Part 1 of Chapter 24: Homecoming
Okay, so this chapter is turning out to be way longer than I anticipated, so I'm cutting it in half. Part 2 coming in a couple days if not sooner.
Ilyrana
Being a grown woman and the leader of a group of people should mean that I can come and go whenever I please. At my leisure. With only minimal yelling and swearing involved.
After they had briefed Valygar on what he'd missed during his outing, Rana and Sarevok had begun packing, while the ranger went downstairs to wake the others and tell them of recent developments.
Sarevok had wanted to slip out while the others were still asleep, and just let Valygar tell them where they had gone in the morning. He had been outvoted. As much as she'd have liked to do that, especially now, in the midst of this shit storm, she knew the others would have simply followed after them. Which was something neither of them wanted. This was theirs, and theirs alone, to see to.
So, she'd gone down to the dining room and waited for her companions to wake up and join her. Then, she'd stood before all of them and explained what life had been like for two young children growing up in a cult. And about the man responsible for their suffering.
Then, she spoke of a very different man, a good man, who had done a terrible thing to those two children when he tore them apart. And how those two children grew up and began hunting one another, neither remembering what the other had once meant to them, until it was too late.
She knew there would be push back, that the idea of her leaving for a time, without them, wouldn't be well received. But she hadn't anticipated this.
"Ilyrana, I cannot, in good conscience, just sit here while you go butcher people with that sadist!" Jaheira spat, pointing at Sarevok.
"Are you upset that we'll be sparing any children we find?" Sarevok drawled. "I can understand why that wouldn't sit well with a Harper."
Everyone but Keldorn and Valygar had been stunned into silence when Rana had told them about her and Sarevok's childhood. Jaheira most of all. About why they were going to this temple. That rescuing the little ones was a priority, but not their main objective. That Jorval was. The high priest who'd overseen the young bhaalspawns' mistreatment, and encouraged the abuse against them. And who, if not for Sarevok's constant interventions, would have violated Rana along with the countless other girls that had come through that temple.
She wanted to believe that Jaheira had had no prior knowledge of the Harper raid, but she just couldn't be sure. She'd watched the other woman's reaction closely when she told them all about Gorion erasing their memories. The druid had tried to deny it, accuse them of lying, make excuses for what he'd done, anything other than accept what happened. Rana didn't know what she would have done if the woman had known of it. Or condoned it.
Once Rana and Sarevok had gotten around to announcing their intention to go there, back to the temple they were raised in, Jaheira had become rabid about stopping them.
"I will not be blamed for the slaughter of infants by you, fiend! You dare to try and judge me? You? How many children have you killed? How many more would have died, or been orphaned, by your war!?"
"You can place a whole host of sins at my feet, Jaheira, but killing children isn't one of them. And whether you participated in the culling of bhaalspawn children or not, it was your organization that did it."
Keldorn raised a hand for silence before the druid could respond.
"The past isn't worth fighting about now. We can sit here all night and well into the tomorrow slinging accusations and old hurts around, but it will be a waste of time. Rana, you know how dangerous it is to separate from the group. You are the target of at least one bounty, and you are the one that the rest of the Five are after. If anyone gets word that you've gone off alone…"
"She won't be alone, old man," Sarevok said softly, his voice laced with menace.
"Aye, you'll be with her, abomination," Anomen sneered from his place at the doorway. "Forgive me if that doesn't sit well with some of us! How long have you been waiting for a chance to get her alone?"
"Oh, you have no idea," Sarevok purred, and Rana clenched her teeth in irritation at his brazen attempt to bait the knight.
Imoen had remained silent since Rana had stood before all of them and told them about her early childhood. She hadn't said a word or evinced any reaction. She'd just stood there, her fury rolling off of her in waves that Rana could practically feel pricking along her skin.
She knew why she was mad. How many times had she made her sister the same promise? No more secrets. And how many secrets did she continue to hoard after each time she told that lie? The regret of hurting Imoen yet again hung heavy on her, but it would not stop her from seeing this done.
The voices of the others rose as they continued to argue, with the occasional bellow from Keldorn to temporarily calm things down before a fight broke out.
Jaheira and Anomen teamed up to hurl accusations at Sarevok, who shouted both of them down with accusations of his own against the two.
Haer'Dalis was the only one still sitting, humming quietly to himself while he tuned his lute. He probably thought he'd entered a paradise of chaos, what with all the yelling.
Valygar had stayed to help Keldorn referee, but Jaheira had quickly tried to drag him onto her side, which he refused, and Rana was fairly certain that was the end of their little tryst.
"We can't make a move anyway until reinforcements get here, what does it matter if they leave for a couple of days?" Viconia interjected.
Trust the drow to back the plan that involved wholesale slaughter. Even if she wouldn't get to participate.
"What if they're ambushed? What if the Temple's defenses are better than Valygar observed? What if-"
"Two people will have an easier time of getting there and back, unmolested, than an entire group."
Rana took a deep breath to try and settle her nerves. All of this posturing was pointless. Necessary perhaps, to get everyone's feelings out in the open, but otherwise a waste of time. She'd already made her decision. There was nothing that could be said that would change it.
