Trials
Chapter Eight: Loyalties, Second Thoughts
When Loki reached his chambers, the Chief Palace Servant was there waiting for him. Loki was confused by her presence at first, but then recalled he was supposed to meet her to make final selections on his own team of servants. The ones who currently tended to him and his belongings and his chambers were part of his mother's retinue, and really answered to her rather than him. For the most part, unlike Thor, he didn't want to keep the same ones, in order to establish his independence. He dismissed her, though, now; those decisions would have to wait.
He had less than three days to prepare his arguments for whichever magistrate drew his petition.
Loki sat at his desk in his office – his chambers had already been renovated and expanded and now occupied virtually the entire floor – and pulled out some blank paper, which he sat there and stared at. His and Thor's education was similar to what other Asgardians received, but at the advanced levels and tailored to the two of them. Perhaps other boys and girls learned more about the practical aspects of magistrate processes, but he and Thor had focused on its history and development and philosophical underpinnings, key cases from across the millennia, and the roles of the king and First Magistrate, in particular the latter's responsibilities as advisor to the king.
Loki set his jaw, took a deep breath, picked up his pen. He supposed he needed to list out his basic arguments, then develop each of them, perhaps with examples of parallel situations and hypotheticals, much as he would create an essay or prepare a presentation for his lessons. It wasn't easy, though. It all seemed so self-evident. He wanted to write "It's not fair!" and leave it at that. But that argument had gotten him precisely nowhere. He thought through what his mother had said, what Finnulfur had said, and what Thor had said, and he began to write.
"1. No one told me that I could not use magic."
/
/
About an hour later a knock came on the front door, the sound amplified and carried throughout his chambers. It made him think of yesterday, when he'd hoped for his father and gotten his mother. Now he hoped it was Thor, but as the seconds passed and he didn't hear his older brother stomping through his chambers and calling out, he knew it wasn't him. He put his pen down and hurried to the door.
His mother's smiling face greeted him, but it was his brother – his younger one – who raced forward and grabbed his hand and his full attention.
"Loki, come to dinner!"
"I would love to," Loki said with a big smile for Baldur's benefit, "but I'm afraid I can't. I have a lot of work to do."
"Your work will go better if you eat. It'll be just the three of us, and we're having something light. Your father is busy preparing for the celebration and Thor is going out."
Loki nodded, and the smile stayed on his face but his shoulders sank. He didn't even ask me if I wanted to go. Not that he always did. But he usually did. Thor, apparently, was really mad. That Father wouldn't be joining them was expected – the celebrations being prepared, of course, were not for Loki's birthday, but for the twentieth anniversary of the triumphant end of the Ice War. Loki's birthday was just a small part of that, and would be marked the day after. "All right," he said, unable to resist both his mother and his little brother, who was tugging on his hand. "But I can't stay long."
"Just long enough to have a decent meal, and I'll stop badgering you," Mother said as Baldur shouted his enthusiasm and grabbed Loki's other hand . He started tipping backward as he pulled with all his four-year-old might and Loki did not budge.
Loki gave a laugh at that. His body was changing, and it was something he had to learn to adjust to. Baldur could no longer make him move unless he allowed it – which of course he did, though carefully and with a counter-tug, to make sure Baldur didn't fall back and hit his head. "Let's go. I'll race you."
"Not on the stairs, Loki."
"Of course not, Mother," he said, giving her an innocent smile. He bent down to Baldur's level. "We shall go slowly and carefully up the stairs, Baldur," Loki said in a normal tone before slipping into a whisper he knew Mother would still be able to hear, and leaning in closer to Baldur's ear. "Until we get to the turn."
He stood and shot a quick grin at his mother who dutifully frowned at him while her eyes smiled. He would keep an eye on Baldur and not let him get hurt, and she knew it; she rarely really chastised him.
They climbed up side by side, Baldur glancing up at him constantly, until they reached the landing at the turn of the stairs. There Loki gave a nod and Baldur took off, Loki a step behind him so he could watch his feet, which sometimes still didn't quite behave as intended.
Once inside his parents' and Baldur's chambers, Mother just stepping inside behind them, Loki saw Baldur looking up at him with a curious expression, and suspected what was coming next. He'd dreaded it.
"Loki, why did that man say you failed the Trials?"
Loki glanced up to his mother, who gave him an apologetic smile.
"I tried to explain," she said.
Loki crouched down and gave a shrug, hoping to blow it off. "They said I didn't follow the rules. But they never explained all of the rules to me."
"That's what Mother said. But I like your magic, and you beat Tyr, and you picked up Thor and the tree, and I liked how you threw the wheels around the poles. I think you passed."
Loki put his hands out and Baldur went into his arms; he stood and lifted Baldur with him, and his brother wrapped his legs around his waist. "Mother," Loki said with a serious expression, "I would like five more of these, exactly like this one."
