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30. Sorry

Castiel spent the night in one of the many spare rooms but he didn't get any sleep. Instead he stared at the ceiling blankly, unable to comprehend what he had done. He had hurt Dean! He'd hurt his human, who he'd sworn to protect! And all because he was angry at his former brothers! How could he have done that?

"Dean…" he mumbled. He hated sleeping alone, having grown accustomed to the warmth and security of Dean's arms and his steady breathing and thumping heartbeat, and he wished more than anything that Dean would open their door so that he could talk to him but Dean was ignoring him. Castiel was surprised to find that he was physically hurting and he curled into a tight ball, trying to ignore the guilt surging through him.

He stumbled into the kitchen the next morning, hoping that Dean had come out for breakfast, but he was disappointed. The only people in the kitchen and dining area were Sam and Rose, who were eating freshly cooked bacon and eggs. Sam was shirtless and wearing a pair of tracksuit pants, while Rose was just dressed in an oversized shirt that Castiel knew belonged to Sam. Her dark blonde hair, free from its usual bun, fell in tangled waves to her waist.

"Morning, Cas!" Rose said cheerfully. Castiel ignored her, instead going to fix himself some coffee. Maybe a caffeine hit would help him. When he returned to the dining area, he found Sam and Rose's eyes on him and he glared sullenly at them.

"What?" he snapped.

"What's wrong, Cas?" Sam said. "You look more like a zombie than anything else."

"And Sam would know," Rose added.

"Nothing is wrong," Castiel mumbled. He tried to escape into the library with his coffee but Sam quickly blocked his way. Castiel glared at him. "Move, Sam."

"Not until you tell us what's wrong," Sam replied. In that instance, Castiel wished that he could smite Sam. "And don't feed us bull, Cas. Dean didn't come out for breakfast and you know what he's like with food. And you look like you didn't get any sleep."

Castiel lost his temper.

"Nothing is wrong!" he shouted, surprise that he was actually yelling. "I'm fine! I'm not hurt! I'm the one who hurts everybody around me!"

Sam and Rose blinked.

"Okay, I may only know him from the books but even I know that was a Dean line," Rose said. "Come and sit, Cas. Something's clearly wrong and we can help. We're your friends. Well, I think I am…"

Castiel's shoulders slumped. He didn't resist as Sam took him by the arm and firmly guided him to the table and into a chair. Sam then sat down next to Rose and they looked at the ex-angel expectantly. Castiel knew that he could not lie his way out of this.

"I encountered two angels yesterday," he said. Sam's eyebrows shot up and an array of emotions flitted across Rose's face, ranging from surprised to amazed and even a little fearful. "They mocked me. I – I admit that I allowed their words to anger me. I sought comfort from Dean but I – in the process, I hurt him."

Castiel clenched his fists.

"I swore to protect him!" he spat. "And I hurt him! I do not deserve him."

"Okay, stop that right now," Rose said firmly. "I've only really heard about Dean, so I don't know much about him, but I know he doesn't blame you. Well, maybe a bit, but not enough to hate you or anything."

Castiel stared. Was that supposed to be comforting?

"Of course he'd blame you a bit. I mean, he's only human and he was hurt and whatnot. But you two have that profound bond thing going on and I'm sure that –"

"I think that's enough, Rosie," Sam interrupted. "You're slipping into story mode again."

Rose gave Sam a bitch face to rival his abilities. Sam just ignored her.

"Look, Cas, so long as you're sorry then that's all that matters," he said. "Dean'll know it was just a mistake. He knows you'd never deliberately hurt him."

"I have tried to apologise but Dean refuses to speak to me," Castiel said bitterly. "If I could just make him see that I'm sorry…"

Sam stood up.

"Right. C'mon," he said. Castiel frowned at him but got up and followed Sam out of the dining area and down the hall to where Dean was hidden away. Castiel wondered how he was going to persuade Dean to open the door.

"Hey, Dean!" Sam rapped on the door. "Open this door right now!"

There was no reply. Sam scowled.

"If you don't open this door so that I know you're alive then I'm going to stand here and loudly recall every embarrassing moment you've ever had!" he threatened. "And Rosie's here, so she'll hear all of it!"

"Do tell!" Rose called. The door opened a crack after a moment. Sam immediately took the opportunity to kick it open, shove a startled Castiel inside and wrench the door shut before hurrying off. Castiel gulped and tried to meet Dean's eyes but the other man was resolutely avoiding his gaze.

"Dean," he said. Dean lay down on the bed and turned his back on Castiel but this just served to irritate the ex-angel. He stormed over, climbed onto the bed next to Dean and grabbed Dean's shoulder, careful to be gentle and not startle him after yesterday. "Dean! I am trying to talk to you! Please turn around!"

"Or what? You'll hurt me again?" Dean muttered. Castiel's heart dropped, all of his anger evaporating.

"I am sorry, Dean." He carefully turned Dean onto his back and, before his human could protest, he leaned in and gave him a kiss so gentle that their lips barely met. "I am so sorry for hurting you." Another slightly firmer kiss, Castiel firmly meeting Dean's hurt green eyes as he did so. "I promised that I would not hurt you but I did." This time, instead of kissing Dean, he softly caressed his cheek. "I could apologise a thousand times and it would not be enough."

"Stop talking like that, Cas," Dean mumbled. "Too sappy and cheesy." But Castiel sensed that Dean had forgiven him and, with a relieved smile, he bent down and kissed Dean a little more forcefully.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I was angry and I hurt you. I will not let it happen again. I will not let the angels anger me like that again."

"Are you gonna keep spewing that girly crap or are you gonna shut up?" Dean said with a small grin. Castiel immediately slid under the covers and pulled Dean close to him. Dean resisted anything more than light kissing but Castiel was perfectly content to embrace his human and revel in the warm, comfortable cage once again.