"Sir Keldorn," Rana finally spoke, loud enough to carry.
When everyone had quieted to look at her, she didn't look at anyone but Keldorn, addressing only him.
"My decision has been made. And it is final. You will be in charge while I'm gone. If we get any of my former companions showing up at our doorstep, I expect them to be put up in a room and briefed about what's going on. Valygar says it's a day's ride from here to the temple, so expect us to be gone no longer than three days. If after three days have passed and we haven't returned, then you can send out a search party or bring the hammer down on Tor Albtraum, whichever you see fit to do. Everyone else will continue to rotate watches around the town and mines. I have heard everyone's concerns, but does anyone have any questions?"
"You're seriously going to go through with this?" Jaheira asked her, and she sounded both disbelieving and fearful.
"Yes. They're crazed heretics of the Mad God, don't act like I haven't killed their kind before. We'll get any children we find out of there and send them this way, so be on the lookout."
"There are rumors that Cyric isn't quite so mad anymore," Haer'Dalis piped up.
"Guess we'll find out once we take the measure of his followers."
"My lady, at least allow another person to go with you!"
"Is there anyone else here who was forced to fight for scraps and lived under the threat of molestation and being sacrificed?" She demanded. "Does that apply to any of you? No? Then I'm going to go finish getting ready."
She turned and headed for the doorway before anyone could stop her. As she passed Anomen, the knight stepped in front of her at the last second, so that she practically collided with him, and his hands grasped her waist to steady her.
"My lady, please, I implore you, this isn't a good idea. How are we supposed to protect you if you're out of our reach?"
"In case you've forgotten, Sir Anomen," Rana bit out, trying to step back out of his grip. "I'm more than capable of looking out for myself, especially out in the wilds."
To her shock, his hold on her tightened, and when he leaned in closer to beg her once more to stay, she could smell alcohol and the cloying scent of various perfumes on his skin.
Valygar somewhat forcefully inserted himself between them, his greater height forcing Anomen to look up at him.
"The hells are you about, Corthala?"
"The lady has made up her mind."
Rana sighed, glancing back to see if anyone was noticing this little exchange.
Jaheira was pacing, and shooting dark looks at Sarevok, who was deep in conversation with Keldorn. Haer'Dalis was trying to coax Imoen into speaking to him, but she remained still, with her back to everyone. Viconia had noticed, though, and was approaching.
"Insubordinate swine! You dare question her decisions? Were I leader of this company, I would flay the skin from your bones and use it to make a new bag for even thinking of showing such disrespect to another female!"
Rana used the drow's timely interference to slip out, wrinkling her nose at the smell of sweat and other bodily fluids that clung to the knight's disheveled clothes. He must have just recently returned from one of the inns, and hadn't had the time to clean up. She didn't care if the man was spending his time and his gold on whores, but Keldorn had instructed him to quit drinking.
And you'd think he'd be in a slightly better mood if he was getting some.
It was something she'd have to put off worrying about until she returned.
Once she was back in her room, she began rummaging through her bag of holding to make sure her armor, healing potions, the smaller bag that held some of her herbs, and a few other choice items were all in there and within easy reach.
It was cold out, so she changed into one of her long sleeved blouses and threw on a fresh pair of leggings and her thigh high boots. She'd don her armor once they got closer to the temple, wanting to ride light in order to avoid exhausting her mount. Running a brush through her tangled mass of hair, she tied it up into a tail to keep it out of her face while she rode.
She tried to keep moving, checking and double checking her equipment, in order to avoid one particular thought that kept trying to creep into the forefront of her mind.
They were going to be alone. For three days. Before now, she'd never known a person could feel anticipation in equal measure with dread.
Buckling on her sword belt, and throwing on her heavy cloak, she was so busy trying not to think, that she didn't hear her sister slip into her room until she shut the door behind her.
Both women just stared at each other from opposite ends of the room for a moment, neither wanting to begin what would come next.
"Why are you doing this, Rana?" Imoen finally whispered.
"Revenge."
"For what that priest did? I guess I can understand that, but this isn't solely about him is it?"
She wanted to lie, or deflect, but the time for deceptions was over. She owed Imoen the truth.
At least, as much as Rana was willing to give, that is.
"No, it's not."
"You want to go back there. Back to where it all started. Where you lost your mother. Where you became friends with Sarevok. Gods, that feels weird to say. Rana, why didn't you ever tell me about any of this?"
Imoen sounded way calmer than Rana would have been if their situation was reversed.
"I didn't remember any of it until I killed Sarevok."
"That's why you were so distraught, right? You were trying to fend off the sorrow?"
Clever girl.
"Yes," Rana replied softly.
"Okay, then why didn't you say anything after?"
"Because after that came Irenicus. And then chasing him down to get you back. When would have been a good time for a conversation like that?"
Imoen's eyes flashed, but Rana kept talking before she could say anything. She'd give her the whole of it.
"And even if I'd had all the time in the world, I still wouldn't have told you. I thought Sarevok was gone for good. I wanted to keep those memories of us together as children close. I didn't want them tainted by your reaction to them. I didn't want to feel guilty for having cared about him at one point."
