Notes: And I am back! I actually would have posted sooner, but I ran into some issues. The major one was that this chapter was initially supposed to be about August, Gene, Jefferson, and Radiance, but I was so unsatisfied that I deleted it, and wrote this instead. Do not worry, even though everything is now out of sequence, for I will try to keep everything else on track. I will say now that we are winding down to the end of this part of the season! Anyway, on to answering some reviews! (My favorite part.) First off, thank you for all of those definitions of heroes. They will all play a major part in season 3. Seriously, I needed those different points of views. Anyway... To FocusedStream, that is a good question! I actually have a different theme song for each season. None of them are set in stone, but... For season 1 it is "Everybody wants to Rule the World" by Lorde. For season 2 it is "Scarborough Fair" by Nox Arcana. For season 3 (a hint here) it is "Gravity Hurts" by Cryoshell. To REtheUgly, I actually wanted to mention that I listened to Waterflame's "Glorious Morning 2." Thanks a lot. Now I cannot get it out of my head. To Rainbow999, your observations were incredibly helpful, and had me scrambling to fix the issues. They are all good now. Now... To the rest of you guys... thanks again. All these reviews really keep me going!
Dimension: Little Nemo, Oblivion
Planet: Oblivion
Specific Location: The Lone Witness
Time: Over a week after Lyric found Summer
The wind moaned with sepulcher tones as it wound its way through the massive ruins of an ocean-side stone outpost. The strange structure (once a grand spire) was splayed out, crumbling, and dusty; and even the odd ocean that it stood sentinel over had an ageing, sickly look to it. The sky was blank, with the low-hanging sun above dead, dark orange, and barely gleaming.
Naturally, all this was terribly hideous to Rarity, who was all about fashion, even when she was having a dimensional-jumping adventure.
"Oh my!" she cried, "This place is absolutely dull! We at least need some drapes, and then a little more décor… Then some…"
"You are nervous, aren't you?" interrupted Sunflower, looking at her.
Rarity grinned sheepishly, "Terribly so, sir."
"No, no, dear old Rarity is right!" cried Discord, who was hovering above their heads, "This place is very lacking in color! Even though the state of this place delightfully cries out the word 'chaos,' everything is so… bleh."
"That is probably the worst way to describe it," replied Flaming Star, who also was very nervous, "But there is no time to discuss that. We need to move out."
"Where?" asked Twilight, trying to sound cheerful and ready, "Is this the Nightmare Land? Do we need to head into the mainland?"
"That's just it, there is no mainland," replied Sunflower, "In fact, this is not even Nightmare Land. Let me explain… There are two major realms: Slumberland and Nightmare Land in this dimension. However, they are actually not directly connected. To get from one land to another, you need to pass through here: Oblivion. It is simply a massive ocean, with this decrepit outpost as the only area with solid ground."
"Spooky," commented Discord, now sounding nervous as well, "Okay, so since we are in the middle of everything, how do we get from this land of Oblivion to this land of… ahem… Nightmares?"
Sunflower scanned the dead, lifeless ocean that stretched out to the horizon before him. As he did so, he called upon the eons of memories stored within his brain. Finally he stretched out an armored hand and pointed to a point on the horizon.
"There is a dormant whirlpool over there. It is one of the few access points from Oblivion to Nightmare Land. In fact, that very whirlpool was the way Lord Nemo the Nightmare-Slayer got from here to there."
"Lord Nemo the Nightmare-Slayer sounds like a very dashing title. Oh! He must be the person this dimension is named after, very posh." tittered Rarity, "Mayhap he is still around… to give us some tips?"
"Lord Nemo has been dead for millennia now. He was naught but a mortal," replied Sunflower.
"But if he was a mortal, then how did he survive the horrors of Nightmare Land?" asked Flaming Star, "As we said before, we heard the tales. We know of the terrors."
"You would be surprised of what pure mortals can do," said Sunflower, his voice laden with hidden meaning, "But it matters not, right now. With him as an exception, we must acknowledge that many, many heavily armed beings have been killed in the land we are about to invade."
There was a long pause, which only served to multiply the tension.
"Well! That is all very well," said Discord loudly, doing his best to break the tension, "But did you not say we needed a boat? I am a sucker for such things myself! Let's see… We need a rudder, water-proof body… sails… No! It is time to have modern feel… Mayhap steam-powered will cut it. Yes…"
Discord gestured slightly, and a large steam-powered ferry popped into existence.
