing years telling him that he'd never find his soulmate, and just to give up, give in to the inevitable loneliness.

No wonder he clung to his SHIELD family. They were all he'd ever have. Better than a handful of weird symbols which he'd lost forever.

"He thinks it's safer here… why?" Steve asked incredulously, staring at Thor. The larger man sighed.

"Because Loki's soul has been ripped from him and lost forever," he replied. "He is now as vulnerable in Asgard… more so than before. At least he is now on equal footing with your fellow mortals, captain. He cannot use his old tricks, but he is a formidable fighter."

"And you want to leave him with us."

"My father only wishes Loki's safety. He feels that he has failed my brother many times over, and that Mother would wish…" He swallowed visibly, the pain obvious in his eyes, but Steve couldn't feel too much sympathy when they'd all lost their mothers, and were now going to be stuck with a murderous psychopath who could outstrip them all with strength alone. Admittedly, it was terrible that his very soul had been torn out of him, and apparently Loki had never found his soulmate in thousands of years, but Steve could never forget the destruction Loki had wrought on Earth last time he was here.

"I don't know, Thor," he said. It was like the prince read his mind, eyes narrowing.

"What of the number of mortals whose deaths you have been responsible for, innocent or otherwise?" he asked. "The weapons of mass destruction created by the Man of Iron? The soldiers you have slain? What of those you destroyed on SHIELD's orders, perhaps on HYDRA's orders? The former assassins on our team? I have read some of your religious tome. Does it not teach that the one without sin may cast the first stone?"

Steve gaped, probably unattractively. Thor had an excellent point, which he really didn't want to concede, simply on principle. But then on principle he had to acknowledge it.

"Uh… okay," he said, completely side-lined. "Right. I'll… make sure there's a room ready. There's a guest room on my floor. Or, uh, on the Avengers base, if Tony still has… issues with Loki being here." He cleared his throat. "Tell your father for me?"

Thor smiled brightly, and Steve suppressed a sigh of his own. "I will inform him at once! You have our eternal gratitude, Captain Rogers."

For all the good it'll do, Steve thought as Thor bounded out of the room, taking the sunshine with him.

"You think it'll work?" Phil said, raising his eyebrows. Maria nodded.

"Better than going to Stark for a robotic arm," she said.

"It's only part of the arm—"

"Which should make it easier to grow back."

"…But there's nothing for it to grown on," he pointed out. "Some kind of magic—"

"Or a mirror image of your right arm," she said.

"You know that's not how it works!"

"Look, you told me Fitz has been unproductive since Simmons's disappearance," Maria said, a bit harshly in Phil's opinion. After all, it wasn't a pleasant way to go, and they had no idea how to get her back, part of what was driving Fitz mad.

"I can't blame him," he said. "He's just lost his soulmate and has no idea how—"

"We all have our problems. I… don't mean to sound insensitive, but your people have a way of solving the unsolvable. You'll find her. In the meantime, Dr. Cho's machine should help you. It's a quicker, more effective solution than dealing with a robotic prosthesis. Any kind, let's be honest."

He heaved a sigh. "I should reveal that I'm alive, shouldn't I?"

"Eventually, but not while Loki is around."

"…What?" he bit out, tensing. Maria glanced away briefly.

"Loki is staying at the new Avengers base at the moment," she said. "Stark is spending time there, and I figured that if you wanted to see them, you'd prefer not to deal with…"

"The alien who killed me," he finished. She nodded. "Fuck. Okay. I'll give Fitz one day, and then… I'll meet with your doctor." After she hung up, he sat there in silence, thinking, Not Loki. Why him?

"So your soulmark is intact," Tony said, and he studied Loki's back. "Huh. Who would've thought?"

"If my soulmate is of a different realm, then perhaps it spared them," he said. "It would be better if they have a new mark. A bond could never be possible now."

"Heard your dad… or whatever he is, heard he had a plan."