"At one point? Rana, you care about him now."
"Yes, I do," she sighed, steeling herself for the questions she knew had to be coming.
"He's a monster."
"Yes, he is."
She could tell that Imoen hadn't expected her to agree with that statement, that she must have thought Rana would defend him.
"Then… why?"
"Am I not a monster, too?"
"Rana-"
"Imoen, I'm not going to sit here and try to convince you that he's not as bad as we thought he was. Or even as bad as he once was. Nor am I going to let you try to convince me that I'm any different from him. If I were, I wouldn't be lusting at the thought of killing the High Priest, or butchering his flock."
"And what about him? Is murder all you lust for?"
Rana picked up her Darkfire bow, looking down at it while she ran a hand slowly over the runes etched into it.
Gods, how to answer that question? She had resigned herself to telling as much of the truth as she could, but to say this out loud, to give voice to how she felt about Sarevok to Imoen, was too much. Especially when she hadn't allowed herself to think about what she was feeling.
She wanted him, there was no denying that. She found herself enjoying having him around. Not all the time, no, but way more than she ever thought she could. And more so as time went on and they became more comfortable around each other. When they were together, just bantering like they were doing a little while ago, it almost felt like they were kids again. That camaraderie, combined with the constant battling of wills... it was an addictive feeling, and she knew she chased it just as desperately as any other addict chased their chosen poison.
It was more than lust, but she didn't know just how much more. She didn't want to know.
When she didn't answer, Imoen finally snapped.
"He's only after your power, ya idiot! You think he actually gives a damn about you? About what you've been through? You think this isn't all just some ego trip for him? That you're not just another woman he's going to use and then discard once he gets bored with you? Open your eyes, Ilyrana! He's a footnote in the telling of your story, and he knows it and he can't stand it! He's going to self-destruct eventually and he's going to do everything he can to take you down with him when he does."
Rana closed her eyes and sighed.
"Do you think I haven't thought of any of what you just said? Besides, I never said I-"
"So… what? You get off on being hurt by assholes? I mean, that would explain Yoshimo-"
"Don't say his name."
"-and it would explain Kivan. I guess you decided to go big here and get involved with the king of assholes. Are you that bored? You think your life isn't fucked up enough already?"
Rana slung her bow over one shoulder, along with her quiver and just looked at her sister.
"You're veering off topic."
"Like hell I am! Have you slept with him?"
"No."
"Are you planning on sleeping with him?"
"No."
Technically not a lie, Rana thought. She and I both know I don't plan anything. Things just happen and I react accordingly. And thus, here we are.
"Look, I called this a while back, remember? I asked you if there was anything going on, and you said no. You flat out said, to my face, that you couldn't want him after everything he's done to you. Yet, here we are. I find out you two were kids together and you just admitted that you care about him. I mean, you had to know that I wasn't going to be okay with this. That I'll never be okay with this. How serious is this thing between you two?"
Rana wanted this conversation to be over. She was confused enough as it was after Sarevok didn't seem all that thrilled about her maybe wanting to ascend. She wanted to be honest with Imoen, but it was hard to when she herself didn't know what she was feeling. And, she really didn't want to have to own up to anything else right now. Especially to the physical things.
"Imoen, there's nothing there. Except that I cared about him as a child and I can't help but care about him as an adult," She said, not even caring anymore about lying as long as it brought this to an end. "I don't know what else to tell you, Imoen. I understand you're angry about me keeping this chapter of my past from you. And I get why you're upset about Sarevok. I'm sorry, okay? Nothing, though, is going to change the fact that I'm going to walk out that door, with him and no one else, and go take my vengeance and hopefully close this chapter for good."
"Why no one else?"
"Because I don't want to have to hide how good it's going to feel when I make that bastard, Jorval, bleed. I don't wanna have to pretend that I'm not enjoying every second of hurting him just to hide y'all's delicate sensibilities."
"So, that's it? 'Sorry, sis, but I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do and fuck how you feel about it?'"
"I don't mean it quite that callously, but yeah, that about sums it up."
"Wow. Okay, then."
Imoen turned around and walked to the door. Rana had that same feeling she'd had back at the hot springs. That she had just put something into motion with no way to stop it, unless she acted right now.
Taking a deep breath, she let her sister walk away. Maybe it was better this way. Imoen had suffered so much because of her. And she had paid that back with secrets, and lies, and her own selfishness. Rana had wanted to keep Sarevok away physically, because of the Slayer, and because of the consequences. Now, she supposed, it was appropriate that she keep her sister at arm's length emotionally, so she couldn't hurt her anymore.
Imoen opened the door and stopped. When she turned around, her eyes glittered, but not with tears. They glowed a little, like how her's and Sarevok's did with strong emotions.
"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me before you leave? About Sarevok? About you? Anything you said right now that you wanna change? Any other secrets ya wanna confess?"
Unable to utter yet another lie, Rana just shook her head.
Imoen let out a hollow little laugh.
"Ya know, just because you came to hate Gorion for trying to save you, doesn't mean my feelings about him have changed at all. It doesn't change the fact that he helped raise me, too. And it doesn't change that he cared for you for years and died trying to keep you safe. And because it was Sarevok who killed him, you would think there's enough poetic justice there to let it all go and forgive him. But you still hate him, don't you?"