"I would have gone with jet-powered military-grade speedboat myself," muttered Flaming Star as he helped Twilight to get on-board.
"Well excuse me for thinking of beauty as well as functionality," snorted Discord.
"Don't take it too hard," said Rarity, almost sympathetically, "The style is very nicely done I think, if that means anything to you."
Discord seized Rarity in a tight hug. "Oh! It does… So… very… much."
Flaming Star rolled his eyes. He then turned to Sunflower as he leapt into the boat.
"What is our play?" he asked grimly.
"We sail this boat to the coordinates I will give out," said Sunflower, "We will be sucked into a whirlpool and then tossed into the Nightmare Land. From that point, our goal is survival as I set off an Inquisition-Specific Beacon. If nothing hideous kills you while we wait… we will be good."
"Wait… kill us? Me? What about you?" asked Flaming Star, giving Sunflower a side-long glance.
"I am not going to die," replied Sunflower, "It is too difficult to kill an Inquisitor, but the same is not said for you and your friends. I will try to protect you, but I am unsure of how effective I will be in the long-run. Very few scans have ever been run on Nightmare Land, and it is always evolving… always corrupting new and unique Imagination Energy streams that intersect the dimension. Thus… Not even Rerenhaw has an idea of what lies in wait."
"Wonderful," muttered Flaming Star as he trotted off to find Twilight.
In a few minutes all preparations had been made, and they were on their way. The ferry moved swiftly through the sick, becalmed waters. However, every member on the team wished fervently that it had been a hurricane instead of what they were trapped in now because of the sanity-snapping nothingness that surrounded them. The entire ocean echoed of dead silence, and nothing but lifelessness was around for eternity in all directions.
"I think I am going to die," moaned Discord, who was the most effected due to the absolute lack of chaos anywhere, "Tell my mum I loved her." He leaned over the rails of the front of the craft, letting half of his body droop over the side.
"You are not going to die," stammered Rarity, who was also fairly shaken-up, "You just need to… um… not… die…"
"Just think about other things!" cried Twilight, who seemed to fairing the best aside from the lone sentinel that was Sunflower, "I mean, think of all the strange factors that must go into this land! Absolute silence, calm waters. And look at the sun! What stage of decay must it be in? Flaming Star, what does the Traveler Database say?"
"Absolutely nothing," sighed Flaming Star dejectedly, staring into the endlessly becalmed waters, "There is no data. No one ever came here, because no one wanted to risk running into an inter-dimensional pocket portal that would ultimately end up sucking them into the Nightmare Land… and thus effectively sentencing them to the worst death possible."
"Speaking of pocket portals," called Sunflower from where he was guiding the boat in the open-air captain's nest above and behind them, "But we are almost there. Contact in T-minus 60 seconds."
"T-MINUS 60 SECONDS?" cried Rarity, "We are almost out of time! Come dears! We must hurry! Everypony get strapped in!"
"No…" breathed Discord, "Just leave me here to die. I need it."
Rarity simply grabbed the nape of the despondent being by her teeth and dragged him along into the small cabin room. Flaming Star and Twilight followed. The ponies and the draconequus sat down and strapped their bodies to the ground. A deep silence ensued as every being present counted down from sixty.
"Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Zero."
There was a nanosecond pause (that felt like an eternity) and then the whole craft tipped forward as a massive whirlpool of yellowish water opened up from absolutely nowhere, swallowing the bulkhead of the ferry whole. The entire group screamed as Discord's ferry literally began to disintegrate as it moved through the roaring waters that led to the Nightmare Land. Wind howled, waves thrashed, and lightning crackled. All screamed in terror as the vibrations that wracked the ship grew stronger and stronger… expect Sunflower, that is. The Inquisition stood at the wheel of the ship, exposed to the elements. But he never budged. Holding the craft steady, he let the flotsam and broken scraps of the ship shattered against his unyielding armor as he led the ferry through the portal.
And then, just as suddenly as the deluge started, it stopped. Like the eye of a hurricane.
"Well, the worst is over," sighed Flaming Star, holding on to Twilights head.
"I wouldn't say that," called Sunflower from outside, "Look down."