Loki hummed idly. "He believes that stripping me entirely of my immortality and leaving me human, not even a Jötun but human, might give me a new soul. Whether it would give me a new soulmate…" He shrugged. "However, he claims it to be a last resort. I do not see the appeal in having a soul."

"Because you've forgotten what it's like. What… feelings are like."

"It appears that they are not worth it," Loki said. "Your captain is pining over Thor, even though they are not soulmates; you and Miss Potts are apparently unhappy – and in fact you appear to be attracted to me, for some reason – the aptly-named widow of your group pines for the one who thrashed me in your tower; the twins have an unnaturally close relationship for blood siblings; and your falcon is ostensibly searching for the captain's friend while keeping him hidden, which you would all know were you observant, rather than blinded by these feelings you deem so necessary for a happy existence." Tony was frozen, staring at Loki. "There seems little point to soulmateship and soulbonds when the concept has been twisted beyond recognition."

"…Okay, have you ever tried coffee? Because you need to stay away from caffeine."

"A strange segue indeed."

Tony sighed. "I guess your soulmark is pretty specific," he said. "It's kinda long."

"I have seen some of the words in Midgard, but writing does not translate to All-Speak."

"Wait, so you don't know what this says?"

"No."

"Huh." Tony pulled out his phone, snapped a picture for posterity, and then cleared his throat dramatically. "Okay. It says… it says 'Move away, please. You like this? We started working on the prototype after you sent The Destroyer. Even I don't know what it does. Do you wanna find out? You're gonna lose.' Hmm. Could be a SHIELD agent? We're screwed if they're HYDRA. Looks like they weren't letting you get a word in edgewise. Loki? What's the matter?"

Loki kept very still. "The Destroyer. References to losing. I… believe I know who spoke those words to me. Not that all my memories of… that time are intact. But I think the man who spoke them… was the one I killed in front of Thor. You called him…?"

"Phil," Tony said, his throat growing thick. "His name was Phil."

"He shot me, I recall that much." He blinked rapidly. "You see? This is why emotions are not worth it. If I had my soul, I am sure this would affect me deeply."

"You killed your soulmate," Tony said slowly. "That's pretty fucking big. Yeah, most people would lose it."

"Hmm. Instead… I am aware that it is a terrible thing, while also aware that nothing can be done about it. He is dead by my hand—"

"Fury."

"I beg your pardon?"

"That son of a bitch. That's who he meant. He meant Coulson. Coulson's alive!"

"Coulson—?"

"Phil Coulson! Your soulmate's… possibly not dead. That's a good thing. I'm gonna ask Hill about it. Put your shirt back on, and let's get going."

Phil couldn't stop staring at his 'shiny-shiny new hand', as Skye called it when he sent a picture. His soulmark had reappeared to his tearful amazement, and he'd bought the biggest flower arrangement available for Dr. Cho and all her assistants, hoping none of them were allergic to flowers. Well, they worked in a medical facility.

After his final check-up, he left Dr. Cho's office, only to run into about half a dozen disappointed faces. A swift glance reassured him that Loki wasn't there, but since Pepper Potts, Natasha Romanov, and Clint Barton were among those gathered in front of him, he was still terrified. Just… for different reasons. Obviously. Since they'd never killed him before, and hopefully wouldn't now, or that would be a waste of resources.

"…Hey," he said, with a small wave. "What-up?"

Oh God. He'd spent way too much time talking to Skye. Pepper scowled.

"That's it?" she nearly shrieked. "After three years, that's it?"

"I concur," Clint said, crossing his arms as he glared at Phil. Natasha's face remained scarily blank. If he was a lesser man, he would've taken off by now. Unsuccessfully, of course, but he'd try.

"I'm sorry?" he said. Not the slightest idea why he was apologising… aside from the fact that obviously Clint and Natasha would never trust him again, although as it turns out they were right not to trust SHIELD in the first place, but they wouldn't trust his SHIELD, and he hated losing people's trust, and damn Fury. This was his fault. And Loki's, but he wasn't here for Phil to glare at.

"You're sorry for…?" Clint said, leaving it open. Phil's shoulders slumped minutely.