"Yes," Rana admitted quietly.
"Then you don't deserve the sacrifice he made for you. His death was in vain. He should have handed you over that night when that bastard came for you, and then maybe your memories would have come back sooner. Or maybe not, and Sarevok could have just killed you. Long before you could ruin everyone else's lives. Everyone who's cared for you, and made their own sacrifices to help you. Mazzy, Edwin, Korgan. To name just a few. You deserve each other, ya know. You both poison everyone around you and everything you touch."
As she turned back around to leave, she paused for a second, then looked back at Rana one last time.
"Oh, and by the way," Imoen said. "I know you're full of shit. I was there, wearing my nondetection cloak, when you were going to kill yourself to keep the Slayer away. I know there's been things going on between you and Sarevok for a while now, that this is more than just sharing some happy childhood memories together. I know he wants you to become a goddess, if that's in the cards for you, so he can share in that power. I want you to know that that's never going to happen. I'm not going to let you cop out of everything you've done and become a god. I'm not going to let you and Sarevok destroy the realm because you both get off on misery and death. So, I hope you remember just enough of who you are, or who you used to be, to just finish this war without being a coward and taking the easy way out by trying to ascend. Because I'll stop you if you do. By any means necessary."
*
Rana dismounted from her horse with a groan, her legs almost buckling beneath her when her feet touched the ground. She'd forgotten how sore horseback riding could make a person if they didn't ride regularly. Her thighs burned and her lower back ached something fierce, and she was reminded of one of the many reasons why she preferred not to use horses. That, and they smelled.
They'd been riding hard all through the night, and when the dawn's rays finally began pouring over the horizon, they stopped to let the horses rest for a little while.
Neither had spoken since they left the stables in town. Sarevok appeared lost in thought, barely sparing her a glance as he took the reigns of her bay gelding from her hands and led both horses to a nearby brook. She was thankful for the silence, as each mile she put between her and her sister felt more and more like a cord was being stretched taut. By the time they reached Tor Albtraum, she was sure it would snap, leaving them both staring at each other from opposite ends of the chasm Rana had created, both holding the frayed ends of what was left.
That night, eons ago now, at the hot springs, she'd known somehow that this would be the outcome of all those secrets kept between them. She knew she should have spoken up, told Imoen about her childhood, and about that unexplainable pull that kept her and Sarevok coming back to each other, despite how viciously they had once fought it. She'd known and done nothing. Nothing except create more secrets. And told more lies.
She'd told Sarevok she wouldn't give herself to him because she'd lose Imoen, which was a price she wasn't willing to pay. And yet she'd paid it anyway. All because she'd been… scared. Of what her sister would say. What she would think, when Rana revealed everything. And now, most of what she'd kept so close was out there, and what she hadn't said, Imoen had figured out on her own. Her sister had always been so much smarter than she let on, but kept that mischievous and playful streak, which helped lull people into a false sense of superiority. And made it deceptively easy for Rana to forget how formidable she could be when she applied herself.
Laying down in the grass, and throwing an arm over her face to block out the rising sun, Rana's mood swung from furious and bitter to remorseful and hollow and back again, swift and cutting like a pendulum. She wanted to turn around and go back. To grab Imoen by the arms and make her understand that she regretted everything. That if she could go back in time, all the way to Candlekeep if need be, she would do so many things differently. She wouldn't have let Irenicus snuff out the good in her, the compassion, the lust for life that she'd once shared with her. She wanted to convince her that she'd try harder to fight Sarevok's pull. That she could do it, if Imoen would just look her in the eyes and tell her that she's forgiven.
The other part of her, though, roiled with outrage that Imoen dared to judge her for things she had no control over. That she felt entitled to Rana's secrets, as if she didn't keep her own. That Rana could be blamed, at all, for being drawn to Sarevok. That it was somehow her fault for not being able to keep her balance when she constantly felt like she was being sucked under the waves. That whatever that pull was, the undertow that kept dragging her back to him, was unknown to her, and it was infuriating to be blamed for not being able to fight an enemy she could not see or understand. Not to mention the taint, and all of its demands.
"Did you mean what you said back in your room?" Sarevok asked, the sudden question making Rana jump. "About wanting to ascend?"
"I don't know," she murmured distractedly.
"What do you mean you don't know?! Why even say something like that if you aren't sure?"
Rana sat up and looked at him.
"Um, why are you being pissy about this? I said I was thinking about it. And if you pushed, I'd change my mind."
He stared at her, his eyes softly glowing with this sudden outburst of uncalled for anger. There was something else, though, beneath the fury. If it were anyone other than him, she might call it fear.
His gaze dropped from hers for just a second, roaming over the exposed skin of her neck and collarbone before he abruptly turned away.
"What's gotten into you?"
"It's time to go," he growled over his shoulder.
Huffing with irritation, Rana rose and went to retrieve her horse. He handed her the reigns without looking at her.
He regrets what he said, she suddenly realized. Now that the alcohol is wearing off, maybe he doesn't mean the things he told me.
