This is the result of a prompt from one of my tumblr friends about writing a modern mergana AU with not-morgana. Aka doppelganger AU instead of reincarnation AU. Thought I'd give it a try ~
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He knew the moment he saw her blue eyes.
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The librarian kept glancing her way every few minutes and she could tell he was trying to be subtle about it but failing miserably. Emily wasn't bothered, she was used to random fawning admirers who would ask for her number at Starbucks or chat her up at subway stations. She expected this one would do the same once she went to the checkout desk.
But he did nothing of the sort. Instead he barely made any eye contact when he said hi and then proceeded to check out her books without another word.
He was cute in a nerdy kind of way. Black rimmed glasses, short dark hair and skin as pale as her own. She smiled and thanked him but he had already moved on to the next person in line, conversing easily, his demeanor more relaxed and cheerful.
Huh. Emily thought as she turned around and headed outside. Totally read that one wrong.
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Merlin was having a hard time keeping a straight face and acting as though everything was okay when all he wanted to do was run down the street and chase after whoever that was.
Shock came first, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Then utter confusion as he wiped his glasses and stole another glance. Finally he settled on the easiest emotion, the one that seemed to be the default when it came to her. Anger flared in the pit of his stomach at the sight of Morgana happily strolling around the library, not a care in the world. This woman who had ruined everything, who had caused so much pain and sorrow, what right did she have to return to a life of peace while everyone else remained under the ground?
But then she came close and he noticed her eyes. They were a deep ocean blue instead of the icy jade green. And somehow, he just knew, this was not Morgana. It didn't mean he was any less unnerved by the woman in front of him, it only served to cool the hostility rolling off of him in waves.
She left and he breathed a little easier, not fully sure what he was going to do about the situation. Should he leave right now and create another new identity, far away from this ghost from his past? Or should he stay and wait for her to come back again, find out what really was going on and how this person could even exist?
In the end it wasn't all that hard to choose.
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He waited two whole months before he initiated conversation.
"So do you always read murder mysteries or is there any other genre you're interested in?"
Evidently this girl was not as adept as Morgana at hiding her emotions since surprise was written all over her face.
"You're talking to me?"
"Is there a problem?"
"No. I was actually kinda waiting for it." she admitted sheepishly. Emily hoped he hadn't noticed how her visits to the library were conveniently timed to match his hours.
"You could've said something. Why does it always have to be the guy to make the first move?"
"I don't think it always has to be the guy. It's just, I didn't know what to say."
He smiled at her for the first time. "How about starting with your name?"
"Emily." she smiled back.
Emily. What a simple, common name. Nothing as lovely as Morgana.
He shook his head at the thoughts. Where the hell had that come from? Emily was staring at him now, waiting for him to reply.
"Merlin."
She extended her hand. "Nice to finally talk to you, Merlin."
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Pretty soon they both began looking forward to their five minute chat every time she stopped by the library. She began visiting more frequently, returning books before she was done reading them because she couldn't wait to recommend this new show that she was sure he'd like or to get his opinion on the latest reboot of the Jurrasic Park franchise.
They mostly talked about pop culture, a little bit about their respective jobs, nothing too personal at the beginning.
But then five minutes turned into an hour, the library was replaced with a coffee shop, phone numbers were exchanged and she became someone he could call a friend.
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Some days they seemed so similar, others when they couldn't be more different.
Like Morgana she was kind and charitable, a social activist and believer in equality and justice.
Unlike Morgana, she adored her father. He learned that she was an only child with divorced parents, close to her father and hated her mother. She drives me crazy, is a total hypocrite and acts as though we're all wrong and she has no flaws. I don't know how Dad put up with her all those years.
The only interaction Emily had with her now was the yearly birthday phone call or email.
He wondered what Morgana's mother had been like. So many questions he'd never got to ask her.
All Emily found out about him was that he was an orphan.
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"I read an article once about how at any given point in time, there are 7 people on this earth who look exactly like you." he said one day as they stood in front of a street painting of Siamese twins. "What do you make of that?"
She snorted. "I think that's complete bull."
"Yeah." he agreed slowly. "Absolute nonsense."
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She introduced him to her friends.
He introduced her to his dog.
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Her phone beeped with a new text from Mel.
You can't shut up about him and clearly he likes you too. So why aren't you two dating yet?
She sighed.
Because there's something about him that I can't put my finger on. I'm an open book and he's distant in a way I can't even explain.
Maybe a kiss will get him to open up more if you know what I mean ;P
Why is your mind always in the gutter?
Hey, I meant open up emotionally. You're the one with dirty thoughts ^_^
Whatever -_-
Just ask him out, maybe the poor bloke is too shy.
Emily chewed on her bottom and thought long and hard. Then texted back:
If this blows up in my face, I'll know who to blame.
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"I told you." she grinned. "I don't believe men always have to take the first step. So here I am. And it's about time don't you think?"
No, he didn't think that. He didn't know what to think. He'd kept her at arms length because he couldn't figure out what he felt about her. This girl with the face of a woman he had loved and hated and desired and rejected all at once.