"Not telling you I was alive," he said. "Dying brought you together, but… my mind was messed with, and I didn't want you to see me going insane when I realised that's what was happening, and then SHIELD fell, and now I'm the director. You want no part of it, which I completely understand, as well as you hating me, which I'm sure you do. Trust me, I wish I'd never been brought back to life. Everything…" It hurt so much to say this, but it was true. "Everything would've been better if I'd stayed dead. We all know that." Trip would be alive, Gonzales would be alive, Simmons would still be around, and… okay, they wouldn't have Skye. Hell, the team might not have been created if it wasn't for Fury wanting to keep Phil out of sight.

He didn't have the energy to interpret their expressions; their silence was enough. He swallowed deeply, then turned on his heel and began to walk away.

"…Phil!"

He halted in place, wincing at the hurried clacking of high heeled shoes. But then Pepper threw her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. Phil touched her waist, not sure what to do with a crying Pepper Potts. It was okay, though, because then Natasha and Clint were hugging him as well, followed by others.

When they finally took him outside, they seemed surprised to see Thor there. Phil could understand it; he thought the man had returned to Asgard after the events of Ultron, but apparently not. Oh, of course; he'd brought Loki.

"Son of Coul, I am glad to see that you live once more," he said gravely.

"Thanks," Phil said, blinking in the sunlight. "Uh…"

"Can you read your soulmark?"

…Weird question, but fortuitous, so Phil rolled with it. He held out his hand.

"Didn't realise it would regrow with the limb, but the tech is advanced," he said. "I've never known what it says. I was hoping that the next time I saw Sif – anyone from Asgard – I could find out whether it was a… a non-Midgardian language."

"Aye," Thor said, his large hand cradling Phil's. "`Tis Asgardian, as I suspected."

"As you… suspected?"

"It says 'Am I?'," Thor explained.

"Oh, great," Phil muttered. "That's a lot to go on. Well, thank you, Thor. I'll be on the lookout if ever I run into another Asgardian."

"You may have already met your soulmate," Thor said, twiddling his thumbs.

Phil cocked his head. "Do you know who it is?" he asked.

"…Were those my brother's first words to you?"

Phil suddenly felt light-headed.

"Shit," he said.

"Son of Coul?"

"Yes, I think they were. I…" He shook his head frantically, trying to remember his last moments before he died. His sole conversation with Loki. "I think they might've been. He was smug after, you know, stabbing me through the heart. This is typical, you know that? Of course my soulmate killed me. Because why the hell not?"

"It will not be necessary for you to bond with Loki," Thor said. "He has no soul."

"…Oh."

"It was taken from him and banished. Had he the ability to feel emotion, I am sure he would dread meeting you again, fearing your censure." Thor cast his gaze to the ground. "It would be well-deserved. I must apologise for my part in bringing him aboard, and falling victim to his tricks again. Had I behaved differently towards him through our lives, I am sure this never would have happened."

"Don't blame yourself," Phil said. "He… really doesn't have a soul anymore?"

"No."

"Then why do I still have a soulmark? Why did it reform on my new…?" He shook his hand for emphasis.

"I know not, but I will ask my father when next I see him," Thor said. "I hope to see you again soon, Son of Coul."

Then he flew into the sky, which unfortunately drew some attention. Before the press could descend on Pepper, Happy ushered them into the back of the limo, probably one of Stark's, and Phil surrendered himself to the inevitable meeting, cursing May for obviously going along with… whatever this was.

Odin had appeared, having apparently exhausted all other possibilities. The remaining plan would have caused Loki undoubted fear if he could feel it. Instead, he tilted his head and stared at Asgard's king.

"What would I do without my magic?" he asked.

"Whatever you wanted, my son," Odin said. Loki resisted the impulse to frown as he usually did when the monarch referred to Loki as his offspring. "You have a soulmate who deserves the chance to bond with you, if you convince him of your worth."

"What if I age rapidly upon my long life being stripped?"