"You're what's missing, Rana."
It was a good line, she'd give him that. One that had completely broken through the rest of the defenses she'd put up to keep him away.
Wow, and I'll bet he thinks his words may change my mind anyway about ascending. Just when he was starting to give up on that ambition, I was finally giving it some thought. The arrogant prick really thinks he's the deciding factor on if I ascend or not. And being an asshole is his default setting.
"I guess you decided to go big here and get involved with the king of assholes."
Imoen's earlier words rubbed salt into the still festering wounds caused by their conversation. As well as the ones opened by Sarevok's possible change of heart.
Swinging up into the saddle, she turned her mount southeast and put her heels to it, not bothering to wait for him.
The area they travelled through looked similar to the way they had come when heading for Tor Niedrig. Her, Sarevok, and Viconia. The brook they'd just stopped at reminded her of the one they'd camped at when she'd broken down after telling Sarevok about Tamoko. When he'd held her and told her he was sorry.
Tamoko deserves a memorial just for having put up with his moody ass. I guess Cythandria deserves one, too. How either of them dealt with it and kept their sanity, let alone maintained any affection for him, is beyond me.
She ignored the fact that she'd followed exactly in their footsteps. That she'd let herself be fooled, and only the gods knew why.
Urging the horse faster, Rana tried to outpace the rage and the pain, replacing thoughts of what she'd lost in vain, things she'd thrown away only to wonder why they were gone, with thoughts of what she'd do to exorcise those things on Jorval.
She didn't need Imoen.
Or Sarevok.
All she needed was the taint, her bow and her swords, and a target.
She was going to keep telling herself that until she believed it.
*
Sarevok
Cursing Rana under his breath for perhaps the hundredth time that day, he finally began to close the distance she'd kept between them throughout the rest of their journey. She'd gotten far ahead of him, making him paranoid that if they were attacked, he wouldn't be able to help her. She should have known that, and yet she'd showed no signs of slowing until now. Now that dusk was finally settling and their surroundings began to tug, ever so gently, at his memories.
She'd been unusually quiet since they'd left her home, and judging by the way Imoen had looked at them as they walked out the door, he could likely guess why.
He'd meant to warn her.
He'd meant to say a lot of things. Like about Keldorn's revelations.
In a sense, though, he was glad he hadn't. He'd barely had time to come to grips with immortality, let alone the very real possibility that they've shared a soul all this time.
And now, they were heading home. Back to where it all started.
Alone.
That's what ate at him. Had they found out about Tor Albtraum a week ago, he wouldn't have any reservations about what he'd do there. Wouldn't care what Rana thought of him when she saw what he planned to do to Jorval. What he'd do to her, with no one alive for miles to interrupt them. But, because fate, or the gods, seemed to despise him, they were going now. Now that he finally understood why they'd always been so intertwined. Now that he'd come to want more than just her body. More than the scraps she could toss him if she became a goddess. Now that claiming her might mean more than just satisfying his desires.
And that scared him.
She'd decimated nearly every plan he'd ever conjured up, sometimes purely by accident, before his death. After his resurrection, it was the exact same. Except she seemed to have even less of a clue as to what she upended every time she was where he could see her. And even when she wasn't close by, it just meant she haunted his thoughts instead. And dreams.
It was maddening. He couldn't seem to get a grip on how any of this made him feel. One minute, he didn't care about anything other than being with her. The next, he berated himself for losing sight of his ambitions.
And if he couldn't decide on what he wanted, then perhaps he shouldn't have snapped at her for being just as lost as he was.
Rana reigned in ahead of him, forcing her horse to sit back on its haunches until it slid to a stop, before it spun around on its back hooves to face him. He barely stopped his own mount in time to keep from colliding with her.
"What the hell, woman!"
"Have you ever stopped to think about everything I've done for you?" She screamed at him, her eyes glowing almost bright enough to cover the tears. "Have you?!"
The agony in her voice kept him silent. She was at the breaking point, when he'd had no idea she was that close to it, though he should have. She'd been running from something all day, and it had finally caught up to her. And he was certain he hadn't helped matters at all either.
"I mean, I was willing to give up a piece of the soul that had been stolen from me, just months after fighting to get it back! And what did you do? You took half! And I still let you come with me! And how did you show your gratitude? You've fought me every step of the way, questioning every decision, mocking every mistake, sneering at everyone that's loyal to me! Until you found out that I killed you before the memories came back. And that I mourned you! Hells, I was probably the only one who mourned you! Irenicus had his sights set on you, but he had to take me instead! Because you forced me to kill you! I used the Slayer, ready to go to the Abyss, so you could make it out of the hot springs! I let you get close to me, and you plotted to use that to your advantage! You, who knows better than anyone what I've been through! But you don't care, do you? No! You tell me what you think I want to hear, that you've started to realize you actually like having me around and might actually miss me if I ascend! And then you got scared that that might make me decide to stay, which means no power for you, right?! Imoen knows and hates me and it's all because of you! I tried to fight this, whatever this is! Whatever reason we can't stay away from each other! But it wasn't enough! It wasn't enough for Imoen and it wasn't enough for you! Sarevok, I don't have anything left. Everything that's me is gone. And I'm still expected to give more. Everyone expects me to be more. But hey, as long as you all get what you want, who cares what it does to me, right? Who cares what I want! Who cares-"
He was off his horse before the next tear could fall from her face. As he approached her, she bared her teeth and went for her swords, but he snatched her right out of her saddle before she could draw them. The urge to kiss her, to make her stop beating them both with her words, was stamped out by the fact that she'd probably bite him. Instead, he gripped her by her wrists and yanked her close, until they were face to face.