The whole entire group unstrapped themselves from the floor and rushed to a nearby cabin window. Their stomachs turned to ice as they realized where they were: thousands of meters in the air. The land surrounding them down below was dull and foreboding. A colossal forest of twisted and blackened trees stretched out beneath them. To the east was a range of grey mountains that belched smoke and brimstone. To the south was a swamp, where everypony could have sworn they saw a tentacle the size of Canterlot itself sifting through the rotting ooze. To the west was a gorge where strange screams could be heard even from their height. To the north were more mountains. But these mountains were surrounded by a giant canyon, and a single black spire rose above the range like a monument to hell. No doubt the abode of the Nightmare King.
"B-b-but we're not falling," gasped Twilight, hoping that they were safe high in the sky.
"We have not completely entered the realm of Nightmare Land yet, so this land's physics does not yet apply," called Sunflower, "But that will all change in a second. I really wish you four had kept the seatbelts on."
And just as he finished saying that… the broken mass of metal and wood that was Discord's ferry dropped like a rock. The whole thing spiraled down at top speed, shards of wood and scraps of metal detaching and flying off the whole way.
"Not agaaaiiiinnnnn…" screamed Twilight as everyone entered a state of terminal velocity, causing them all to float.
"There is no way we're going to survive this!" wailed Discord.
"Snap out of it!" cried Flaming Star, "You don't hear Sunflower screaming! And we're Dimensional Travelers! We've handled things like this before!"
Rarity clenched her jaw shut to cut off her screaming. Her eyes hardened, and she nodded to Flaming Star in readiness.
"I am going to blow the ferry to pieces using a small kinetic shockwave on the count of three," said Flaming Star, "when I do that, Rarity, I want you to surround us in an energy bubble. Then you, Discord, need to slow our descent using anti-gravity powers until we have reached a comfortable landing speed. Understood? Good! Ready? One… Two… THREE."
Flaming Star slammed his forehooves together sharply, and a blast of kinetic energy bubbled outwards. The explosion of power disintegrated whatever was left of the boat. Sunflower saw that and kicked away. He floated beside the four others and yelled, "I will see you at the bottom."
He then tucked his arms in and shot towards the surface with nothing (not even a form of a parachute) to break his fall.
Unruffled by this, Flaming Star nodded coolly to Rarity, she spread her hooves and closed her eyes. Suddenly the four falling beings were surrounded by an iridescent bubble of pure protection. Discord than raised his forelimbs upwards, and the entire group felt themselves gradually slow down.
Down below, Sunflower smashed into the ground feet first, causing the earth in a kilometer radius to buckle upwards and shudder violently. All the twisted trees around him uprooted and shot backwards from the shockwave, clearing a whole area for the rest of the team to land. Getting up from the kneeling position he had landed in without a scratch, Sunflower smoothly pulled out a small metallic cube and threw it in the dirt. The cube sparked once, and then went dormant. That was all that was needed, the signal had been sent. Sunflower glanced up, and waved at his slowly descending teammates.
Twilight and Flaming Star could not help but wave back as the bubble that Rarity had created came to earth beside the Inquisitor and popped.
"Well now," sighed Discord, dusting himself off, "That was a new experience, wasn't it? So, tell me Sunflower, how long until Dark gets here? In fact, is he even here?"
Sunflower nodded his head slowly. "He is here all right. I feel the Inquisition connection. However, as for how long we have to wait… Well… As it has been stated countless times before, Dark is not like me or Blue. He knew no respect and refused to understand the logic of teamwork. He hated everyone except our team leader. He even hated me. Thus, we can only hope his slight interest in seeing a fellow John 3 Inquisitor will be enough to bring him back from wherever he is. Until then, we have only one mission: survive."
"Survive?" squeaked Rarity, now realizing how very real was the danger that they were in.
"I will honestly say that I am unsure of what monsters lurk around now," replied Sunflower, "During the time of Lord Nemo, there were just goblins and gargoyles… but over time the Imagination Outflow from Earth Prime became more and more corrupt. It is corrupting even more as we speak. The more corrupt the outflow, the more twisted the monsters that will emerge here. We have no idea…"
Sunflower suddenly stopped talking and whipped up his Sniper Rifle. Quickly he pulled the trigger and a bolt of pure death silently hissed out. There was a pause, and then a hideous bipedal monster parted the decaying bushes to the group's right to fall to the ground, dead. Rarity opened her mouth to scream, but Discord shoved his lions paw into her mouth to keep sounds from escaping. The monster that Sunflower just killed was truly hideous. It resembled a pitch-black human (more like zombie), but from its chest sprouted tiny limbs that had spikes on the end. Its face was rotting, and had long dagger-like scythes intersecting its face in many places. It had four pairs of legs, each with claws sticking out of its skin in random places like thorns on a rose.