Odin sighed. "Loki, these are unchartered waters, but you are still young by Asgardian standards. And Jotun standards, before you ask. Your physical age should not differ greatly from what it is now. Look at Thor's visit here."

"Ah," Loki said, nodding. "I am compared to him again, despite our obvious – and less obvious – differences." There was a flinch, which he could not understand. Why would this pain Odin? "I assure you, sire, I am capable of living a full life without emotions."

"It will not be full, Loki! Not without a soul! Your soulmark remains, and your soulmate's mark has returned. You are meant to have the opportunity to bond. You owe it to him, and yourself, to give this a chance." His brow furrowed. "I would rather live with the pain of your mother's death than live without the happiness she also brought to my life." He settled his hands on Loki's shoulders. "You may wish to kneel for this."

"I have no say in the matter? I believe this is what Midgardians call déjà vu."

"If I am careful, you will retain your memories," Odin said. "They are connected to your soul. Once it has regrown…"

"These are pretty theories, but is reality not harsher?" Loki said, trying one last time to change the king's mind. Odin shook his head.

"Midgardians have a saying," he said. "`Tis better to have loved and lost…"

Within seconds, Loki passed out from the pain.

Something was covering Loki's hand. His arm twitched in reaction, and the other thing – someone else's hand? – swiftly retreated.

"I shouldn't be here."

"You must stay, Son of Coul."

"He's waking up—"

"As Loki's soulmate you must remain at his side until he dismisses."

"…What?"

"It is only right."

"Only—"

Loki coughed to gain their attention, cracking his eyelids open against the bright light, and didn't know how to feel when he saw Thor standing over a man Loki was sure he had maimed the day he tried to take New York. 'Son of Coul', Thor had said. This was the one Stark called 'Phil', was it not? Loki's soulmate? By the Norns!

"You are my soulmate?" he asked hoarsely. Thor pressed a cup of water into Loki's hand, and 'Phil' helped him drink some of it. Remarkably refreshing.

"Stark showed me a picture of yours, and it definitely looks like my writing, though I'd like to see for myself. Thor believes… well, here." He bared his left hand, and Loki saw 'Am I?' in his own writing. He wanted to touch it, but there was no way in the realms that this man would welcome Loki's touch, and certainly no chance of a bond. What had Odin been thinking? Because Loki certainly remembered his 'father's' Great Idea now.

"Yes, `tis my hand," he said to avoid voicing his thoughts. He shied away when Phil made to touch his arm. "Please. I… I do not deserve…" He lowered his head, hating emotions, hating that he could hate anything at all. "You could not possibly…"

"Forgive you?"

"Among other things," Loki muttered.

"Seems I'll have to, since we'll be seeing more of each other. The Avengers are willing to form an informal alliance with SHIELD, and since I'm the director, and since you're with them… if you want to be. If not, you're… welcome to join SHIELD. Or at least train with us, maybe. I… I don't know what you want to do." He chewed on his lower lip, which distracted Loki for a moment. "It's up to you. In the spirit of soulmateship and so forth, I'd like to call a truce. Try for friendship, see whether it goes anywhere."

"That sounds perfectly acceptable to me," Loki said, swept in relief. It was not as dire as he had imagined. Phil appeared uncomfortable, but he was not running from the room. He was giving Loki a chance, the one Odin had told him to take.

And so he would. Without hesitation.

Okay, no idea what happened there. When I came up with this idea I was absolutely horrified, then intrigued, then somewhat horrified again, and then inspired. As I said, all there in the title. Author is cruel to characters.

Now, I know plenty of people wanted a continuation of the previous chapter, but that would probably only happen if I wrote a bonding scene chapter, which would be quite a work-up. Unless I give in and do what ozhawk does, and occasionally continue a thing in another chapter. But then she does the smart thing and focuses on one pairing per chapter, rather than writing complicated things as I often do.

I have no idea who requested this pairing, but there were a few people. Didn't note them down because I kept saying that I already had one plotted. Then I wrote this, which is much angstier (thanks SO much, Joss Whedon).

Please review!