"Rana, listen to me-"
"I hate you," she hissed, more tears falling, and each one ripped at him, just as they did when they were children.
"I know. And you have every right to."
"'You think I concern myself with how you feel about me?'" She mocked, throwing at him what he'd said to her that day he'd saved her from those mercenaries. "You don't care how I feel about you or anything else, remember?"
I have much to atone for.
"I'm sorry."
She turned her face away at those words, squeezing her eyes shut and biting her lip while trying to twist her arms out of his grip.
"Don't you dare! We both know you don't mean it!"
"My dhaer-"
"Don't! Don't call me that!"
"But it's what you are. What you've always been. Since I brought you that blanket, you were my shadow. You never willingly left my side, nor would you allow me to leave yours, as if that were something I would have wanted. And I protected you, as best I could at the time. Rana… listen to me. When Gorion tried to wipe our memories, not even his spell could defeat us. Instead, it binded us. When I took half your soul, part of it was already mine."
She stopped struggling.
"What are you saying?" She whispered, her face still averted.
Slowly, in case she still tried to bolt, he released her wrists. She immediately wrapped her arms around her stomach. He lifted her chin so she'd look at him, not even trying to stop himself from brushing his thumb over the glistening trails left by her tears. When she finally opened her eyes, he spoke.
"You and I have shared a soul since we were children. When it was torn in two to bring me back, it made us both whole again. This is why we dreamed the same dreams years ago. This is why we've been unable to stay away from each other. This is why this feels right."
She took a step back, her eyes wide, and then abruptly turned and walked away. He let her go, and didn't follow. She took ten steps away from him before stopping and turning back around.
"How do you know this?"
"Keldorn figured it out. He told me just after he informed me that you may have made me immortal."
This didn't seem to surprise her, but the dread in her eyes seemed to deepen.
"So, we've shared a soul since we were little. And because I'm elven, the merged result that now resides in you means you won't age. Did Keldorn also tell you that you and I may not be able to go further than a mile or two away from each other? Because of the strain it might place on our soul?"
"No, he didn't say anything about that… but it makes sense."
Rana let out a bitter laugh.
"So, are you still unsure of whether or not you want me to ascend? I mean, I'm sure becoming a god will negate the distance thing."
"That isn't a concern at the moment-"
"Sarevok. If I don't ascend, this means we're stuck together. For a long time."
Which should be terrifying, but he felt strangely calm about this. Maybe it was because of the weariness and loneliness he could practically feel bleeding out of her end of their link. Or how close they were to the forest they'd called home when they could sneak out of the temple. Her tears didn't help either.
"We have vengeance to reap first. Then the rest of the bhaalspawn to kill. There's no point in dwelling on distant tomorrows until the prophecy has concluded."
Rana studied him, obviously perplexed by his response. And likely confused at the lack of anger.
That makes two of us.
"Why did you demand to know if I was serious about ascending? Why did you get mad when I said I didn't know?"
Because I want you at my side more than I want you to become my goddess. It's taken me awhile to accept. I just need… time.
Which was something he obviously had in spades now.
"Because I'm a foolish male who doesn't know anything anymore," he replied instead, moving past her to look out over the area.
She snorted and shook her head as he brushed by her.
"I'm not Viconia, you're gonna have to do better than that. Though I won't argue the foolish part."
"It hasn't changed much."
"Huh? What hasn't? I can't keep up with your mood swings or your abrupt subject changes."
"You're one to talk. And I'm referring to the temple," he responded over his shoulder, then beckoned her to join him.
"You're right," she said softly when she stood beside him. "It looks about the same."
They gazed out from the small hill they found themselves upon and said nothing for a long moment. Both absorbing the sight of that place, a near-ruin with tattered, faded banners bearing Cyric's sigil, which looked like they had been thrown up on the walls as an afterthought.
"I see Jorval's devotion to the Prince of Lies is just as shallow and self-serving as it was to our father."
"Indeed," Rana replied, leaning into his side.
Looking down at her, he was reminded of the last time they'd been here. Of being helpless to stop Gorion from taking her from him. They would not be so easily parted again. He was certain of that much, at least.
"Are you ready?" He asked her.
She looked up at him, those bewitching whiskey colored eyes full of the same emotions he was feeling.
"Are you?"
*
Ilyrana
Rana turned down one of the dimly lit corridors of the labyrinthine temple, one hand trailing along the cold stone wall on her left, the sound of her nails rasping across it echoing louder than her footfalls.
She didn't walk fast.
She didn't need to.
