Allow me to draw your attention to the author's note I wrote all the way back in chapter 11 (Plaid):
'Just a note here before we go too far into the story: I don't write smut. I write 'fade to blacks' and suggestive actions and maybe a tiny bit of description but I never describe it explicitly. I love READING about it but writing it? I'd probably just embarrass myself and traumatise everybody else. Thanks for your understanding!'
…Yeah and how long did that last? I'm kinda proud of myself for how far I've come ^_^
Thanks to mollienaturerocks, masterjediratgrl31, Bipi, RangerHorseTug, talknerdy2meh and noxsoulmate for your reviews :) And thanks so much for over 16,000 views! :D
71. Adorable
Adorable was not a word that Dean used. It was fluffy, sappy and a word straight from a chick flick and therefore, he tended to avoid it whenever possible. However, when it came to Cas, Dean found that the lines between acceptable and to-be-avoided were rather blurred. The onesie and the fuzzy socks (which Cas loved to wear) were proof of this.
The first time Dean ever said that word out loud was one morning when he'd woken up to a face of shaggy black hair. Holding back the sneeze that was threatening to erupt from those ticklish strands, Dean shifted ever so slightly so that he could look down at Cas' sleeping face instead of just his hair. His angel's mouth was slightly open, his dark hair was mussed and all over the place and he was nestled in Dean's arms so much that Dean could barely move for fear of waking him.
But eventually, the call of nature became too much and Dean had to reluctantly try and wriggle his way out from under Cas without waking him, which was a very difficult task.
"C'mon, Cas…" he mumbled, trying to extract his arm from underneath Cas. Cas groaned and then, to Dean's joy and dismay, his eyes fluttered open. Dean was dismayed that he'd woken Cas but the fact that he got to look at those bright blue eyes, hooded and clouded with sleep, helped to make up for it.
"Dean?" Cas murmured.
"Sorry, Cas. I gotta go take care of business. Be back in a sec."
Cas grumbled but shifted ever so slightly so that Dean could slide out of bed. Once he had taken care of business, Dean returned to the room to see that Cas' eyes were closed but he was not asleep, as his eyes opened when Dean got back into bed.
"Want to stay in bed all day," Cas said quietly, immediately pulling Dean into an embrace. "Just you and me, Dean."
That sounded like an excellent idea, so Dean told Cas as much. His angel smiled and rested his head on Dean's chest, his soft hair brushing Dean's chin. Dean unconsciously began to stroke his hair, smiling down at the half-asleep Cas.
"Cas?" he said suddenly. "You're adorable, you know that? And you'd better have heard that 'cause I ain't saying it again."
The only response he got was Cas' arms tightening around him.
"Love you, Dean," Cas said so quietly that Dean nearly missed it. A thrill went through Dean, as it always did when Cas said those words. No matter how many times Cas said that he loved him, there was always that small, dark part of Dean that refused to believe that Cas really did love him, that told Dean that this wasn't going to last and that Cas would soon leave him as everyone else did. But that voice was growing smaller and fainter. That talk a few weeks ago, in which Cas had managed to get Dean to admit that he did need help, had done wonders for Dean. Though Dean would never fully be free of that darkness inside him – who really ever was? – just having Cas and Sam and Charlie and Rose there for support helped more than he'd ever thought possible.
Dean didn't think he'd ever be able to tell Cas just how much he loved his angel. He'd never felt this strongly about anyone before and Sam was the only other person he'd ever loved this much (taking all romantic aspects out of the equation, of course, because that was just creepy), with Charlie coming a close second and Rose slowly carving out a place for herself as well. But Cas? Cas was special in ways that Dean couldn't even begin to know how to describe. Dean knew that if he was to lose Cas, it would quite possibly crush him just as much as it had when he'd lost Sammy to Jake and Lucifer.
Hell, Cas was one of the few people Dean didn't even mind blurring the boundaries for.