I don't own Zero no Tsukaima, Zelda, Harry Potter, the Teletubbies, Jesus, or South Park's version of Mohamed

AN: This is a Halloween special, the real update is sometime around Halloween, however this is still a real and relevant memory for Saito. I apologize if I offend anyone, but not really. Also, I will respond to reviews on the real chapter update.

I arrive at school, in my costume. My best friend helped me make my costume. I was wearing a green tunic, a green hat, and leather boots. I was the Hero of Time. I had a fake sword, a Hylian shield, and fake plastic elf ears. I walked the hall with a grin as I passed a few others in costume. It figures that a few people were batman, all lacking originality. I approached the group of friends I always hung out with, and paused for a moment.

One of my friends was Harry Potter, no surprise as he was obsessed with it for some reason. One friend I could only see his face, as he decided to wear a teletubbie costume. He was red. My best friend was in a full body black spandex suit with the word "CENSORED" across the chest and a fake beard on the face portion of the suit.

By full body black spandex, I mean that I only recognized him because he was skinnier than everyone else.

"Hey there Potter, hello teletubbie, and hi... censored."

"I'm Mohamed." My censored friend announced.

I paused for a moment. Was he deliberately trying to offend people?

"More surprising than Jesus coming to school last year, huh?" My red friend said.

"I prefer the Jesus costume. You gave us all grape juice." Potter said with a grin.

"That was my blood, and I also gave you my body. That is a problem with this costume, I can't think of much funny stuff I can do other than make bad and offensive jokes." He said with a chuckle.

"What happens if you get an erection? And how do you see?" I asked. Afterall, full body black spandex suit meant full body.

He looked at his crotch, and though I couldn't see the look on his face I was hoping it was shock at a sudden realization that you could see everything. He shrugged, and calmly announced, "I'll be honest, it is kinda hard to see through this, and if I get a boner, I guess I'll say my nine year old wife is dead sexy."

The three of us just stared at him, and the teletubbie spoke for us all. "What. The. Hell?"

"God damn it, none of you know enough about Mohammed to understand the joke, and that was gold!"

"You're going to hell, you know that? Right?" Potter asked.

"Then I guess it is a good thing I'm a masochist." He said with what I can only imagine was a cheeky grin.

"Hey! Saito!" I turned and looked at the girl approaching me. She had long blond hair and brown eyes. She always felt a little self-conscious of her bust size. She was not in any costume.

"Hey there beautiful," I said with a grin.

"Hi -" My inappropriate friend waved.

She paused for a moment. "He's something really inappropriate again, isn't he?"

"I'm censored, aren't I?"

"He's Mohammed." I told her.

"Are you trying to offend people again?"

"I am kind of hoping to cross the line a few times."

"Your existence crosses the line." The teletubbie chuckled.

"I'm not taking lip from Po!"

"Huh?"

My girl and I began walking to our class as my friends got into an argument.

"Po, it's the name of the red teletubbie."

"Why do you know this?"

I chuckled as I walked out of earshot with my girl.

"I don't know why you're still friends with him." This again.

"He's my closest and oldest friend. Besides, he's a nice guy, he'll grow on you." I told her with a grin.

"Like fungus."

"Look, let's not talk about this, see you third period." I grabbed her and gave a quick, chaste kiss.

"See you in Bio!" She said as she ran off.

Saito gazed toward the dark night sky. It seems he may have had a girlfriend before he got here. He grinned as he kept moving to Sasaki's home. He really needed some sleep.

AN : This is all canon in Devil Dog. I was thinking of adding this into the next chapter, but it didn't feel right. I needed this memory in here because some of it will influence Saito's behavior but I couldn't find a way to put it into the next chapter without it feeling forced.

Also, for those wondering about the horribly offensive costume. It is real, I have seen it before. In the mirror. Made it myself to see how far I could go before people went, "Goddamn it Lee, what the hell is wrong with you?" Apparently being Jesus and giving people grape juice and crackers doesn't, but being a censored Mohammed does.

This is Lee, and I'm out only to be back in the near Future!