Torches burning in sconces every several yards threw off just enough light to reflect on bloody handprints smeared along the walls, leading towards a warren of bedrooms. Hysterical sobs could be heard from up ahead, loud enough that Rana didn't even need her Infravision to locate the woman she'd been tracking.
Humming quietly to herself, she watched as the woman pitched forward at the end of the hall, slammed against a locked door, and slid to the ground, clutching the gut wound Rana had given her a while ago.
As she approached, the woman heard her humming, and her nails lightly dragging along the stone, and began trying to crawl down the corridor that branched off to the right. Rana slowed her pace even further.
The prayer being babbled out of the dying woman's mouth made Rana chuckle, and she found herself trying to hum along with it. She was no bard, by any means, but the result was musical and made her giddy.
A man's scream, somewhere off behind her, down another adjoining set of halls lined with sleeping cells, interrupted her song. Frowning, Rana paused to listen. When the scream abruptly ended with a wet, crunching sound, and Sarevok's ensuing laugh reached her ears, she turned back to the woman, smiling a little.
She was slowly trying to drag herself along the ground now, using one elbow and her knees, as she kept her other hand pressed against her belly. Pleas for mercy mingled with the prayer for aid from her god, who'd chosen to turn a deaf ear to the massacre occuring in his temple. Rana grinned at the irony of praying to the God of Murder not to be murdered.
Planting one foot on either side of the woman, Rana squatted down over the middle of the woman's back and grasped her forehead in one hand. Pulling her head back, forcing her spine to arch at what had to be a painful angle, Rana put her lips to the woman's ear.
"Where's your god now?"
The cut to her throat was quick, the spray of scarlet almost black in the low light.
Rising to her feet, Rana turned and began heading in the direction she'd heard Sarevok's laugh originate from.
Breaching the outer wall of this place had been almost too easy, as whoever had done the repairs on the holes left by the Harpers years ago had done a terrible job. Jorval's "defenses" consisted of a handful of clerics and mages and a few people who knew which end to hold a sword, but nothing of how to properly wield one. The latter had been swiftly dealt with by Sarevok while Rana kept the more dangerous magic users pinned down with her bow.
At least, they were supposed to be more dangerous. Funnily enough, each spell they tried to cast fizzled out in a shower of ineffectual sparks or a puff of smoke. It had quickly become apparent that Cyric had stripped them of their power. No one knew why, and it bothered Rana that their father's killer was neutering his own faithful, setting them up to be cut down. Her concern, though, had quickly been forgotten as they began moving systemically through the still-familiar temple, butchering every pleading, screaming, crying man or woman they came across.
The taint thrummed through her, practically purring with contentment at the blood spilled. Just like at the battle at the hot springs, she embraced it. And just like at the hot springs, they kept the halves of their soul in close contact, allowing them to sense if the other encountered any problems. So far, there had been nothing that required the other's intervention. There were certain side effects, however.
Experiencing the taint second hand, and Rana's enjoyment of it, reminded Sarevok of the power he'd once wielded. He was soon just as swept up in the high of it as she was. Feeding off each other's bloodlust, they became little better than beasts.
At the end of one of the halls, after passing by smashed in doors leading to now blood-stained bedrooms, where Sarevok had slaughtered those trying to hide or who had slept through their initial attack, Rana found him just as he was entering the last room. It had been unlocked, allowing him to walk in without waking the man and woman sleeping within.
Leaning against the doorframe, Rana watched him approach the bed, Sword of Chaos in hand. A movement in the corner of the room caught both their attention. Rana's eyes gleamed red as she used her Infravision to make out two children sitting up among a pile of blankets.
"Close your eyes. And cover your ears," Sarevok whispered to the little ones, who stared up at him with wide, haunted eyes.
When the pair obeyed, he raised his sword above his head, then brought it down on the two sleeping adults, beheading both in one stroke.
Rana went and knelt before the children, reaching out to brush the back of her gloved hand across their dirty cheeks. When they lowered their hands from their ears and looked at her, she didn't know which enraged her more, the dazed, traumatized expressions, or the fear in their eyes that had been dulled by an acceptance of what they thought was to come. Beneath the grime, she couldn't tell their genders, and they were thin, but not quite starved.
These were the first children they had come across, but not necessarily the first they'd caught a glimpse of. Several times, when rounding a corner, or entering one of the septs, she'd caught sight of a small body or two scampering away. Like rats disturbed by a sudden sound, or roaches scattering at a sudden flare of light. It was an all too familiar scene. On cold nights, she and Sarevok had sought shelter inside the walls as well, seeking out a place devoid of adults, and occasionally scaring off other children who had found choice spots.
"Are you hungry?" She asked them gently before reaching into her pouch for some of the food she'd packed.
They stared at her for a moment, wary, distrusting. The sight of cheese and bread being offered, though, finally sparked some life into them. They took the food and immediately began to eat, glancing up at Rana and over at Sarevok every few bites, as if waiting for them to snatch the food back. It made her chest ache, and for the first time that night, Rana felt herself begin to shake the hold of the taint. Not because she wanted to, exactly, but because it couldn't hold sway when other softer, gentler emotions flared to life.
