Trials

Chapter Five: A King for a Father

"Good evening, Father. Thank you for seeing me."

"Of course, Loki. Sit down."

Loki took a seat across from the bare length of his father's L-shaped desk, and Odin turned fully from the other side of it, where he'd been working. Father was hardly ever not working; Loki remembered that time he'd taken a day off and they'd gone to Vanaheim together, waking up in the morning to his father sitting there in an overstuffed chair with a bound stack of paper spread open across his lap. It was an image that had always stuck with him. "It's about what happened today," Loki said when it seemed his father was waiting for him to speak first.

"Yes?"

Loki hesitated. He hadn't expected to have to explain anything – his father had been there, he'd seen everything. "Well, I…" Why do I have to get so tongue-tied in front of him?! He took a deep breath, thought about the main thing he needed to say, and began again. "Father, you saw how the fight ended. I bested Tyr. But he declared that I had failed. I'm sure he didn't like that I defeated him, but it isn't fair that he punished me for-"

"It isn't fair?" Odin echoed, an eyebrow arching upward.

"Um…no. It isn't. I had my sword to his heart, and he said I failed. That's not fair."

"You used magic to blind him. Magic that I remind you, you aren't even supposed to be using, as you are still a youth."

"But Mother-"

"I know what your mother has done, and I do not approve. That aside, I'm quite confident that she did not tell you to use magic in your Trials."

"Well, no, but-"

"You broke the rules, Loki. Magic isn't allowed in the Trials."

"Says who? No one told me that."

"No one should have needed to," Odin said, his frown deepening. "It is obvious. Only adults may study magic – it's dangerous in the hands of one too young to understand what he's doing. To properly control it, to understand when its use is appropriate and when its use is not appropriate. You have not yet developed that level of discernment. Obviously," he added with a tilt of his head.

"But Father, we're encouraged to draw on our strengths and talents, to work unique elements into the battle. That is what I did."

Odin sighed, and Loki thought he detected impatience and frustration on the edges of it. Maybe even anger, but he hoped he was imagining it. "Loki, I don't know what else you want me to say."

Loki could feel himself getting flustered, as he sometimes did with his father these days. That was never a good thing, because it meant he struggled to express himself well. He took a moment to try to force both his breathing and his thoughts to slow and settle. "I was thinking…that if you speak to Tyr, then I'm sure he would reverse his-"

"You wish for me to intervene on your behalf?" Odin asked, sitting back in his chair with an expression Loki could not identify.

"Yes. I'm sure he'll listen to you."

"Because I am king? Because I am your father?"

"Yes," Loki said, nodding, but with a bad feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.

"That is the foolishness of youth speaking. It is precisely because I am your father that I cannot intervene."

"Why not?" Loki asked, his words jumping up in pitch under the sting of Odin's words. Are you ashamed of me?

"Do you truly wish to be known as a warrior only because your father overruled Tyr? You would have no legitimacy in your claim as a warrior, or even as a man of Asgard. How much worse that you are a prince! Loki, someday you will be a leader among Asgardians. How can you lead a people whose trust you cannot count on? You must understand that the people's ability to respect and trust you would fall into question. What trust would Asgard have in a prince who could not pass his Trials without a whispered word from the king? You would face insult to your honor. How could you speak as a representative of a people who define themselves by their honor and their status as warriors?"

"But what am I to do? If they fail me I'm not a warrior at all!"

"If? They have already failed you. There's nothing to be done about that now. You will have to speak with Sorkvir and Tyr. I assume they will give you the opportunity to undertake the Trials a second time. But the matter must remain in their hands. I cannot be seen to have any involvement, for both of our sakes, but especially for yours, Loki."

"So you won't…you won't do anything to help me?"

"Loki…" Odin sighed, then stood, prompting Loki to stand as well. He came around the desk and put his hands on Loki's shoulders. "I am doing something to help you. I'm staying out of it, and letting you handle it like the man you're trying to prove yourself to be. I can't solve your problems for you, Son. You're going to have to face up to them yourself. Let go of your pride. Apologize to Sorkvir and to Tyr. Ask them, with the respect they deserve, if you can submit yourself to the Trials a second time, or if there's any other solution they can offer."

A thousand things ran through Loki's mind at once – angry retorts, shock, questions, pleas – but none of them came to the forefront clearly enough for him to turn into words, so he just stood there, staring up at Odin. He was actually a half an inch or so taller than his father now, but something about the power of his presence still made him feel like he was looking up into that single bright blue eye.

"Go, Loki. Get some sleep. Eat something if you haven't. You need it after today," he said, putting a hand around Loki's arm and giving it a squeeze. It was as close as his father ever came to the affection Frigga showered upon him, at least since his childhood. "Deal with this first thing in the morning."

Loki worked his jaw. Swallowed. Nodded. Left.