Frigga gave a surprised laugh, then kissed his cheek and Baldur's forehead. "I'll consult with your father," she said.
"Five more like me?" Baldur asked, looking a little confused.
"Yes," Loki said, as the servants arrived with their carts to set up dinner. "Just as adorable, and clever, and loyal, and brave, and everything anyone could want in a brother."
"Like you and Thor!"
"Mmm, yes, exactly," he said, hugging Baldur close to hide his moment of discomfort. Baldur's loyalty, unlike Thor's, it seemed, was unquestioning and absolute.
Then again, Baldur was four.
/
/
Thor never showed up in Loki's chambers that night, as he'd thought he might. Drunk, forgetting they'd argued, forgetting Loki had yelled, wanting to tell him about whatever he'd done that night. Thor had a temper, but he didn't stay mad, and he didn't hold grudges. Loki slept fitfully, certain Thor would come at some point. The idiot had settled himself down in Loki's own bed the night before. But he never answered when I asked if he thought I should have passed…
Loki ordered breakfast, dressed, and ate, then got back to work preparing his arguments, adding, revising, and continuously thinking it all through. He thought about going to the law library to also consult the laws on the responsibilities of warriors, but decided there wouldn't be time. It wouldn't take long to find and retrieve the texts – one didn't need to physically search through all the tomes – but Loki knew that on Asgard there would simply be too many laws and regulations on that subject than he would have time to go through, particularly when it was unlikely to have any real bearing on a citizens' rights petition.
By mid-afternoon he couldn't stare at the small stack of papers on his desk any longer. He wasn't used to this – sitting at a desk all day. Even while still going to lessons, there were breaks and period of activity, and afterward, battle training. Thor, he knew, had replaced most of his former classroom hours with more training, and the remaining extra time he spent with friends. It made Loki a little jealous – not really because Thor had other friends, but because Loki was used to spending virtually the entire day with Thor and now he saw him only a few hours most days, and sometimes not at all, while these others were with him all day. He missed Thor.
It would change soon. Once he was declared a warrior – surely in a few days now, as a result of his petition – he would be free to go on adventures with Thor, and to join him in advanced training… Loki's face fell. He had hoped to join Thor in his advanced training with Tyr. That would never happen now. He'd humiliated Tyr, and Tyr had humiliated him, and now he was going to humiliate Tyr again at the hearing.
His face fell further, into a miserable grimace. Thor was right. He should have gone to Tyr and to Sorkvir and explained his intention. He just couldn't imagine that confrontation going well. At the heart of it, it was cowardice, and Loki felt ashamed.
Maybe it's not too late, he thought. He walked back over to his desk and ran his hand over the projector. 3:58. The petition had been posted early this morning, a magistrate would have drawn it, and at some point in the process – though quickly, Loki presumed – Tyr and Sorkvir would have notified. Probably it had already happened. But maybe not. He resolved to ask Finnulfur where things stood, and half an hour later he was again entering the Central Magistrate's Office.
The assistant looked up at him with a smile that seemed nervous and made Loki feel the same. "I'd like to see- Finnulfur!" Loki exclaimed as the law advisor and First Magistrate suddenly opened his door and stepped out into the large vestibule.
"Oh, ah, Loki, I was just going to see your father. I, ah, I suppose you may as well join me," he said, setting off with his last words.
Loki fell into hurried step beside him, surprised at the quick pace. "All right," he said, though it sparked a flare of uneasiness in him – he hadn't seen Father since he'd refused to help or become involved at all. He quickly found himself reconsidering. "Perhaps I should just wait here until you return," he said, feet dragging and making him fall behind Finnulfur, who had already made it to the corridor outside the Magistrate's Office.
Finnulfur slowed and turned, but didn't entirely stop. "Ahhh, well, you see, Loki, it actually concerns your petition, so perhaps you'd better come."
Loki was startled into stopping, then ran to catch up with Finnulfur, whose own speed was picking up again. "But...why do you have to see Father about my petition?"
"We mustn't keep the All-Father waiting. I'll explain it to you both at the same time."
Perhaps it was simply because Finnulfur was in a rush, but it seemed to Loki that the law advisor was avoiding his eyes. Loki's heart sank yet again. Nothing had gone right since Tyr had uttered the word "fail." And it didn't look like that was about to change.
/
This story is still written "ahead," ie, more than the one typical chapter is already written after this one, it's just mostly hand-written, but the reason for the long delay was because of my move. I'm moved now and while my schedule is still not completely settled, it's much more so than it was! Shouldn't be nearly so long before the next chapter's up.
In the next chapter, Loki struggles to figure out his relationship with his father, struggles to come to terms with his conflict with Thor, and struggles to figure out what his mother's thinking when she speaks of decisions with shades of right and wrong.