"Hmmmm," rumbled Sunflower worriedly, "These truly are monsters. Nothing like the bothersome imps during the early times."
Suddenly a large, hunch-back variant of the monster just killed parted the bushes to their left, roaring at the top of its tar-clogged lungs. Sunflower shot it too.
"That yell was no doubt a call for reinforcements," said Sunflower grimly, "Ready yourselves. You are in charge of your own protection."
No sooner had those words slipped from Sunflower's lips than twisted creators from the depth of nightmares rose from the shadows. These constructs of hell stood quietly for a moment, staring blankly at the five beleaguered travelers… then they rushed in to attack.
Sunflower immediately accounted for over half of them. Slaying all nearby with his elbow blade all the while performing no-scope headshots with his sniper rifle. The other half were quickly dispatched by Flaming Star and Discord, with Flaming Star incinerating his targets with dark matter, and Discord turning his targets into ants. There was not even a moment of silence to announce the coming of a second wave. These too were murdered. Then came another wave, and then another.
At first it seemed like this cycle would be endless, with these creatures simply charging to their deaths, but then a lethal factor became apparent during the twentieth wave.
Just as another group of monsters dashed headlong at the team, Flaming Star unleashed a triple-bolt of dark matter. However, everyone (except Sunflower) was shocked to see these globules of pure death being simply absorbed into the flayed flesh of the targets without any apparent damage.
"What… what is going on?!" yelled Flaming Star.
"They are adapting to our unique Imagination Signatures," replied Sunflower, "Nightmare Land denizens do this. Soon they will become embodiments of our worst fears… and then kill us."
Flaming Star bit his lip as he had to fall back, letting Sunflower save them with a triple-headshot.
"Why is it not working against you?" asked Twilight, glad to see that her magic was still working as she levitated a monster and then slingshot it into the ionosphere.
"Because I have nothing to fear… and because my sniper rifle is absolute," replied Sunflower, "But remember… I cannot protect you all."
"We need to switch up our attacks," said Flaming Star, an idea dawning inside his desperate mind as more monsters drew near from behind the dark, twisted trees, "Make them more indirect. If we avoid targeting them specifically, they will be unable to absorb the energies."
Flaming Star compounded his idea by releasing a seismic attack. The earth beneath a dozen of the hideous creatures opened up and swallowed them hole, crushing their desecrated bodies to pulp.
"It's working!" cried Rarity as she turned the earth beneath several more monsters into lava, "It's working! It's…"
A bolt of distorted green energy ripped through the air from the shadows and slammed into her. Flaming Star glanced at her worriedly and was shocked to see her frozen in time, her eyes stretched wide open in fear. It seemed that she was in some form of trance.
"The monsters are adapting again," said Sunflower quietly, dodging another one of those fear-inducing energy bolts, "Now that they see they cannot kill us directly, they are trying to do it indirectly as well."
Sunflower then dove to the side, taking another green energy beam in the chest that was meant for Twilight. However, the attack wore off in an instant, useless.
However, this selfless act seemingly was negated as another bolt simply hit another party member: Discord.
"N-no…" groaned Discord as time froze around him.
Sunflower, Twilight, and Flaming Star were all that was left.
"What do we do?" wailed Twilight.
"We need to keep fighting," said Flaming Star, the light of battle now in his eyes, "There is no way to escape. I would rather die fighting with loved ones than see my friends get picked off one-by-one while retreating."
Almost as if those brave words had a profound effect on the oncoming monsters of despair, there was a pause. All attacking creatures stopped, and then slunk back into the shadows.
"Is that… is that it?" gasped Twilight, tears streaming from her eyes.
"No," said Sunflower, "We are about to see much worse."
As if to confirm those words, a howl of pure evil rose off in the distance. Then, suddenly, the earth beyond the clearing rose up in a hump… and then burst, revealing a true horror.
