Turns out I posted the first chapter of 'Fate Has a Twisted Sense of Humour' one year ago today. Not sure whether it was the 20th of February American time or Australian time, but that's what the websites say. So… happy anniversary, I guess? The first pairing was Bruce/Phil. Note: this is extremely non-canon from sometime in S2 of 'Agents of SHIELD'. Screwing with timeline in general.

"Happy Anniversary"

It was one year to the day since Loki and the Chitauri had hit New York. Thor was visiting from London, and the six original Avengers sat together, sipping drinks and snacking on finger food. Their friends were around as well, Pepper curled up on the sofa beside Happy. Bruce was by himself beside the windows, staring out at the drizzle. No one asked Thor whether he was responsible for the rain.

They'd all started out by toasting each other's superhero-ing success that day, before they started toasting all who'd died. When they got to Phillippa Coulson, it devolved into reminiscing about the agent who'd touched most of their lives in some way, and even Natasha spilled a few amusing stories of Strike Team Delta missions. Clint was perched on the back of the chair behind her, and reached forward to squeeze her shoulders whenever it got hard to speak.

"Do you honestly still think she's dead?" Bruce said quietly. They'd all been silent for several minutes by now, but it was obvious who he was referring to.

"Fury was genuinely upset about it," Clint said. "I… guess he did pull his scowl back on pretty quickly, but Coulson's dead. If she was still alive she'd have told us, not let us think…" He swallowed, and his gaze narrowed in on the way Bruce rubbed the top of his thigh. "Doc? If you know something we don't… if she survived…"

"What if she has amnesia?" Pepper said. "Bruce, do you think that's it?"

"No," Bruce said. "But I'm pretty damn sure she's alive."

There was an explosion of noise as they all started questioning him. He covered his ears, sometimes the easiest way to calm down, and waited for the noise to abate.

"Wanna explain?" Steve said, crossing his arms.

Bruce shrugged. "We were soulmates. I don't know what more there is to say."

"…Then she can't be alive," Tony said. "She'd never stay away from you."

"Wouldn't she?" Bruce asked, looking up at his science bro.

"No," Pepper said firmly. "I knew Phillippa. She wanted to find her soulmate. She'd been talking to this handwriting expert – we used 'cellist' as a code name – and she was close to finding out who it was."

"Guess it became unnecessary when I was called in," Bruce said, rubbing his thigh again. "We met on the Helicarrier, barely exchanged a few words. It was too busy. I didn't realise until later that she'd said my words. After I woke up in the warehouse, naked as usual, I saw that my soulmark was missing. That's why I fought. I knew it had to be her, and she was dead. And it was partly my fault." He returned his attention to the darkening rain clouds. "Less than a week later a different mark showed up, but it was in the same handwriting. I didn't know what to think. Had she only died for a minute, but wasn't out of the danger zone until then? If she really did come back to life, why didn't she contact me?" He sighed. "I guess the Other Guy was too much for her to handle. Either that, or I've got it all wrong, and my new soulmate just happens to have the exact same writing as Phillippa Coulson."

"I didn't know," Tony said. "I'm sorry."

"Maybe I'm being too hard on her. Maybe she was hoping for a female soulmate, and that's how I disappointed—"

"No," Natasha said. "Don't go down this road, Bruce. We don't even know if she's still alive. If she is, she could be in a vegetative state, and Fury doesn't want us to see her like that."

"I thought Commander Fury was dead?" Thor said.

"…Didn't want us to see her like that," Steve said. "Makes sense. And of course, with SHIELD falling like that…" They all fell silent again, staring out at the growing storm. JARVIS cleared his throat, nearly unheard over the thunder.

"Yeah, what is it, JARVIS?" Tony asked.

"Mr. Wilson is here, sir."

"Sam?" Steve said.

"As he arrived at the tower, he was approached by a group of women in need of shelter. He is requesting permission for them to enter."

"Is he being coerced?" Clint asked, already heading for the bow and arrows he kept nearby. Steve was reaching for his shield.

"He has not giving any of the safe words indicating so," JARVIS said. He paused for a second. "Oh."

"What is it?" Natasha said.

"…Something very interesting," JARVIS said. "You will see soon enough. They are coming up in the elevator."

He wouldn't be pressed further. It all became clear when the doors opened. Sam walked out first, damp around the edges, followed by a group of bedraggled women, one particularly familiar to all of them.

"Coulson!" Clint said. "What the ever-loving fuck?"

"Language, Barton," Coulson said.

"Relax, DC, we're not kids anymore," one of the other women said.

"Thank you for allowing us in," Coulson said to Tony, ignoring her. "There have been… problems at New SHIELD. I gathered together the personnel I trusted, which involved some rescuing, and now we need a new place to stay until we… work something out."

The other agents of New SHIELD lowered their hoods, which had kept them mostly dry, but rain hadn't been predicted, so few people had gone out prepared.

"May," Clint said, and an Asiatic woman tipped her head slightly.

"Wait, that's FitzSimmons," Tony said, pointing to two of the agents. "Lenore Fitz and Jemma Simmons. I'm right, aren't I? I wanted to poach you from SHIELD! They had way too many talented people working for them."