Some days he could almost forgot, when they would sit on her sofa and watch a rom-com together, laughing until their sides ached at the sheer absurdity of the plot.
Emily would scrunch up her nose in distaste. They always fall in love so quickly! You'd think they would have to get to know one another before declaring to be eternally devoted and madly crazy about each other. I mean, who even believes in love at first sight these days?
His thoughts would drift to the first time he saw Morgana. Standing in that doorway with his mouth hanging open while she obliviously chatted on about Arthur and the feast. He'd smile despite himself.
I believe in lust at first sight.
Her cheeks would turn pink and she'd mutter something before turning her attention back to the movie.
He cherished those few moments of bliss when he would forget the bad parts and allow himself to remember and be happy about the good ones.
When they were simply two people quietly whispering in the library, bodies leaning forward and heads bent together, nothing extraordinary about them.
But he was not ordinary and she did not deserve to caught up in his mess of a life. She was too nice, and he didn't want to ruin someone like her again. The first time was painful enough.
So he shook his head and said no. "I don't think that would be a good idea."
It hurt to see Emily's smile fall away. She took a step back, her face red with embarrassment.
"Sorry." she whispered before practically running out the revolving doors of the library.
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They remained friends, even though he'd been quite sure she had cut him out of her life after that first week of silence.
She came back to the library, looking much better and resumed talking to him without any allusion to what had taken place the last time she'd been there.
He took the hint and did the same.
Soon the awkwardness chipped away and they were back to their old routine.
It's for the best. Merlin told himself as they both pretended not to notice the quiet, mutual longing in every gesture.
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She met someone else.
A ginger called Tom. Another horribly overused name. He thought. Emily was much better.
When she asked his opinion all he did was shrug and said he only wanted the best for her. If she felt happy with this Tom, then he was happy too.
She tried not to look too disappointed.
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It was the night before her wedding.
A year and a half had passed and somehow they were here. Somehow he had managed to stay quiet through it all but now that there was less than 24 hours before she would become another man's wife, he suddenly couldn't hold back anymore.
He knocked on her door loudly and she opened it with sleepy eyes. For a moment he just stood there awkwardly and wondered how to even begin but the look on her face told him she already understood. And she wasn't happy about it.
"Why now Merlin? When it's far too late?"
"Because you don't love him. And I think that's the only reason people should get married, for love."
She leaned her head wearily against the doorway. "Tell that to the millions of people worldwide who are getting married for everything other than love. We can't all be idealist librarians who live in a bubble. Besides, he loves me. And who better? You?" she said in that same spiteful tone he'd heard centuries ago.
He swallowed hard, not knowing what else to say.
Emily sighed. "And even now, when you're standing here asking me to stop moving forward with my life, even now I can sense your hesitation. I can see how you'll never give me a chance. Something is holding you back and you won't tell me so you know what Merlin? Just go home. I stopped waiting for you a long time ago."
The door shut in his face. And the words he wanted to say so badly died in his throat, just like before.
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She looked radiant.
In her strapless white gown, with flowers in her hair and a long shimmering veil, she took his breath away.
He wasn't supposed to be there. She hadn't said anything but after their last "talk", he knew she wouldn't appreciate seeing him standing and clapping along with the rest of her friends and family as her new husband carried her out of the chapel.
But Merlin couldn't help himself. It had been worth it just to catch a glimpse of her that day.
Their eyes met briefly and he gave her a small smile. She was gracious enough to return it before being swept away by one of her bridesmaids.
He drove home and began packing.
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There was loud, insistent knocking on his door.
It had been 6 months since he left the city where he met Emily and Merlin could count on one hand how many people had visited his apartment since then.
He didn't know what he was expecting when he looked through the peephole but a second later he was turning the handle as fast as he could.
She was a mess. Dressed in a tattered black t-shirt and baggy jeans, with wild, unkempt hair falling in tangles over her pale face.
Hardly daring to breathe, he tentatively reached out and moved the ebony locks away from her forehead. She looked up at him and they both sighed in relief.
Her eyes were green.
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Sorry, I can't ever leave my precious Morgana out of any story I write :P
Usually I write Merlin as being more remorseful when he sees Morgana in the 21st century, because you'd think after over 1000 years of feeling guilty about all the things he did, he would be overjoyed at the prospect of being given a chance to rectify one of, if not the biggest, screw-up of his life. But for this one I thought I'd write him like his season 5 canon character, who went around being all mopey, broody and angry at anyone and everyone, and have him not have such a positive reaction once he sees Morgana or her doppelganger basically. Wasn't easy since I'm sure most of you know I'm not what you would call pro-Merlin at all, but I wanted to kinda make him work out all his issues with Ms. Doppelganger so that when the actual Morgana (inevitably) comes back into his life, he'll treat her the way he should've the first time around.
Anywho sorry for the ranting, hope you liked my take on the prompt and if you did lemme know your thoughts!