It was a mass of thick, boiling flesh, oozing tar. Long spindly legs stuck out at odd angles all over its body light a twenty-legged spider. Hundreds of tiny little screaming human faces were plastered all across the front, acting like the multitude of eyes on a housefly. Thick blood and tar slathered down its bubbling flesh. It towered above the small group, a kilometer high and two kilometers long.
Twilight fainted almost immediately, and Flaming Star had to make a visible effort to keep his sanity.
Sunflower actually chuckled. "So… Nightmare King… You have sent the Unholy Construct to face Amethyst again? Do you think because Kytax is not here we will not kill it again?"
The giant hellbeast lumbered forward, using the multitude of faces on it to vomit forward a hail of lacerating, demonic energy bolts. In a second Flaming Star was knocked unconscious from the explosions caused by the missing energy beams. The entire team was down except for Sunflower.
Then Dark arrived. From out of the shadows, the embodiment of Inquisition Wrath strolled in.
"I was wondering how long your team would last," growled Dark, "Sorry I waited until they were all out. I did not want any unfair variables increasing our chances of victory. If I fight, it is going to be this way. Two or three against indomitable odds."
"One of them could have been killed," replied Sunflower sternly, not letting on that he was glad to see his former teammate.
"No loss. We could just add it to our endless tally of murdered civilians."
"I remember why I didn't miss you."
Dark did not reply to that. Instead he pulled out his tri-barreled rocket launcher.
"I am going to take out its face… or faces, to be exact," he said, "Take out its limbs. I am then going to cut its body open. The regenerative properties of the Unholy is extremely high, but I will have its innards exposed for a second. Use a Rupture Round and put it inside its organs. That will win us the day. Or night. I don't actually care. Just kill it horribly and I will feel better."
Sunflower sighed and then nodded. But as he prepped his weapon swiftly, he muttered, "I am glad the rest of the team is not awake to see this."
"They are heroes," snorted Dark, "Weak, pitiful fools who think they can stomach hell because it is for the good of others. We should do them a favor and kill them quickly and quietly right afterwards."
"Very funny," said Sunflower, "I've had enough of killing innocents. Let us do some good for once."
"Whatever."
With that, Dark fired all three rockets with incredible speed and perfect precision. The Amethyst Missiles smashed into the Unholy's face and detonated, ripping and vaporizing its flesh. For an instant an ocean-worth of black, tarry blood spewed into the air from the wound, but in less than a second the skin regenerated, replacing the wound with reddish black flesh. It no longer had energy-shooting faces, but it was a whole lot madder. Long, tendril-like claws shot out from its back like a hail of daggers, slamming into the ground about Sunflower and Dark in an effort to spear them through-and-through.
The two Inquisitors ducked under the attacks and rushed the creature. As they did that, the Unholy unleashed another scream. A shockwave of pure life-draining power rippled outward, turning the decaying trees (and any other monsters) around it to dust. Dark and Sunflower both grunted in pain as the wave of hell washed up against their armor, tearing at the powerful metal… but the attack was not powerful enough.
The Unholy attempted to unleash another scream, but it was too late. Dark pulled out his fold-up hatchet and flipped it open. Then, with a massive leap, he rocketed thousands of meters into the air to land upon the monsters back. In an instant, miniature Unholy's formed (from flesh and shadow) and detached from the back of the creature to accost Dark, but they were all reduced to ash by the rocket launcher. Dark then raised his hatchet high, charged it with pure power, and then slammed it into the Unholy's skin. Then he dashed forward across its back at the speed of sound, ripping through the flesh and bisecting it faster than the eye could move. Seeing his queue, Sunflower leapt even higher into the air. As he shot into the sky, he loaded a single, long bullet. It was purple, and somehow managed to radiate negative light despite having no form of light source.
Just as he reached the maxima of his leap, Sunflower scoped out the Unholy's wound. Even as he did so, the long cut across its body was beginning to heal at an alarming rate… but it was still too late for it to be safe. Sunflower pulled the trigger just as Dark jumped headlong off of the monster, ripping out his hatchet viciously. The bullet practically materialized within its target and detonated, filling the entire form of the Unholy with Dimensional Energy, which was lethal for anything, no matter how demonic.
The Unholy had time for one more shriek of death (which lanced off of the Inquisitor's armor again) before exploding in a blast of blood that soaked the ground to the core in a dozen-kilometer radius.
Sunflower and Dark landed on the ground almost simultaneously.