"I don't think we're focussing on the most problematic part here," Bruce said. He'd barely moved his head to acknowledge the visitors, but his knuckles were white.

"I know… I need to explain myself," Coulson said, watching Bruce. He sucked in a tight breath, and continued to stare out the window.

"I thought so," he muttered. "You shouldn't have come back."

"No choice," Coulson said, flinching. She cleared her throat. "Mr. Stark, and… twelve percent Miss Potts, would it be possible for us to have somewhere to stay? Even just until the end of this rain. I can pay you, if Gonzales doesn't cut off my SHIELD credit card."

"I should've stayed there," May said.

"No, I wasn't risking it. I'm glad we got Hunter back."

"Same here," Hunter said. "You're stuck with me, boss."

"So," Tony said, strolling over to them. "You bailed because you couldn't stand the overwhelming testosterone, and started up your own all-girl band of super spies… and scientists? Would've thought you'd have more balls than that, Coulson."

"Watch it," Coulson said. "You work with Pepper Potts and Natasha Romanov, or do you need more padding on the inside of the Iron Man helmet?"

"Wow, with such a female-positive attitude, I'm surprised you don't have a girlfriend, Stark," Hunter scoffed.

Tony grinned slowly, bitterly. "Self-fulfilling prophecy," he said. "Don't know whether you've ever heard of the concept?"

"Oh shit," Hunter said, all amusement gone.

"Hunter, aren't those your words?" Fitz said, poking her.

"Now I understand Stark's relationship with women," Natasha remarked. "Coulson, has it occurred to you what today is?"

"Yes, but I can't help the coincidence!" she said.

"We were talking about you," Bruce said. He finally unfolded himself away from the window, still not meeting Coulson's eyes.

"Which is why I almost didn't bring my people here," Coulson said. "But we needed someplace. We're on the run from people who think they should be in charge of SHIELD, even though Fury left me in charge… before he died."

"I begin to think that Fury is still alive," Thor commented. Coulson flushed, but didn't reply.

"Would you ever have come back?" Bruce said.

"Going by my new mark, I didn't think I'd be welcome," she said. "Now you all know I'm alive; consider yourselves informed. We'll wait down in the lobby until the rain lets up."

"Hey, wait a second," Tony said, holding up his hands. "If people are after my soulmate I'm not letting you go. Hunter, was it?"

"Birth name Guinevere, because my parents were drunk," Hunter said. "I changed my name to Lancelot when I was legally able to. Lance for short. Most people call me Hunter."

"Okay, well, we have room here," Tony continued. "You're all staying. JARVIS, take them to the guest suites. There'll be towels. We'll rustle up some clothes. Do you have anything else with you?"

"Just a few bags," May said.

"We'll fix that later. Go get dried. Get settled. Come back when you're ready."

Once they were gone, the Avengers all settled around the coffee table in an unofficial war council.

"Who's Gonzales?" Steve asked.

"He was a senior agent at SHIELD," Natasha said. "When I tracked down his record after the info dump, he was declared dead. Come to think of it, May's file disappeared, and I don't recall seeing FitzSimmons' files."

"Neither do I," Clint said.

"Excuse me," Bruce said. "I'm going to… the Other Guy's room."

"Yeah, go ahead," Tony said, waving him off. "JARVIS, has my soul… has Hunter removed her clothes yet?"

"She is still checking her room for bugs," JARVIS said. "They all are."

"Not placing them?"

"No, sir."

"Scan the soulmark as soon as it's revealed, and compare it with my handwriting," Tony said. "And get ready for us to run the full gamut of tests on each of them."

"At least you're not just accepting them on the off-chance this Agent Hunter is your soulmate," Steve said.

"Morse knew a woman named Hunter once, didn't she?" Clint asked Natasha. She nodded after a few seconds' thought. "Could be the same one."

"If it is, she's ex-SAS, and definitely doesn't need your protection, Stark," Natasha said. "Just a place to lie low."

"Agent Hunter's soulmark is a match," JARVIS said. He brought up an image of a patch of skin, with the words Tony had spoken in his handwriting.

"Ask Hunter if she's available for a dinner date in my suite tonight," Tony said. "And ask Coulson for any information she has on this Gonzales jerk. Also, get in touch with Hill. She knows. She has to know something about how Coulson is still alive."

"I have already contacted Ms. Hill, and she is on her way."

"Good," Steve said. "I'm sick of secrets. They're all coming out today, one way or another."

Right. Well, if I wait much longer I won't have this posted in time, so this is where the chapter ends. It wasn't supposed to be this angsty! Gah! I know I say that a lot, but there was supposed to be more focus on fem!Hunter/Tony and a happy ending. Instead you get the Avengers preparing to do… something, I'm not sure what. Defend Coulson & Co's honour?

I think Hunter and Tony would snark too much even for me to handle. Plus, writing too much genderswap confuses me. Either everyone should swap or no one should, because otherwise the pronouns and everything can get mixed, thoroughly confusing my poor readers.

So… hope you liked this chapter? Please review?