/

/

Mother was waiting there, in the anteroom just before the golden double doors. Her face was full of sympathy…not hope. She knew, Loki thought immediately. She knew exactly what he was going to say all along.

"Loki," she said, rising from the sofa she'd been sitting on.

"Leave me be, Mother. Please," he added, conscious that his tone had been rather unkind.

"All right," she said. He could feel her eyes on him as he passed her and opened the door to leave, but she didn't say anything else or attempt to approach him.

He ran down the two flights of stairs, ignoring Thidrek who stood nearby, threw open the door to his chambers, stepped in, closed it, and leaned heavily against it. He thought about Thidrek, one of the Einherjar who ensured his safety. The Einherjar nursemaids – as he and Thor had years ago taken to calling them in private – would cease their protective duties the day he turned twenty, the day he would be declared a man. A man. On Asgard, it was virtually synonymous with "warrior." Would he not be declared a man, because he had not been declared a warrior? Would he remain a youth, outside the official line of succession, followed by an Einherjar or two everywhere he went, as though he couldn't take care of himself?

But I can. I did. I did everything asked of me and more.

Loki walked away from the door. He could do nothing about any of this right now. The urge within him to grab a sword and prove what kind of warrior he was was strong, but throwing the equivalent of a temper tantrum – basically behaving like Thor – wouldn't help matters. Better to do something practical. Useful. Like taking a real bath.

Loki washed himself thoroughly from the day's exertions, checked that each cut was fully healed, then soaked for a while in the warm water that nicely soothed his muscles but could not entirely relax them. He could have stayed there for hours letting his skin wrinkle – the basin continuously circulated and warmed the water – but before long he got out, deciding he would rather just go to bed. He dried off and pulled on the sleepwear that had been left out for him – a soft gray tunic and pants with bands of green at the hems. He went back out to his bedchamber and stopped short.

"What are you doing on my bed, Thor?"

"Nothing. Just sitting here," Thor said, looking up at Loki with complete – and unfeigned – innocence. "What are you doing here?"

"Did you get lost? These are my chambers. What I'm doing here is going to bed. Move over." He leaned over to give Thor an encouraging shove, but he was already scooting over to the other side.

"You said you'd come tell me what happened."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did! You were really going to just sneak back down here without telling me anything?"

"Well…yes," Loki said, settling down under the covers that Thor sat on top of beside him. "I just wanted to get cleaned up and go to bed."

"Not so fast. Come on, you have to tell me what Father said."

"Go ask him yourself."

"Loki, don't be that way. What did he say?"

Lying on his back, Loki glanced up at Thor. His face was a picture of earnestness and openness. Loki couldn't ignore him. He pushed himself up and sat against the headboard, and filled his brother in on what their father had said.

"So you'll talk to Tyr tomorrow then?" Thor asked when Loki had finished.

"I suppose," Loki said with a shrug. "I don't know what choice I have." He looked down at his hands on his lap. "I still can't believe this is actually happening. I think I'm hoping I'll just wake up tomorrow and it will all have been a bad dream."

"Me, too," Thor said, and Loki looked up at him to see him nodding and looking down at his own lap. It didn't happen to you, Thor, it happened to me, Loki thought with a twinge of bitterness, but he didn't give voice to the thought.

"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep now."

"All right," Thor said, joining Loki in lifting the covers and sliding down under them.

"What are you doing?"

"Sometimes you ask the dullest questions, Brother. What does it look like I'm doing?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Fine, if you're truly too lazy to bother with going back to your own chambers," Loki grumbled, turning to his side and putting his back to Thor, who promptly gave him a gentle shove to the shoulder.

"I never went to bed last night. I'm tired."

"Mm-hm," Loki said, and otherwise ignored him. A smile flitted across his lips, though. He was glad Thor was staying. He didn't really want to be alone right now, and even though he was on the cusp of twenty, there remained something comforting in Thor's presence at his side, accustomed to it as he was from infancy. Thor's support meant a lot to him. Loki opened his eyes then, realizing that Thor had never actually voiced his opinion of what had happened. He lay there in silence a while, recalling how Thor had come by earlier but seemed somehow not himself, how he hadn't touched him at all. How he still hadn't, except for that one little shove, lighter than usual.

"Thor?" he finally asked, quietly in case Thor had already drifted into sleep.

"Mm?" Thor mumbled several seconds later, sounding indeed half-asleep.

"Do you think they should have failed me?" Loki listened intently for the response, but from Thor came only silence. Loki told himself that his brother must have already fallen asleep.

/

In the next chapter, Loki considers his options...and realizes there may be more than he thought at first...

I don't know exactly how long this story will be (not Beneath-length or even Memory Casket-length), but the next chapter begins to bridge us to what I think of as the "second half" of the story.

Thanks for your comments, for faves and follows and so forth, hope you are still enjoying this story!