There was a pause as the two stood side-by-side, soaked in the Unholy's blood.
"Blue is returning," stated Sunflower, immediately getting to the point, "Rerenhaw is calling for our return to eliminate Dimensional Lord Orion and whoever he is working for."
"Very well," was all that he got in reply. In truth, Dark did not really care. If Rerenhaw needed him again, whether to protect innocents or to commit atrocious acts in the name of the Greater Good, he was ready.
Sunflower sighed. "To me, at least, this seems almost unreal. It has been countless eons since we last worked together. Come… let us wake up the others. And, no, we are not going to act on your offer and kill them all. They are… they are friends."
"We are Inquisitors," growled Dark, "We don't have 'friends.'"
"You don't have friends," retorted Sunflower, "But unlike you and Blue… I care about things. I have a heart. And thus… I can have friends. These ponies here... they are my friends."
"You were always the weakest," said Dark.
"No. I simply had hope. And that makes me stronger than you both."
Dimension: Rerenhaw
Planet: Rerenhaw
Specific Location: The Council Room
Time: Over a week after Lyric found Summer
Mattimeo was standing alone, staring blankly at the massive Council Room table. As he stood there, Doxia entered the room and approached him.
"Doxia, do you need something?" asked Mattimeo coolly, without turning around.
"The pictures of Summer you showed Sunflower… they were altered so Twilight and Flaming Star could not recognize their daughter," said Doxia, his voice unusually cold, "Their colors were slightly off and anything else required for recognition was askew."
Mattimeo nodded, "If they knew their daughter was alive, the will to complete our mission would be compromised."
"Is this what this is all about? The mission?" snapped Doxia, "What about Summer being happy?"
Mattimeo turned to look at Doxia. As he did so, he said, "If they found out, the post-death-of-their-daughter world that they built for themselves will crumble. They will then force us on word of honor to send her a message and to retrieve her. That would then destroy her world. I refuse to do that."
Doxia actually did a double-take. "So… wait… Are you saying that this is for the mission, or for Summer?"
Mattimeo continued to stare at Doxia quietly. "What do you think?"
Doxia sighed loud and long. "And here you were, only a couple hundred billion years ago, telling me and Allison that love was for children, and that we were acting like fools. You really have gotten the fatherly-love thing nailed down now, don't you?"
Mattimeo turned away again. "Do not mock me, Doxia. I owe her a debt for making the rash decisions I did."
"Mattimeo… you think of yourself as Summer's adopted father. What would a true adopted father do if he found out her real family was still alive and out there?" asked Doxia quietly.
"I do not care," said Mattimeo, "In fact, in the end, none of this matters. We are borderline gods trapped in limbo, with only fleeting attractions to justify our forced existence. I am answering that question with another question, Doxia: why did we not choose to relinquish our powers and die of old age like the others?"
"You are changing the subject, Mattimeo," said Doxia sternly, "But the answer I responded with for that specific question all those eons ago is the same. We are here because we know that as long as the Earth Multiverse exists there will be monsters. And since we are cursed to be here for as long as the Earth Multiverse exists, we might as well fight the only other thing that will live as long as us and the multiverses: evil. And now answer my question: if you truly consider yourself a loving father of Summer, what are you willing to do to bring her true happiness?"
Mattimeo raised a hand and posed it as if he was about to snap a finger. As he did that, he said, "What would I do? Nothing. If you want to tell them, feel free… But remember: our friendship has been in the balance since the Paradox Crisis… What will this do to it?"
With that, he snapped his finger. In an instant he teleported to the other side of the planet.
Doxia sighed. He knew exactly where Mattimeo had teleported to, but he knew by the time he followed, Mattimeo would have opened to a portal he knew not where. And there was no use in contacting his old friend.
"I guess I need to think about the choices I have now," Doxia muttered, "Is it really worth doing the right thing, and risk losing a friend I have had for a trillion years?"
Doxia then opened a portal and walked slowly through it. He needed to talk to Derpy… and eat some muffins.
Notes: I have a question, how many of you actually like muffins? I personally enjoy the pumpkin-flavored ones. Now, let's say, hypothetically, that I had a massive surplus of pumpkin muffins. Would you, perhaps, want some? I will cut you a deal, then. If you give me a review, I will give you a hypothetical muffin. It is like an invisible muffin, but not. Smiles all around?