When the children finished the food, and drank their fill from her waterskin, they finally looked over at the bed. The blessed dark hid what lay there now, but she doubted it would be the first time they'd seen something like that.
"Your parents?" Sarevok asked them.
They nodded.
So these weren't part of the kidnapped ones.
"Do you have a home?" Rana inquired. "A place you lived before here?"
They seemed to struggle with the question, which made her think they had come here when they were too young to remember anything prior.
"Alright. Once we're finished here, we can take you someplace safe."
No reaction. Either they didn't believe her, couldn't muster the energy to care, or had no idea what the word "safe" meant.
Rising to her feet, she removed her blood-stained gloves, stowing them in her bag, and reached a hand down to each of them. They looked up at her, then at Sarevok, before hesitantly slipping their tiny hands into hers and standing.
Sarevok led the way back to the main chapel, which had been empty when they entered it earlier, meaning no corpses for the children to see. Now, though, it was inhabited.
A group of children huddled together among the pews, tensing when they entered, readying themselves to bolt, but the sight of the two that Rana held onto made them hesitate.
There were eight of them, ranging from as young as about six, to the oldest who looked to be around twelve. They were in varying degrees of malnourishment and filth, but no worse than Rana remembered herself being when she had been here as a child.
As they approached, the oldest stepped forward, a wiry boy with dirty blonde hair and green eyes that burned with rage. He was the only one among them who wasn't afraid, likely because he'd seen so much by now that the dark no longer held any mysteries. He knew what the worst that could happen was. The others shrank back behind the boy, their fear palpable as they stared, owl-eyed, at the bhaalspawn.
Rana could only imagine what she, and Sarevok, looked like to them. She'd worn her black dragonscale armor, anticipating close quarter combat. And she was soaked in blood, could feel it crusted in her hair. Sarevok would have been intimidating even unarmed and sans armor, but he wore his heavy plate, and the Sword of Chaos, unsheathed, and dripping ichor, drew every eye in the room. She knew their eyes both gleamed golden.
The boy glanced between the children holding Rana's hands and Sarevok, shifting his weight uncertainly as he tried to think of what to do. When one of the girls huddling behind him broke away from the others and ran to him, clutching his arm and pulling to make him back away, that rage returned tenfold. Holding her firmly behind him with one arm, he snarled at the bhaalspawn and crouched, ready to spring if they took another step closer. Ready to fight, and die, to protect the girl that clung to him.
They stopped. The sight brought tears to her eyes.
"Look familiar?" Sarevok asked her, his voice a little forced.
She looked up at him, unable to hide the well of emotion that the sight of the boy and the girl had tapped into. He understood, and when he raised a gauntleted hand to run the back of one finger down her cheek, she leaned into him, losing the fight against the painful beauty of her memories of them together when they were once as these children are.
Still holding her gaze, Sarevok sheathed his sword, then withdrew a pouch of supplies from his bag of holding and tossed it at the boy's feet. Reluctantly, he looked away from her to the younger pair.
"We seek the High Priest, Jorval."
They already knew where the man was likely hiding, but by asking that question, they told the boy why they were there.
"Are you going to kill him?" The boy asked after he'd snatched up the bag and passed it to the girl, who peaked out at them from beneath his arm.
"Yes," Rana replied.
The girl began rifling through the bag, pulling out an apple that she sank her teeth into, holding it in her mouth, before passing the rest back to the other children. The boy glanced behind him, noting the contents, before looking back at Sarevok, his stance relaxing slightly, but his hold on the girl never slackened.
"He'll be in his room at this hour. Just go down-"
"We know where it's at," Sarevok interrupted.
"We've been here before," Rana added.
The boy looked at the two of them, and seemed to be reassessing his initial impression. She watched him study the way Sarevok stood beside, but just a fraction in front, of her.
"There's a dwarf being held somewhere, if he's still alive," the boy said after a moment. "Said he was from some town up north. That he'd help us get there if we helped him escape. We couldn't before."
"If he lives, we'll find him and he can take you to the town. If he's dead, we'll take you there once we've finished with Jorval."
The boy nodded, and gave a reassuring smile to the girl, whose mouth was so stuffed with food that she could only manage a muffled sound and a wink.
"I'll take them," the boy motioned to the two Rana held.
She released their hands and they went to the join the rest, glancing back at Rana, which made her turn her back to them and begin heading towards Jorval's private chambers.
Letting them go hurt. Seeing them look back at her hurt even more. She couldn't afford to be weak right now. They weren't safe while that bastard still drew breath. Killing him was what they needed. She wasn't safe to be around, and the longer she lingered, the more likely they would fall to harm. Somehow. Regardless of how much she wanted otherwise.
"You both poison everyone around you and everything you touch."
Imoen was right. The harder she fought for the children, the quicker she'd be delivering them to some worse fate. Tears pricked her eyes, and she angrily wiped them away before donning her gloves again.
"Protect her," she heard Sarevok say softly, and she stopped, looking back over her shoulder to see him talking to the boy.
"Always," the boy replied quietly, then nodded at Rana. "And you her."
More tears fell as she heard Sarevok's response, but it made the bitterness that clung to her begin to loosen its grip.
"Always."